"Toms Schooldays" . . . . . Horror stories from your school days please?

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  • "Toms Schooldays" . . . . . Horror stories from your school days please?
  • spekkie

    Double post!

    Premier Icon ads678

    Surely you need to start us off…

    Premier Icon angeldust

    Tom’s post from the other thread:

    I dont know, at the comp I used to go to that would have resulted in “Thats a good idea, miss” – followed by a brick going through the window. This was a school where one bus full of kids on an old red double decker, got a broom out from somewhere on the bus… stuck it out the window and smacked a copper with it as they drove past. The whole bus then denied having anything to do with it and blamed it on the driver. The entire year was then hauled into detention in the assembly hall, whereby no one single person uttered a word and when they did – they changed their story and blamed it on a kid who had two broken arms…. the teachers were told that he had used his mouth to hold a broom out the window. They then reduced the deputy head to tears. I distinctly remember some of them even lighting up, in the assembly hall.

    That school, to this day, feels like something out of Apocalypse Now or Heart of Darkness.

    Roter Stern

    My school was an all boys Grammar School so nothing really of note happened that I can describe as horror stories.
    But a friend of my parents was a teacher in Birmingham in the late 70s and she had a nervous breakdown after being attacked by a pupil with a knife.


    people from my year (names have been changed)

    John Smith – once spent a lunchtime stealing all the board rubbers. A genius scheme, since it meant the entire school ground to a halt 5 minutes after lunch as no-one could clear the boards. He was caught with a rucksack full of board rubbers not long after. Later did 2 years porridge for credit card fraud.
    John Smith2 – got expelled for fashioning a knife in CDT and attacking someone with it. Joined the army at 16, had been sent down for GBH by 18
    John Smith3 – was always a bit of a tearaway, got suspended all the time, once tried to steal my mate’s bike but gave it back when he realised it was someone from his class. Nothing personal. These days he follows a strict n+1 approach, where n is a short prison sentence for a relatively minor crime
    John Smith4 – got a smack habit almost immediately after school. Sent down for murder soon after

    this, I should point out, was a pleasant middle-class comp in a leafy market town. God knows what the schools on the other side of town were like. Although come to think of it, John Smith 4 had been expelled from those schools and that’s why he ended up at ours

    Premier Icon wwaswas

    “Toms Schooldays” . . . . . Horror stories from your school days please?

    I missed the day they did possessive nouns.

    Premier Icon jam bo

    rural comphrensive.

    john smith 1 – drowned in a slurry pit.
    john smith 2 – crushed by tractor.
    john smith 3 – suffocated in grain silo.

    you get the picture…

    My school came joint 5th on the league table of Scottish schools with the most exclusions for fighting, assaulting staff and carrying weapons.

    Premier Icon nwmlarge

    In junior school a class mate of mine came into class in a neck brace as he had crashed a sierra while joy riding


    I went to a reasonable school in a nice area, I wouldn’t say it had a drug problem, but everyone was good at their 15× table 😯


    My peers decided the best way to get an A on their CDT project work was to use the arc welder to “lock” the metalwork teacher in his store cupboard. He was in there for an hour before he broke down and promised them their grades (wasn’t exam related anyway). Given he had no idea exactly who was involved and that it happened at all, he never reported it.

    Premier Icon crazy-legs

    Drugs was the only significant thing at mine and even then it was only ever cannabis. The Headmaster had a very head-in-the-sand approach to it – no kids at his classy private school would ever be so naughty type of attitude but the fact is most of the kids were rich enough to afford drugs without a problem.

    There was an entertaining fight once where Kid1 demanded some dope off Kid2 who said no, they got into a massive fight and both got hauled up for it. Kid2 still had the dope on him, he claimed Kid1 was beating him up for it. Kid1 came up with the inspired line that he knew drugs were bad and he was trying to take them off Kid2 in order to protect the other children from having drugs sold to them.

    Quite astonishingly that line was bought.
    Kid1 went on to a life of GBH, drug dealing and jail sentences.

    Premier Icon DezB

    There was a small area of woods outside the back gate of my school. It’s where all the fights were arranged, snogging etc.
    One day walking up to school through the woods, this kid in the year below me was frightening girls, they were screaming and running away. He turned and I glimpsed a massive, pink, erect penis poking out of his trousers. Couldn’t believe how well endowed this kid was! Bloody scared me it did. Only (years, I think) later did I realise it wasn’t his actual penis.


    A teacher at my school had some serious anger management issues.

    He punched a 14 year old boy in the face for walking to far to the right in the main corridor. He was walking the other way and just lashed out. He was moved on somewhere else after that.

    Premier Icon DezB

    The 70s were good times for sadists.


    I had a latin teacher who was somewhere in between Mr Creosote & Hitler – with the anger management skills of a pissed off Honey Badger….

    A total ****.

    I hope he’s rotting somewhere in his own filth.


    A boy at my school once climbed over the fence into the field of wheat behind the school and ran through it.


    One time there was rumour going round that someone had laid the biggest poo known to human kind in one of the further, less used traps in the building.

    About ten of us all immediately went to verify the reports. And there it was. The largest piece of faeces I’ve ever seen. A group of boys stand with the jaws open in disbelief. A brown snake, thick as a tree trunk, comes winding to the top of the toilet. This was not mere poopie, this was art, meticulously considered in its approach.

    I’ve travelled the world, I’ve seen art in The Louvre, I’ve shaken hands with Prime Minsters and Presidents, but nothing has come close to the awe of that poo.

    We had a technical teacher called “Big Al” who, if he caught you pratting about in his class would take you into an empty class room and give you the option of writing out a shedload of lines or letting him whack you across the legs with a wooden metre stick.

    This was long after any form of corporal punishment was outlawed in schools and, looking back, he was just a bullying sadist.

    On the one occasion that I was offered this difficult choice and, being a smart arse even in my early teens, I opined that I would absolutely prefer the stick but cautioned him to be extremely careful as, if he left any identifiable marks, I would have no option but to admit to my parents what had happened and that my father, an extremely large but short tempered man, prone to unexpected bursts of violence, would undoubtedly seek retribution.

    This last bit was utter bullshit, fabricated by me on the spot but he decided to let me off with a warning not to do it again and I left the room unpunished and astonished.


    We had a teacher who was completley jaded with her career choice, was a awful teacher and was so disinterested in being there; this was like the smell of blood to lower set french. We started out with silly thingsd like turning all the desks facing the back of the room and claim ‘they were like that when we got here’. Or leaving sweets, which had be pre licked, on the desk and she would no doubt eat the lot.

    She used to leave the room a lot – to smoke in the non smoking teachers room.A game developed of throwing things to/at each other at the back of the class. It started small but developed a set of ‘rules’ and became the highlight of french lessons. At some point it seemed a good idea to set fire to the ball we were throwing so a tennic ball sprayed in lynx (africa no doubt, this was the 90s) and on fire was being thrown about at the back of the class whilst miss was writing on the board! 😯 I eventually got moved up a set – nothing to do with her teaching – and it got worse!

    My BILs class convinced the teacher to stand in the bin whilst they all threw rubbish in the bin/ at him.

    Kids can obviosuly smell weakness!


    We were sent to a very minor public school due to the fact that the local schools were far from ideal and tended to burn down each year in the last week of the summer holiday. Reasons: Middlesbrough.

    So, we ended up with a headmaster who was an alcoholic paedophile, who one night went into the boys rooms and interfered with them, before packing everything into a car and running away with his wife. He was sectioned before the trial and was detained in an institution thereafter. Luckily I wasn’t a boarder, so he was just a bit spanky with me.


    Waiting in anticipation . . .


    Tony Rhodes (real name) joined our school 3rd year and he was ‘known’ by the teachers having come from a young offenders institute (IIRC).

    He was walked into our metalwork lesson and Mr Dent (no, really, Mr Dent taught metalwork) said ‘what’s your name boy’?

    He replied ‘Tony Rhodes’

    Mr Dent then shouted ‘what about Sir’?

    Tony Rhodes said ‘Sorry, Sir Tony Rhodes’ and gained instant Hero status.

    He went on to do a great many things such as lighting the gas coming straight out of a bunsen burner nozzle and punching a teacher (for which he was expelled).


    We egged our deputy head master once at his house.
    By we, I mean almost the entire year, about 250 pupils.

    Premier Icon kcal

    blimey. Don’t think can match most/any of that.

    Will try.
    End of 6th year pranks:
    1/ previous year had taken a tailor’s dummy to top of 6/7 storey tower block, thrown it off roof. Some teachers on levels 2 – 4 got a shock, nothing compared to the librarian, whose skylight it fell through.
    2/ our year, one of the prefects awaited behind the curtain for end of year assembly, at crucial moment swept back curtain, swept back his duffel coat to expose himself. Head boy in on the deal, so managed to impede the teachers and headmaster, culprit (who was wearing a mask but his own duffel coat) escaped through tech dept. and left on his mate’s LC250 as pillion and shot off. Never actually properly disciplined.
    3/ part of someone’s SYS Physics experiment was airgun related. Another pupil, Des, got hold of this air rifle, on Physics floor so that was level 2 or 4, opened window and took potshots at the football match in progress., Hence his nickname Des the Jackal..


    I’m ashamed to admit we gave a teacher a heart attack (she survived luckily).

    The teacher in question was rubbish and used to punish everyone in the class for no reason. Anyway, one day we got a monumental bo**ocking for some minor misdemeanor like getting a differential equation wrong before being kicked out for break time. During the break she left the window open so we all decided it would be a laugh to climb through (the classroom was on the first floor too!) and sit at our desks. When she unlocked and opened the door to the whole class just sat there she screamed and keeled over.

    We did do first aid until the ambulance arrived which sort of balanced out the guilt a bit.


    We had a very large Bayou (Creek) behind the school, used for swimming and sailing and pontoon jumping, snogging and just kicking our heals.
    Always, every semester before break we’d have the same old narrative about the Bayou being “full of Gaters, full of Southern Copperheads, Highland Moccasin, Chunkheads (all poisonous snakes), mactans, variolus, (all black widows) or the really nasty red widows”
    And every semester upon return we’d sit in assembly listening to the names of the kids that either drowned, been bitten and hospitalised, bitten and dead, Gator attacked.. and not once did it stop any of us mucking about in the water.

    Then there were the Frat parties. Once a very large french door got caved in when we decided to play sofa surfing on the tile floor and careered arms and legs waving into the pains.. and the drink, spiked moonshine which was available from the elder kids who all had 4×4’s and girlfriends who looked like Daisy Duke, the music systems so loud I’m sure Cape Canaveral could hear us. Stupid older kids taking parents cars for spin outs and the inevitable crashes.. and these were Station Wagons of epic proportions (Buick Vistas and the like, so God knows how or why you nick a barge)

    Then the agriculture vehicles, massive combines and ploughs we used to clamber and drive all over, then there was the worst which me and my mate Randy created… we set fire to an almighty Corn field.. we were just down by a creek having nicked some sugar beet and thrown it on a makeshift fire (like we’d done a million times before) and all of a sudden a massive gust of wind flicked the flames into the field and it roared and roared and I’m pretty sure 20 acres went up in about 2 mins.. I got bollocked proper for that and parents split me and Randy up for almost 6mths.. geeze.. we were only 12/13…

    Generally though, we were well behaved.

    Premier Icon crazy-legs

    Oh there were some end-of-year pranks obviously.

    Someone nicked a temporary bus stop sign, very neatly dug up the centre of the cricket pitch, put the sign in there and then relaid the turf (again, very neatly). The culprit was never caught.

    And someone once nicked a jar of potassium from chemistry stroes, poured off the protective oil coating and threw the lot into the toilet. The toilet seat ended up embedded in the ceiling. Chemical stores had a lock put on the door after that.


    Our just qualified science teacher getting a class of 2nd years to find the boiling point of meths by yes you’ve got it boiling beakers of meths over Bunsen burners was quite an eye opener to the fallibility of teachers – can still hear the bellow of the head of dept “turn those Bunsen’s out” when young teacher went into the staff room and explained why he needed more meths..

    Kids wise, I think a 3rd year making high explosive and blowing up a tree was the highlight, special assembly was called & referred to as pupil X – he also dyed his parents patio pink


    teacher knocked out with a stool, following a discussion about putting a mod fishtail jacket in the cloakroom and a refusal as all the badges would get nicked

    Lots of home made shuriken in CDT getting used in fights with other schools

    we accidentally sort stabbed someone through the face with scissors when he missed the catch down the stairwell *dont ask*

    one of the “hard men” got sent down for mugging someone then throwing them off the city walls in chester

    lots of drugs

    we learned how to make explosives early so there were lots of things that went boom on a regular basis **

    ** given the propensity to make things that go bang remotely, thank god it was in the 80’s not in today’s surveillance society as there would be an awful lot of folks having to spend time at Her Majesties pleasure for what were basically youthful antics.

    I think just basically a normal school in the 80’s from talking to others. A mix of psychos, pervy teachers, sadistic buggers, bullying, geeks, suicides and drugs

    Premier Icon the-muffin-man

    • We used to pour meths all over the long science benches then light it.
    Didn’t burn for very long, but the effect was great – and always a treat for supply teachers!

    • When dissecting frogs and eyes and stuff – the odd scalpel was ‘accidentally’ dropped from the 3rd floor windows.

    And anyone’s bag that was left near a window was launched out too (you had to wrap it around your chair to avoid this fate!).

    • My brother also branded another kid in metalwork. The other child was winding him up so my brother took the metal rod he had in the furnace and put it on the back of the other kids neck. This was in the 70s so he only got a stern telling off and put on report!

    Premier Icon dangeourbrain

    End of 6th form saw us fill until overflowing our head of 6th’s Landrover discovery with bean bag filling/expanded polystyrene balls through the open sunroof.

    I imagine he is still finding the things closing on twenty years later.


    He turned and I glimpsed a massive, pink, erect penis poking out of his trousers.

    Don’t flatter yourself. It was only hanging out.


    The emergency window on a bus once got pushed from the top deck onto the deputy heads car.

    The DT department used get regularly emptied of tools for inter school fights.

    A school football match once descended into a mass brawl involving about 100 students.

    Two days before fathers day teacher says we are making fathers day cards today. I must have been about 7. What shall I do miss (my father had died when I was two). Oh you can do Maths instead.

    Added 1 to every answer I did in Maths for the next month until my mum had to have a meeting with the school to find out why I was so difficult. Funnily enough they never asked me.

    Premier Icon Rusty Spanner

    perchypanther – Member
    My school came joint 5th on the league table of Scottish schools with the most exclusions for fighting, assaulting staff and carrying weapons.

    Ours was second worst in Manchester, just behind Spurley Hey in Gorton.

    One young entrepreneur, Simon Solvent, a test pilot for evostick, had a business nicking Porsches to order from Ringway.

    Caught with his moon faced sidekick, Muffin, in a sting on the Arndale carpark whilst liberating a planted 944.

    I think just basically a normal school in the 80’s from talking to others. A mix of psychos, pervy teachers, sadistic buggers, bullying, geeks, suicides and drugs.

    No suicides and little bullying, but we had an openly heroin abusing Chemistry teacher, lost the most beautiful girl in our final year to heroin, the first of many.

    Amazingly dodgy games teacher.

    Three of my friends became fathers in the fifth year.

    Some unbelievably abused and damaged kids – obvious signs of abuse ignored, kids repeatedly coming into school, or leaving it, battered, usually by an adult.

    As I say, little bullying amongst the inmates, more of a spirit of solidarity.
    The biggest lads in our year were nice guys and tended to have even bigger brothers .
    Little in the way of cliques.

    Couple of genuine psychopaths, a little light arson.


    Someone once burnt down our science block, replacement cost was millions.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv

    given the propensity to make things that go bang remotely, thank god it was in the 80’s not in today’s surveillance society as there would be an awful lot of folks having to spend time at Her Majesties pleasure for what were basically youthful antics.

    Yep, we made 2,4 DNPH in chemistry, and left it collected on filter papers to be safely disposed of under pain of I don’t know what (it’s OK when damp, but detonates when dry)

    Except for the kid that thought it’d be a laugh to take it home on the bus. Back then he got a stern telling off, nowadays he’d have been shot by the bomb squad.

    I also remember Eddie, whose family owned the chinese takeaway and fish and chip shop near school. We had a combined cadet force at school which we were all in, and on one weekend exercise someone managed to douse him in fuel due to incorrect use of a Trangia or similar which then promptly went up with a bloody great whoosh. Unbelievably because it had been so cold and wet he was wearing almost all the clothing he owned which was all sodden, and as a result it was just the fuel that went up and he emerged from this potentially life threatening situation with mild eyebrow singeing. We had all shit ourselves obviously, but not enough that he wasn’t nicknamed Napalm Eddie for the rest of his time at school.

    Premier Icon sparkyspice

    We had a paedo maths teacher who very matter of factly explained how at the weekend (whilst being in the St Johns Ambulance) he’d attended a call to visit an old lady who hadn’t been seen for a while. He then graphically described how her dog had gotten hungry and had started to eat her. He then calmly turned to the black board and began simultaneous equations… Later struck off for paying too much attention to the lower years getting changed after sports.

    Another pervy teacher got arrested at the same Grammar school. That was quite exciting and everyone knew within minutes that King Rollo had been handcuffed and lead away.

    Kelsey hit Adam Milton with a cricket bat (full swing, on purpose, to the head, for no apparent reason) and got expelled.

    We made our Geography teacher cry on a school field trip to Swanage. All 17 kids were swaying in the back of a Transit and making it slew all over the motorway. He was weak and everyone could smell blood. Thinning curly ginger hair, mid thirties, glasses, a bit of a lisp, terrible suit. What did he expect? I look back now and think what a bunch of bastards we were and how we probably gave him a nervous breakdown. How we survived that motorway journey I’ll never know. Sorry Mr Stock.

    A kid who was in my class is now the Headmaster at the same boys grammar school. Unfortunately I have two girls, so won’t be able to give him any grief…


    Mr Smith introduced himself to the metalwork class by saying

    “I’m Mr Smith but if anyone messes around in my class they’ll have to meet Thomas Tickler” 😯

    He then went into the store room and returned with ‘thomas’ a 3 foot length of black rubber hose which he smacked across a workbench with a sound like a thunder clap…

    one boy snigered and he hit him across the back of his legs….. no one ever messed around in that class…

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