To bidet or not to bidet, that is the question

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  • To bidet or not to bidet, that is the question
  • iolo

    I’m just redoing my bathroom and was thinking of putting in a bidet.
    Do any of you guys have one?
    Do you actually use it?
    Or is it just a waste of space and money?

    Premier Icon Stoner

    hmmmm, footspa.

    Premier Icon Vortexracing

    handstand in the shower?


    For when you’re doing the grand slam?


    We’ve got one, total waste of space and money, 😐
    up to yet it’s been used to wash feet and poodles, and it’s not great for that tbh, and the MIL who’s blind and demented crapped in it once by mistake..
    Which was not great.. 😥


    we bought a house with one – it’s going – useless….

    Tom B

    So is a bidet for those occasions when you’ve made such a shitty mess of your arse that toilet paper is redundant? I can’t say that I’ve ever felt the need for one!

    I’m just expelling last nights naga curry (when will I learn?), a bidet sounds lovely at the mo….. 😥


    I fit bathrooms, and have only ever fitted 2 bidets. A toilet roll holder is easier and cheaper to fit.


    Waste of money and space; we’ve taken two out of our house. They never get used and the trap dries out so you get drainy smells in the bathroom.

    Bidets were en vogue in France before people were in the habit of taking showers. Back in the 70s companies like Unilever liked to trot out horrifying statistics about the tiny quantities of soap consumed per head of population in France (well below half the UK figure) and toothbrush ownership (3% of French men) and at that time I guess a mademoiselle would like to keep herself fresh after entertaining her gentleman friend, but she wouldn’t have access to a shower. Even my student room at Grenoble uni had a wash basin and a bidet in the room – the communal showers were two per floor at the end of the corridor.

    Refreshes the parts showers can’t reach after a long bike ride 😀

    Out of vogue certainly which is odd given they are far more hygenic than paper. At least many countries in the Arabic and Asia worlds still use water in various guises rather than paper.


    This is what you need instead – jetwash/dry/perfume, even massage:


    Fantastic for washing babies in, feet, bottoms.

    Also for soaking really dirty clothes.

    And when Mrs M is occupying the washbasin & I want a quick splash wash.

    I’d get one if you’re thinking of breeding, but otherwise a bigger shower is a better idea, or a Muslim shower / hand shower positioned next to the loo.

    Premier Icon 40mpg

    We’ve got one. Only time its been used was when the kids had norovirus and it was coming out both ends simultaneously (bidet is next to bog)


    Mate of mine is a plumber – years ago, doing up a posh house, he was asked to put in a bidet. For simplicity, he put it where the hot and cold taps were, next to the sink.

    The owners didn’t appreciate having to waddle 10 feet across the bathroom, and told him to move it to next to the toilet 😉


    I work in Asia, most of the hotels have what TurnerGuy posted.

    I really do like the way these things take care of my rear end.
    The nice warm seat, the cleanliness that it gives, and wonderful of feeling fresh after.
    I also use less toilet paper as well.

    Premier Icon Drac

    Is it the 80s again already?


    Tom B – Member

    So is a bidet for those occasions when you’ve made such a shitty mess of your arse that toilet paper is redundant? I can’t say that I’ve ever felt the need for one!

    i have done in the past… 😳 have had to hang my arse over the bath and get the shower on it many a time.

    we were at friends last night. one of them retold the tale of her best mate who for years had been using the lower of the two hand towels next to the sink to dry her hands unaware that it was the dad’s arse towel. nice.

    Cougar – no good if you have a septic tank or narrow pipes. Unless you have shares in the drainage company!

    “Dads arse towel” – was he a doctor by any chance (brings back bad memories)?

    I’d rather put a urinal in, but when I suggested it to the wife when doing our bathroom but she was absolutely against it. She would prefer, instead, to have the eternal squabble about the toilet seat being left up.

    As for bidets, we had one in my parents house when growing up. Waste of space.

    Premier Icon flap_jack

    We have one. Used for the obvious, but also a great way to quickly wash the bits before applying ar$e lard and shorts if you don’t want another full shower that day.


    Space-saving one stop shop?

    Premier Icon Cougar

    Cougar – no good if you have a septic tank or narrow pipes.

    I saw a doctor and had both of those cleared up.


    We had a bidet when I was a kid, I used it loads. I don’t think I’d use one now though. Don’t bother

    TurnerGuy, sat on one of those in Shanghai once. Didn’t want to leave, was like shitting on the deck of the Enterprise.


    Once upon a time, in a posh Hotel….

    Me: what’s this?

    Ex: A bidet

    Me: What’s it for

    Ex: Washing after…y’know

    Me: Cool, get undressed then.

    Ex No, perv, after a wee

    Me: ahhhhh… 😳

    We have one.
    Gets used everyday.
    I’m a cyclist, I like to keep my undercarriage clean.


    My mum has one it gets used for washing socks , and once when I was a kid a mate mistook it for a urinal . You can also have fun getting children or stupid people to look in then turning the jet on full.

    To be fair I think my mum’s is badly positioned so you either sit backwards on it or fully strip from the waist down to use it . The fitting is a result of someone who had never used one getting one fitted in Yorkshire in the 80s by a Plummer who had never fitted one still less dreamt of using one.

    Great thread, probably a good buy if you regularly make a mess of yourself and the big roll can’t cope! Personally I’d opt for a pack of wet wipes next to the pan for emergencies or to treat yourself!

    I went for an interview with a company in London who had one of those spaceship toilets, most disappointing thing about not getting the job was that I wouldn’t be able to use it on a regular basis!

    Ps. Only time I ever used a bidet was on a hockey tour in Italy when after several brews I took a dump in it luckily it was in someone else’s room!

    Premier Icon jkomo

    Great for being squeaky clean if you are having loads of sex.
    For that reason I haven’t got one.

    Can’t believe croc dundee not mentioned yet.
    2 dunnys?


    I think they’re ace. We’ve not got one though. But then I always time my shits/showers so one follows the other.

    I’ve said it before here, I never feel clean after a shit if I don’t have a shower. I’d love a bidet. I could have a poo, have a bidet, carry on.

    Premier Icon ourmaninthenorth

    We have one. All standard uses catered: feet, puking, children, emergency peeing.

    No backside washing though. That’s what baby wipes were invented for.

    It’s coming out in the forthcoming bathroom refit. I’m going to post it to Samuri.


    Thanks fella.

    As long as it’s not crimson red or something.

    Premier Icon ourmaninthenorth

    Not once I’ve finished cutting up the latest body. Damned stuff gets everywhere!


    Premier Icon MrOvershoot

    I once fitted a power shower mixer pump for a mate in their main bathroom as the water pressure was pants, what he didn’t know was their bidet was off the shower plumbing!

    I was told his wife used it a lot more after!!


    If you take a shower together, the shower head used as an, errm, exciter on both parties works very well.


    If you live near a sandy beach bidets are good for washing the sand off your (and your childrens) feet. Other than that………….


    I want one. Despite having minimal body hair in other regions, I do posess a bum beard of impressive scale & density.

    I also enjoy the jet hose thingy in Asian toilets. Refreshes the parts you cannot normally reach.

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