Do you remember yourselves as having been morose and/or grumpy as children? Or do your parents/siblings remember you as having been that way in childhood?

Of all my own children, I have one (10 years old) who is perpetually grumpy/morose, and he has been since birth. Everything is negative. You could tell him he was going to get everything he could ever dream of, or that he was going to get to do anything he ever wanted to do, and he would find something to complain about.

At the same time, somewhat bizarrely perhaps, he is also loving and caring.

In any case, I read somewhere that often, people who become depressive later in life were angry/grumpy/morose children. And I want to make sure that I give my son all the support and tools he needs in order to deal with his feelings. In the meantime, challenging his negativity feels almost impossible, because he just stares at me blankly if I suggest there are other ways of responding to given situations. It’s as if he’s silently saying, “what planet do you live on? Of course there isn’t.”

I remember being very similar as a kid, so I can see where he is coming from, but I also didn’t like myself very much, hating the way I came across and feeling unable to stop it, and of course, I don’t think I turned out alright. So I want to do what I can for this little man.

What are your recollections? Were you similar? If so, what helped (if anything)? Anecdotes welcome.

The one thing that my mother kept saying to me after I beat depression in 2003 or 2003 was that she finally had her little boy back again.

As much as I hate her saying that (FFS, I’m mid forties…), you can take from that that I was not sad/grumpy/whatever when I was a child, then became that when I was depressed.

FWIW, I’m cynical, jaded and bitter now and not officially depressed, although there are times when I do wonder about that.

No, I’m told I was quite a thoughtful  , introspective child but rarely grumpy and never morose.

I only became grumpy and morose as an adult

At least he won’t be disappointed with life!

I was a happy kid, but not confident- I think people thought I was quiet but really I wasn’t, I just was a bit afraid of drawing attention I think. That’s definitely carried on into adulthood and my anxiety/depression. Also probably why I was always a wee bit more drawn to drink and weed and pills than I ought to be- though tbh it’s never done me much harm.

I’m still basically a happy person, just that now I’m a depressed happy person!

I was quite a thoughtful , introspective child but rarely grumpy and never morose.

I only became grumpy and morose as an adult

Same here. Except I’m not grumpy and morose on the outside.

My lad is thoughtful and introspective, plus.. genes. Poor kid. 🙁

I remember going through spells of being very quiet, withdrawn and isolated right back from primary school. Big wobble around my A Levels, again mid 20s, finally got help after a wobble in my late 40s.

My nan, and increasingly my mum also seem to have had issues with anxiety and depression.

Hard to say. My youngest was highly strung and neurotic as a small child. We taught her coping strategies, and now at 8 she deals with life rather well, considering her issues, because she’s become really good at understanding herself and working with coping strategies.

My eldest on the other hand was happy go lucky before the age of about 5 or 6, now she’s getting very anxious and mercurial. I can only hope that with maturity she learns to deal with it.

Sometimes with kids it’s just their life. I mean, my eldest just wants to play video games and muck about, but she really needs some exercise so we have to try to get her out doing stuff. When she’s older she’ll either come to the idea of getting out of the house herself, or give up entirely and become a couch potato. Probably end up happier either way.. *sigh*

I found the book Raising Cain to be a very informative and useful read on the emotional development of boys

https://www.worldofbooks.com/en-gb/books/dan-kindlon/raising-cain/GOR001908419?keyword=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpJHomcCh5gIVxfZRCh2bLgwhEAQYASABEgLh0_D_BwE

I think I was pretty reserved as a child, certainly wasn’t outgoing or ‘popular’, bullied quite consistently through secondary school and had a small group of friends.
I did  have a narcissistic mother prone to bouts of violent rage and an alcoholic, transvestite step father though so I don’t think the environment I grew up in was conducive to a ‘happy’ childhood or a balanced latet life…

That sounds like me, SaxonRider. Though I think I hid it well most of the time, I was rarely happy or positive. I also suffered panic attacks, though I didn’t know at the time (or for a very long time after) that was what they were.
I’d suggest professional help to try and tackle this now, though I can’t imagine wanting to go through that when I was a kid. Things must be different now though – I hope.

I was a happy kid and loved been around people and socialising. Had depression since around the age of seventeen on and off. I honestly miss being me. The last time I felt truly happy and alive for any kind of prolonged period was in my mid twenties. I’m now forty two. Have the occasional good days and my kids and wife are my anchor and what keep me going.

Like Dez, usually happy and smiling on the outside. I can be empty and dead inside at the same time. After Thursday I may need a chat with the GP and some chemical help for a while.

My childhood in my mind was horrible. Constantly bullied, not very good academically, struggled to make friends, useless with the opposite sex and far happier in my own company most of the time. People from the outside think I was a happy kid who was shy but ultimately a well-rounded kid and adult. It was all an act to give me an easy life. Even now as I approach the 4-0 mark I don’t take any satisfaction in being happy myself but will go out of my way to ensure everyone I care about is happy. I’ll go completely out of my way for friends and family to make their lives easier, often to the detriment of my happiness.

What you say about not liking yourself and the way you think you come across to others is exactly how I felt then and still do now. I have no answer to change it though, if it can be changed in me. Lots of my friends see me as quite confident and easy going but in reality I’m a complete mess. The reaction of a lot of them finding out that I’m depressed, going through hell mentally and have been for a very long time is a complete shock to a lot of them. Before anyone says ‘seek help’ I am and it’s not really helping change things but is making me accept the way I am as my version of normal.

All you can do for your kids is be there and let them know they can talk to you about anything at any time. It’s what my parents did, and still do, for me and it’s the best thing they could do. You’ve possibly got to accept that not everyone turns out happy and content, just give them all the skills and tools you can so that they can get through life their own way. The absolute worst thing you can do is to try and force them to be happy, that will just cause resentment and push them in the other way.

Sometimes you just have to let them find their own way through.

I had a fantastic childhood. coming from a single parent family, we did ok. we went on holiday, we had good Christmas times.
them my mother got married to a bloke with 2 kids, and it all changed.
I became a angry teenager. I hated my step dad, for no reason really. I hated his kids.
come my late teens I was not a nice person, culminating in getting in serious trouble and spending some time locked up.
and then it was like a light had been switched on in my head. I changed hopefully for the better. I tried my hardest, and still do to be a happy, nice ok person. I try to leave meetings with people, and friends old and new, with them thinking that I am a ok nice bloke.
But still, something inside me is angry, and I still cant seem to find what it is.
I have meet loads of people off here, who I always ( I think ) manage to get on with. some have become very good friends indeed. hopefully they will agree that I am a ok bloke.

But I still have this thing inside me that makes me feel angry and horrible deep down.
I am the nicest husband and father, and also the softest granddad. yet I still have this thing inside what I hate.
I do get down with it. I have never seen it as depression, just a thing I have to deal with, but I feel a bit ashamed with myself sometimes for feeling like I do. I tend to see the negative in things rather than the good. I try not to do this. hopefully non of me will rubbed off or be instilled in how my kids are.
they both seem very level headed, and have never brought me trouble, like I did as a young man.
and my son is a fantastic father too. my daughter is gonna be a mother in march, and she has the makings of a great mother. she is very caring and shows this in her job, working with the elderly.

I just hope they keep happy, and don’t have the feelings I seem to have sometimes.

I found an old school book from when I was about 6 years old. I’d written some stories and I constantly use the phrase, “You’d better watch out.” I think that indicates that I was anxious about the future even then. A lot of it is genetic, I’ve since discovered my dad could also be described as an anxious-avoidant type person.

I vividly remember that I was a surly, sarcastic, morose prick when growing up. Plenty of school and holiday photos of me looking unhappy.

Things haven’t changed much into adulthood. Find that life is a bit of a knife edge between smiling and not wanting to get up and face the world.
Have caught myself several times over the last few years slipping into a bit of a hole. Prefer to self diagnose and medicate (be that with drugs or sport or just getting the **** away from everyone) than sit at a doctors.

I was a happy kid, but not confident- I think people thought I was quiet but really I wasn’t, I just was a bit afraid of drawing attention I think

Similar, or just happy in my own world and avoiding fuss. Cheerful, seemingly quiet, sometimes mischievous.

Never been “the world is against me” depressive, but anxiety hits big at times. Sometimes for no logical reason, others over trivial things. Big dramas don’t worry me so much.

The happy in my own world is maybe my way of dealing with it, and that ties in with riding as I’m happy just bogging off on my own riding into the wild. Very relaxing. The social side makes a difference though. It’s the most social interaction I can engage with comfortably and enjoy the riding at the same time without being someone I’m not.

Any fool can handle a crisis, it’s the day to day drudgery of life which requires true heroism (or something like that), said Tolstoy.