If you can’t get a Telegraph I’ll have a Daily Mail instead

(to be honest mum’s actually said far more worrying things recently – see my posting history if you really want to know)

“bitty”

“There’s something wrong with the internet”

Did you hear that your sister called me a miserable lazy fxxxer?

My parents buy the mail for the TV guide apparently……………

thisisnotaspoon – Member

My parents buy the mail for the TV guide apparently……………

And mine. Are we …… related?

“My computer isn’t working”

My FIL asked me to help him install the Daily Mail app on his iPad….

“Hello”

And mine. Are we …… related?

You’re both Hora’s brothers.

To the teenage son: “We seem to be getting through an awful lot of Kleenex”

Have you read the TV guide. It’s flippin ace which is tragic given how utterly abominable the rest of it is. Surprisingly the daily what’s-on recommendations are not aligned to the mentality of the readers/paper.

Post-xmas at the in laws I intended to track down a way of getting the Mail TV guide (even paid for) without having to buy the rest of the paper or in any way indicate to the owners/industry auditors that I like The Mail. However I never looked into it.

thingsparentstext is quite good for a laugh. Even if they’re probably not real.

[edit] maybe not.

My Dad telling me he’d got gangrene in his big toe and the first he knew about it was when a big lump of dead flesh fell off as he took his sock off out was one of those ‘too much information’ moments.

‘i’m going to travel the world while I can and spend all your inheritance’

“You’ve never really settled down with any of the girls you’ve dated. You’re not……you know…..erm…….I mean……it’s none of my business but…..”

To paraphrase:

“You came about because my coil fell out whilst I was walking through Stockport”

Surely there has to be an alternative app for such scenarios. If not there’s clearly a gap in the market and it’s time for me to get working on my app writing skills…

MoreCashThanDash – well, you know, it’s fine, honestly, but, you know, are you, you know, well, you know..?

‘I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed’ 😥

I was once on the recieving end of texts meant for my sister from my mum saying what she’d like to do to Alfie Bow. Grim doesnt cover it.

You can’t eat bacon…

IHN 😉

IHN – Member

To paraphrase:

“You came about because my coil fell out whilst I was walking through Stockport”
That’s so rough. Hope the therapy worked!

*heart’s a-flutter*

“Now I’m going to be blunt about this…”

(Another “we’re so much more capable as adults than you are even if we’re increasingly left behind by modern society and wouldn’t dream of letting you speak to us like that”)

The hospital just called….

That’s rough. Hope the therapy worked!

She picked her moment too; my wife and I were having lunch with my folks. And her folks. After they’d all been at our wedding ceremony that morning…

You have a Brother called Mark, he lives in the Huddersfield area.

Sorry IHN – this thread wasn’t supposed to be that serious 🙁

Drac wins.

I was once on the recieving end of texts meant for my sister from my mum saying what she’d like to do to Alfie Bow. Grim doesnt cover it.

Can’t imagine it would have been much better if she’d sent them to your sister 😐

(Better for you though obviously 😉 )

Sorry IHN – this thread wasn’t supposed to be that serious

No probs. I thought it was hilarious 🙂

Northwind – Member

“There’s something wrong with the internet”

LOL. Briliant. ^ This.

I was out in your Uncles Audi the other day and this cyclist decided to have a go at him for encroaching on an ASL.

damn onion beat me to it
😉

My mother only buys the Mail for the crosswords and by that I don’t mean the headlines!

Took my mum to task when,over the Christmas holidays, she began reading bits of the Mail out loud, she only did it the once. The kids were in the background pissing themselves laughing at me and my mum arguing over why the “source” in a DM article is never actually named.

My mum doesn’t ever say much directly but her condecension of anything “new” is quite articulate.

“So when are you going to arrange the Christening?”

My dad reads the Daily Fail. It gives him something new and immigration related to bang on about every day. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on it even if we ran out of bog roll.

Then again he also watches Crap In The Attic and Hovels Under the Hammer with the volume turned up to the max. I think it is all to do with getting old and the fact some peoples world view shrinks as they age.

I can remember my dad saying “I’m just trying to give you the benefit of my experience……..” which was the cue for me to turn off.

He died when I was 19 and as I get older I realise what a practical, intelligent chap he was. My mum and he renovated a house whilst both working and bringing me and my brother up. He was willing to turn his hand to any DIY/garden task and made a good job of it. I am always amazed at how good their garden looked when I look at old photos.

I now catch myself saying similar things to my kids. They do not really listen but I hope they will look back as fondly on me as I do on my father.

“Your mum can still get into many of the positions she could at your age…”

“I’ve spoken to the consultant and he’s said weeks rather than months”.

Had that from one parent last year and I’m dreading hearing it from the other this year.

Sadly the consultant was, if anything, overestimating things.