Things you don't want to find on your garden

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  • Things you don't want to find on your garden
  • 5thElefant
    Member

    Buy a pigs head, empty contents into mouth. Leave at nearest primary school or mosque. Should do the trick.

    stufive
    Member

    Bloomin badgers! no respect

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    It would be a rather well endowed badger to be fair…

    peterfile
    Member

    At least they used it properly though

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    So, second time this has happened. Mrs D has gone to take some stuff to the bin and found a properly used condom on the lawn. Nasty in any event but when you have a 14 month old who is still very much at the put everything in mouth stage really something we could do without.

    We are right in a middle of a row of terraces so the only way they could have got there is a) someone coming round the back (no pun intended), through 5 gates and to our garden or b) a neighbour lobbing one from a window (not entirely implausible unfortunately).

    Police are not bothered so up with the CCTV it is to see if I can catch the culprit.

    If I do catch said culprit I’ll be back for advice on suitable ways to deal with them…

    Cheers

    Danny B

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    Worst I’ve found is several disemboweled chickens strewn across the lawn after a fox got into their coop next door – right bloody mess spread liberally over two gardens!

    hora
    Member

    That wasnt a fox. After I’d pleasured all the chickens (safe sex) I then decided to kill them ritually.

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    That wasnt a fox. After I’d pleasured all the chickens (safe sex) I then decided to kill them ritually.

    I did wonder about the graffiti the ‘fox’ had left. He’d wrote ‘I love binners’ all over my workshop in chicken blood.

    hora
    Member

    I didnt use my finger to write that either

    Premier Icon footflaps
    Subscriber

    I didnt use my finger to write that either

    I’m impressed, the letters were 6 feet tall!

    hora
    Member
    cozz
    Member

    you are lucky there, could’ve been used improperly 🙂

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    Thanks Coren – always the optimist!!

    allthepies
    Member

    Determine which neighbour and post it back through their letterbox.

    Innuendo optional.

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    Assuming it is a neighbour it can really only be one but would need some proof first.

    Would be unwise to go in kicking and screaming without knowing for sure.

    Cameras are all rigged up though so hopefully they’ll either catch the culprit or dissuade them from doing it again…

    It was me because you wouldn’t sell me some foakleys

    Premier Icon JoeG
    Subscriber

    You should be grateful that they are using condoms and therefore not reproducing! 😈

    piemonster
    Member

    you can identify the owner with the cinderella shoe technique

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    I’ll sell you them v_c – just not via STW! 🙂

    @PM – are you volunteering to do the fitting?

    Premier Icon honeybadgerx
    Subscriber

    Just rummage through your neighbour’s bins for other sanitary items and do a DNA test. Simples.

    ski
    Member

    Fling it back over the fence, if they complain, you know it did not come from that side. Then fling it over the other side, if all is quiet that side, bingo, you have found your daffy duck.

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