I’m 36 years old and I’ve never been on a roller coaster in my life. If I were to visit a theme park, never been to none one of these either (its been a sheltered life) where should I go.

I’m in Scotchland so I’m sure I’d need to travel over the border.

Ta.

That roller coaster in Blackpool is pretty awesome.

Alton towers on a damp Wednesday/Thursday out of school holidays ftw!

Good Christ.

Do you want “start gently” or “good”? Nemesis at Alton Towers is one of the finest coasters in this country or, well, at all. It’s not the biggest or tallest or fastest or any other record-setting superlatives, but it’s just good.

A good “woody” might be an easier start though; Big Dipper at Blackpool maybe, and you’ve got the Big One there for a follow-up.

TBH, if you’re making a trip Alton Towers is probably your best bet; you can spend a day there without touching a coaster.

No point doing things by half. Go to Florida in November for lovely hot, crowd free theme parks that knock anything on these shores into a cocked hat. Busch Gardens is a particular favourite but there are so many to choose from. Avoid Disney.

Blackpool Pleasure Beach.

Get a cheap wristband off the website. Start on the Big Dipper, Grand National, Wild Mouse and then could move onto the Big One.

If the coasters aren’t for you, there’s loads to do in Blackpool, just don’t venture too far inland from Central Pier and you will be fine.

America aside Alton Towers is the best you’ll find closest to you. Not been to Thorpe Park but that’s darn sarf and I think it’s the only other that compares.

Weekday outside school term and not in the last few weeks of summer term.

There must be somewhere near you with one to try before you mess around driving hundreds of miles. You might find you don’t like them, or at least not enough to want to queue an hour to ride each one or pay a fortune to do it.

I’ve done quite a lot of work at theme parks mostly putting people on coasters, and had a good few rides cos i didn’t have to queue and it seemed like a waste not to, but for me, they just don’t seem all that scary – nothing like as scary as going fast on a mountain bike ride. They’re just predictable and safe. Kind of fun feeling of zooming, but nothing that special. Not gonna bother paying to go to them till my daughter wants to go and is big enough (I imagine she will as Alton Towers is quite close).

I quite liked saw at thorpe park because it does actually play on the theme of the ride nicely, and it is not too super short, but it is still essentially the same thing.

Drop tower rides still scare me mind, mess with my head they do. And shonky fairground spin rides. That’s where the real fear is at, not in glorified train rides. And you only have to travel to your local waste ground at half term rather than go all the way to a theme park.

Oh, one roller coaster that is scary is the wild mouse / crazy mouse, Brighton Pier has one, so does Flamingoland, few others. Scary because it feels super shonky like it will fall apart, and it does abrupt whiplash inducing turns. Not nice, but definitely a real fear of injury on that one.

You won’t believe how shit it is till you’ve been there

Take the brakes off your bike and go for a ride down a very steep non bumpy hill. as long as you stay upright you’ll have a thrill equal to any theme park ride.

In my defence i forgot to put the little safety pins back into my disc brakes.
Fun to say the least.

You can build up in order of “scaryness” at blackpool through their woodies to ease you in.
Zipper Dipper
Roller Coaster
Big Dipper
Grand National
Wild Mouse

Take your first inversion with The Revolution, or free roll on The Avalanche
Take a scenic tour of the park on The Big One
Race a house around on Steeple Chase.

Plus plenty of other rides (theres something like 130 rides at blackpool) including Hiram Maxim’s flying machine, which has stood on the sand at the pleaseure beach for over 100years

The only problem with Blackpool pleasure beach is that it’s in Blackpool. I think that’s where they recruit for the Jeremy Kyle show.

Get a cheap wristband off the website. Start on the Big Dipper, Grand National, Wild Mouse and then could move onto the Big One.

Dear God don’t let him go on the Mouse. I can only describe it as being slammed up and down in your seat by a gorilla while another hits you round the head with a lump of 4×2. The only ride I’ve been on where death not only seems possible but preferable! 🙂 I shall still be going on it in June though. I love the Big Dipper and the Grand National, there is something about the wooden coasters that you just don’t get on the more modern rides. The rigid single speeds of the roller coaster world!

Wasnt there a “mouse” at Alton Towers once? that was terrifying, a mix of faded pink paint and rust….

I liked the pirate ship, you have to sit right at the back facing forwards and for about half a second, you are weightless and its a crazy feeling. You are quite high up and it feels like you are lookng straight down. Last time we went Nemesis had just opened and there was a huge queue for it though the boredom of the queue was broken by watching peoples shoes fly off.

Bloody hell, is the wild mouse at Blackpool still running? Thought it would have collapsed in a pile of severed limbs, England shirts and tattoos by now.

That’s one of the most frightening rollercoasters I’ve been on, even though it’s one of the smallest.

EDIT: My tip for a good day is that when you see the sign for the M55, you keep your foot down firmly and head for Alton Towers instead.

I reckon Thorpe Park has the best rollercoasters…probably mainly as it has Stealth which is the best UK rollercoaster imo. Still if you’re not down south, Alton Towers is next…Rita Queen of Speed is very good

I liked the pirate ship, you have to sit right at the back facing forwards and for about half a second, you are weightless and its a crazy feeling.

As above but lift hands off the rail and feet off the floor and close your eyes for an extra twist.

The Nemesis at Alton Towers is fantastic. Air grows on you, but it’s more relaxing than thrilling. The Oblivion is good fun, but short, and less entertaining since they were forced to limit the amount of time they could hold you at the top for. 13 is a bit of a one trick pony (no spoilers!), and not suitable for tall gentlemen (like the Spinball Whizzer, there’s a height limit of 6ft 6). Rita is brilliant fun, even though she stole my glasses.

I’ve not been since they replaced the Black Hole with the underground Nemesis, hope it’s good!

I’ve not been since they replaced the Black Hole with the underground Nemesis, hope it’s good!

Don’t queue too long for it, and don’t expect ‘underground nemesis’. It’s a very different thing. More of a show than a ride.

+1 for blackpool is a shithole. You won’t believe how many morbidly obese people on disability scooters smerking tabs & wearing cheap gold jewellery you will see in one day.

Go to Alton towers, treat yourself with a decent rural B&B in the area & make a weekend of it. The best plan would be to book 2 days off in the week, there’s no better feeling when you’ve just had a great ride to be able to run round again without queuing.

+1 for blackpool is a shithole. You won’t believe how many morbidly obese people on disability scooters smerking tabs & wearing cheap gold jewellery you will see in one day.

Despite my warnings, my wife took the kids to a waterpark there a couple of weeks back, then decided to take them for a stroll along the prom. She said she’d never seen so many people who were looked either close to death or like they’d just jumped over the wall at Strangeways. And she comes from Southend.

+1 for blackpool is a shithole. You won’t believe how many morbidly obese people on disability scooters smerking tabs & wearing cheap gold jewellery you will see in one day.
Despite my warnings, my wife took the kids to a waterpark there a couple of weeks back, then decided to take them for a stroll along the prom. She said she’d never seen so many people who were looked either close to death or like they’d just jumped over the wall at Strangeways. And she comes from Southend.

Go 300 yards inland and its like the casting for Jeremy Kyle.

I’ve been going Blackpool to my mates for at least 20 years and, if you know where to avoid, its not too bad.

But then again I know who the people to avoid are as well. All the glitz and glamour, to some extent, on the central bit, 300 yards inland needs major redevelopment.

Don’t queue too long for it, and don’t expect ‘underground nemesis’. It’s a very different thing. More of a show than a ride

Not been to Alton Towers in beards, but a major drawback used to be the lack of ale. None available. This may have changed now though.

Black hole was the best an the mouse scary as you were just waiting for a crack or something lol

If you’re going to make a weekend/few days of it. Break yourself in gently at Blackpool, then head to Drayton Manor for another gentle day, before unleashing yourself on Alton Towers.

Gullivers 😉

Not been to Alton Towers in beards

It’s not compulsory, you know.

Gullivers in Matlock bath. Its like you’ve climbed **** snowdon after a day there. Plus “bath” also has a nice “Blackpool” air to it 😉

Alton Towers. This year they have some new rides. Definitely try what wrightyson suggested. And make sure you start early in the day on the rides furthest from the entrance. Get the app too as this is really handy for seeing what the queues are like during the day.

Thorpe Park is fun, but I believe Alton Towers has more rides. It’s also closer to the North. And it’s not far from the peaks if you want to make a trip of it.

Enjoy.