The worst day of my life

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  • The worst day of my life
  • feartie

    Sorry to hear that – it’s made me quite emotional. I’ve been in your position (or more accurately your wife’s position) 3 times now, although for us it was through IVF. I’m loathe to say I know how she feels, because everyone’s different, but I can empathise, and it’s heartbreaking. Don’t lose hope though. After our last one I swore there was no way I’d put myself, or us as a couple, through that again. 6 months on and I’m starting to feel that maybe we could try again.

    Premier Icon unknown

    Thanks again for the kind words, and apologies to those who’ve had bad memories stirred up. I’m determined not to let this beat us (as much as the future is out of our hands).
    I’m quite good at being rational about things but I know mrs unknown is blaming herself (of course it’s not her fault), second-guessing her age (it really isn’t anything to worry about) etc. I hate seeing her suffer and it’s quite a balancing act trying to stay rational but without seeming robotic and uncaring.

    I’ve also had struggles with depression for many years and I feel that I’m now self aware enough to know that, and how, this is going to affect that aspect of my life. I’m trying to remain positive and on the bright side it will mean getting out on the bike as much as possible to try and head that off at the pass.

    Thanks again STW, for all bickering that sometimes goes on, for being a place where I can stay this stuff (sort-of) out loud.

    Premier Icon takisawa2

    Healing/hoping/praying vibes to you both.
    Hapened to us when Mrs Takisawa was expecting no 3.
    Times a great healer, so just look after the good lady & shout & scream on here as you need old chap.


    I really feel for you both. It’s all so gutting.

    It’s the simplest/easiest things in life that turns out to be the most heart wrenching/emotionally taxing experiences.

    As everyone’s said above, time heals and when it does happen all this will fade from your memories.



    It is a very difficult time, no doubt. We went through the same thing two or three times (two for definite, one probable although we were too demoralised to get excited the third time until we were a way down the road – that sound bad too looking back).

    The first time it happened it was shock, pure and simple. Absolutely gut-wrenching, and I nearly whacked one of my best mates when he made the sort of knockabout lads comment we always made about each other’s missus. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t know. The feeling was intense, and painful.

    The second time it was different. The feeling of resignation and ‘here we go again’ was more prominent. It actually made me feel bad that I was ‘accepting’ this shit rather than crying my eyes out.

    We were about to be written off as ‘unexplained’, but we pushed. It helped that my wife worked at the hospital and was confident talking with consultants she knew. We got a diagnosis. It made sense all of a sudden. It made coping with the third time bearable, as it was not so high to low that time.

    The diagnosis made subsequent times when did have viable pregnancies more stressful, no doubt about it. The weeks approaching ‘decision time’ if we got a bad result from an amnio were dreadful, but we got there in the end. Twice. We didn’t have to make any terrible decisions (thank goodness).

    We now have two lovely healthy children and it all seems so long ago but, I still haven’t forgotten sitting in my living room on Christmas morning after the first miscarriage and crying my eyes out.

    Best wishes to you and your partner, you know you’re not the first and won’t be the last, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It is not possible to be completely rational at times like this. Don’t give up.

    Premier Icon NZCol

    Sorry to hear that, as said before its an emotional time and chuck hormones, expectation and stress into the mix it’s understandable that you are both all over the place.

    However, as someone said it’s as natural as getting it in there in the first place. We settled on accepting that if it naturally failed then that is your body rejecting a non-perfect or potentially dangerous situation which is a good thing. Like others when my 1yr old sat on me this morning that is a distant memory but i can remember vividly the intense pain at the time. Don’t give up, there is no blame, just focus on it being part of the process. Best of luck.

    Premier Icon scaredypants

    AS they all said up there, so many people go through this, including us (once). Doesn’t make it any easier but it does mean that you’re going through something common and rarely explainable, never mind blame.

    13 years ago now but it still makes me think: We’d never have known our 2nd and youngest child if we’d not lost the “middle” one. Maybe look at it that way; try to look forward to the children you’ll have and cherish in the future. Won’t stop you grieving now, though.

    Premier Icon mucker

    Hi there unknown, its crap, I know, my beautiful wife and I went through similar a few years ago. NHS kept saying there was nothing wrong, we knew there was.
    Luckily for us/me my wife is intelligent and tenacious, she did the research and we ended up going to see a Dr Gorgy in London and on his recommendation took the Chicago test, which identified my wife’s immune system as the root of our problems.
    We followed his advice and prescriptions and now we have the child we wished for.
    This was costly in time, money and emotionally.
    We were lucky in that our once our local hospital became aware of what we were doing they provided some of the treatments and prescriptions we needed to sustain the pregnancy, but some were just not available.
    Empower yourself with information to give you the belief, willpower and strength to go on.

    Link to Dr. Gorgy

    Premier Icon totalshell

    sympathise been there at a much much later stage.. time to talk open and honest with the mrs. you ll find that in this darkest hour that your relationship grows deeper and stronger. stand together. best wishes.

    Premier Icon Sandwich

    That’s some bad news there. All the best to you both, unknown.

    This was on my Facebook wall this morning and may help (or irritate, for which I apologise).

    “On particularly rough days when I’m sure I can’t possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good”

Viewing 10 posts - 81 through 90 (of 90 total)

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