The stupid things that sports commentators say

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  • The stupid things that sports commentators say
  • creamegg
    Member

    Pick anything by the mtb dh commentator.

    federalski
    Member

    I sniggered when the eurosport commentator said during the Vuelta ‘ if so and so (cannot remember the name) wins today I’ll eat my helmet….eh hat’

    robdob
    Member

    It’s the only way of making the spectacularly dull sport of football interesting?

    Jamie
    Member

    It’s the only way of making the spectacularly dull sport of football interesting?

    BOOM! 😀

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    Harry – you not heard “the prodigal son” anywhere before ?

    I’m actually a bit surprised a sports commentator knows the story of the prodigal son to be honest.
    Amazingly it’s not a stupid comment, just one that will be lost on 95% of the public and probably 99% of football fans.

    Jamie
    Member

    and probably 99% of football fans.

    BOOM x2! 😀

    nealglover
    Member

    I’m amazed that the OP thinks that is a stupid comment.

    With all the daft stuff commentators say, you have managed to single out a comment that’s actually not stupid at all.

    Well done !

    (I think ?)

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    I suppose maybe they’re having a pop at Wayne’s Mrs

    Jamie
    Member

    I’m amazed that the OP thinks that is a stupid comment.

    With all the daft stuff commentators say, you have managed to single out a comment that’s actually not stupid at all.

    Well done !

    (I think ?)

    I think, and I’m just some **** who likes wendyball, that the OP is referring to the fact that Mr Rooney should never be known as the prodigal son, as he is a mercenary who tried, allegedly, to engineer a move away from his club.

    So less a prodigal son, and more a black sheep.

    Edit: Fascinating fact: Dip shit is fine, but written without the space isn’t.

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    Watching the Manchester Unit game last night and the commentator, whose name escapes me, came out with this nugget of wisdom after Rooney had scored…

    “And the Prodigal Son has returned! I wouldn’t like to be The Fatted Calf tonight!” [/b]

    Eh?

    Is there a tradition of slaughtering farm animals in the dressing room after concluding a failed attempt to leave a club?

    Or, is there a more sinister aspect to the warm down that involves “roast” meat?

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    I am aware of the story of the Prodigal Son. Actually, I was more concerned by the fact that the commentator was relieved that he wasn’t a cow.

    Being a cow would present all sorts of problems, not withstanding his fear of being the centre of attention in some bizarre victory celebrations.

    1) Getting headphones to fit would be tricky.

    2) There are probably several flights of stairs to the commentary position.

    3) How do you get a cow into a photo-booth machine in order to get a picture for your press accreditation?

    Edric 64
    Member

    It`s ok to come out with dross about chocolate hostages in D H racing though like a 14 year old whilst shouting like an uncontrollable loon ?

    Jamie
    Member

    How do you get a cow into a photo-booth machine in order to get a picture for your press accreditation?

    [science]

    A calf is smaller than a cow.

    [/science]

    Premier Icon Harry_the_Spider
    Subscriber

    If anything ever needed photoshopping…

    Premier Icon scaredypants
    Subscriber

    ah, but a fat calf is bigger than a lawnmower

    who’d want to be a fridge ?

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    I sniggered when the eurosport commentator said during the Vuelta ‘ if so and so (cannot remember the name) wins today I’ll eat my helmet….eh hat’

    I heard that, I quite enjoy Carlton Kirby’s flights of fancy. Nice to hear somebody enjoying himself at work.

    Premier Icon gofasterstripes
    Subscriber

    At the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal Pickering commentated on a race involving Cuban double-gold medallist Alberto Juantorena, whose muscular build and nine-foot stride contributed to his nickname El Caballo (the horse).

    Pickering said “and there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.”

    -wiki

    You want to search for “Colemanballs” for more

    Edric 64
    Member

    Gary Neville said at the weekend .”There is moisture on the pitch because its been raining ”

    Premier Icon martinhutch
    Subscriber

    “The batsman’s Holding, the bowler’s Willey etc etc etc…”

    My missus was shocked at the DH WC commentary at at the weekend. They get away with more because the Daily Mail isn’t listening.

    “It’s wetter than Prince Philip’s underpants..!”

    Edric 64
    Member

    Or because downhill is the sport of kidz and juvenile comments go down well with them

    Jamie
    Member

    If anything ever needed photoshopping…

    grum
    Member

    “He literally chopped him in half in that challenge”

    “The ball literally gave him a haircut.”

    “Alonso and Sissoko have been picked to literally sit in front of the back four.”

    “He’s literally just eaten the fourth official.”

    “He’s literally turned him inside out.”

    “[Michael Owen] literally turns into a greyhound”

    “Scholes has such a great footballing brain. He’ll see a picture in his head and literally paint it in front of you.”

    “Center forwards have the ability to make time stand still. And when Chopra got the ball, it literally did just that.”

    “He had to cut back inside onto his left, because he literally hasn’t got a right foot”

    “He’s literally sold the defender a dummy”

    ‘These balls now – they literally explode off your feet.’

    “The crowd behind the goal are literally going insane.”

    Sadly Jamie Redknapp’s use of the word literally is now technically correct.

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    ‘He’s standing at second slip with his legs wide apart hoping for a tickle’

    And of course

    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsVTpX7LdZQ[/video]

    Premier Icon binners
    Subscriber

    You think that was nonsense? Bow down to the master!

    Premier Icon chakaping
    Subscriber

    “It’s wetter than Prince Philip’s underpants..!”

    Warner’s better when he doesn’t try so hard IMO.

    😉

    Pembo
    Member

    Going slightly away from the OP but any thread on sports commentators needs some quotes from the late Sid Waddell:

    “Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens … Aaah, Bristow.”

    “Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete.”

    “That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!”

    “He’s about as predictable as a Wasp on speed”

    “Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a pea-shooter”

    “The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them”

    “Big Cliff Lazarenko’s idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy.”

    “It’s like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline”

    “Well as giraffes say, you don’t get no leaves unless you stick your neck out”

    “His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry ch.affinch”

    “That’s the greatest comeback since Lazarus.”

    “It’s the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia.”

    “His physiognomy is that of a weeping Madonna.”

    “He’s as cool as a prized marrow!”

    “Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.”

    “He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.”

    “The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome”

    “His face is sagging with tension.”

    “The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board.”

    “He’s been burning the midnight oil at both ends.”

    “That’s like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank”

    “As they say at the DHSS, we’re getting the full benefit here.”

    “He is as slick as minestrone soup”

    “There hasn’t been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.”

    “The players are under so much duress, it’s like duressic park out there!”

    “This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.”

    “John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians”

    “When I see Steve Davis I see two letters… C S… Cue Sorceror”

    “By the time of the final on Sunday he should be fit to burst!”

    “There’s only one word for that – magic darts!”

    “Keith Deller’s not just an underdog, he’s an underpuppy!”

    “I don’t know what he’s had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow”

    “Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles”

    “Steve Beaton – The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance – a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax.”

    “If you’re round your auntie’s tonight, tell her to stop making the cookie’s and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other”

    “When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer….. Bristow’s only 27.”

    “Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we’ve got drama with a capital D in Essex.”

    “If we’d had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they’d have gone home.”

    “He’s playing out of his pie crust.”

    “They won’t just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They’ll have to play outta their essence!”

    “Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.”

    “There’s no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers… ”

    “Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George is like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

    “He’s playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league”

    “Phil Taylor’s got the consistency of a planet … and he’s in a darts orbit!”

    “The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu.”

    “Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he’s chuffing like a choo-choo train!”

    “He’s like D’Artagnan at the scissor factory.”

    “Steve Beaton, he’s not Adonis, he’s THE donis”

    pondo
    Member

    “If he goes to Tenerife, I’ll go to eleven-a-rife” – Michael Bisping

    Premier Icon Lifer
    Subscriber

    Edric 64 – Member
    Or because downhill is the sport of kidz and juvenile comments go down well with them

    Whereas all other sport is serious **** business? 😆

    Obvious troll etc blah mleh

    edlong
    Member

    Was it Liggett (of course it was)? This years TdF, as Cavendish winds up for the final sprint to the line…

    “You’ll never catch Cavendish at this stage…” (as someone caught, and passed, Cavendish)

    Also, Liggett again, something I don’t quite remember about Lance Armstrong, drugs, witch hunts and lack of evidence?

    ekul
    Member

    I’m a big fan of RW’s commentary during THAT run by Danny Hart, thought it added to the occasion. However, finishing with “How does Danny Hart sit down – with balls THAT big” has to go down as one of the stupidest but best commentary lines I’ve ever heard.

    Then there’s the usual assortment from football commentators such as:

    “In the end, Rosicky initially did well”

    Having said that i wouldn’t fancy the job of commentating, it would just be a series of awkward pauses followed by some irrelevant mumbling 🙂

    umop3pisdn
    Member

    Pretty sure Liggett said something in this year’s tour along the lines of ‘Chris Froome is now alone at the front, surrounded by his teammates’

    Nobody’s posted this yet?
    [video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYdbanbEAYk[/video]

    maxtorque
    Member

    theotherjonv

    And of course

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsVTpX7LdZQ

    I absolutely challenge anybody to listen to that and not laugh too! Fabulous bit of commentary 😉

Viewing 35 posts - 1 through 35 (of 35 total)

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