The stupid things other people say to you

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  • The stupid things other people say to you
  • willard
    Member

    No, it’s because the tide is out in the Atlantic, but fully in in the Pacific, so there’s a general downhill between the two. Six hours later, it’s uphill because the tides have changed.

    Duh!

    Peyote
    Member

    Duh!

    😆

    mightymule
    Member

    Member of Teaching Staff: “So, we have to get approval from the exam board before we can register students with them?”

    Me: Facepalm

    Premier Icon nedrapier
    Subscriber

    Bit more complicated than though? uphill/downhill is a bit irrelevant compared to the tidal currents, and out in the open ocean, I’d have thoguth it wouldn’t make much difference, as it’s a larger scale version of bobbing up and down in the waves, with the wave moving far more than the actual water?

    clicky piccy:

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    The difference between the radius of the earth at the poles and at the equator is 22km. So if you are sailing towards the equator you’ve got a lot of climbing to do…

    Peyote
    Member

    Okay I retract my question, it’s suddenly getting a bit too complicated for my brain to cope with.

    Premier Icon Coyote
    Subscriber
    Premier Icon oldnpastit
    Subscriber

    Apparently the Greenland and Antarctic ice sheets are thick enough to exert enough gravitational pull to affect sea level. When/if they all melt, this will stop, resulting in bigger sea level rises in some parts of the world, and smaller rises in others, than you would otherwise expect.

    dan86
    Member

    I work in a bike shop, nothing fancy, from £100 cheapy MTBS to just over a grand..

    We get allsorts, some understandably as we dont exactly attract the high end users, some just plain stupid!

    *who’d spend £200 on a bike?*
    *whats the difference between a £90 bike and a £3000 bike?*
    *Don’t you have anything cheaper than £100? It’s just to ride 10 miles to work on every day*
    *Hi, do you sell outer tubes?* (that’ll be a tyre, then?)
    *Do you sell ball barians? My cranks all wobbly*

    The list is endless, as you probably know if you’ve worked in a bike shop 😀

    konabunny
    Member

    American tourist stopped me in Regent’s street in London once, and politely asked me which way Hamleys toy store was.

    If you’re going to be snotty about visitors not knowing where stuff is, shouldn’t you know the name of the street? :p

    belugabob
    Member

    The local Nissan garage, after having my Micra in for five days:

    “Well, the diagnostic computers are saying that nothing’s wrong. But we know something’s wrong, because it won’t start”.

    Nothing wrong with a Nissan Micra that won’t start – in fact, there’s everything right about that situation 😉

    bensales
    Member

    *whats the difference between a £90 bike and a £3000 bike?*

    I used to always end up giving £2910 (or appropriate figure) as the answer to that one.

    glupton1976
    Member

    Molgrips –

    Cardiff has an outdoor velodrome at a local leisure centre which also has a pool. I turn up at the kiosk dressed in full on lycra, helmet, biking shades, cycling gloves, the lot, and no bag carrying alternative kit. A bit tired of having to ask for a ticket for the velodrome this time I just hand the girl a fiver. She looks at me for a second and said ‘Swim, is it?’

    Haha – trolled.

    glupton1976
    Member

    Was once inside a glacier near Chamonix. This american guy reaches out and touches the ice “Oh wow, thats ice”.

    I could not contain my laughter.

    bikebouy
    Member

    Yes, someone once said to me ” I need your boots, your gun and your motorcycle ”

    dan86
    Member

    used to always end up giving £2910 (or appropriate figure) as the answer to that one.

    Yeah we do that a lot, unfortunately some people who come out with these stupid questions, don’t get sarcasm either 😉

    numbnut
    Member

    Ex-wife once said “So how do they steer the train?”

    My neighbour is a driving instructor. He just pointed to the new vinyl graphics on the side of his car and said proudly “My son designed that”. Only problem is, it looks shit, it’s a poor idea, poorly executed and includes a picture of a car that could have been drawn and coloured in by a 5 year old. His son is 18.

    So it was me that had to say the stupid thing… “Nice work. You must be very pleased with it”

    I feel cheap.

    Premier Icon stumpyjon
    Subscriber

    Renault dealership on not being able to diagnose our car not starting via the computer diagnostics, ‘next time it doesn’t start bring it in’ how, should I just pop it in a carrier bag and walk?

    jekkyl
    Member

    “but didn’t it come with a saddle”

    dirtycrewdom
    Member

    Dunno if It’s really worth mentioning as everyone will have had it, it is a classic though.

    “Where did you have it last?”

    Mrs Toast
    Member

    Nothing wrong with a Nissan Micra that won’t start – in fact, there’s everything right about that situation

    I loved the way it handled, I was less keen on the fact something went wrong on it every couple of months. Four starter motors in three years, wiper rack needing replacing, numerous electronic problems, EGR valve… it eventually gave up the ghost and was scrapped at the age of 5, just over 72,000 miles on the clock. :/

    Renault dealership on not being able to diagnose our car not starting via the computer diagnostics, ‘next time it doesn’t start bring it in’ how, should I just pop it in a carrier bag and walk?

    I didn’t realise the 2003-onwards Micras were secretly Renaults. It certainly explained a lot. -_-

    tinybits
    Member

    Along similar work lines then:

    PM: How long will this take you?
    Me: Well there’s a huge number of variables, it could take me about a week but depending on what I find out when I start it it could take me a day or a month. I don’t really want to give a definite answer.
    PM: Ok. Soo.. how long will it take?
    Me: I really don’t know yet.
    PM: Right. So, how long will it take?
    Me: FFS. Ok if you have to put a number down put three weeks for contingengy
    PM: That’s too long
    Me: So why are you even asking me then? What do you want to put down?
    PM: How about.. a week?
    Me: Fine, a week then

    One week later:

    PM: Where is it?
    Me: Well I’ve uncovered a load of issues, so it’s not done yet.
    PM: But you said you’d have it done in a week.
    Me: *sigh*

    Now this is a daily occurance where I work, only I’m the one doing the asking. The way I look at it, someone is paid not only to get through the job, but also have the experience to say ‘this’ll take normally 3 weeks, but if it’s as simple as possible, 1 week, and if I have to start from scratch, 5 weeks”. If you’re not capable of that, bye bye….

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    The way I look at it, someone is paid not only to get through the job, but also have the experience to say ‘this’ll take normally 3 weeks, but if it’s as simple as possible, 1 week, and if I have to start from scratch, 5 weeks

    That’s great, but that only works if you have all the information you need and full exposure of all the issues. If you’re not capable of understanding that then.. well.. it’d be byebye if I were in charge. Pig headed PMs who can’t be bothered to listen to their staff shouldn’t resort to bullying them instead.

    It’s precisely because I have a large amount of experience that I can forsee many possible problems and what THEY in turn might take to solve.

    There are two kinds of PM – those who work for their team and get them what they need to do their job; and those who work for their own managers whipping the team.

    Guess which one works out better?

    In the above scenario, the good PM’s I’ve worked with will ask about the various different scenarios and on what they depend. So they can present a thorough report on the risks and their impacts to the management. Of course, that’s extra work, as they have to learn about the issues and figure out how to phrase it and set it all out clearly for a decision. Bad ones are lazy, they just want to put a number in MS Project and will batter you until they get one.

    Writing software is not like building a wall. You can’t say one man can lay X bricks an hour so if we have Y men and need Z bricks it’ll take z/(y*x). It’s just not like that any more.

    Premier Icon bearnecessities
    Subscriber

    This, today.

    Hi, I still have my 2006 AUDI A4 AVANT S-LINE TDI BLACK for sale at the price of £4500. The car is in excellent condition, garage kept and accident free. The mileage is real and I never had any problems with the engine. The car looks and works just perfect. This car got full service history. It has 89000 miles and it has 4 previous owners. I bought it from UK and it is still registered here.

    I will travel for the next couple of days and I won’t be able to check my eBay messages system. If you have any questions about the car please contact me directly at nata16585@gmail.com and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

    Thank you, Isabel

    Date: Wed, 21 Aug 2013 23:56:49 -0700 From: <Email address removed in line with eBay policy> To: <Email address removed in line with eBay policy

    athgray
    Member

    My house phone rings. I pick it up and say hello. My mum replies hello and asks if I am in the house??

    grantway
    Member

    I worked with a guy and every time you told him how to do something
    He always come back with. But the point is
    And the point was he was frigging useless

    IanW
    Member

    Isn’t it getting dark early?

    or

    Whats your name? when I ask for a flat white.

    scuzz
    Member

    “…to be fair,”

    SHUT UP. SHUT UP NOW. You’re not interested in fairness, you just finally realised how to phrase the point you thought of half way through my sentence and didn’t bother to listen to the rest of what I was saying, using ‘to be fair’ as the universal “It’s my turn to talk now but I can’t retort to your actual points because that would mean being able to think and listen at the same time” phrase.

    I’m on to the lot of you.

    sargey
    Member

    Wife,is that astroturf on the floor?
    Me,yes
    Wife,how often do you have to cut it?

    CountZero
    Member

    The one that always has me doing the eye-rollie thing is what I’m at a gig at a small venue, waiting for the doors to open, so I can go in. There’s almost inevitably one, sometimes several, members of the local brains trust who wander up, look at the line of twenty or thirty people queued up, walk up to the door and push at it, then look at those of us right at the front, and ask if the doors have opened yet.
    “There’s a bunch of us, standing here, in the cold, when we could be inside, in the warm, with a drink. What do you think?”
    Seriously, how do mammals that slow possess respiratory functions? 🙄

    vickypea
    Member

    A conversation I had with a work mate:

    “Vicky, have you got the time?”
    “Yes, it’s five to eleven”
    Whilst looking at my wATCH: “Oh, has your watch only got one hand?”
    “No, it’s five to eleven!!”

    Premier Icon DavidB
    Subscriber

    Wife pointing at Blackbird

    “What’s that black bird called?”

    chico66
    Member

    I call in to a garage every day to buy a newspaper. I regularly clack my way in my SPD shoes up to the counter whilst wearing a hi-viz jacket and sporting my bike helmet to be asked ‘any fuel?’

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Lol chico that’s happened to me many times whilst buying mid-ride coke and sweets. I usually say ‘yes’ and point to the carb-filled purchases 🙂

    Premier Icon amedias
    Subscriber

    Wife pointing at Blackbird

    “What’s that black bird called?”

    Trevor, every single time…

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    After calling the insurance company to log details of the theft of my mobile phone:

    ‘Okay, that is all logged on the system, I’ve texted the claim number to your mobile……..’

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    My MIL’s partner is the most stupid person in the world. My favorite though was when they came up for Christmas last year. on the 22nd Dec he said:

    ‘This time last year it was Christmas eve..’

    Premier Icon stevied
    Subscriber

    I could probably write a book containing all of the stupid things my wife has said but the favourite is:
    One dusk, sitting on the bench outside the house having a bifter, I spotted a bat flitting around the garden.
    Me “Ooh, a bat”
    Her “Can’t be a bat, must’ve been a bird”
    Me “Why can’t it have been a bat?”
    Her “Because bats only live in Transylvania, durr!!”

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    I’m on a roll now. A couple from my many years with the Air Cadets.

    Cadet: What is for tea tonight Sir?
    Mr: We have made a roast, choice of Chicken, Beef or Pork
    Cadet: What is the difference?

    Cadet: What is for tea tonight Sir?
    Me: Beef Stew
    Cadet: I don’t like that, is there anything else?
    Me: Yes, you can have beef in gravy with carrots and potatoes
    Cadet: Great, thanks
    Me: Slop.

Viewing 40 posts - 41 through 80 (of 85 total)

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