France had won more conflicts than any other nation.

This is only because they started more than any other nation.

.

So you agree that the French have won more conflicts than any other nation then ?

Good. We’re getting somewhere now 8)

– Gallic Wars
– Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

– Hundred Years War
– Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.” Sainted.

– Italian Wars
– Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

– Wars of Religion
– France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

– Thirty Years War
– France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

– War of Revolution
– Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

– The Dutch War
– Tied

– War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War
– Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

– War of the Spanish Succession
– Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

– American Revolution
– In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”

– French Revolution
– Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

– The Napoleonic Wars
– Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

– The Franco-Prussian War
– Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

– World War I
– Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

– World War II
– Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

– War in Indochina
– Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

– Algerian Rebellion
– Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

– War on Terrorism
– France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be “Can we count on the French?”, but rather “How long until France collapses?”

“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage.”

Or, better still, the quote from last week’s Wall Street Journal: “They’re there when they need you.”

If they’re revolting, just eat the chips instead.

Can we not please get on with our lives rather than constantly referring back to the two world wars? {During both of which GREAT Britain didn’t exactly do that well until Uncle Sam jumped in}

You sure? So having forced Hitler to leave us alone and invade Russia instead after the Battle of Britain didn’t happen then? Perhaps you really believe the commonly potrayed view of Holywood WW2 then?

Hehe ….. what a load of bollox 5thElefant !!!

I particularly liked :

“American Revolution
– In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.”

🙂 😯 😀

Elefant; why are you so worked up about ‘Johnny Foreigners’?

Is it because your address was recently leaked to the public?

I’m not in the least bit worked up. I like a jonnie foreigner. It would be rude not to take the piss out of the french though.

Nothing wrong with the English taking the piss of the French, just like there is nothing wrong with the French taking the piss out of the English.

Just try and stop them, and you will see the mother of all sheep burning strikes.

nothing wrong with the French taking the piss out of the English.

I don’t they do it well – by owning our electricity/nuclear power stations ? !

You sure? So having forced Hitler to leave us alone and invade Russia instead after the Battle of Britain didn’t happen then? Perhaps you really believe the commonly potrayed view of Holywood WW2 then?

Point taken. It was Uncle Joe who really won WWII by throwing literally millions of comrades to their deaths thus tying up all the best German units. Still no real reason us in GB to mock. Not denying the valiant efforts of The Battle Of Britain but what about Dunkirk/Singapore anyone?

It’s a sad day when PC puts an end to mocking the French.

I’m just arguing ‘cos I find it funny you seem to claim som brilliant militirastic history and mock the French’s efforts. Not cos I’m PC gone mad or anything.

Anyway what about Hastings 1066? Oh yes…

Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

A battle whose ending forshadows the next 1000 years of English/British history. England/Britain is conquered by of all things, a Frenchman.

Not forgetting the Roman invasion of Britain 1000 years prior, an invasion whose ending foreshadows the next 1000 years….{you get the picture}

Anyway what about Hastings 1066

They were Normans. Vikings who’d been given a chunk of France. Since then we’ve done OK. A millenia isn’t bad.

Since then we’ve done

Define ‘we’. Last I looked, Britain was a nation built on a history of multiculturalism. Our current society is one of the most cosmopolitan and diverse on Earth.

Don’t worry, I believe there were another 10,000 other names on that list; I doubt you’d stand out…

Define ‘we’. Last I looked, Britain was a nation built on a history of multiculturalism. Our current society is one of the most cosmopolitan and diverse on Earth.

Don’t worry, I believe there were another 10,000 other names on that list; I doubt you’d stand out…
Quite amazing. You indulge in a bit of light hearted banter and you get branded as a member of the BNP.

You are a sad nasty little man.

MussEd don’t take 5thElefant to task for that nonsense which he copy and pasted from an American redneck website – it’s all bollox from start to finish.

Another bit which I found particularly hilarious was this :

– War in Indochina
– Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Now of course Indochina is the old name for Vietnam. But the American author doesn’t want to use the name ‘Vietnam’, just in case it reminds people of how a poor impoverished third world country gave the Yanks a damn good thrashing !

.

BTW the reason I found the reference to the American Revolution so amusing, is that at the battle of Yorktown where the British were defeated, the French had 7,800 regulars and 29 warships. The Americans had 8,000 regulars, 3,100 militia and no warships. American forces were so crap that General Washington put a Frenchman in charge of them – the Marquis de Lafayette !

In effect, the French fought and won the American war of independence for the yanks.
I don’t suppose 5thElefant knew that though,

You are a sad nasty little man

This is probably quite true.

But, come on…

You indulge in a bit of light hearted banter and you get branded as a sad, nasty little man….

Elefant; Don’t try hiding behind the ‘banter’ excuse. You regularly post pretty far-right wing views, and think Maggie (Die, Bitch) Thatcher was a great person, so don’t try coming over all offended.

And there’s no point in trying to argue with me; even I don’t argue with me!!!

I don’t think you needed to be a racist to have supported Margret Thatcher.

Although obviously it would have helped.

I don’t get this thread I though when adamg was on a thread to stop entertaining him.

If we’re into insulting French military prowess, let’s compare recent naval exploits.

Off Somalia the French navy have been kicking pirate ass.

and off Iran the British navy have been surrendering and shuffling home with embarrassing goodybags from Imadinnerjacket

I still squirm to think of it

Off Somalia the French navy have been kicking pirate ass.

wtf? Everyone else is having a scrap in Afghanistan, and the frenchies are playing at pirates?
Walk le plank, or I shall burn your livestock and rub snails all over you.

juan you have to admit the French policies for pensions and job security are nuts though, and completely unworkable.

Yeah – everyone keeps saying that, and the French system just keeps working, one way or another, delivering the best health care and best standard of living in Europe.

AndyP French troups have been in afganistan since day one…

I do find it amusing that we think the French are the ‘strikers’, when 1000’s walked out across the UK yesterday because of a French company’s actions 🙂 Which were all legal & sensible…

French troups have been in afganistan since day one…
knew it. They probably started this one too. Just pile in there and burn all the camels.

Juan; don’t worry, most people aren’t as thick as some on here.

AdamG is Snigletrack, currently, and still seems to display the same old character that he became known for. Don’t worry about him. 5thElefant appears to be of the same mould, but I doubt it’s the same person. Same type of ignorance, though.

I think the French are all right; no different to anyone else.

People from Sarf London, though, now that’s a different story…

People from Sarf London, though, now that’s a different story…

Cheeky ****.

See? Told you…

I thought I a few of Snigletracks comments elsewhere on the forum lately were a bit “choice”!

Well I’m all in favour of calling a slag a slag, but why is Snigletracks getting slagged off here ?

Unless there’s something seriously wrong with my eyesight, Snigletracks hasn’t even posted on this thread !

And as for 5thElefant, nothing which he has posted on here can be construed as offensive imo.
Complete, and somewhat amusing bollox yes – but offensive no.

I reckon some people need to get a little less sensitive and precious, in the big tough world of mtb forums 😯

imho

what about when the French performed their nuclear weapons experiments on the other side of the world safely away from themselves, no big French protests then as I remember!

Allez les bleus. So proud of my best half

no big French protests then as I remember!

Probably because you weren’t paying much attention. The anti-nuclear movement in France is strong, although they tend to lump opposition to nuclear weapons with opposition to nuclear power. The Green Party (which is obviously anti-nuclear testing) does quite well in France, certainly a lot better than in the UK, and it has several MPs.

If we are going to have nuclear power I now feel safer with the French owning them than us. This is based on talking to a riding mate who fixes them.

No, GG, Snigletrack hasn’t posted on this thread, but Juan thought that 5thElefant was that odious creature, AdamG, who is now Snigletrack.

You see?

Neither are particularly offensive, as you say, just ignorant and irritating. Kind of people who might be outspoken behind a keyboard, yet probably act quite ‘appropriately’ in real life…

Whereas you, Gus, are both a **** on here, and in real life! XXX

Point taken. It was Uncle Joe who really won WWII by throwing literally millions of comrades to their deaths thus tying up all the best German units.

I think this only happened because Hitler went completely barmy and right when he was about to smash us into smithereens he decided to change tack and sent most of his troops towards russia.

you, Gus, are both a **** on here, and in real life

I’m overcome with emotion – you don’t know just how much that means to me 😥

And much as I would like to reciprocate the comment, you on the other hand in real life, are a boringly normal and perfectly pleasant human being. In fact your internet persona of an irritating and obnoxious little ****, is indeed a complete charade.

Sorry mate, but I have to tell it as I see it……… I’m sure you understand.

Back to the original post, my own personal opinion is when most of our European neighbours feel they are being p!$$ed on they take direct action. and my opinion is that as a country if we were more like them then we would be better off. Trouble is we have too many Daily Mail reading do gooders in this country

Actually i was paying attention, I happened to be in Australia at the time and hence especially interested, the interviews I saw of the average French person in the street on various international satellite channels strongly suggested they did’t give a damn what their country did on the other side of the globe (a la Rainbow Warrior!), & naturally the French Greenpeace protested thats what they are meant to do and they do have quite a lot of nuclear over there.

BillyBull

If we are going to have nuclear power I now feel safer with the French owning them than us. This is based on talking to a riding mate who fixes them.

The French spannering isnt all that goo either 🙂

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7522712.stm

However, generally Id agree with you. Nuclear is going to be a very important part of European carbon mitigation strategies in the coming decades and since we couldnt be arsed to keep up with the game, but the French could, I like to think they know a damn sight more about knocking reactors up than we do.