- The definitive stw joke thread
Man walks into a Swedish chemists.
Can I have some deodorant please?
Certainly sir, says the assistant, Ball or aerosol?
Neither, says the man, it’s for under my arms.
Heh, that’s an actual sketch. Pre-Python John Cleese and, er, Mel Smith I think. (Not The Nine O’Clock News? Maybe.)Posted 3 years agocrispy baconMember
Got lucky down the pub the other night & took a bird back home to her place.
Ended up giving her one on the kitchen table when I heard a key going in the front door lock.
“Quick” says the bird “try the back door!!”
In hindsight I should have just legged it but you don’t get an offer like that everyday 🙂Posted 3 years ago
crispy bacon – Member
Got lucky down the pub the other night etc.
Must be the week for it; me too.
She was in her mid-fifties but was really well presented and she took me back to her place.
After a bit of fumbling about she asked me if I fancied some mother/daughter action.
Rock on I thought, let’s give this a go and so I said yes.
She got up, went to the foot of the stairs and shouted ‘MOTHER!”Posted 3 years agogecko76Subscriber
I knew this girl who really wanted a monkey (haven’t you always wanted a monkey?) so she phoned her dad up and asked for the money to buy a bicycle, because she knew he wouldn’t give her the cash for a monkey.
He sent her the money and she bought her monkey and they were very happy. They went for walks in the park, played games, ate and slept together (not like that) and everything was going great until one day the monkey got ill.
It was off its food and generally lethargic and then its fur started coming out in big clumps. Distraught, she phoned her dad.
“Dad! All the hair’s coming out of my monkey! What should I do?”
“Stop riding the damn bike!” he replied.Posted 3 years agogreatbeardedoneMember
My colleague has fallen head over heels in love with a young lady he met at a Beatles themed party.
He was dressed as a walrus/ egg-man and she as Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
I recently saw them together down the local and to be honest, I haven’t the faintest idea what he sees in her…Posted 3 years agozer0c00l44Member
Paddy and Murphy are looking for a job so visit the jobcentre. While there one of the women does a quick search and say oh yes we have a job here for tree fellers. Paddy says, thats no good theres only 2 of us.
Man goes into the butchers and asks for a pound of kiddlies, the butcher replies do you mean kidneys? The man says, thats what I said diddle I?Posted 3 years ago
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