Not sure how I stumbled across this on spotify, but Brad Paisleys song “Ticks” must be right up there as one of the all time worst lyrics.

‘Cause I’d like to see you out in the moonlight
I’d like to kiss you way back in the sticks
I’d like to walk you through a field of wildflowers
And I’d like to check you for ticks.

I assumed that he must be some sort of comedic artist, but looking at his wiki page he has won a few Grammys and numerous country music awards.
Are there any better/worse than this?

…and numerous country music awards.

There’s the clue, right there.
[edit]10 Worst Country Songs of All Time
By: Kimberly Hays
Break Studios Contributing Writer
There are literally thousand’s of country songs that are so bad, you think your ears are going to start bleeding! Take a look at this list of the 10 worst country songs of all time, and see if you agree. 
“Achy Breaky Heart” – Billy Ray Cyrus.  Not only did Billy Ray introduce the world to the Mullet when debuting this putrid song, which is enough to make you hate it, but the song itself sounds like a kindergartner trying to explain why his feelings are hurt. On top of that, speaking of his heart as “he” is just plain creepy! 
“She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” – Kenny Chesney.  “She thinks my tractor’s sexy/It really turns her on”….seriously? How many women get turned on by a sexy tractor? And what is it that makes a tractor sexy anyway? A new fetish we’re just hearing about maybe?
“Did I Shave My Legs For This?” – Deana Carter.  This song is one of the worst country songs for being about a trailer trash, mumu-wearing woman, who has given up shaving her legs because she doesn’t get attention from her beer drinking man. Wonder why?
“I Love Little Baby Ducks” – Tom T. Hall.  Where was his head when he wrote this song? He likes drinking coffee from a cup, and root beer from a glass? How else are you going to drink it? This song makes the worst country songs list for being a terrible nursery rhyme that makes no sense, set to terrible music.
“I Love The Rainy Nights” – Eddie Rabbit.  After about twenty seconds, the metronome beat of this song will make you crazy. What’s worse is that for some reason this song sticks in your head and you can’t get rid of it.
“Rockin’ The Beer Gut” – Trailer Choir.  This one makes the worst country songs of all time because you just can’t get the image out of your head. It’s about a chick who has an enormous beer gut and really knows how to show it off.
“River Of Love” – George Strait.  This song is so stupid! It is full of metaphors, and we wonder what “I’ve got a little paddle” is a reference to?
“Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” – Trace Adkins.  This song is on the worst country songs list because the world just doesn’t need any more songs about butts. Period.
“May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose” – Little Jimmy Dickens. The title of this song puts it on the worst country songs of all time, but wait! The lyrics are just as horrible. For example, “May an elephant caress you with his toes”. For a good laugh, spin this one a couple of time.
“It Ain’t Easy Being Easy” – Janie Fricke. This one brings you a story of a woman who just can’t help herself. It should have been called “It Ain’t Easy Being Sleazy”.

‘Gary don’t need his eyes to see-
Gary and his eyes have parted companeee’

Terrible, yet brilliant 😀

‘Gary don’t need his eyes to see-
Gary and his eyes have parted companeee’

TV Smith- brilliant! Gary Gilmore’s Eyes 😀

“Exit light, enter night; we’re off to never never land”

Epic cheese.

“Weekend!” by Scooter

“Respect to the man in the Icecream Van”

It dosent get worse than that

“Stand up, Stand up, the more you do it the less you fall down..”

David Lee Roth from the skyscraper album.

That’s got to be up there.

“Weekend!” by Scooter

Actually, ANYTHING by Scooter 🙄 😆

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNKVWFdhQUQ[/video]

😆

Over rocks and trees and sand
Soaring over cliffs
And gently floating down to land
She proudly lifts her voice
To sound her mating call
And soon her mate responds by singing
Caw Caw Caw
Come with me… Lesbian Seagull !!
Settle down and rest with me
Fly with me lesbian seagull…..!!

Excerpt from the true song “Lesbian Seagull” by the one and only , yep you guessed it – Engelburt Humperdinck!!

I’ve always wondered at:

“There’s gonna be a jailbreak, Somewhere in this town”

Not exactly the most difficult, potential public order offense to prepare for… Where could it be?

“I look like Robert de Niro,
I drive a Mitsubishi Zero”

Billy ‘People’s Rhyming Dictionary Poet’ Bragg

I think Clawfinger’s”Biggest and the Best” deserves a mention – terrible lyrics but an anthem to keyboard warriors everywhere! 😀 Warning: Norwegian potty mouth ahoy!

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXgTPAr5_Lw[/video]

Also, Elevation by U2.

no “rhythm is a dancer” ? 🙁

ife, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot doot dooo.
Life, oh life, oh life, oh life,
doo, doot dooo

I’m afraid of the dark,
‘specially when I’m in a park
And there’s no-one else around,

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don’t want to see a ghost,
It’s a sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Des’ree

“Young girl with eyes like potatoes”, I mean, WTF????!!!
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqIIW7nxBgc[/video]

This :

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDKcevMFUCo[/video]

Bollywood songs are in a league of their own when it comes to lyrics, although that one manages to break new ground. I love Bollwood btw.

this makes me cringe…

You better you better you bet. oh
You better you better you bet. oh w
You better you better you bet.
You better you better you bet.

I call you on the telephone
My voice too rough with cigarettes.
I sometimes feel I should just go home
but I’m dealing with a memory that never forgets

I love to hear you say my name
especially when you say yes
I got your body right now on my mind
but I drunk myself blind to the sound of old T-Rex, Mmmmm
To the sound of old T-Rex
oh, and Who’s Next

When I say I love you you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you you say you better
You better you better you bet
You better bet your life
Or love will cut you, cut you like a knife

I want those feeble minded axes overthrown
I’m not into your passport picture, I just like your nose
You welcome me with open arms and open legs
I know only fools have needs, but this one never begs

I don’t really mind how much you love me
Ooh, a little is alright
When you say
come over and spend the night
Tonight
Tonight

When I say I love you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
You better bet your life
Or love will cut you,cut you like a knife

I lay on the bed with you
We could make some book of records
Your dog keeps licking my nose
And chewing up all those letters
Saying “you better”

You better bet your life

You better love me, all the time now
You better shove me back into line now
You better love me, all the time now
You better shove me back into line now.

(Guitar Solo)

I showed up late one night
with a neon light for a visa
But knowing I’m so eager to fight
can’t make letting me in any easier

I know I been wearing crazy clothes
and I look pretty crappy sometimes
But my body feels so good
and I still sing a razor line every time.

And when it comes to all night living
I know what I’m giving
I’ve got it all down to a tee
And it’s free.

When I say I love you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I love you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you, you scream you better,Ooooo!
You better you better you bet
When I say I love you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I love you, you say you better
You better you better you bet
When I say I need you, you scream you better
You better you better you bet

You better bet your life
Or love will cut you, just like a knife

You better bet your life
Or love will cut you, just like a knife

Those are all awesome Country lyrics ! Cheese is half the point of Country lyrics.

But anyway, the song that really annoys me is that terrible Blondie one, Debbie Harry.

“Maria, you oughta see…. her”.

Terrible ! And no excuse for cramming her wrinkly body into that dreadful corset, took so long to get that on never bothered to write the song properly.

Supermarket candles never last
Have been known to burn out twice as fast.
Spread Thin by Mariachi El Bronx

Anything Morrisey wrote.

Macca’s “In this everchanging world in which we’re living” has to come close to the bottom of the barrel, though for me there’s always the comforting though that whenever you’re confronted by the question as to the worst lyrics of all time, you can simply reach for anything penned by Ian Astbury

Laydeezungennelmun, I give yoouuuuu……….Love Removal Machine by The Cult.

Fell to the red room because she was there, uh-huh-huh-huh
A scarlet woman, she got me in fear, yeah, yeah, yeah
She said, do all those things that you do to me
You know what I mean, boy
Do all those things that you do to me, yeah

(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal machine
(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love, soul shaker
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal machine

Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, I fell from the sky
Yesterday, you blew my mind, oh yeah
Having trouble with my direction
Upside-down, psychotic reaction, oh

(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal machine
(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love, soul stealer
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal machine

(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love remover machine
(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love, fun remover
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal machine

Yeah
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love remover
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love remover machine
(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love, fun remover
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love remover machine

(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love remover machine
(Talkin’ bout love)
Gimme love, soul shaker
(Talkin’ bout love)
Love removal machine

Ooh yeah

Look out, here she comes
Look out, here she comes
I said, look out, here she comes
Look out, here she comes, yeah

Shake it, don’t break it, baby
Shake it, don’t break it, baby
Shake it, don’t break it, baby
Shake it, don’t break it
Baby
Ow, ow, ow
Ow, ow, ow
Ah, yeah

Oasis have some pretty terrible lyrics.

“Slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball”

Some of Jim Morrison’s lyrics are appalling. Anyone listened to ‘The End’ poperly? Like some of their stuff, though. More recently, have you listened to Mumford and Sons’ Lyrics??!

rossi46 – Member

‘Gary don’t need his eyes to see-
Gary and his eyes have parted companeee’

TV Smith- brilliant! Gary Gilmore’s Eyes

Was a great documentary on the Adverts on BBC 4 last week… 🙂

Oh & Kurt was always pretty good…
“We can plant a house,we can build a tree”
&
“Polly wants a cracker
Think I should get off of her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch”

etc…….

Rorschach wins. When I first heard that desree song it was a life changing moment. I sat there knowing that I was hearing a song of monumental crapness and that my life would be tarnished forever.
Surely someone in the sound booth would have had a word with her.
They are just as guilty.

Swim in the ocean
That be my dish
I drive around all day
And kill processed fish
It’s all money gum
No artists anymore
You’re only in it now
To make more, more, more

from Have a nice day: The Stereophonics.

Ooh ooh piccalilli shinpads
Ooh ooh polishing the knave
I keep wicket for the Quakers
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves
In me Joy Division oven gloves

From: Half Man Half Biscuit: Joy Division Oven Gloves

Aye, gotta be Des’ree

In fact, didn’t she have a song called that too?

Then there’s the classic Zodiac Mindwarp & the Love Reaction –

Hey Baby check this out,
I’ve got the juice tyo make you shout.
Well you talk too much,
Button your lip,
Just take a trip behind my zip.

They don’t write lyrics like that any more…..

Any song which mentions song writing or refers to the song itself is just utterly cringeworthy.

Worst contenders are Spandau Ballet:
“Why do I find it hard to write the next line”

And Natasha Bedingfield’s criminal song These Words (combined with her screetchy hideous voice.. aRGH, just AAARGH!)

These words are my own

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
Is who I am, is what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
Try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it’s not coming easily)
Whoah oh…

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don’t you know, don’t you know, don’t you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

THATS ENOUGH OF THAT SHIIIITE!

Kings of Leon:

“She stole my karma, oh no,
Sold it to the farmer, oh no!”

Eh? Sure karma makes good for good rock lyrics, but farmers? Whats this farmer doing with people’s karma anyway?

Unfortunately I can’ take B.R.M.C. seriously for singing ‘Love is the Weapon of Choice’ after Flight of the Conchords sang a similar song.. 😳

Going back to the OP – I can’t really see a big issue with the lyrics to that song. It is very much a tongue in cheek song and the lyrics reflect that. A number of his songs have gently amusing lyrics along with the videos. Odd song to pick up on as there are are worse song lyrics than that IMHO. Agadoo?? Brown girl in the ring?? Lucy in the sky with diamonds? Half (most?) of Pink Floyds early lyrics?

Cannot believe that no-one has yet called Dean Friedman’s Lucky Stars “I may not be all that bright, but I know how to hold you tight”

I like You Better You Bet!

EDIT: See Rorschach beat me to Life by Desree…so just +1 to that…

Joy Division Oven Gloves

Unlike most of the above, Joy Division Oven Gloves is a work of genius. They’re playing in Leeds tonight if anyone’s interested; sadly I’m having to give it a miss due to poorly toddler.

Andy

Look, These Words is THE WORST SONG EVER WRITTEN.
Ok, this is the chorus. You just can’t beat it for pointless-vacuous-meaningless-nothing-to-say-inane-DRIVEL!

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There’s no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you…

Possibly after running out of other people’s good songs to murder, Clapton knocked out this inane toss:

It’s late in the evening; she’s wondering what clothes to wear.
She’ll put on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, “Do I look all right?”
And I say, “Yes, you look wonderful tonight.”

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that’s walking around with me.
And then she asks me, “Do you feel all right?”
And I say, “Yes, I feel wonderful tonight.”

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.

And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you.
It’s time to go home now and I’ve got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.

And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, “My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight.”

And even if he didn’t actually write it (anyone know?), performing it alone should have been punishable by death. “I give her the car keys”???…FFS…

And even if he didn’t actually write it (anyone know?), performing it alone should have been punishable by death. “I give her the car keys”???…FFS…

No, he definitely wrote it.

Death it is, then…..

No, he definitely wrote it.

Death it is, then…..

No – horrible torture, then death, if he actually wrote it…