Tell me your near miss catastrophic/major embarrassing moment

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  • Tell me your near miss catastrophic/major embarrassing moment
  • Spongebob

    Mine was walking down a spiral stairway in the Bayswater shopping centre. I see petite blonde woman with THE most fabulous backside standing on the stairs with her back to me. Came close to paying her a compliment on her amazing asset, but then noticed the camera crew down below pointing up at us. Turned out to be Annika Rice presenting live on national TV (she used to do some daytime TV show). That evening the mother in law called the missus and said she saw me on TV!

    Close one!

    What are your near misses?


    What are your near misses?

    Living in the same country as someone who can’t or doesn’t want to support their argument?

    Premier Icon Stoner

    Mrs S and I, 45 minutes from a last bath. Thailand coast, Boxing Day 2004.


    Minor Embarrassment – realising my shoulder had not regained it’s strength from being dislocated, whilst attempting the rock-step at the top of Spooky Wood climb. It being a Saturday, only 20 or so people were at the picnic-bench to appreciate my comic fall.


    Walking up the long flight of metal-edged steps near John Lewis in the centre of Bristol, I somehow tripped and landed heavily with my knees, shins, shoulders, elbows and face hitting the stairs. I had my hands in my pockets so I couldn’t even attempt to save myself.

    I got up feeling a bit dazed, and a lot of people were looking at me. I don’t know why but I just started running. I ran all the way up the stairs, then through the underpass and down Stokes Croft and up Cotham Brow to my flat. Amazing what a bit of embarrassment can do!

    Jeez retro, that was a fairly long run! I mean, I know we all take a few jaunty joggy steppy type things when we trip over a flagstone, but all the way to Cotham Brow? Now, that’s embarrassment, lol!

    Premier Icon kiwijohn

    Was staying in a nice hotel in Melbourne with the GF. After a big night out I get up for a slash in the middle of the night, naked. Take a right leaving the toilet & find myself locked out.
    Casually take the lift down to reception & ask the girl at the desk for a new key.

    driving to work one morning a few years back, slowish A road that opens up into a wider section with embankments either side 3/4 mile long, gentle uphill, long slight right bend, not dual carriage way but wide enough for four cars -hence an overtaking opportunity and hence Im way over on the left doing 70 ish, hidden behind oncoming lorry was a speeding car, it pops out to overtake on the bend completely comes right way over my side (because of the bend?), next thing i know explosion of glass in the car and very windy, (from my perspective all i saw was a flash of colour then the explosion – my 4″ mirror smashed through the driver side window at a passing speed of about 140mph! Didn’t catch him, probably for the best.

    Premier Icon molgrips

    That’s why I hate those wide single carriageway roads that people think are as good as dual carriageways. They’re not!

    Not embarassing but a near miss:

    I was cycling home from a ride in Helsinki on the wide pavements that double as cycleways, so I’m legal at this point. Well, I’m giving it some, and the road comes down a hill into a right hander under a railway bridge. There’s a bus shelter and an old lady standing with her back to the road about 4 feet from the shelter. I was going to dive between her and the shelter because there’s a bump in the tarmac that makes a lovely fade, but at the last second I decide it’s too close and brake. Back wheel locks up momentarily, the lady hears the bikey noise and thinks I’m coming towards her so leaps back about 3 feet, right into my path! My god I was glad for the sharp handling on that bike. Closest and most extreme swerve I’ve ever done and I missed her by inches. I’d have been in serious crap (prison, most likely) if I’d taken her out, and she’d most likely have been dead or badly hurt.


    I went to a school reunion years ago and asked some girl when the baby was due…………….she was not pregnant !

    Meandering down a single track country lane, on a fairly straight bit, in the dark. Realise very late that the straight bit is actually soemones drive and the road takes a sharp right turn. Attempt to make the turn but fail, and strike large boulder sat on verge, sending it down the ditch. As I am stood scratching my head surveying the damage the householder, alerted by the almighty bang, strolls out and asks

    “Are you ok?”

    “Yes thanks”

    …gets a bit closer…

    “Oh, you’re the police, you got here quick”

    …gets closer still…

    “Oh, it was you that crashed”


    “Did something run out in front of you?”


    “I’ll leave you to it then”

    “Thanks. Sorry about your boulder”.


    Minor embarrassment was an spd moment at Llandegla, finished the trail and just got back to the trail centre forgot to unclip and fell right over that little fence by the bike racks in front of about 30 people.
    Lots of laughing and pointing made me leave quickly.


    I went over the bars at a set of traffic lights once while bunny hopping the kerb.

    Premier Icon molgrips

    You have to laugh those ones off ollie!

    I once fell over in SPDs at the front of a queue at a busy junction then could barely get up again which caused a bit of embarassment.

    I also once rode into the back of a stopped car whilst looking completely the other direction at fabulously beautiful student girls…


    You have to laugh those ones off ollie!

    Yeah I know, I was really looking forward to bacon butty aswell, I didn’t even get changed just chucked my bike in the back and got the hell out of there.


    I could tell a few near-miss stories, but they would serve to highlight my own stupidity/naevity from days long before the Darwin Awards existed.

    I’ve obviously got a purpose yet to fulfill on this earth as whatever spirit-guide/guardian angel looks after me, they have had their work to do at times.

    Without going into all the details, let’s just list some sensationalist key words, and say that somehow I avoided the full potential consequences:
    petrol bomb
    road-side cliff face
    sexual predator/abductor
    shotgun cartridges
    drunken passout, alone, on Sauchiehall St (x 2)
    bareback riding with Thai hostess
    Charles Manson
    driverless motorboat heading straight for our boat

    Okay, not all of these are the stuff of Hollywood movies (although, arrange them in a quick-fire sequence and you have the bones of something…).
    However, they’ve left me aware and humbled.
    Oh, there’s a wee fib in there too. Can you guess which one?

    Premier Icon Pook

    Damn, you’re good.


    The Thai girl was actually a bloke?

    Premier Icon Nick

    Riding on a local trail that just happens to run close to an edge, I stall on a tricky little turn, go to put my foot down, nothing there, I vanish 15ft down a loamy 60 degree slope.

    Manage to grab the last tree before a 30 foot drop. 😯

    Think I left what little mojo I had hanging from one of the branches 🙁


    Back in the day,(years & years ago),into road biking in a big way,had a DeRosa built F Moser replica team bike,pride & joy it was.
    On my usual evening training ride,approaching a crossroads,there had been a nasty accident,a recovery wagon was reversing into position up to one of the crashed cars.A traffic cop spotted me:”Just wait there,mate,while this wagon gets into place” Me:”No problem”.Anyways,balanced there doing a track stand,waiting,seemed like ages.Still balancing,moving bars left to right,thinking “I’m doing well here”.
    Then it happened……..
    I felt myself going over,feet were fixed in with toe clips & straps (spd’s not yet invented),no way of releasing before I fell over…right in full view of everyone!!!
    “You daft pillock!!” shouts the traffic cop… 😳

    Premier Icon NZCol

    A fair few moons ago working on Ski Patrol.
    Some dodgy weather patterns meant bits of the field were closed due to avalanche risk. Slight brain fart at 6.30am as we do a pre-opening sweep and I’m traversing into a very steep chute thinking “Why hasn’t this been skiied ???”, then remembered and managed to reverse out. Skiied down the other (not exposed bit) and 2 minutes later theres a huge fracture and the whole lot caves in down the chute. I called it ‘proactive avalanche management’. My boss called it ‘lucky as f cuk’. Next morning the whole other side went and took the ski patrol building with it – i was the only one there at the time but was in the caff chatting a girl up and scrounging a beaker of coffee !!!

    Back in my school days (ok I know that was a long time ago) I was checking out the local hottie and not paying attention to where I was going and ended up falling head first into the rubbish bin 😳

    I have also walked into a lamp post on the street because I was checking out some guys rear….

    I’m not the most subtle of people when it comes to checking out talent it would appear….

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