Tell me about… Midges!

Not here! For ‘Trail Tails’ in a future magazine.

I’m looking for your midge related anecdotes – preferably somewhat bike related. Preferably a little more than ‘I hate them’. Serial punctures, middle of the night bivvy wee woes, emergency hotels and allergic reactions are more the sort of thing I’m after!

Email me: hannah@singletrackworld.com

A few years ago I did a bikepacking tour looping out from Inverness, over the Corrieyairack Pass and back via Gaick.

I camped up high, just over the Gaick pass so that I stayed in the breeze and avoided the midges. It was a lovely evening in a deserted spot so I got naked to have a wash in the burn. All was going well when 3 things happened in quick succession. The wind fell, the midges came out and two other cyclists came round the corner. They were treated to the sight of me jumping around in the burn, slapping various bits of my anatomy then diving into the tent. The midges were horrendous for the rest of the evening. I was pinned in the tent and forced to have a cold dinner as the stove was in a drybag outside. The next morning I looked a lot like Joseph Merrick.

I like to think there are two people out there who tell the other side of this tale, about the time they came across a naked lunatic performing some sort of tribal dance in the middle of nowhere.

The funniest midge issue I had was on a coast to coast ride many years ago. We got to the bottom of the Corrieyairack Pass, and started rolling down the road. At one of the corners some woodland came down to the road edge. My mate next to me rode through what can only be described as a solid wall of midges. I swear I could hear the noise of them hitting him. They were all over his skin, in his eyes, on his teeth, covered his cycle top.
Meanwhile the other two of us had not a midge on us, a metre away over the other side of the road….

Years ago we stayed at the Altbeithe hostel so we could do Bealach and Sgairne. We arrived at the car park at dusk. We were in my mates Polo so unpacking and bike building was required before we could ride to the hostel. It was case of jumping out, grabbing a couple of things out of the boot then jumping back into the car for a brief respite. In between bike assemblage and the hunt for midge nets there was lots of flapping and slapping. Eventually we set off and got to a deer gate, there was a car behind us with it’s headlights on. It appeared to be driving through a dust storm, except this was Scotland and it was a cloud of midges. The next night after our ride the hostel was overbooked, my mate drew the short straw and had to bivvy, I don’t know how he survived it was bad enough having to go round the corner to the outside loo.

As someone who is like sacrificial protection for those around me, I can confirm that Smidge works 👍🏻

Not here! Email me!  So I can curate them in the mag with illustrations from Amanda!

My English mrs didn’t know what midges were like (and wouldn’t believe me) till we motorhomed Scotland, I’d got everything, big over bike helmet nets, wide brim hats with built in nets, smidge, Avon, long trousers, long shirts, long socks, gloves, the works, anyway cheeky parking in a lovely wee coastal pull in on the coast of Jura with a cracking view on a lovely still night, in the long grass near a stream (*oh yes), as usual I needed backed in (long grass, some rocks, low water tank etc) and traditionally she would get out and help/check so we could reverse in out the way, I explained there were midges and offered her the lot but no it can’t be that bad and it would mess up her hair. She lasted 5 seconds then turned into an arm threshing, squealing grumpette who ran back to the van, got inside and started slapping herself senseless and demanding a shower (*and this is the woman who calmly let me pull 9 ticks off her after hiking on Arran), from that point in time I had to kit up and do my own checks for this stop and every other stop with midges.

Indeed Smidge does work.

And if anyone dishes out the Avon Skin So Soft working shite I’ll happily invite them to sit on a windless night in the midge season and test SSS efficacy…

SSS It works if you slap it on thick enough to drown them.

*Mind you so does a Blacks of Greenock tent with two paraffin primuses with pans of boiling water just in front of the open front door and I no longer use that either.

I once went full bear Grylls on Arran.

Having decided to bivvy and realising I forgot the smidge and a net I looked around me and Lola, the magic plant.

Grabbed fists fulls of bog myrtle and literally scrubbed my face with them I was covered in scratches but that sweet sweet scent kept me sane until I fell asleep.

Bike packing trip saved.

I’ve been day-dreaming about Scottish gravel trips but these sort of stories have dampened my enthusiasm. Unfortunately, midges seem to love my blood and my body must be oozing histamine, and I always react badly to midge or mosquito bites and never get a decent sleep once bitten 😩

Little bastards!

I managed to tear a hole in the netting in my lightweight tent. It took many midgie bites to find it. The mini sewing kit I got out a Christmas cracker was perfect for a temporary repair (come to think of it, it’s not been permanently repaired yet 😬).

Secret to dealing with midgies is to have a partner who is more delicious than you.

During the Ride To The Sun annual free mass sportive from Carlisle to Cramond (Edinburgh), it’s advisable to eat your sausage supper next to the pub smokers. Yeah the smoke is disgusting but at least you get less midgie bites.

Three of us were on a cycling trip at the most north western corner of Scotland’s mainland. The midgies were actually fine the two nights we camped, and the night we stayed in Strathchailleach bothy.

It was the last night when we stayed in a B&B that was memorable for midges. My pal thought he’d let the room air after we’d showered so opened the windows. After our pub tea and many pints, we returned to the shared room to find the walls crawling with midgies. We were too pissed to care so went to bed. In the morning we were covered in the telltale little red dots and there was little red bloody splats on the bed sheets and pillows, as well as all over the walls and pitched ceiling, where my pal had gone on a twilight midge murder spree. 🫣

It was also memorable because of the oddly intense English couple who ran the B&B, he had a rather large Dalwinnie collection in glazed cabinets despite not liking whisky, and his wife with her fake boobs on show like a Kenny Everit character (breakfast was very good though). I half expected a bill or a nippy email about the midgie mastacre we had left but got nothing.

I’ve emailed you Hannah

just get yourself to the west coast and  learn 1st hand.

Secret to dealing with midgies is to have a partner who is more delicious than you.

I’ve no chance then.

I live on the Isle of Mull, next to trees and standing water and by all accounts it should be midge hell – apart from walking on the lawn with bare legs on very still morning or evenings where may get a few bites, that’s it. We sell midge repellant by the gallon in the hardware shop.

Clegs (horseflies) however are a wholly, different ballgame – they’re bite you through clothing and like nothing better than a Lycra-clad arse on a sunny evening. This whopper is about 30mm long and thankfully prefers livestock to people.

My mum and dad went on holiday to Scotland in the early 70s, hiring a cottage near Gairloch. My mum’s main memory of the holiday is hoovering the midges off the walls of the cottage. They didn’t go back to Scotland for forty five years.

Arriving at the camp site at Fort William priorb to the DH weekend  eating outside once the tent is up, wondering why no one’s about ,it was a lovely evening after the long drive.

No real sign of any midges.

Waking up the next day covered in bites esp my wife.

Then laughing at the new arrivals doing the same thing on other nights!

As we cooked in the tent.

Secret to dealing with midgies is to have a partner who is more delicious than you.

My father was a dedicated smoker – chopped the last 15 years of his life off. His smoking was something I really disliked and discouraged….apart from when the midge were out!

Not enough for a story…but I have a pet theory….I reckon your body’s immune response gets used to them a bit. I think I get bitten just as much later in the season but don’t get the itchy bumps quite so badly.

A midge net now lives in my jersey pocket for summer trailside repairs – if nothing else to improve the colour of the air and the quality of the repair. Nothing however quite beats getting out of the water from a river swim and trying to get dressed on a slightly damp bank on a still evening at the height of midge season for total midge domination.

Clegs (horseflies) however are a wholly, different ballgame – they’re bite you through clothing and like nothing better than a Lycra-clad arse on a sunny evening

They’re fast too, where you can easily out pace midges on the bike, a Cleg will give it a good go to try to keep up. They’ll also wait for you while you go a swim.

I felt a sharp pain in the back of hand, whilst I was waiting for my pals in the French alps one time, I looked down and saw a horsefly happily sawing it’s way through the back of my gloves, was over an inch long, it didn’t even come off when I tried to shake it off!

Horrid things, I’d never heard of them until a few years ago.

Talking of Mull, my pal and I was on a mini cycle tour around Mull a couple of years ago, we intended to camp on the beach at Carsaig, we changed our mind when we were set upon by what looked like flying ticks, later told were deer flies, but I think they were these.

I had a particularly challenging traverse along the shores of loch etive fending off deer keds. They launch themselves off the undergrowth, jettison the wings on landing and are really hard to kill. About every 5 metres.  They got renamed **** bugs.

in the Loire valley last summer, my son and I had some horse flies keeping up for a km or so at about 30kph sat in our slipstream, fortunately we passed a slower sacrificial group and got away

Went to the Carbeth inn(In Blanefield,north of Glasgow, long since closed down) with a mate many moons ago, mid summer and the little  biting barstards attacked us the second we got out the car, and had to run to the bar double quick.

Unfortunately in the bar every seat was taken and neither like standing so we took our beers and went outside to sit in the beer garden. Midges were horrific, but we took it as there was method in this madness.

Before too long a couple, seeing us out there decided to come out, probably thinking the midges werent bad as we seemed ok.. Second they sat down we grabbed out beers and headed straight into the bar and took the two now unoccupied seats.

They came back in after a few mins, nothing was said but looks were exchanged 😆 👿

stwhannahFull Member
Not here!

…

Email me: hannah@singletrackworld.com

Later…

Not here! Email me!  So I can curate them in the mag with illustrations from Amanda!

Later…

*bangs head against the wall in despair and gives up on the whole idea*

Some of us can read

I was confused by the revelation that there’s a magazine.

really hard to kill.

Pinch between thumb and index finger then roll them. This rips off their wings and damages their legs, so when you let go of them they just fall to the ground and can’t get straight back on you like they otherwise would.

I’ve tried many methods and this is the most refined and effective one so far.

Any more to email to me before I polish off this feature? hannah@singletrackworld.com

Year: 2001

Event: Summer Polaris

Location: Kielder Forest

Reason for Event being there: Foot and Mouth outbreak meant it was one of the few areas were cycling events were allowed.

Midge Rating: Off the scale. Literally every surface of the tent was black with them – millimeters of them. Everything had to be brushed off before touching it. Only safe place was on the bike moving. Have a break to recover a bit, no chance!

Mental scaring: You had to be there man, you had to be there! 😬

What are the conditions that create a midge fest?

We have had constant rain for months now on the Welsh boarders so does that mean that the little buggers will migrate from Scotland, or is it something very specific about the Scottish West Coast?

This isn’t really worthy of inclusion in the magazine so I’ll just post it here:
I was working on a guided cycle tour thing – we stopped at one of the feed stations based at Altnaharra. Everyone got off the bikes and started milling around, the usual faffing, queuing for food. Within seconds everyone was leaping around, slapping exposed skin and the mystery of why all the staff were wearing full length arms and legs, hats and heavy midge nets was revealed.

Most people grabbed whatever food they could, got back on their bikes and rode around to the loch where it was windy enough not to be midgey. In a couple of sheltered spots, the air was absolutely black with them.

I was playing Scrabble with Midge Ure, only had 4 tiles left, but they meant nothing to me …..O.V.N.R

This also isn’t really worthy of inclusion in the magazine so I’ll just post it here:

At the first Keilder 100 event before the start we were all kettled into a small area in front of the castle before we set off. From memory the start was delayed a while and the midges must have thought it was Christmas! It was horrendous and we were just trapped there. Honestly, by the time we set off the majority of people were just skellingtons… I still have nightmares.