Struggling to balance parental love & responsibilities with giving teenage offspring space to grow and develop…

Also struggling with the legal definitions of those aged 16-18 and what the law offers regarding levels of responsibility.

Basically, Offspring 1 is a sensible, ambitious, mature 16 YO. Good GCSEs, doing well with A levels, so far.

However, girlfriend relationship appears more serious than might have predicted. My view is that as parents, we can advise and influence, but at the end of the day, they have to choose whether to stay together or split up (latter seems unlikely right at the mo).

Mrs rkk01 doesn’t share my view and instinctively reaches for the levers of control. I just can’t see that working out well – short term or long term 🙁

Would greatly value folks’ thoughts and experiences of how best to handle…!

Is the girlfriend also 16? That could have a major bearing on any replies.

Lock doors don’t work, but open ones do.

ie You can’t make them do something they don’t want to, but you can suggest things to them.

Basically, Offspring 1 is a sensible, ambitious, mature 16 YO. Good GCSEs, doing well with A levels, so far.

However, girlfriend relationship appears more serious than might have predicted.

And what, exactly, is the problem?

This sounds exactly like me when I was 16.

We’ve been married for 19 years now.

Edit: Here’s what your description sounds like to me….sensible, mature, serious grownup has sensible, mature serious relationship with other grownup.

Control a teenager? Some people have short memories. If you start laying down the law they’ll do the opposite just because they can.

Not really seeing the issue TBH, he’s wearing his wellies yes?

https://www.google.com.au/amp/m.wikihow.com/Castrate-Bulls-and-Bull-Calves%3Famp%3D1?client=ms-android-google

Stop him in his tracks

Personally, I think there needs to be some absolute ground rules that must never be broken. Might be an idea to discuss these with your son and agree what these are. e.g. getting someone pregnant.

After that then I think it needs to be give and take, but he must remember that there are rules in the family home, e.g no swearing, cleaning up after yourself.

I don’t think you need to have tons of rules but just a few that everyone is clear about and maybe that he has had some input into.

I think you also have to remember what you were like when you were 16.

yeah there’s something unsaid in the initial post… What’s the actual problem? Mrs RKK thinks the GF is unsuitable? Or is concerned that they’re too young to be doing certain things?

Personally, I think there needs to be some absolute ground rules that must never be broken. Might be an idea to discuss these with your son and agree what these are. e.g. getting someone pregnant.

And if that gets broken? It’s probably not intentional. Capital punishment?

See my link above njee20

doris5000 – nail on head, both points 🙁

Agree with other posts. GF same age, seems like a similarly minded bright, responsible nearly grown up to me.

Key issue is whether to think of 16-18 as “children” or as growing adults

I think you also have to remember what you were like when you were 16.

Old enough to legally marry without my parents consent?

Mrs RKK thinks the GF is unsuitable? Or is concerned that they’re too young to be doing certain things?

nail on head, both points

So, in summary, your mrs doesn’t like his girlfriend and would prefer they didn’t have sex and she’s asked you to do something about it?

Good luck with that. 😯

Assuming we are in the realm of usual teenager boy/girl stuff, you probably need to accept that they will do it whether you support it or not. So you can choose whether to set ground rules and have sensible discussions or adopt a “not under my roof” approach and risk things happening without your guidance.

Teenagers are likely to have sex. Best to provide wisdom and guidance (it may involve confessing to having intercourse with their mother at least once, such news will not go down well).

Of course, my views are likely to change when my girls are teenagers. At which point I will be patrolling the house with various weapons and other instruments of castration.

I would have a massive ‘get someone pregnant and your life is over’ discussion (a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s my style of parenting) and supply large amounts of condoms. If they want to bonk, they will… End of story.

It is tricky, ESP as his mum isn’t keen on the GF, but if he’s working hard and basically a nice kid then I’d count your blessings and move on. There’s loads of parents out there who would kill for a kid who worked hard at school.

Good luck.

I would have a massive ‘get someone pregnant and your life is over’ discussion (a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s my style of parenting) and supply large amounts of condoms. If they want to bonk, they will… End of story.[/I]

My youngest sons’ best mate and his girlfriend have just announced she’s expecting – twins! I reckon he’s doubled up on the condom 🙂

All are 18 y/o.

Good luck with that.

Two words come to mind:

Shit…

And

Sandwich

Have a long chat about you and his mother have sex – that should put a mental image in his head that will cause even a hormonally challenged teenager to flop at a crucial moment

If they are sensible, and it’s not a one night stand, better to let them do it safely, however reluctantly on your part, rather than taking chances with hurried fumbles at a party.

Having ‘The Talk’ will usually be enough. The reaction I had was ‘let us never speak of this again’ by Sandwich Jr just before his holiday in Shagaluf. It worked as he didn’t catch anything nasty nor did a pregnant young lady turn up at the door a couple of months later.

If your lad is as sensible that’s all you need do. Guidance, not control is the way to go.

After that then I think it needs to be give and take, but he must remember that there are rules in the family home, e.g …cleaning up after yourself.

I’m sure the op can provide a suitable beaker.

its only sex. They are of legal age and so long as they are using protection whats the big deal. They only line I’ll draw for my kids when they are “active” is that I don’t hear it.

Agree with most / all of the above…

However, no responses on the legal status of 16-17 YOs. A quick Google and read of the NSPCC’s page on the subject

What a mess

in many environments, including Child Protection, 16- 17yr olds are considered ‘children’. So for example, in sports coaching, they fall under child protection policy until 18…

However, no responses on the legal status of 16-17 YOs.

As long as they’re not pissed or in a car then they’re fine.

At 16 you can buy ( or rent) your own house, get married (with parental consent in England and Wales, without in Scotland) and have as many children as you like.

16 is the age that it is legal to get married with parental consent. It is also the age that many people start to have sex in “serious” relationships. How serious the relationship is something that only those involved it are aware of but their views may change over time.
There is no correct answer, it is up to you as parents to decide what is acceptable
in your home. Make sure junior is well informed but don’t automatically expect him to agree with your parental views.

And what, exactly, is the problem?

This sounds exactly like me when I was 16.

Maybe the OP

A) Already knew this and

B) Has read your posts and

C) Would like his son to remain a well balanced individual

Just a thought 🙂

Maybe the OP

A) Already knew this and

B) Has read your posts and

C) Would like his son to remain a well balanced individual

Just a thought

Oooft! Take thy beak from out my heart… 😀

For the record, I am a well balanced individual.

My gut sticks out the front and my arse sticks out the back, acting as a counterweight.

UK is a signatory to the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child UNCRC – which states child up to 18…

But various UK National law enacts specific lower age thresholds, some of which seem to make more logical sense than others – sex, marriage, working, taxes, armed forces etc. From what I remember, UK was out of step with UN over child soldiers, as we have U18s in the military (this might have been fixed now)

Post 16 we haven’t needed to sign consent forms etc for activities / applications. Just seems this is a really difficult age group to know where you stand

Post 16 we haven’t needed to sign consent forms etc for activities / applications

may depend on regions of UK. In Scotland you would for BC approved bike coaching, for example.

….but no consent form required for nobbin’ yer burd.

Edit: …unless you’re her teacher.

When he turned 16 I gave rocket jr a list of the perks. Seem to recall drink wine/beer with a meal if accompanied by adult was #1 closely followed by refusing medical attention and piloting a glider

He kept the list and gave it to his sister a few years later

As said, you can work with or against. Realistically these are your only options.

Ask your wife this, would she rather her son and his girlfriend were practicing safe sex in a ‘safe’ space or out **** knows where having a quick knee trembler in a dark corner? I know where I’d prefer my daughter to be.

perchy – keep yer school stories out of it … 🙂

perchy – keep yer school stories out of it …

Yes, headmaster 😉

^^^ really, you managed to cop it off with the headmaster .. ? Chapeau Sir 🙂

Chapeau Sir

It was more of a helmet.

🙂

Over-reacting may only push the two of them more together. The odds otherwise are that they will move on in time to other people.

As above, make sure he understands contraception, consent and consequences, but also that sex can be fun, and you don’t need to do it only with people you are going to marry,and people who your parents like. Better shagging in your house.

RKK – is the problem really how to handle your wife?

IMO, they are growing adults and need support not rules. Rules can push them away. Give your son information and support.*

I hope I feel this way when my two get to that age!!

*Obviously if he steps out of line, it’s bombers time…

More importantly is rk01 a neighbour of Wrightyson? OMG