I wasn’t going to talk about this but I was inspired by this post:

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/so-ive-just-found-out-i-too-have-cancer/page/8#post-8566692

That’s all for now folks and remember to give those you love a kiss tonight.

I have a friend over in the US, we’ve known each other for about 20 years. I’ve been to visit over there, she’s been to visit here (though in both cases we were visiting “friends” plural rather than each other specifically). We’ve kept in touch over the years in fits and starts, as is the wont with many long-distance friendships.

I got married just over two years ago, and she told me that we probably shouldn’t talk to each other now that I’m married. In isolation this is a strange twist of logic I know, but it wasn’t entirely out of character. She was kinda quirky like that. Her saying something like that and disappearing for 12 months, then coming back as if she’d never been away wasn’t unusual.

I heard through a friend earlier this week (her ex) that she’s passed away at the weekend. Apparently she’d finally lost a two year battle with cancer. I had no idea she was ill, even. I don’t know more details than that and it felt inappropriate to ask.

It transpired that she’d broken ties with the aforementioned ex a couple of years previously also. In hindsight I wonder whether she knew it was only going to end one way for her and wanted to protect us. That too wouldn’t have been out of character, though if true then it’s shit that we were denied the opportunity to provide support or company. Unless, I suppose, she didn’t want the fuss.

Anyway. The point of this post isn’t to solicit sympathy (seriously, I would really rather not have multiple pages of “sorry for your loss,” you’re my STW family, I know you are), but rather I want to impart a simple request:

If you’ve got friends or family you’ve not spoken to for months, give them a shout. Pick up the phone, send an email, IM them on Facebook, say hi, do something.

Because you never know when one day you might not be able to any more.

**** cancer. Kerry was 38.

If you’ve got friends or family you’ve not spoken to for months, give them a shout. Pick up the phone, send an email, IM them on Facebook, say hi, do something.

Will do and a moving post.

Couldn’t agree more, it’s so easy with today’s technology to blip off a quick “how are you, it’s been a while”

Life is so very short.

As a survivor, so far, great post Cougar, hats off to you for saying it,

Colleague at work died last night. Nice guy, dad of 2 young girls. He was 40.

I’d had a row with the missus last night and hadn’t spoke before bed. Came home this evening said sorry and made a fuss of my boys.

sorry for your loss. however i haven’t spoken to my father in probably 7 years, and have no inclination to. i understand where you’re coming from, but the nature of our relationship precludes it, and believe me, i’ve tried.

Will do and a moving post.

I wasn’t expecting it and it wasn’t the intention, but that was cathartic. At the time I found out I thought, “oh… that’s weird.” It was only writing in writing this just now that I found the tears. (Goddamn Aspie processing I suppose.)

I’ve been pissed off with my dad for a while. I have good reason. Ig havent spoken to him since just before xmas. He also hasn’t bothered to pick up the phone and call me or his grandkids. Hes in South Africa. We’re in UK. Your post has made me question whether I should call him. I dont know. Moving though. Sounds like your late friend was a totally selfless person. This world is not a fair place. Hope you’re okay.

It transpired that she’d broken ties with the aforementioned ex a couple of years previously also. In hindsight I wonder whether she knew it was only going to end one way for her and wanted to protect us.

I dont think that’s unusual.

As for the main point of your message, it’s a good reminder. I’m coming straight off here and emailing an old friend that I’ve not heard from for the best part of a year.

Cougar- good man.

well said, cougar…

mum is currently sat in Bart’s undergoing her third (and as yet her most intensive) bout of chemo.

diagnosed at the start of April. i flew over the next day. been a bit of a rollercoaster ride with some incredibly scary times (seeing mum lying there with more tube lines than the London Underground will haunt me for along time), but also many fun and uplifting moments.

the people at Bart’s are amazing and it pisses me off no-end when i hear people slagging off the NHS.

i strongly believe she is going to come out the other side. fortunately she has many siblings (her folks weren’t catholic, just randy) and one of them is a match for stem cells. that is planned to happen at the beginning of August. that may mean she is in for 5-6 weeks which she is unhappy asbout, but it isn’t as though she has much choice in the matter.

i was always a bit of a misanthrope. however, i’ve never given so many hugs to strangers who looked sad or were being discharged; cried so often whilst sitting on the bank of the Thames watching people go by; never been moved so much and enjoyed life for whatr it is.

it has totally changed my perspective on things.

a friend – who tends mostly to send me bizarre japanese porn or jokes about Prussians or Austrians- sent me this the other day…

“Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

She might not have done it to protect you two – she might have done it to everyone who she thought would fawn and angst over her – because people who do have a habit of reminding dying people day in and day out that they are about to die.

I’ll be off doing blow and hookers on a thai beach if I ever get it early.

You may well be right.

I’ll never know now. Which was kind of the point.

Well said, my mate is ill with a bad one, bad in that chances of successful treatment are low and if successfully treated, its one that has a high propensity to come back. So bugger and bugger.

Shes pretty much withdrawn from all but her close friends and family.

Its certainly put my stresses into perspective.

I’ll never know now. Which was kind of the point.

Quite. However, there will, with luck and effort, come a time when your memory of her and your friendship won’t be so coloured by this unanswered question.

You know, time being a healer and all that.

Good post Cougar. I’m terrible for keeping in touch with family, but with what’s happenned to Mrs EGF this year, has changed my outlook.

owever, there will, with luck and effort, come a time when your memory of her and your friendship won’t be so coloured by this unanswered question.

Oh don’t get me wrong, it’s not coloured now. Rather, well, that was just curiosity. There are many things I’ll never know and never now be able to ask, it doesn’t tarnish the relationship, it’s just kinda sad.