We managed to avoid it despite losing a baby at 37 weeks – just talked talked and talked and made sure we both always spoke about our feelings and never bottled anything up.

Recently a mate with extreme bi-polar committed suicide as did my uncle when I was about 5 (more “standard” depression) so always been pretty aware and alert for the signs.

Suffered with it for a few years after death of my daughter (long battle vs cancer). Didn’t find any relief from psychs / counsellors. Then I read a book – ‘The Power Of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle – and things just fell into place. Don’t think there is a generic way through it – very much horses for courses. Have been fine for years now. 😉

Thing is FC, your kids certainly won’t think of you like that – they’re kids, they believe what they know to be true unlike adults.

I’ve recently stopped doing one of my hobbies ‘cos i’ve managed to convince myself that the people involved in the group (re-enactment) don’t want me there. The relationship break-up was central to that particular hobby & although the woman in question no longer attends the events i still feel the group would much rather she was there than me.
It’s ridiculous really, she spent most of the day in the tent sleeping whilst i was constantly working with the public, leading displays, keeping things running etc yet i still feel that way.

I’m a f**kin mess at the moment but I’m having more good than bad days recently so hopefully I’m starting to see a way out.

A few weeks ago it was so bleak that I just shut down completely for a few days and couldn’t even communicate, just a bleak void of nothing, I’d completely gone away.

I’ll be honest it scared the sh*t out of me and for the first time I’ve thought about seeking professional help and getting signed off work, but that is career suicide so I’d rather try and cope(or not as the case maybe) with it myself.

that’s my perspective and I don’t do bearing my soul in public, so all I can say is be honest with yourself and if you can’t cope seek help (something I can’t bring myself to do)

And ride your bike. Fast.

with respect, IMO riding your bike is fun anytime, regardless of mood, but it’s only a distraction, not any kind of a fix!

I’ll be honest it scared the sh*t out of me and for the first time I’ve thought about seeking professional help and getting signed off work, but that is career suicide so I’d rather try and cope(or not as the case maybe) with it myself.

I don’t know what line of work you are in, but surely things aren’t that bad with regards to work? UK plc is a lot more forgiving towards mental illness today than it used to be.

with respect, IMO riding your bike is fun anytime, regardless of mood, but it’s only a distraction, not any kind of a fix!

yes I know it won’t fix anything, and its always fun. But there’s nothing like giving some singletrack everything you’ve got to take you’re mind of everything that’s bad and relieving stress.

And did a much better job (and was much better for me!) than the other “solution” I had going at the time…

Me, life is pretty much at it’s lowest point for me right now. Combination of depression, IBS and anxiety has pretty much ruined my life, all my dreams and hopes have had to be forgotten about until i get better. Pretty much all day everyday is spent on the verge of a panic attack, apart from work (which is such a struggle) and the odd bike ride i’ve pretty much become a recluse. Not good.
I’m on ad’s and recently started CBT. I must get on top of this before i get any worse.
I don’t want to go into too much detail but it’s f**ked up my life pretty bad, I’m a total shell of my former self..I still have some hope though

I get so angry at the “just go ride your bike” responses.
If you can’t even get out of the bed in the morning, let alone out of the house, how the hell are you supposed to “give some singletrack everything you’ve got”?

+1 FC

what if you want to ride your bike into a bus? if you think riding a bike is always fun you probably still need help

Agreed FC!

Blimey Houns 🙁

I hope things improve soon for you.

if you think riding a bike is always fun you probably still need help

now don’t be silly, I don’t mean unconditionally. In 14 years of regular riding I’ve had 6 rides when I wished I’d never gone, and most have short spells of unpleasantness – and I only mean off road. Road riding is practically a definition of misery for me!

But there are displacement activities, and there are therapies, and they are different.

FC YGM if that old email still works…

Cheers Ho hum (which is strangely one phrase i keep saying after a long sigh)

I just need to sort Anxiety/IBS out, once i do so i can start controlling my life (instead of it controlling me) and get it back on track

FoxyChick – Member
I get so angry at the “just go ride your bike” responses.
If you can’t even get out of the bed in the morning, let alone out of the house, how the hell are you supposed to “give some singletrack everything you’ve got”?

didn’t mean to offend anyone, I’m not trying to say its a miracle cure or anything remotely close. Just that when I was close to doing some stupid things, riding my bike was an escape – I could get away from everything and everyone and nothing mattered except me and the bike.

nothing mattered except me and the bike.

How about when nothing matters?

How about when nothing matters?

Then that’s different, the OP was asking for peoples experiences and I was just sharing mine.

There were times I couldn’t bring myself to ride, and I still have the scars from what I did instead.

How about when nothing matters?

that is the ultimate liberation – if nothing matters you can do anything you like, or nothing at all!

Right…I’ve reached my pain-threshold on this…outta here.

Well, that was quite amazing to read.

I’ve never suffered from depression, I have a unique mind and it seems to be very balanced.

That said I have had a hard time of it the last 6 years, been in constant agonizing pain since september 2004, bench pressing 200 lbs I managed to rip a couple of ribs of my spine and damage a couple of vertibrae.

At the time I was very fit, 5 years of training and studying, tai boxing, mountain biking, yoga, running, as well as going to college and hopefully onto uni.

After I injured my back, I lost my balance as well as coordination and my memory my speach was also effected as well. Truth be told I lost my whole life, and every day for 6 years was harder than I can describe. Sometimes the hardest thing you can have is hope. But without it we are truly lost

Spent all of 2006 drunk, by this point I never thought I would get my life back, it was the only way I could deal with the pain and go biking. So I figured f@ck it!

Then in 2007 I started walking, dancing and doing stretching exercises, I clawed my health back, I could go biking again every now and then. After a year in 2008 I crashed my first car in january and injured my back, then did too much biking and sprained a muscle in my leg, bent over to pick something up at an odd angle and pop injured it more, in march and two months later I slipped a disc putting an exhaust on my car, didn’t have the money to have it fitted.

Couldn’t walk for 10 months spent the whole time hobbling about my crappy one bedroom flat or lying flat on my back looking at the ceiling. You could say I’ve been through quite a lot.

The pressure that has been put on my mind has been extreme, that said I’m not giving up for f@ck all, a lot of people seem to be in a bad place. I have been in a very bad place for as long as I can remember, between pain and exhaustion, my life has been a complete sh1temare.

However, I’ve been getting private health care for 1 year and although I find it hard to believe at times, I’m getting my life back, if irritatingly slowly.

We live in a society and culture that focuses on what we are not, criticism is the norm, most of us do it without even thinking. The down side is that you will also do it to yourselves when there is no one else to be a target for it.

People should be judged on how they treat other people, their attitude towards the world about them and what they can do.

The problem that all of you face, is that you have years of mental conditioning to undo, that is simply unhealthy and flawed.

You also have to go out into a world where everyone is stressed out and on edge, ever walk into a room when everyone is tense, You will automatically become tense. What about a good comedian, who can get everyone laughing. We are far more effected by those around about us than we realize.

After what I’ve been through I wouldn’t see anyone suffer, I know more about keeping a possitive state of mind than anyone I know. We live in a society and culture where we are told who we are, maybe it’s time we discovered who we are through what we can do and are good at?

If you start to think, I’m this or I’m that in a negative way, try finishing the thought with, so f@cking what!

You need to learn to let it all go, you’re holding on far too tightly. None of us can control our lives, if we try we will fail. None of us can choose what we face in life, but we can choose how we face it, more importantly we can influence how it effects us.

Not sure if any of that made sense, if any of you want to talk or would like to know how I deal with all the crap I do, feel free to email me!

Daft and probably a feeble suggestion but here goes.

It appears many of us here share more just than the love of riding bikes.

For many different reasons we’ve all struggled to deal with various aspects of our lives.
We’ve all dealt/dealing/trying to deal with it in different ways and are still doing so, it will never leave us, it will lay in wait and appear suddenly, even if we’ve learnt to read the signs, from knowing the triggers.

I feel that by sharing my experiences of depression with others who suffer it in it’s many forms, would help me to find a way to cope with it better.

It’s easiest to open up about things when in a relaxed environment, amongst people you feel you have things in common with other than, just depression.

That is why i think that if there could be a way we could all meet up, ride, chat, ride, share, ride, laugh, even cry, ride, etc, then we should make it happen. Whether it’s a weekend thing or just a day.

Silly idea or what?

Obviously location will always be a factor to overcome, but anything IS possible.

People should be judged on how they treat other people, their attitude towards the world about them and what they can do.

I’ll agree with that, except the last. Some of us are incompetent and have limited ability, but that shouldn’t devalue us as people. That’s the fault with meritocracy – we don’t all have the same innate talents 🙁

Silly idea or what?

No crackiing idea

can i add something totally un-constructive?

Talk to me about your experiences with depression.

it was depressing….

never suffered, mind. my cousin did, but she’s back on feet now. think it was a case of travelling around the world for two years and realising she had to get a job.

on of my aunts suffered and never got out of it and now never will.

sorry state of affairs.

Depending on the complexity of events that caused the depression it may never go away in it’s entirety, you just learn to control it by recognising the triggers to keep floating just above it…

No real perfect solution but talking to friends/family/strangers does help.

Shirley judging people (inevitably yourself) is part of the problem for most of us?

I would suggest talking about the symptoms is largely pointless and furthermore boring and depressing for everyone involved. Talk instead about strategies for coping and getting better. Also, the talking can establish a pattern of dependency which is destructive and/or counterproductive.

I dont think that there was ever a suggestion that folk get together to solely discuss symptoms. There is more to talk about than symptoms though.

Would the David Burns books be suitable for someone with anger issues?

Maybe Simon, but I think you misunderstand what I’m saying. Everyone is good at something. Cards, golf, drawing, driving, writing, some people are funny others good at solving problems. We need to understand ourselves more and be aware of our strengths as well as weerknesses.

We cultivate our own minds and we are what we repeatedly do, why leave it to chance when you can condition your mind?

Most people wont try new things because they fear being critisized, ridiculed or standing out. I’m simply saying that by excepting that you will be critized if you try or not, you should say who cares about being critized and try stuff anyway.

Either your life is a journey of self discovery or you’re running the ratrace and living a lie. Keeping a possitive state of mind isn’t something you do when you need to, it’s something you always cultivate. It’s a mental war, against stress, lonelyness, boredom and depression anything that makes you doubt who you are or that you have value, it never ceases or ends.

All we have are the moments, look back at your lives if you think they are a long time, our lives are fleeting but all the more precious for it.

Quite right never focus on the problem, always on the solution!

cynic-al – Member
Shirley judging people (inevitably yourself) is part of the problem for most of us?

Yes but not just judging, judging yourself harshly. I could go on about what I’m not and can’t do, all day and night. But I prefer to focus on what I am and can do.

I have to be aware of what I’m not and can’t do, otherwise I could get blind sided by a weekness and end up out of my depth. I think it comes down to understanding yourself.

The bottom line is, it’s hard to except a lot of stuff, but once you do, it doesn’t effect you as much as it once did.

Constructive reasoning can’t really help tho, can it? Surely a symptom of depression is immunity to reason?

Some really good contributions, particularly from Kaesae. Shows just how complex and individual a thing depression/mental illness is.

I’ve suffered from depression/MI for most of my life. All sorts of circumstantial/environmental reasons, coupled with my particular personality. Problem with me is it manifests itself in quite extreme violence. Which isn’t exactly conducive to a quiet life…

i’ve done all the drugs and that, but the most effective treatment has been intensive 1-to-1 therapy, tailored to my particular needs. Very expensive, extremely (and sadly increasingly) difficult to get on the NHS, so I’m very lucky. A long-term ongoing process, but for some people, that’s how it goes.

I don’t believe in the use of drugs other than as a short-term fix, certainly not in the vast majority of cases. Much cheaper and simpler to prescribe than therapy though, which is why prescribing drugs to sufferers of Depression/MI is so common. Far more effective to get to what causes the illness, but Mental Health provision is a woefully inadequate, and set to suffer huge and devastating cuts. At a time when such issues are on the increase…

Would the David Burns books be suitable for someone with anger issues?

yes! He explains that anger mostly arises from other people not conforming to our own personal rules, but how everyone has a different ruleset. Once you accept that you realise they’re not getting at you and you can let it go. I used to have the vilest of tempers. Now I’m quite sweetly Zen!

Whilst David Burns is highly rated, his approach and that of CBT isn’t for everyone. The latest wonder therapy (with credible backers) is Mindfullness – try the Happiness Trap – a very interesting book and a very different approach to CBT.

As for myself, I have decided I’d rather be on ADs indefinitely as I’m a much nicer person on them than off them – the only negative side affects seem to be my torso is covered in small spots and my anaerobic system doesn’t work for toffees, but its a small price to pay for feeling ‘normal’.

Ben

For me what works is work. But I’m extremely fortunate to have an extremely supportive employer and a job I enjoy. However, it isn’t easy and at times thinking my job was slipping away as I descended into the mental health services just made things worse. There is little, if any, support to get you back into work.
I’ve had depression all my life (Bipolar), several complete breakdowns, I was sectioned in 2008 after being found by the Police, and Hospitalised last September. It’s really really tough, but I’ve had 1 year off work in the last 3 and I’m happily working now, something I’m very proud of, and that helps.
Everyday is a bit different, I never know quite how I’ll cope or how I’ll get along. Some days I’m angry that I should have this to contend with, but you have to remember that behind many faces lies equal turmoil.

As for myself, I have decided I’d rather be on ADs indefinitely as I’m a much nicer person on them than off them

well I would say you are as you want! I’m able to modify my own mood and attitude far more than a stupid drug, with no side effects.

I think after reading through the posts you can perhaps find some comfort in other peoples experiences/cures ,I think depression is a unique experience for every individual,come across it a lot during my working day but have also experienced it myself on and off over the last 3 1/2 years last 3 years on antidepressants which have helped also went to counselling which i had to self fund at £60 a session bit bad considering ive spent the last 18 years working for the NHS ,but it was that or wait for months taught me some basic cbt for the bad times, think at my worst times felt like i was on the verge of a panic attack during most my waking day made me scared ,anxiety and depression can be like two peas in a pod so entwined and interlinked ,think the male macho ideal we all aspire to doesnt help from the earliest days in the playground blokes are taught to show no signs of weakness or friends will exploit it ,now in my 40s things still the same with my mates ,read a good book by claire weekes self help for your nerves put things into perspective for me ,but thinking about you fella