Viewing 40 posts - 121 through 160 (of 180 total)
  • Suicide…………know anyone??
  • miaowing_kat
    Free Member

    Muddydwarf – that sounds like a sad situation – being alone and not having much to do; it's not much of a surprise you feel very low. You might not want any suggestions, but I always thought the idea of helping others was a good way to feel a bit better – child mentoring or something like that. I personally could never get the motivation to do exercise or go biking when I felt crap but doing something small (going to a counselling meeting) each week was enough for me

    When I feel lonely I think about this and try take heart from it:
    "If you don't hunt then you don't eat. Sorry, but its a fact of life. At 40plus I saw her waiting for a tram. A little voice in my head said "That's the rest of your life standing there." Except I was too scared to do anything. But not too scared to go back every day for six weeks and not see her again. We met by accident in a different town. Didn't hesitate that time. Invited her to coffee which became dinner which became the rest of our lives. Ten years on and I still resent those six weeks we lost. Don't be timid. If the answer is no then its forgotten soon enough. If its yes then its great."

    cinnamon_girl
    Full Member

    bananaworld – we met at the recent Swinley Forest ride and I'm truly sorry to read your post. My e-mail is in my profile and want to offer support, either by e-mail/phone/riding.

    I am not a health professional but last year someone very close to me was not wanting to continue with their life. I honestly did not know how to help him but there were some very kind words and e-mails from people on here, including mental health professionals.

    Please get in touch and let us know how you are now feeling.

    Elaine

    muddydwarf
    Free Member

    I'm about start a volunteer program next week, only one afternoon per week but hopefully will expand into more hours.
    I'm going to be working on the bikes at a local outdoor activity centre as a way of funding (i.e. they pay for it and i volunteer time) my CTC MTB Trail Leaders Award/National Standard Award/(possibly)Cy-tech qualifications.
    I'm looking forward to it but the little voice in my head tells me i'm crap at this stuff & gonna be found out damned sharpish. 🙁

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    tails
    Free Member

    Don't own a car mate – in fact my lethargy in not learning to drive has returned to hit me in the 'arris as i can't drive to a job that i could otherwise do – nowt in my line within 40 miles it seems.

    i can't drive either and just use bus train etc have to wake up earlier but its not so bad, think my new years resolution will be to pass my driving test. reckon i'll be a right crap driver, much prefer two wheels.

    zaskar
    Free Member

    I only know the living relatives of lost ones who told me what happened, my uncle and my Dad's best friend due to surgey gone worng leaving him in sever pain-nicest guy you would ever meet.

    I also met a guy on Brunel bridge who wanted to jump so I had to talk to him for an hr till the police arrived then when he came down I rode home.

    Life could be worse and it sucks. Alway ask if omeone is ok-it doesn't hurt.

    Life is short so make the best of it.

    tails
    Free Member

    I'm looking forward to it but the little voice in my head tells me i'm crap at this stuff & gonna be found out damned sharpish.

    Sod that lad, all my life I've been told I can't do stuff at 14 a wanted to build a bike my dad said you can't so i did. At 16 I was told by the head teacher to go find work as I'd struggle at A levels, I now have a BA hons.

    In short you can do anything you want, you just need to think your way through it. Good luck muddyman.

    erbii
    Free Member

    I'm going to be working on the bikes at a local outdoor activity centre as a way of funding (i.e. they pay for it and i volunteer time) my CTC MTB Trail Leaders Award/National Standard Award/(possibly)Cy-tech qualifications.

    I'd say u are pretty lucky mate.. This could lead on to bigger & better things 8)

    project
    Free Member

    Dont know if ive ever read such a thought provoking thread and so positive,like i said last night,just email any of us and chat,and that seems to be very true.

    For people who have lost freinds and relatives etc,thanks so much for shareing your experiences,it may just possibly stop someone takeing their life.

    RustySpanner
    Full Member

    Muddy.

    Live just down the road from you, am off work Monday and Tuesday.
    Send us an e-mail if you fancy going for a quick ride, even if it's just a spin round the lake or over to Piethorne.

    Also have info for you regarding work available (hours to suit you) in the Hebden Area – money's rubbish, but it's satisfying work and gets you out of the house.

    Hadge
    Free Member

    I'm trying to help, support and be there for my girl-friend who recently lost her sister when she took her life at the age of 38. Totally tragic, left 3 lovely kids and lots and lots of questions and why's. Not a nice situation at all and I sympathize with anyone else who has also had to deal with this.

    muddydwarf
    Free Member

    Rusty – YGM.

    cheers_drive
    Full Member

    This is a sad thread, I can't believe how many peple we all know.
    I knew people who have taken there lives:
    A freelancer work a few years ago: we sat next to each other for a few months and he was a lovely chap. One day he didn't come in and we were told at a department meeting. We all reflected on ehat we could of done and why we didn't see him coming. The funeral was an awful Roman Catholic affair in which they basically talked about the sin of taking your own life instead of celebrating his. That was the final straw for religion for me.
    Also school friends mum hung herself whilst we were at 6th form, he commited suicide several years latter. Their next door neighbour was also a friend and his sister also committed suicide but we wern't close at the time. The first scool friends old scout master also jumped off a cliff, there had been lots of rumours about his relationship with the boys and scout club.

    The impact of friends and family is awful but I guess if someones that low then they're not thinking straight enough to look beyond their pain.

    roper
    Free Member

    Just to add,
    The Samaritans are very good in this area. They are 100% confidential and will never judge who they talk to. They are there to listen. They will listen to everyone who has had experience with suicide, friends, family, people you might be concerned about and people who feel they don't want to go on any more.
    If they can't help or provide the right info they can put you in contact with people who might be able to help..
    Their UK tel No is 08457 90 90 90
    or website

    http://www.samaritans.org/

    FoxyChick
    Free Member

    A close friend's mother took her own life last year. She was 83 and had been ill and bed-bound for 5 years. My friend was proud of her mother for having chosen to end her life when she did, as opposed to spending another 3 or 4 years being cared for 24 hrs a day, in total agony. It was her last stamp of independence.
    She suffered from mental illness most of her adult life, but was also a Samaritan volunteer. Ironically, she talked many people out of doing exactly what she did herself.
    She was one of the world's truely empathatic people…she had the ability to care and understand. She will always remain one of the people in my life who touched and changed it for the better.

    miaowing_kat
    Free Member

    I would say that my experience of the Samaritans has unfortunately been pretty poor. I have personally found Breathing Space Scotland consistently better. Tel: 0800 83 85 87 in case anyone wants it

    muddydwarf
    Free Member

    Miaowing_kat has hit it for me, i'm really uninterested – unmotivated is probably more accurate – in getting out on the bike event though i've just revived/replaced the drivetrain & winterised my bike.

    Hate being like this, as someone said – you feel stupid/embarrassed talking about how you are feeling and don't want to bother anyone.

    mrsflash
    Free Member

    Muddy, I know exactly what you mean about being unmtivated. on my bad days, I have barely been able to get out of bed, to even contemplate going out on a bike was utterly ridiculous. When you cannot summon up whatever it is you need to put the kettle on or change the tv channel, of course you cannot go out on a bike!

    But honestely, you can sort this out. Go and see the doctor and get referred to the mental health team. I know you said you'd had a bad experience before with the pills & the side effects, but that combined with the mental health team will help, I promise.

    Feel free to email me, my email is in profile.

    Goign back a couple of pages,

    The bottom line is that he had no 'real' reason to do something so utterly selfish & stupid. – The problems he had were nothing in real terms.

    The problem is that when you are depressed you don't see this. In many ways, during my recent bout, I was happier than I have ever been – nothing was wrong at all, decent job earning good money, nice house, 2 cats, very happy marriage etc. But depression doesn't work like that unfortunately. I'm very sorry for your loss and that of his family though.

    dmiller
    Free Member

    Nearly did once with pills, cut myself up a bit as well as after getting knifed at school. Thought I could never be happy and hated myself – everyone made life look easy and I just didnt get it – just felt like I couldn't speak to anyone and was never interesting. Couldn't see the point really.

    A great friend helped me (then married me!) – I dont get nearly so down anymore. I still get times when I cant deal with people and I get very stressed with social situations sometimes. And only in the last few years I am happy to wear shorts given the scars on my legs.

    For those of you that are considering it please speak to someone. Anyone. If your in Glasgow and feel that way email me for a pint – I'll even buy it.

    Big hugs for those that need them. xxx

    FoxyChick
    Free Member

    This thread is making me sad, but also angry.
    As MrsFlash said, when you are so low, your reality is not based on "real" problems. If you can't get out of bed and get dressed without it taking huge amounts of will-power how the hell are you supposed to go ride your bike?
    All the people who are so intensely "angry" with friends who have taken their own lives…I would suggest that it may be re-directed anger at yourselves for not actually seeing their problems.
    I have been lower than low in my life, but the only thought that has kept me in this world is that of my kids having to cope without me. I cannot begin to imagine how desparate people must be who end their lives with kids involved. Better a nutty mum, than none at all. As for family and friends, I have tried through various means to show them how I've been feeling over the years.
    BUT, have they really got out of their comfort zone to actually do anything to show they care? Er, NO!
    So, when I've been really low, my last thought has been about the feelings of friends/family… infact I have even thought that me ending my life would be just punishment for them not really giving a shit!

    And as for the NHS support for depression…what a joke!
    I visited my GP about 4 years ago. It took every last ounce of strength to do it. Oh, and my mother actually accompanied me…reckon she'd got fed up with depressing phone calls…certainly wasn't anything to do with real concern for me.
    So, I had my 10 minutes and was prescribed anti-depressants. Decided not to take them as one of the side-effects was suicidal thoughts…err…I had them already!!
    Oh, and I asked for a referral to a NHS counselling.
    So 2 days later, a letter arrives, thanking me for my request for counselling. It asked me to write a letter requesting referral to counselling services just as proof I really meant it. Write a letter?…I could hardly write my own name! The letter went in the bin.

    So, all you who judge from your "I've never suffered from mental illness so have no f8cking idea pedestal"… think again.

    Right, I've well and truely bared my soul here and await the onslaught. Will probably delete this post with in my alloted 15 minute time frame. BUT it has been cathartic for me.

    OH, and muddydwarf, wish you lived down the road cos I'd be round in a shot to take your to the pub. Couldn't have a drink in your house cos I hate bloody cats!! 8)

    dmiller
    Free Member

    Foxychick's post

    +1.

    Indeed, if you have never felt that bad but seek to judge those that have – you cant.

    flippinheckler
    Free Member

    Good points there Foxychick, I am guilty of being angry at my friend who took his own life, also angry to think that he could not share his problems with me and some closer friends of his. As mutual friends We discused how we didnt noticed how low he had got and a lot of that anger is/was misdirected…if it was so easy to spot then I am sure more friends/family could help and perhaps prevent such a desperate action. I do think your being a bit harsh, however I know what you mean about NHS and help with depression, I am speaking from experience, one shrink even mis-dianosed me with having ADHD after he had been on a course in USA :roll:. There is no easy answer although when you are low someone taking notice and caring about you can be all it takes.

    miaowing_kat
    Free Member

    second the quality of NHS mental health services. most of the time they just couldn't be bothered (I'm not blaming them; there were more pressing, immediate issues than a depressed person). I had one nurse who was truly sympathetic to me in my whole experience of the system. I sought out private counselling after getting fed up of getting nowhere. Still took me long enough to find a good counsellor but was very much worth it.

    Family and friends subject is quite hard; obviously everyone has very different experiences. I know my family cared very much about me but because none of them had ever experienced what I was going through they obviously couldn't understand. I now have a friend who has experienced similar issues and it is wonderful to be able to talk to someone who can truly empathise with those very low moments. The idea of hurting my friends and family was something that was sometimes even alluring to me – I sometimes saw suicide as an opportunity to spite everyone and give them a good kick in the teeth. No wonder I thought of myself as evil!

    smiffkin
    Full Member

    Foxychick, you sound like a really great person and you won't be getting any onslaught from me. My ex tried it three times (after she was my ex and for the first time when our son was only 5. He's now 14 and has expressed concerns that he might get depressed too! I've reassured him as best as I can.
    Oh and she's alot better now, but I still get a shiver when I think back to 'that' phone call!

    bobsoff2
    Free Member

    Brother in Law tried it, failed, then drank himself to death…
    His mother tried it twice and failed, but her mother and step mother suceeded..!
    Now have to keep close eye on Partner, when her "Black Moods" kick in..

    GSter
    Free Member

    I see a load of black every day of my life…..,my mission everyday is to tread over it….pretty tiresome

    MoreCashThanDash
    Full Member

    Sadly 2 people I know have killed themselves – one of them was going through a messy seperation and took her kids with her as well. Her parents/their grandparents have been utterly devastated, as you would imgaine.

    The other was my boss and mentor at the time – he'd defrauded the company and topped himself when he was released after questioning to avoid it all going to trial. When his wife came to pick up his personal effects, she couldn't face walking into the building and sent in their son, who was aged about 9 or 10 I guess. It was a few weeks after but he still looked in total shock.

    I took him a smallish cardboard box with his dad's stuff in. I would have been about 23/24 at the time, still young free and single. It was one of the most haunting moments of my life. He took the box and just said "Did you know my dad?"

    I managed to say "Yes, and he was one of the friendliest and helpful men I have ever met". Which was true. I don't how much he knew about what had happened to his dad, but I'd like to think it helped him at some point.

    Lord knows I've had some very dark times in my life, but the thought of my kids having to go into an office full of strangers to pick up my belongings has been a searing burst of "sense" when I've peeked into that particular abyss.

    Taff
    Free Member

    I can't think of anyone close that I've lost. Come across a couple of people who've committed suicide by gassing themselves in Brechfa forest in the past

    muddydwarf
    Free Member

    Thanks for the thought FC 🙂
    I understand a little about your experience with friends, my bestest mate is fantastic if you want owt fixing, he's the most practical and helpful bloke you could meet. When my ex-fiancee walked out he was the 1st person i called and he was round like a flash.
    Thing is, he doesn't 'get' the concept of depression/mental illness & is of the 'snap out of it' mentality which is really unhelpful sometimes.

    Currently typing this sat on the sofa with my g/f. How pathetic is it of me that i can bare my soul to relative strangers on an internet forum yet not be able to speak to her about it?

    Anyway, thanks for the support everyone.

    Chris/SnS' post had me bawling my eyes out this morning, i didn't know Andy had done something so drastic and reading how devastated & angry Chris is woke me up to myself.
    My life is shite and yes i'm fekkin' lonely but there IS something i can do about all of this.

    crikey
    Free Member

    muddydwarf, I don't live that far from you, although in a much more upmarket place….bollocks I do!

    Anyway, if you want to play out, give me an e-mail address I can see, and I'll give you a buzz…

    Been where you are fella, and it's not great.

    SnS
    Free Member

    Simon/Muddydwarf,

    My earlier post wasn't designed to make anyone feel bad or upset. It was more of a totally unintended and unexpected explosion of my own personal feelings which I have never aired before.

    We "angry" people cannot all be painted with the same brush as all & every occurence are very much different in their individual circumstances.

    I've been angry with Andy since he did it. He was my best friend & I had NO idea he would do such a thing. I have known him for around three decades & I was with him on the Friday evening prior to the incident – He was in a very positive frame of mind, looking forward to the future.

    I have no intention or desire to air his faimily laundy as it were. But, he was in no way shape or form a depresive person. He was however, by nature, self-engrossed, and in my opinion, to the detrement of his family – a point on which I pulled him up on more occasions than I can count.

    In hindsight, I have obviously been over the situation many many times in my head – asking myself if I had missed any signs – There were none.

    I can't know for sure, but the 'angry' part of my emotions seem to act as a coping mechanism and have allowed me to remain strong for the people who got left behind. – I have had to rely on this & it has worked extremely well. – This particular 'angry' emotion is NOT a result of pondering if I had missed anything. As stated before, there were no signs.
    It has however given me the ability to look after his family & to give them something solid to lean on.

    I'm sure in the fullness of time, when I feel circumstances allow me to 'let go', then it will all come flooding out – But at the moment, it serves me well & keeps me focussed.

    In the earlier post, I mentioned that Karen ( my wife), was now on "medicinal help", due to a delayed reaction. Her initial prescription only made matters worse….far worse ( the side effects were awful !) – She has been back and had her medication changed & she is a whole lot better for it.

    Please….please find some form of professional help. – It is most certainly NOT a sign of weakness, but is in my opinion, a realisation that sometimes, we all need a little help.

    Chris

    ( This should have really been in an email or phone call, but perhaps others may read & benefit)

    nonk
    Free Member

    can i submit a request that we let this end.
    sick of the word greeting me cheerfully when i visit.

    richpips
    Free Member

    can i submit a request that we let this end.
    sick of the word greeting me cheerfully when i visit.

    I think it's good that people are talking about suicide. Depression affects a lot of people, and talking about it can help those not inflicted to gain some insight, and may also assist those who do to see that others here have been or are in the same boat.

    nonk
    Free Member

    your right ignore me.

    I know of quite a few people who have committed suicide (people from school, friends of friends, etc) but none of them were close.

    When I'm too old and decrepit to look after myself, rather than be a burden to my loved ones, I'll book myself into one of those clinics in Switzerland and take the long sleep potion.

    lowey
    Full Member

    Swadely, thats horrendous. I cannot even begin to think how dark a place someone must be in to take their kids with them.

    Deeply moving thread this.

    gravitysucks
    Free Member

    Unfortunately yes, My Dad took his own life when I was 17. I hadn't seen him for a about 4 years as he'd turned his back on me after a messy split with my Mum when I was 12. I can honestly say this was the single most devasting thing in me and my families life. It totally changed all of us and we all have continuing issues that are repurcussions fron this event. I know full well that My Mum, Two Brothers and me are very much the way we are today after going though this situation. We all had a different relationship with him from each other and its affected us all in different ways. For me I love him and hate. Some days I hate him from what he's done and wonder if he ever gave a shit and others I love him and feel guilty for not doing more (not that I could have done as a 12 year old). Ultimately I just don't know and the continuing unanswered questions will forever be my life sentance.

    As well as this my job as a Funeral Director has meant I've personally dealt with over 20 funerals were someone has took their own life. This has meant me collecting the body at the scene and then arranging the funeral with the families left behind. The utter devastion to these families unbelivable. These suicides have ranged from young to old, female and male and in all manner of ways. The utter selfishness of these acts never escapes me but I do not see these people as selfish; When someone get to this point they are not thinking rationally so I don't think you can put a rational label like selfish on them.

    It's just so sad seeing what these families have seen and knowing, as I do, the affects this will have on there lives. Especially when some of these incidents have included children younger than 8 finding their Father who's just taken his head off with a shot gun or a family having to watch the result of the Mother/Wife walking into the garden and setting her self on fire…..

    To all whose are feeling low and contemplating anything then get help and speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone professional just someone. and to be honest this as good a place to start as anywhere. I think its always easier to unleash your mind on to a complete stranger with the preconceptions or you or your life. But just remember as much as you think theres no one there or know one cares then remember there always someone…. its just sometimes the people are to wrapped up in their own lives sometimes. It doesn't always mean they don't care.

    Peace & love to all

    samuri
    Free Member

    When I'm too old and decrepit to look after myself, rather than be a burden to my loved ones, I'll book myself into one of those clinics in Switzerland and take the long sleep potion.

    For absolute sure. Having watched a number of relatives go through long, humiliating, drawn out illnesses which nearly tear the rest of the family apart before death, if it looks like I'm going the same way I'll be having 'an accident'. (Remember kids, life insurance doesn't pay out for suicides). I simply couldn't put my family through all that pain.

    iDave
    Free Member

    An uncle did it over extortion related money worries – good old paramilitaries

    Midnighthour
    Free Member

    I am not saying suicide is a good option and I certainly don't recommend it, but

    "It is also one of the most selfish acts known to man. I also never want to feel the desperation and isolation that these people may find themselves in."

    is not a very nice comment. You could just as easily say that it is utterly selfish of friends and family to demand a desperatly unhappy or physically ill person continue to live, becasue they put thier own needs to feel good/avoid guilt far above the suffering of the ill person.

    If you have been fortunate enough to never feel a huge degree of desperation and isolation I dont see how you can so easily critisise someone wanting misery to stop. Unfortuantely not everyone can be 'fixed' by medication, though its obviously worth a try before taking a bigger step.

    People have a right to choose to exist or not. Its the most basic right anyone has. I also think friends and relatives should not feel a sense of guilt – sometimes life is not much fun and you cant change that for someone else, however much you wish you could. Its not your fault. At least the loved person is not hurt/unhappy/in pain anymore.

    Peregrine
    Free Member

    Hard subject for a forum, however i used to know a couple of people who have now gone that way, 2 years ago my nephew went age 22 over a GF who messed with his head.

    I can feel where he was having been very close to doing this myself, the desperation you feel when you see suicide as an option is almost indescribable. It feels like a relief that the pain is almost over, you hold on the best you can but you can feel your grip on life slipping away.

    I was lucky as my family were there for me and i recieved the help i needed from a good GP before it was to late. I was told that i would start to have some good days in with the bad, it takes a while living one day at a time but you soon have more good day in a week than bad. In time the bad days are few and far between and you learn the skills to deal with the bad days when they happen.

    When you come out the other you begin to start knowing who you really are and what is important in life.

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