This week a client of mine attended a funeral of a school friend who killed himself.
Currently suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50 or something (exact figure not important).
This is serious and we need to start talking about it.
If you’ve had thoughts about ending it all I want you to know you are not alone.

I have no qualification or degree or specialist training other than I have considered ending my own life.
In my darkest hours I used to go on my own and look for somewhere suitable to carry it out.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.
I don’t know what your going through.
But I need you to know you are not alone.

Lets talk about this

bigad40 – you’re right, it is serious and should be discussed. Are you OK now?

My concern is for those at the bottom who’re unable to fight a system that may have contributed to their descent. Am seeing too much injustice in this country and a lack of accountability for those who’ve instigated it. I believe we should be vigilant right now and not be afraid of showing compassion.

Yes, it’s an important topic. This article is worth a read:
https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/a-stiff-upper-lip-is-killing-british-men-344
and the recent book by the same author. I’ve been trying to persuade my friends and family to read it, both male and female.

Thank you fiona, shall have a read.

Lets talk about this

Correlates well with recessions, so will be increasing in the near future…..

Another Brexit benefit 🙁

Sometimes for some people the thought of suicide is the only way out to sort their head out of financial along with relationship of problems, probably every one of us will have experienced dark thoughts, or been in a sad place, as well as seeing someone in a similar place.

But theres lots of help out there, and usually total strangers are better to talk to than freinds, just talk to someone who shows intrest, we argue like children on here , but come a trauma we usuall all rally round to become a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent etc.we share experiences sometimes in public and sometimes discretely, but we all try and do help.

Having been close to the edge in the last 12 months, being open and discussing it with the GP, friends, family and strangers on internet forums helped me to understand that I was not the only one who had felt that way, and start taking steps to get my life back.

A very wise piece on here I remember made the point that people thinking of suicide often don’t want to die, just to disappear from their problems. That is why it is so important that people are able to talk and get help early.

Also need to look at what societal pressures are driving these numbers.

CALM Homepage

I attended the funeral of a dear 35 year-old friend who took his own life last November. I will never forget watching his wife arrive, without him.

The more we talk about this the better.

There’s a really good documentary called The Mask You Live In about men and how traditional attitudes cause them issues (broadly speaking) and how that leads to societal problems and suicide. It’s on Netflix in a lot of countries. Well worth watching.

I hung myself nearly 8yrs ago. Of course it didn’t work because I used a ratty bit of string.
It was an awful time in my life, but I realised it wasn’t the rest of my life. The quote attributed to the Statesman Cicero is true “whilst there is life, there is hope”.

It’s not just that it’s the biggest killer of men under the age of 50. It’s also very much a male problem, with almost four times the incidence among men as women.

Muddywharf, massive respect to you, Morecashthandash you too.
BenH I’m sorry for you loss and your mates widow.
Thanks cinnamon girl, I’m well.
Talking about it yesterday reminded me of those dark hours, or at least reminded me of how hopeless and lonely I felt back then.
I just want people to know you are not alone.

Yes. It’s often in my mind. What keeps me going is my kids and wife, and how they’d get by without me, but I don’t actually enjoy my life most days. If there was a big button I could push, that would expunge me from history, so there wouldn’t be anyone left behind to pick up pieces, etc. – I’d push it right now, to avoid having to carry on.

What scares me most is not about making a conscious decision to check out, although I do sometimes think about it, how to do it, how to prevent being found by family, etc. What scares me is I’m an impulsive person. If I’m buying something big for example, like a bike I’ll research for ages different types, prices, finance deals, etc….. and then on a whim I’ll just buy it anyway. And I’ve stood on the platform of a tube station or been walking on a bridge over the Thames before and thought ‘2 big steps and in 5 seconds this could be over’

If i did do it, that’d be how; it wouldn’t be a conscious decision as such, it’d be an ‘Ah, you know what, **** it’ moment with no comeback.

I am talking to people, so don’t panic.

If it wasn’t for my amazing little lad and the fear of completely letting him down I’m petty sure I’d have ended my life 2 years ago.

I lost all contact with my close friends and my family at that point. That was, and still is sometimes, very hard to come to terms with.
I’ve found it very hard to get out of the ‘what’s the point of anything?’ mindset. Again, my son was my best answer. CBT can also help.

Slimjim, if you’re anywhere near sw of Scotland, gimme a shout and we’ll get out for a ride mate.

Greg.

Bigad40. A good thread to start. Most people in here are sensitive and caring about this subject and it’s one of the big positives of STW IMHO. I certainly know from my own experience that there are great people around who will help people hang on.

I’m not so sure this is necessarily the best place to discuss such matters. On a not so recent thread about the subject I posted some thoughts and comments from a sufferer’s viewpoint in order to help the OP understand the thought process. This was promptly removed and I received a rather curt email from the mods telling me it was tasteless. It wasn’t something I just blurted out, it took almost half an hour of writing, reading, re-writing etc. Oddly, not so long ago someone else wrote a post which contained a reference to exactly that which I’d used to demonstrate a viewpoint and that remained. There is favouritism from the folk that run this forum that should be left at the door when dealing with highly emotive subjects and those that contact users should have more respect for their feelings when explaining why a post was removed, not the insensitive crap I had thrown at me.

I doubt I’ll take time to express anything remotely personal (this post notwithstanding) regarding this subject after that kind of bullshit, TBH.

Mental health needs to be discussed more openly no matter what sex you are.

As some may have seen my black dog thread on here a few weeks ago (teasel that the thread you referring to?) I hit rock bottom and was planning my suicide. I didn’t because I wasn’t brave enough. I was brave enough to open up on here and on Facebook …. Doing so felt like a weight had come off my shoulders, I needed to get everything that I’d been hiding off my chest…. For those of you who commented on that thread, thank you, I still haven’t got the mental strength to go back through and read/reply, but rest assured I am very grateful for your words… I know that by doing so not only has it helped me but I’ve helped others too

Am I better 2 months on? Well yes I suppose Im better than I was but still low. I still have suicidal thoughts but know these are ‘normal’ but if they do get worse then I know what I need to do…I have been discharged from the local mental health crisis team back to my GP, awaiting my first counselling session next week…

As mentioned elsewhere, the thought of suicide is comforting at times of absolute desperation. When everything is falling apart around you spiralling out of control it is one thing that you feel you’re in control of…. That if you want it all to stop right now you can…. The times I felt closest to it weren’t when I was sobbing uncontrollably for hours on end… It was when I was calm and clear, only way I can describe it is the calm in the centre of a storm…

I still wonder about it, I still think ‘what if’, occasionally when the thoughts of the ex get too much and I fear that I have years of these thoughts ahead of me I do think about it.

(Sorry for rambling/incoherent reply. Brain is fried and i do struggle to word things properly)

I have had some challenges in the past but always found it difficult to talk about. Mainly because I can’t put into words what I am struggling with and describing something as an al enveloping black fog of despair might be a starting point but doesn’t really open up discussion.

A friend encouraged me to try and write down what I was feeling as a story rather than trying to express a rational argument. For me this worked well as it made me think about what I was feeling but almost as an interested 3rd party rather than the one suffering.

I still do it from time to time and in true Blue Peter style, here is one I prepared earlier.

Many think of death as a man, a stalker, following them through life and then snuffing them out like a candle. This is a harsh and unpleasant view of death that leads to anguish and dread of the cold dark ending. My relationship with death has been far different and I think of death as a woman, an old flame who you see from time to time with a knowing glance, a passionate smile but not yet that final embrace.

I think this relationship started when I was quite young with my first near death experience. I was happily floating through life with no real direction or passion when it happened. I remember the speed, the rush, the heightened intensity of everything as I tumbled, fell and started to break. Death came, she consoled me, held me gently and smoothed away my pain. The intensity and harshness of life was softened, blended as if moving from oil to water painting. The release and relaxation was total almost sexual in its all encompassing effect and then, without warning, as the colours faded to grey she released me. She turned her head just once and smiled as she walked away and slowly the world returned but my view of it would never be the same again. It was faded, jaded, full of pointless pain and hostile situations. I longed for that deep tranquility that death’s cool embrace had offered.

From time to time since then I have had fleeting moments where I felt her hand upon my shoulder or the reassuring squeeze of my hand. Enough to know she was watching over me but that she was not yet ready to consummate the relationship. There have been dalliances with her sister of anesthesia that offered the sweet surrender and tranquility but always these were shallow with the knowledge that it would quickly pass leaving just the dullness of reality and the hint of guilt for teasing her.

This loving and ongoing relationship with death has not manifested itself in suicidal tendencies or irrational behavior but just a feeling of slight disconnectedness with the world around me. I face the same problems and challenges as all other people but struggle to feel the stress and worry that those around me suffer. This sometimes appears as disinterest, coldness or arrogance but is simply the result of viewing situations with a different perspective. I have seen the same relaxed and peaceful outlook in those who diagnosed as terminally ill have made their peace with the world and accepted the inevitable.

Acknowledging that the problem is currently worse in men, why does the discussion have to be limited to men? The problem still applies to women!
I experience episodes of depression with suicidal feelings from time to time, though on the whole, not actual plans. I’m unable to tolerate medication. I’m just emerging from a depression that’s lasted for almost 3 years. As long as you don’t have actual plans for suicide, the attitude is “there’s nowt much wrong with you”. Can you imagine having suicidal feelings for 3 years and being unable to take meds? It kind of wears you down and drives you to making plans out of desperation and frustration. After a few months of demanding help, I finally was granted access to the IAPT service and have recently started proper psychological counselling with a brilliant counsellor. Since the counselling started about 6 weeks ago, I’ve gradually started feeling better.
What I’m trying to say is that ignoring long-term suicidal feelings can put you at risk of making plans, and both GPs and the mental health services need to be more switched onto that.

Totally take your point Vickypea.

Thanks jamj1974 for reading what I put 🙂

Well, at least you know it wasn’t unappreciated. Mental health is important for both genders and accessing robust help can be difficult for some. The latter is a real lottery.

Well, at least you know it wasn’t unappreciated. Mental health is important for both genders and accessing robust help can be difficult for some. The latter is a real lottery.

A very wise piece on here I remember made the point that people thinking of suicide often don’t want to die, just to disappear from their problems. That is why it is so important that people are able to talk and get help early.

I can certainly relate to the desire to just walk away and never look back, I’ve felt like that very recently due to undue pressure at work, and the stress it put me under.
I could never countenance suicide, but I could certainly see why people just vanish and leave everything behind; unfortunately the misery that such an action leaves behind for the families concerned is just as bad.

WCA ..that’s quite a piece of writing and bizarrely rather comforting in some strange way.

I’ve courted it since I was in my early teens and I’ve never (as far as I can remember) had any fear of death. I’ve bought the stuff to do it, I’ve planned and re-planned driving out somewhere, preparing it all and leaving letters to cover the admin’y stuff once I’d gone. I actually attempted it aged 18 but (clearly) was unsuccessful and again at 22. I’m 36 now.

For me, the thought of doing it never leaves you – you almost see it as an option if things get really bad. Currently I have a bike loaded up at my mum’s house, ready to just go anywhere other than here. The thought being that if it gets really bad I’ll just start pedaling somewhere. If I get there and its still bad, then I’ll do the obvious.

It’s only the thought of what it would do to my mum and brother that stops me going through with it. I realise there are many people far far worse off than me that keep plodding on, but at times everything seems so overwhelming that I just want to disappear. As someone else said, if I could remove all traces of me ever existing then I would.

Two people I know have killed themselves. One took her kids with her, the other one, I had to hand his personal effects from work over to his son, who was about 8 at the time.

However great the desire gets, I never want my family to go through what theirs did, though ironically, saying that to the health professionals gets you moved further down the queue behind the (rightly) more urgent cases.

MCTD, I think you have summed it up in two posts for me. and this is purely for me of course. but those dark thoughts are more about getting away from what I perceive as problems rather then ending it all. but sometimes it is the easiest, quickest solution to a problem that may not be entirely clear in ones mind.

and secondly, having gone through the emotions, turmoil, and grief when my brother killed himself, I know I could never put my family through anything like that. I could not bring myself to cause that amount of hurt, confusion and loss to those who love me.

This forum is a great place to share the highs and lows of life and I have seen on many occasions the strength given and received by a lot of you here. it is inspiring to see and I hope that in times of darkness people can remember this.

Feeling depressed, anxious and suicidal is utterly exhausting. You want the constant thoughts to stop, and by constant I do mean every waking minute your brain is going 1000mph with thoughts over and over. The meds don’t seem to work, talking doesn’t seem to work, what little exercise you can muster up the will power to do doesn’t seem to work. You’re exhausted but may not have left the house in over 24 hours. You can’t sleep properly, it’s so tiring….Tired of time. Tired of time being the answer. Tired of time taking its time. Tired of not knowing how much time. Tired of not knowing if there is enough time. Tired of time standing still. Tired. Exhausted.

You all have so much to live for even if you don’t know it yet.

Houns – Member
Feeling depressed, anxious and suicidal is utterly exhausting. You want the constant thoughts to stop, and by constant I do mean every waking minute your brain is going 1000mph with thoughts over and over. The meds don’t seem to work, talking doesn’t seem to work, what little exercise you can muster up the will power to do doesn’t seem to work. You’re exhausted but may not have left the house in over 24 hours. You can’t sleep properly, it’s so tiring….Tired of time. Tired of time being the answer. Tired of time taking its time. Tired of not knowing how much time. Tired of not knowing if there is enough time. Tired of time standing still. Tired. Exhausted.

This.

Also add to this the constant pressure from those around you, demanding your time, presence, support, when in reality it’s you that needs this from the ones who are supposed to be there for you.

It’s a very lonely place, even with a family around you.

This is by no means restricted to men.
A friends mum killed herself just after we finished high school.
My wife admitted death would be easier than carrying on several times some time ago now.

Thank you all for sharing, and don’t worry if you haven’t shared, just remember though you feel lonely you are not alone.

The opening sentence of this Huff Post article hits it on the head.

More talking and understanding is required, Frankenstein your comment looks a tad out of touch with general sentiments here. Apologies if this is a product of conversing with text and not being able to use body language cues to pick out your meaning.

As there’s no pm facility on here, and I didn’t want to email people directly in case it wasn’t appropriate, I just wanted to say that I’m thinking about the people that posted in this thread, and those that felt they couldn’t but wanted to.
Theotherjonv, flange, Houns in particular I hope you are in a better place now? no wait, that sounded wrong 🙂 I mean mentally, I hope you are feeling more positive. Even if not, or if feeling worse, there are people who are thinking about you and wishing you well.

Thanks……

I’m getting nowhere fast, fed up of it, fed up of feeling like this.

If anyone needs a beer, another ear and is near Manchester please contact me. Away from the forum Im sensible- The one thing that I’m not is judgemental in person.

Stevet1, nicely put.

Houns, I cannot say anything to you that you haven’t heard before, or that would help you in your situation. I have never met, you but I can truly say that I, along with many here do wish you well.

Anthony

And as per Horas post, If anyone is near Bristol, I am happy to share my time with anyone who needs it

I have to think twice before posting on a thread like this as I once felt that I opened myself up too much for my own comfort but, I feel like I have a duty to share some of my experience on the subject..

I’m a suicide survivor

In 1993 I jumped from cliffs near to where I live and miraculously survived, I messed myself up very badly physically and still don’t walk too well..
Waking up in ICU with my 14 year old brother sat on the end of the bed with a broken heart opened my eyes to the ramifications of my actions..

It took me a long time to recover my sanity but I think this is the most important thing – in the time since, I have experienced joyful times to an extent that I couldn’t have previously imagined.. I still suffer with depression, but I am 100% certain that life can change and I have on numerous occasions forced those changes and reaped the benefits, and I will no doubt at some point be forced to make changes again..

Change can feel like it’s the hardest thing, but if you can be brave enough to take your own life, then you can similarly be brave enough to face the challenge of making terrifying changes to your life..

A leap of faith can be a ferocious challenge, but the benefits are inconceivable and a leap of faith is infinitely easier and more rewarding than a leap of death

Try to figure out what you need to change Houns and then get the support that you need to do it

I could write more but I want to keep this as succinct as possible.. I hope that you all can take something from my experience