I’m no doctor, but it strikes me that your wife telling you is a very good step.

Otherwise it’s all been said already: doctor and the Samaritans for an impartial, non-judgemental ear for your wife, and look after yourself and your son.

Absolute best of luck to you all.

I’m not sure if this is at all feasible, but it may be helpful for her to speak to someone who has actually been there, really feeling how she does now (or something that resembles it). This sort of thing is far more common than most of us are aware, and the simple knowledge of that can be helpful I think.

Doctors etc. can be helpful, but really most just don’t know how it feels and that means they can only help so much.

Do you know anyone else that has been through this that would be willing to talk to her and she would also be willing to talk to?

Also, as absurd as this may sound, it could even be worth pointing out the risks to her. Lots of people that try to take their own lives fail and end up causing themselves serious damage. It’s a far from ideal way to persuade her to not take action, but it offers a reality check. Suicide is not as easy of a way out as she may think — there are always other options.

You could both check this out:

https://projectsemicolon.com/

Hard to find the words to finish this reply — best of luck and look after yourself too.

First of all a huge thank you for all your responses – it’s been really helpful.  Was all a bit of a blur yesterday so it was good to get some ideas one the table and to get some clarity on what I should be doing.

Went to the doctors this morning and the GP we saw was really good.  She’s made an urgent referral to the crisis team, upped the dose of fluoxetine (she is confident this isn’t an underlying cause), signed her off work etc.  She also suggested I stay at home for the next couple of days at least until we’ve got the proper support in place so hopefully we’re on the first steps of the journey.

I am confident we get there but its going to take time.  The thing that’s scared me is how well she’s covered it up – as I said in my OP I knew she was depressed but I had no idea at all it was this bad and I am the person who is meant to know her best.  I am just grateful she told me otherwise I really think she would have gone through with it…

Good to hear you have made some progress. Best wishes!

 I had no idea at all it was this bad and I am the person who is meant to know her best.

Don’t feel bad about this.

You are also the person that she’s most motivated to hide it from.

No one in that position wants to be a burden or a drain on the ones they love and they’ll do whatever they can to pretend everything’s okay.

It’ll likely be a massive relief to her that she can finally stop putting up that front.

I hit a very low point 2-3 years ago. MrsMC still has no idea how far it got, but I developed an unhealthy interest in the multi storey car parks.

It was the kids that stopped me from getting worse – met a couple of kids who had lost parents to suicide, and I couldn’t put them through it. Some counselling, some CBT and some medication helped give me the space to make some changes, now starting to be weaned off the currently low dosage that I’m on.

With help, it can change and turn around.

Have you tried/head of Solfeggio Frequencies? I’d recommend you look them up (Youtube/Google).

Will benefit the both of you and household in general.

The thing that’s scared me is how well she’s covered it up – as I said in my OP I knew she was depressed but I had no idea at all it was this bad

I wouldn’t worry about that at all. I knew my wife was unwell, but I didn’t know the scope of it until she had a breakdown at work one day and I got a call from one of her colleagues.

On the plus side, the thing about going through dark tunnels is that there is light at the end. Get some help (sounds like you are) and you’ll both find your way through.

I had no idea at all it was this bad and I am the person who is meant to know her best.

You are there now when she needs you and you’ve done the right thing – hopefully the change in medication and other professional involvement will help her and avert an immediate crisis.

Please don’t feel guilty for not ‘spotting’ this, I’ve been there and you have to, in the end, accept that you have done all you can but you are not the reason for the crisis nor the person who can, ultimately, prevent a course of action. Just be there for her, let her find her own way out of where she is – try not to ‘solutionise’ the issue.

I realise this post isn’t wholly positive but you’re likely in for a long journey and your own mental health is as important as your wife’s now and you must understand it’s not something that you can solve just by loving her – she knows you love her – or doing things for her. Being there and accepting her as she is for now with hope for the future is as important.

You both have a chance now – you’ve helped her get to the point, today, where you can both look to a future. Not everyone gets that opportunity so you’ve done a good job, just keep on keeping on.

Good luck, hope you both return to rewarding futures.

I think it’s fantastic that someone with a huge problem can come onto a bike forum and get some solid objective advise.

So glad this is on the right track for you OP. Depending on their assessment, the crisis team should be offering a few avenues such as:

full physical health screen to rule out any organic issues that could be influencing things

review of psychotropic meds by a psychiatrist

either home treatment or day unit to monitor things, this could mean phone calls/ home visits depending on their assessment

youll have their contact details for support and advice if needed

Help her to engage with their input as much as possible. This issue is unlikely to resolve itself  overnight so brace yourself and get the support you’ll need from family/ friends/ professionals as needed.

All the best

2) Try and keep someone with her and juniorbgoode at all times, remembering that listening to her is the most important thing.

No solutions needed, we’re mostly blokes and that’s what we try to do with problems. Listen and maybe reflect back, very difficult and unnatural. Good luck and all the best from the Sandwiches.

Apologies to everyone who replied to this one – it really did help and realised I never posted a follow up.

I am pleased and relieved to say we have almost reached normality in our lives for the first time in years.

Mrs Danny realised that the drinking was really not helping and we’ve both been off the sauce for over 7 months now (it was only fair I stopped as well). That helped enormously and I’m very proud (not quite the right word but it’ll do) that she took the decision to give it up. I know it wasn’t easy.

The depression is well under control and we’ve got through a few difficult dates (first Christmas without her mum) etc with no relapsing and I’m pretty confident we can deal with anything life throws at us for a good while.

So thanks again for all your support. You are the nicest people I don’t know 🙂

Great to hear. Good luck with everything.

well done both of you!

Great news that, well done to you both.

Good news.

Crack open a bottle of champers lemonade to celebrate. 😉

Great news, thanks for the update.
This forum needs a “like” button. 👏👍

Great stuff. Keep it up.

It’s nice too see a positive update.

Here’s too the future

thanks for the update.

Brilliant update!

:thumbsup:

Call the Crisis Team. They are also there for you as well as your wife.

I was worried when I saw this re-appear at the top of the page here. Glad to see it’s working out for you all. Keep on keeping on

👍👍👍👍👍

👍🏼😊

Missed this when it was first posted, sorry. Really pleased the outcome is positive and all is going well for you both.

I saw this title and am currently going through something similar. Then i saw a post from me and that i was also in this position a couple of years ago.

Worrying and frightening but really glad that things are working out for you. Thanks for the update and to know its not all doom and gloom.

This is great to hear👍

Remember everyone to look after your mental health as well as you look after your physical health.

Today we will be remembering my cousin who passed a year ago this day due to mental health issue’s.

Glad to hear your on a more positive path. I read your OP but didn’t really know what to say at the time. good luck in the future danny

There is indeed more to life than the bottom of a bottle.

Glad to hear there is some positivity in things for you, long may it continue!

Can’t add anything other than best wishes. I hope she recovers from this awful illness soon.

Just seen the update, sounds amazingly positive and I hope things stay that way for you both.

Sorry OP, I missed this first time around as well but really pleased for you both that things are in a much better place now.
Good luck for the future.

@danny – I saw the thread when you first posted but didn’t know what to say so said nothing.
I know from close-up experience that if anyone thinks the answer is to be found in the bottom of a bottle they are wrong – all they will find are more perceived ‘problems’.
It’s a real positive that you’re both off the sauce.
Facing upto reality can be difficult but it’s the only way forward.
My best to both of you and your family.
I fully echo your sentiment about the people on here being the best people I don’t know – and long may it continue!
Be there for each other.