- Stupid things your partner (wife) says?
Not a partner, but after a flight…
Stewardess ‘Ladies and gentlement, we have now reached Manchester airport, and the seatbet light has been switched off. Would all passengers requiring wheelchair assistance please remain seated’
GF this time. *looking through pics* ‘Oh, I’ve got some socks like that’
‘Sweetie, it’s a picture of you….’
Different GF this time. ‘Why don’t they make chocolate rice krispies?’ and ‘Oh a blue whale, the largest land mammal…’
Face, meet Palm.Posted 4 years agodirtycrewdomMember
Last night watching the Top Gear Vietnam special my wife was asking what was so bad about American flag graphics of the backup bike.
Me – Well it’s probably not quite as raw now as it was but you know, the war.
Wife – Pearl Harbour?
Me – no, the Vietnam war.
Wife – Was that Pearl Harbour?
Me – what? No. They are referring to the war in Vietnam in the 60s.
Wife – I thought that was pearl harbour
Me – No that was the 2nd world war. The Japanese attacking America.
Wife – Oh yeah………….so the war in Vietnam, that was the….Vietnamese war.
Oh my god I’m such a dumbass.
Me – Nooooo of course not. You’re just challenged.
She’s actually really intelligent but has been having a bit of a bad patch recently!Posted 4 years agocbikeMember
I’m saving claire’s wee gems up for a book – She has had a life altering brain injury and speech impediment so does have a unique outlook on many things so we can let her off. a bit….
“Do you think Deaf people dream in Black and White?”
“My Excremities are cold”
Got her pal to phone the pet shop to ask for advice on Tropical fish. She just used the number of the first receipt she found in her pocket. Which was a receipt for Harry Ramsdens. “I’m calling about the fish” Yes? we do fish!…… it was a wee while before the error became clear.
Has ridden a bicycle down a slide.
Went to the pub and got covered in lemonade. sat on a towel for the rest of the night.
At new year described the Pipe band to her mum as a Brass Band
“Blah blah you know? cause you cant see with your eyes closed…”
“I’m just talking cause I can..blah blah blah.I dont even know what I’m saying…Are you listening? You’ re not even listening”
“quit yer peein iain, youre talkin pish.”
“Are you ready to Transverse?” Traverse.
MP accountability Claire style. Quizzed an MP in great detail about what he actually does first thing in the morning when he gets in the office.
MP – ” I sit down and switch on the computer” Claire – And then what do you after that? MP “Check the email.” Claire – “and then what do you after that?”….continues…
Claire has decided that we have to check exactly what MPs actually do is important as if its not important there is no point in having them.
Is your skin still tinkling? (Tingling after a conv about sunburn)
C “You are like the Durex bunny on speed”
C “You are like the dulux bunny on speed”
I ” Dulux?”
C “You are like you know , the battery bunny on speed”
I got some of that carpet remover spray, some of its got on the door and its taken the paint off!
Like a Ball in a cherry shop.
I ve got the jujeetsu’s in my fridge, The jeejutsis! (Chorizo’s)
I must stop eating vegetables, I’m farting like atrooper.
Claire got bored and made up her illness when her college taxi drivers enquiries got boring.
After telling me she is off to aqua zumba tomorrow, Claire texts to ask what my blood group is.
“I’m out nearly everyday….when I’m not out, I’m in…yeah?…….”
Passing an elderly couple in the car park she greets them with “Nice day for a shaa…Hello!” (Mind on other things apparently)
Used a massive Barbeque fork to eat her dinner as all the small forks were dirty.
Referring to a chinese meal, – What about the MGC’S? The MCG’s? …… MSG Yeah I know what I mean.Posted 4 years ago
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