I hate that metal thing in the kitchen sink plug hole, all it does is catch gunk.

Anyone else care to share?

“lend me £100” 😆

Sorry,my OH is very ,very clever,so she never says anything stupid.
Me on the other hand .. 😳

up or down for easier gears.

Not my wife, but someone I worked with…

‘This old radio’ (an old valve radio) ‘so does it just pick up old radio stations’.

Errr

Ohh, and she also though Lucas Industries make Lucozade and wanted to be a high-class hooker. Or a spy.

Yes she was a bit, well you know.

Don’t answer the door if someone knocks on it, it could be a scammer………

😆

wife as we are driving past the local fire station:

Whats that big tower for, is that where they slide down the firemans pole?

“Yeah, but what do grapes have to do with raisins?”

Is it in yet?

Right at the end of The Bourne Legacy:

“So what happended to the guy with the beard at the beginning?”

Is it in yet?

It’s not what she said to me 😉

On a train, she points out the window at a plane “Ooh it’s a Virgin”

Me – “Really, how can you tell?”

A few other passengers overheard and started chuckling, she went bright red. I’m a bastard. 😆

In Kwik-Fit:

Mechanic to my wife: “What tyres do you want on your Golf?”

My wife: “Errrrm. Rubber?”

Mechanic: “Sorry, what make.”

to be fair to the lad he didn’t so much as blink before offering a clarification.

‘No’

“But what do you need another bike for?”

Some of you are very lucky to have partners 🙂

Not a partner, but after a flight…

Stewardess ‘Ladies and gentlement, we have now reached Manchester airport, and the seatbet light has been switched off. Would all passengers requiring wheelchair assistance please remain seated’

GF this time. *looking through pics* ‘Oh, I’ve got some socks like that’
‘Sweetie, it’s a picture of you….’

Different GF this time. ‘Why don’t they make chocolate rice krispies?’ and ‘Oh a blue whale, the largest land mammal…’

Face, meet Palm.

Girl i used to work with believed everything to do with space was a film and NASA was the film studio.

My wife will ask for the remote control for the T.V based on what she intends to do when she has it.

Eg:
“Could you pass the volume control?”
Or
“have you seen the channel changer”

Apart from that, she’s perfect. I suspect she would have a much longer list.

Can’t you just put some oil on to stop the noise…… this referring to rubbing discs.

Mine thought the Queen Mum was Queen Elizabeth the 1st…

Ms Maccruiskeen has been a vegetarian for a loooong time and has forgotten what foodstuffs each farm animal is made of. So as we walk past fields she constantly asks “Is that beef format?” or pointing at a field of alpacas “are they made of pork or lamb?”

Why doesn’t the sea just sink into the sand?

Last night watching the Top Gear Vietnam special my wife was asking what was so bad about American flag graphics of the backup bike.

Me – Well it’s probably not quite as raw now as it was but you know, the war.

Wife – Pearl Harbour?

Me – no, the Vietnam war.

Wife – Was that Pearl Harbour?

Me – what? No. They are referring to the war in Vietnam in the 60s.

Wife – I thought that was pearl harbour

Me – No that was the 2nd world war. The Japanese attacking America.

Wife – Oh yeah………….so the war in Vietnam, that was the….Vietnamese war.
Oh my god I’m such a dumbass.

Me – Nooooo of course not. You’re just challenged.

She’s actually really intelligent but has been having a bit of a bad patch recently!

Recently when staying at my Gran’s house my Gran said over breakfast that someone was coming at 10 to see us. My wife asked – morning or evening?

Go on then… was it morning or evening? The suspense is killing me

Regularly at work –

“You calling about yourself or someone else?”
“Someone else”
“Can I take their name please?”
“My Name? Yeah it’s …..”

*wants to scream FFS*

why is your wife(partner) calling you at work on behalf of someone else?

My boss asked me to get a new bulb for a lamp.. I asked her if it was a bayonet or screw fitting. She went to have a look.. By sticking her finger in the fitment… whilst it was still plugged in.

Did she die? Darwin award contender….

Stewardess ‘Ladies and gentlement, we have now reached Manchester airport, and the seatbet light has been switched off. Would all passengers requiring wheelchair assistance please remain seated’

Not everyone who uses a wheelchair are unable walk.

Well, she once said “I do”…

wwaswas – Memberwhy is your wife(partner) calling you at work on behalf of someone else?

well thought as its a sexist thread I could include all women

well thought as its a sexist thread I could include all women

fair do’s

I suspect if my wife contributed all the daft stuff I’ve said we’d all be reading for the rest of the day.

Flying home from ski trip, following reports of heavy snowfall in Blighty:

(She looks out window) “Wow, it has been snowing, everything’s covered”

(I look out window) “No dear, we’re above the cloud”

I’m saving claire’s wee gems up for a book – She has had a life altering brain injury and speech impediment so does have a unique outlook on many things so we can let her off. a bit….

“Do you think Deaf people dream in Black and White?”

“My Excremities are cold”

Got her pal to phone the pet shop to ask for advice on Tropical fish. She just used the number of the first receipt she found in her pocket. Which was a receipt for Harry Ramsdens. “I’m calling about the fish” Yes? we do fish!…… it was a wee while before the error became clear.

Has ridden a bicycle down a slide.

Went to the pub and got covered in lemonade. sat on a towel for the rest of the night.

At new year described the Pipe band to her mum as a Brass Band

“Blah blah you know? cause you cant see with your eyes closed…”

“I’m just talking cause I can..blah blah blah.I dont even know what I’m saying…Are you listening? You’ re not even listening”

“quit yer peein iain, youre talkin pish.”

“Are you ready to Transverse?” Traverse.

MP accountability Claire style. Quizzed an MP in great detail about what he actually does first thing in the morning when he gets in the office.

MP – ” I sit down and switch on the computer” Claire – And then what do you after that? MP “Check the email.” Claire – “and then what do you after that?”….continues…

Claire has decided that we have to check exactly what MPs actually do is important as if its not important there is no point in having them.

Is your skin still tinkling? (Tingling after a conv about sunburn)

C “You are like the Durex bunny on speed”
I “Durex?”
C “You are like the dulux bunny on speed”
I ” Dulux?”
C “You are like you know , the battery bunny on speed”

I got some of that carpet remover spray, some of its got on the door and its taken the paint off!

Like a Ball in a cherry shop.

I ve got the jujeetsu’s in my fridge, The jeejutsis! (Chorizo’s)

I must stop eating vegetables, I’m farting like atrooper.

Claire got bored and made up her illness when her college taxi drivers enquiries got boring.

After telling me she is off to aqua zumba tomorrow, Claire texts to ask what my blood group is.

“I’m out nearly everyday….when I’m not out, I’m in…yeah?…….”

Passing an elderly couple in the car park she greets them with “Nice day for a shaa…Hello!” (Mind on other things apparently)

Used a massive Barbeque fork to eat her dinner as all the small forks were dirty.

Referring to a chinese meal, – What about the MGC’S? The MCG’s? …… MSG Yeah I know what I mean.

“It’s a brand new bike,do you really need those bits as well?”,”Oh,alright then” 😀

“So it is”

She’s from Northern Ireland.