On finding out you have a cold, nodding sagely and prounouncing: "You caught it from all that cycling"

Reflecting on the fact that you commute by bike: "What happens when it rains?"

As you announce that you are off out riding at the weekend.

"Oh, have fun it will be nice and muddy for you." There is nothing nice about mud. Dry dust is where it is at. Idiots.

No, mud is nice……….really.

Have you done the Tour de France? 🙂

Well the 'could buy a car for that' is a classic that I try not to get to by avoiding answering questions on costs.

When I came back from CyB with a bit of a scab on my knee, having had various injuries – 'Why do you keep falling off?' I was asked. Good point really….

could have got a car for that…..

"you must be very fit"
"why don't you drive, it'll be much quicker" (not on my commute it isn't!)
"did you ride in this weather?!" (said while looking out at a slightly overcast day)

"Why?"

Could have got a car for that money………..

………yes but it would get stuck between the trees

………yes but it wouldn't be a Ferrari or Porsch would it?

………yes but I didn't want one did I

After 20 years, most people say "I'm thinking of buying a bike, can you help me?"

I love the TDF one, I get that, which makes me laugh looking the way I do …

Thirteen miles ????

Each way ???

You must be mad!

But then I work with people who drive from the office to the Tesco Metro, 5 mins walk down the road. Or from their house to the office, when I could pitch a stone into their garden from my office window and it takes them longer to park than it would walk.

"Can I see your legs?"

"you must be mad to cycle to work!"

"I passed you the other day in the car, did you see us?"

But my favourite is "how much!!"

😉

"Why do you need more than one bicycle?"

I usually respond with another question: Why do you have more than one pair of shoes?

About the bike — "Is that one of those lightweight ones?"

The you have to explain that despite costing £1500, no, it's not really that light and it's built for strength and to last more than anything

In general — "Can you get my mate a good bike for £100?"

Then you have to explain that no, you can't. And why it's not good.
This can then be followed by —

"I got a full suspension bike for £69.97, and yours only has front suspension, why is that?"

Arrrggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
😉

When I was enthusing about D2D and night racing and riding generally, my (non-cycling) friend asking me "Do they light [the course]?"

"My [insert relation here] has a bike, it doesn't change gear properly, what do you think is wrong with it?"

"What do you need two for? One for each foot?"

Yes, thats right, I've taken to wearing my bikes like shoes.

"Why don't you get a new bike, then you wouldn't have to do all that work on it?"

I'm lubing the bloody chain, not welding it back together..

can you have a look at my bike its not working properly.

More often that not its a halfords special…

But my favourite is "how much!!"

I do like it when people say that yet spend £500 or so on Gym bills each year without batting an eye lid!

Another is "how many gears has that got"!

I like the fact that people do often show an interest in getting a bike from talking to me – must be the excitement in my eyes… – and sometimes they do get one; the trouble is those that think £100 is a lot for a bike but haven't revealed that when asking how much they should spend. So their eyes then glaze over and I switch to talking about looking for a bike with no suspension if they want to spend less. This happened with a chap who I later saw with a weighty full-suss budget special who asked me what I thought. Can't really say anything negative at that point so just say that it's probably OK for what he wants – he just uses it to ride a mile into town every now and then so it'll do the job but would like to ask why he thinks full suss is needed on tarmac….

Can I come out with you ? [thinks]No you are fat not ridden this century and your bike is cr@p [says] yes why not, what do you fancy three hours or all day and how much climbing?
Which is faster your road bike or your mountain bike followed by why.

Can I come out with you ? [thinks]No you are fat not ridden this century and your bike is cr@p

That's not a very nice thing to say about me. 👿

A neighbour was recently asking others living on the street if I'm a professional cyclist. I can only presume, I certainly don't look like one, that it's because I do things like going for a ride in the dark or when it's raining, it's presumably beyond her comprehension that it's just for fun.

"Why do you need more than one bicycle?"

I get that a lot.

I'm going to use this from now on:

I usually respond with another question: Why do you have more than one pair of shoes?

Also get: "why does it only have one gear?"

how much was that? its the hardy perennial. also those enlightened people who then ask 'where is a good place to buy a bike?' eeer, try a bike shop. then you speak to them on monday to find they got one from F@*kin tescos. this then manifests into 'i brought a bike the other day but the gears/brakes dont work. how do i/can you sort them out? yeah for £15 an hour.

When people ask "did you get that light from Halfords" (my Maxx D) & when you say no & tell them how much they are they drop their £3.50 pint & £5+ packet of fags!

Soon followed by "why not save your money & go out when its light", FOOLS!!

Other: 'How come you have such an expensive bike but don't race?'

Me: 'How come you have a Boxster but drive like a ****t?'

Also get: "why does it only have one gear?"

That's not a stupid question though. 😛

"You ride for 24 hours????????"

Of singlespeeds …

Q: What do you do when you get to a hill?

A: Push harder.

Of SPDs …

Q: What is wrong with straps?

A: What is wrong with hand cranking your car to start it?

Jesus , I dont spend that on my cars ,never mind a bloody bike !

a specific bike to go downhill, hahahahahaha what hapens when you want to go back up?

you push

….. oh….

there is a lad over there who rides 100 miles every weekend and his bike cost £200 new

good for him

I'm getting a bike I'm going to go for a run/I'm buying an audi(<never happens)

I would go and ride a bike but it is too hilly where I live

you got punched in the face by a car driver, it must have been your fault.

#iworkwithaprick

"Why do you wear all those funny clothes"

I was out on a bridleway in the Peaks a couple of months ago and passed a female walker. Exchanged pleasantries then she said "erm, excuse me but should you be up here?"
I explained that yes it was a BW and I was allowed to ride on them. She looked puzzled and then said "no, I didn't mean that, it's just that it's quite rough here and you could easily fall off."
WTF?! I pointed out that the same could apply to her walking there, thanked her for her concern for my safety and rode off quick before the mad old bat could come up with any more daft questions.

My mate's got a mountain bike, spent a stupid amount it, like nearly a grand!

*thinks* that would nearly have bought the frame of one of my bikes…

*says* uh-huh, really? must be a good bike.

"have you been to center parcs?".

"You can get electric bikes now."

Are all cyclists pompous, grumpy gits or is it just the ones on web forums.

No, they are all, however, extremely sarcastic.

Said to me yesterday as toiled up hill past a group of elderly walkers only marginally slower than i was –

Me – "There's 3 more behind me."

Them – "You must be the fit one then!" 😳

'you must get lots of bruises' was a new one broached to me this weeekend.

There is nothing nice about mud. Dry dust is where it is at. Idiots.

Mud is lovely. It has to be as we have so much! Tart!