On this morning’s ride, on mostly deserted trails we encountered a Seasick Steve lookalike who was walking his dogs. Seeing as we are normal human beings enjoying our pastime in the great outdoors (as we assumed he was also doing) we said hello.

His opening gambit was “why don’t you stick to the bike tracks where you’re supposed to?”

My reply was “because they’re not that interesting”. He then launches into a monologue on how there are “old people and kiddies being knocked down by bikes around here”. The thing is, in over ten years of riding in my local area I have never seen a newspaper article, social media post, heard a rumour or witnessed any such thing. In all that time I have never come close to hitting anything more animate than a tree- after all, being a normal human being I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone or anything else whilst I was enjoying my hobby. Why would I? Surely that would ruin it for me?

Later on we met a guy who looked like a potential militant red-sock. We spent nearly five minutes discussing Himalayan Balsam, fallen trees and littering in a very jovial manner – top bloke.

I can only conclude that the first bloke was a dildo.

Discuss.

I was out at about 8am last Sunday nearing the top of a local mountain and there was a strange sight running towards me.

Didn’t believe what I was seeing at first, bit yes there it was a man running in nothing but his trainers, man meat flailing about 😯

We both said “morning” and carried on our way… No need to be bothered by what someone else gets up to really, not doing any harm.

I hope we meet him on a Wednesday night, he sounds swell!

First bloke was probably older? hence felt more vulnerable around fast moving bikes and was more worried about being knocked down. That’s why he gave you the whole “old people and kiddies being knocked down by bikes” talk.

Cut him some slack and don’t worry about it 😀

Which one are you hoping to meet
Naked man or mad man?

I am not sure which answer is the worst

Junkyard, with the adjective “swell” thrown in I think I know which one would be worse.

Lol, wiggles posted whilst I was typing!

If you see the mad man again be sure to run over his face with a baby robin. Only way to be sure and it will teach him an impotent lesson.

Or is that the naked runner?

First bloke was probably older? hence felt more vulnerable around fast moving bikes and was more worried about being knocked down. That’s why he gave you the whole “old people and kiddies being knocked down by bikes” talk.

Totally the opposite. The first bloke was built like a brick shithouse and had loads of biker tats. The second guy was a cardie-wearing 70-80 year old enjoying a bimble around the woods with his dog.

I’m all for cutting people slack – but the whole “old people and kiddies” (trademark) crap was just ludicrous. I just despair of the ‘moral majority’ types who create this imaginary world of ‘lethal mountain bikers’ to reinforce their fantasies.

Fathomer – it would be good to meet the guy again because he’s top of my list for potential culprits for the vigilante log barricades we saw last Wednesday. He was a big unit and looked like he fancied himself as some kind of backwoodsman turned messiah who would do stuff like that.

It’s all so unnecessary. Andy and I are a couple of middle-aged kids riding BMXs on steroids around the countryside and talking shit whilst doing it. We’ve both got children and can’t think of much worse than scaring or mowing down someone else’s kids. The mentality of these dickheads just exasperates me sometimes.

Completely with you OP.

OP – should have pointed out that kids and old people get bitten by dogs.
He would then probably say that his dogs are under control and you shouldn’t judge him by the behaviour of others, then you could point out that the same applies to your bike.

Accept the world is full of nice and weird people everywhere.

I went deliberately riding footpaths today, partly because my back is shagged but mostly because it’s the 84th anniversary of the Kinder Tresspass. Not one walker was anything other than polite and friendly.

D’Oh!

“You’re probably right, have a jelly baby”

Was first bloke bald on top and hairy round the edges, in that case your correct he was a walking dildo.

dannyh – Member
His opening gambit was “why don’t you stick to the bike tracks where you’re supposed to?”

That old classic. I counter with, “so when walking you only ever walk on official public rights of way for walkers? You’ve never gone off the beaten path?”

When out riding the amount I see who are clearly off the official path is high. Woodland areas have tonnes of trails, many animal tracks and everyone loves having a wander about. The right of way paths though are not those trails, not for bikes or walkers.

And then another when they’re referring to bridleways over footpaths you can say is, “I bet you can’t even walk down that horse churned bridleway, let alone think anyone could ride a bike along it. Now see why bikes are not horses and should not stick to bridleways.”.

I assume everyone is a dildo & only speak to people on bikes. Only those on enduro bikes or above though.

As above assume everyone you meet is a moron and proceed accordingly

I think I’ve come across the same guy. Same description, same oldies and kids skit.
I was on a bridleway at the time. I loudly suggested that he finds somewhere more private to masturbate, as it is an offence to do so in public.
He had nothing left to say, so I rode off.
The people 100 yards down the bridleway were a bit confused, as they’d only heard me shout about masturbating.

P.S. He was not masturbating.

I just try to be overwhelmingly polite and pleasant. Sometimes it makes them even more annoyed, because they’re clearly after an argument and instead just getting pleasantries.

Had a lovely run in with a bloke on a bridleway in Winterfold last year. He too gave it all the stuff about speeding bikes knocking people over, shouldn’t be on the path (it was a bridleway, he claimed that it ran parallel, I offered to go back with him and show him the signpost that clearly indicated the split), – in the end he got so annoyed by my reasonableness he just went red in the face, and shouted “Why don’t you just, just, just…….. F*CK OFF!’

So I told him I would up the lovely bridleway we were on; I thought he was going to explode. Still laugh remembering it now.

You could also point out that you will not be taking a great steaming dump in the middle of a RoW like his canine friends.
What is it with so many English people who feel they have a right to regulate everybody else’s fun ?