- This topic has 16 replies, 13 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by bob_summers.
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Stay at home mums/dads
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bob_summersFull Member
So my weeun is due to arrive any day now and I’ve been thinking about what to do when his mum goes back to work in October.
We both work full time and child care would come out at about 350€ a month. She is the breadwinner, I do a McJob (tefl teacher) and wouldn’t miss it. I can do private classes in the evenings to keep some money coming in.
Any on here regretted staying home with the baby? Or regretted not doing so? If he doesn’t go to nursery will he miss vital contact with other kids, germs etc?spacemonkeyFull MemberExpect to receive every opinion under the sun on this one.
IMO I don’t think I could be the stay-at-home daddy for our little boy. He goes to a mixture of child-minder (awesome family-oriented setting) and nursery (awesome staff, kids and environment) M-F and has a fantastic time.
I like the exposure and experience he gets re social skills and everything else that goes with it.
We have friends where the mum stays at home (right through to school years) and some of them seem to do exactly that, stay IN the home. Some do very little or no mixing with other kids. I just don’t understand it. Whilst I believe a mum/dad can offer a heck of a lot, they also need to get off their ‘arris and do stuff.
Just my tuppence though.
petergeeFree MemberIf you can stay at home, do it. You’ll never regret it. There are plenty of other ways for your little one to meet and play with other kids than nursery. Depends on what’s available in your area but we’re lucky enough to have a 123 club one morning, kiddy-yoga, toddler dance…If you can get to just one group a week where you can meet up with other parents and your kid can spend time with other kids then you’ll both benefit. All the very best to all three of you!!
ScamperFree MemberI’m more tired but in a good way after a day with our 18 month old than at work – you have to be very organised. Certainly like the idea of being a stay at home parent, but would probebly want child care for 1 day for some me time.
Would not worry about lack of contact with other kids – you will end up going to many and varied play groups, making new friends etc, particularly if you live in a large town or city.
bob_summersFull MemberThanks for the replies. It’s a very kid oriented society here,if the weather’s alright they’re all down in the plaza so I’m not too worried about interaction.
Hadn’t thought about “me time”. Mum comes home for lunch most days so that’d give me a couple of hours to get things done or out on the bike.
Looking forward to it anyway!spacemonkeyFull Membercouple of hours to get things done or out on the bike
You might be surprised at just how little you get done when you have kids. Babies are “better” in one way because they sleep a lot more. But as soon as they become toddlers, you’ll find a little shadow pursuing your every step 🙂
flatfishFree MemberI used to do half days when the kids were in nursery which was enough for me to not go insane.
I’m self employed and both are now at school so I factor the school runs into my day and then do chores with them(supermarket) before teatime and homework.
I used to work up to 70-80 hours a week before the kids came along, I had more energy then than I do now.
I love my kids to bits but I need some down time from them occasionally.
Go for it but allow some me time as somebody else pointed out.neilsonwheelsFree MemberSingle dad here and have been for many years. Not in your situation but get the nipper ready for school do a spot of housework then play on the bike. The early years weren’t as easy as that but now its great.
jambalayaFree MemberIf one of you can stay at home with the little one it will make a big difference to their lives and to yours. Perhaps you can switch, say do a year or two each ?
As others have posted longer term stating at home with the kids can cause problems in the parents relationship but handled properly it need not.
StonerFree MemberI love it now that Im mainly at home with Mrs S out grafting for the pennies 🙂
The hours between 9ish and 3ish for the school day dont seem nearly as long as for a “normal” working day and they can evaporate pretty quickly, especially if you do the odd bit of freelance work which will pop up in the middle of the day and break up what could have been a solid 6 hours to do stuff instead.
Its why Im online here now – a conference call at 10am puts me at my desk rather than out and about, and a list of chores to do fill the rest of the day very quickly – top of the list: de-scumify the shower enclosure. Have managed to hoover the house though. Then it’s mow the lawn….
…when all I really want to do is drop the kids off and go and tinker in the shed/under the landrover/at the coppice for 6 hours straight. I might get 1 or 2 days a week like that, tops.Wouldn’t change a thing though, and I get some great time with the boys too.
maddyutahFull MemberMy mrs regretted not being at home when kids were wee eventually got made redundant when kids 6 and 8 and loves being there for them .careers are overrated. when you add up child care petrol and other expenses of mum going to work she wasn’t left with much.the kids also appreciate having mum there.i work by the way and don’t claim any benefits.if I was in your position I would have one of youse at home preferably the mother they are better at motherhood
bernardFree MemberBeen a stay at home dad for about 4 years now (kids now 6 & 4) can honestly say I have never regretted it. Our kids alway’s did a couple of days at nursery for their social development etc (I’m pretty antisocial so it filled the clubs/classes gap) it also gave me an opportunity to do all the chores (housework, shed building, path laying, van converting ) etc that I would probably ended up doing at the weekend. As for the money side we have worked hard to be able to do it, the wife has a good job and when we lost my salary we cut our cloth to suit (having said that I’m cautious with money anyway so we bought a house we could afford with one wage, saved up for stuff rather than loans etc)
I don’t think it is for everyone but for me it is perfect
bernardFree MemberI would add that number 1 started nursery when we both worked and he enjoyed it so much that was also part of the reason he kept going he had made friends and it seemed a shame to take him away from it completely.
woody2000Full MemberThanks to understanding employers, our kids have had a mix of both parents looking after them. It’s also meant no childcare costs which has been good for us financially obviously.
My OH is at home 2 days a week, I’m at home 1 day a week and the rest of the time is split between grandma and pre-school. Prior to pre-school grandma had them for 2 full days a week. They’ve also had plenty of time with other kids in the form of playgroups, friends kids etc. I’ve loved having the opportunity to spend real time with them, and I think they’ve benefitted from having both of us around. Do it if you can! 🙂
DaffyFull MemberHow can you get child care for €350 a month?!
It’s over €1200 here in Bristol!
bob_summersFull MemberDaffy, it’s subsidised through her employer so not sure what the real cost is.
I’m leaning heavily towards doing it. Having asked around this afternoon,it seems I’m entitled to a sabbatical of up to 5 years for child care and there is apparently even a government grant available!
Just want to be sure I’m not disadvantaging the kid by doing this…
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