I’ve been struggling with my mental health for over 18 months. I’ve had enough of my current situation but I don’t know how to change it.

Firstly I should say I’m not going to harm myself or others. I have job (that I hate), a house and a partner. But I have been very unhappy for too long.

I’m not sure what to do but I feel like I need to make some big changes.

Has anyone ese walked away from a life and started again? I mean walk away from everything (house, job, girlfriend, friends).

I just feel helpless and like I have no future if I carry on my current direction.

I don’t have any professional advise, but it seems to me that walking away from everything might not help. I am sure someone else will be here shortly, but in the meantime have a look at the CALM website

Maybe partner and/or friends can help?
Leaving and cutting everyone off can leave you very isolate which might not be good for ya.

Definitely look for another job though! There’s always other jobs.

I mean walk away from everything (house, job, girlfriend, friends).

Thought about it……. but realised that it wouldn’t make anything better and would only make it much, much worse.

Speak to someone and let them know how you feel.

That’ll help more than you know.

Ask for help, no one will judge you and the people closest to you probably already have  an idea of how you’re feeling but don’t want to intrude or know how to approach you about it.

If you want to make life changes, make them one at a time and give them time to bed in a bit  and then assess the results before you make any more changes.

I just feel helpless

You’re not. There is a world of help out there for you.

and like I have no future if I carry on my current direction.

The future is a long time. You can change direction gradually. It’s  much easier to avoid a crash that way.

First up… your feelings are normal and shared by lots of people at some point.

Second up… it can often look like there is only one “escape” route (or if things get really bad, no route out) but this is never actually the full picture. It’s just all you can see from you position. Talk to someone who is at a distance and can help give you the wider view.

Yeh I did, it’s still a work in progress, but I’ve completely changed my life in the past 10 years after waking up in a mental hospital after a spectacular crash.
I’d kind of always known stuff wasn’t right up to that point, but needed to hit bottom I suppose.
I kept it simple, I objectively looked at my life and made a short list of things that were bad, it was basically relationship, career, fitness. I then resolved to make big changes, and then worked on the courage bit. I planned my separation from my ex-wife for 5 years.

I disagree with pp above, you have to go big, but you have to believe in yourself. You will discover who you really are, the difference between friends and ‘friendly acquaintances’, the latter will try to stop you chasing your dream. Everyone is suffering in one way or another, they just find their way of dealing with it, usually through instant gratification of some kind.

There is normal, society ‘wants’ you to conform to a pre-designed, prescribed ideal of normal, and you’ll find everyone around you will reinforce that, because everyone is terrified, and subsequently they don’t live up to their potential. I grew to resent the idea that the life I was born into was already mapped out for me. Married, house, good job. You get some latitude within those parameters, but you’re conditioned to follow that path.

Sit down, piece of paper, and be **** honest with yourself. Right down what you need to do, take some time to reflect. Plan it, and start taking control.
All the best for the future.

It may feel like changing everything a making a clean start would help. But it won’t, and in fact could everything horribly worse. Ask for help from your friends and family, they probably have some idea, and are most likely just waiting to make the right move to help you out.

I wish you all the best, don’t forget this site might have a bunch of folk who seem ready to take the piss or start an argument, but there’s also a camaraderie on here that is astonishing in it’s breadth and depth, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I don’t think I’m qualified to comment on this in detail but everything I’ve ever read says talking to people is the start of understanding and a solution.

So I’ll leave it my advice as: Talk to the people who love you.

I’ve certainly felt similar thoughts when my own mental health was not very good. I have to say that now I’m much better and that I’m very glad I didn’t follow through those thoughts. I don’t think making life changing decisions when your own thought process is not that clear is not the best idea.

Concentrate on getting yourself better and take steps to do that first and foremost. And as the above advice says, talking to those that love you and seeking professional advice is the way to go for this.

Could you talk to your partner, see if you can change things together? I’m no expert but would guess many of the people sleeping rough are those who thought they were walking away to something better.

Or Perrin it on out?

A friend of my dad’s did it twice. Each time walking away from house, job and partner in the middle of the night with only the clothes he stood up in. A rather driven academic economist and probable alcoholic. Put his life back together again each time, bigger jobs in smaller universities. Forget how the story ends and difficult now to ask my dad or rather to understand his replies, though I think I’ll have a go.

Doesn’t look all that tempting, but there you go…

Sort of, well, not quite. All I can advise is get to, and treat, the root of your depression. No matter who/what/where you walk out from to the depression will follow you. Until you sort that then the grass won’t be greener on that side of the fence

Thanks for the responses.

I’ve spoken to my partner about how I feel and that I need to make changes but she is worried about what might happen. I understand her concern. But it feels like that’s trapping me.

I see a counsellor and through that process I have realised that I don’t thrive trying to conform to what society sees as “normal”.

This week I was overlooked for a promotion that I thought was a done deal. The feedback was patronising. This has happened to me so many times.

This afternoon I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. Perhaps I should just give up and accept that’s the way my life is and keep my head down and hope that my pension might be worth something.

Sorry to be a mood hoover on a sunny Friday.

I was stuck in a grim rut and moved to a job in another country and it’s been great. But don’t burn bridges to your friends, you can’t just apply for new friends.

My wife wanted to do this, I don’t know how close she came but she has talked about it. She has tried many things to feel better, some worked, many didn’t. She’d also made a half hearted attempt to kill herself.

You say you hate your job, so did she. She changed it, taking a 60% drop in salary to a new industry and a completely new role. This has HUGELY increased her mental health and her well being. With hindsight, she was either at work having a bad time, or dreading work at home. If work is what is hurting you then that may be the change you need to make.

If you want a chat or a beer if you’re in the Midlands, DM me, I’ll happily have a chat.

Start with the things you can change. Sounds like your job is the first place. A lot of people get stuck in a well paid job but they hate it, they cant leave it as they are used to the money. Teacher’s are a good example.

Money isn’t everything when you hate your life. Look to see what else you can do. A change is as good as a break.

Sometimes, when you feel like shit, you stop exercising. This is a  viscious cycle, you need to make yourself get up, get out, get active.

Change as many quick wins as you can. Then if you still feel the same you need to start looking at the harder choices like partners, house, friends, location.

Good luck, keep talking to your friends and partner and if you can’t talk to them, talk to us lot.

Some of those things you list are hard, but one is easy and perhaps somewhat tellingly it’s the first thing you’ve mentioned.

We spend somewhere between at third and a half of our waking life at work. It’s hard to underestimate just how much of an impact a job you hate can have. I once found myself leaving work on Fridays thinking “christ, I’ve got to come back here on Monday,” it’s no way to be, it actually made me both physically and mentally ill. Eventually I was sacked and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

Being in work is the best time to be looking for a new job. You’ve got the luxury of time (ie, you don’t have to settle for the first thing you see because you’ve got a mortgage to think of) and you’re not going to have your pants pulled down by a prospective employer who can offer you buttons because they know it’s better than the zero you’re currently earning.

Have a think about what you want to do, whether it’s a career change or simply the same job for a company that isn’t a bunch of shits, brush up your CV (there’s plenty of folk here who can help with that, me included) and get looking for something else. Don’t wait till Monday, do it now.

Oh, and, I don’t think this has been mentioned yet, but consider going to talk to your doctor. Depression isn’t always 100% situational.

I did it.

Left GF, mates, house (rented it out) and job. Worked in Egypt for a year and in Fiji for another year in completely different roles and industry. Earned bugger all, but it was a fantastic 2 years.

Came back refreshed, educated, experienced and happy. Very shortly afterwards I met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and found a good job I enjoyed, got fit and have since had a bloody good time.

You dont have long, so get started.

Did it in 1999, had a failed everything, was at the stage of living hand to mouth in a job I hated, big debt and just a general feeling of going nowhere. Sold up and ended up at first living in a bed sit in Archway with nothing to my name except no debt and the opportunity to start anew, I was around 28 at the time. It was tough but it gave me the opportunity to start again from scratch, and since then I life has been an adventure. I think some people are better at having a hard reset, that may be the answer for you.

It’s amazing (ie amazingly bad) how much a crappy job can colour your outlook on life- it literally changes how you think about EVERYTHING else in your life- your relationship, your friends, even how much you like your house! So, change your career, that will be than enough to be getting on with for now 🙂

Been in a similar place 2-3 years ago. Ground down by everything and everyone and no way out. Just wanted to get away from everything. Didn’t want to actually kill myself, but dying would have got me an escape from the life I was living. Just walking away, travelling to a new city, sleeping rough and then making a new start seemed a sensible plan to me in that state. Thank God my amazing kids stopped me doing anything drastic.

Started by going to my GP, who was amazing. Signed me off work for a month, accepted I didn’t want meds, got me on a group CBT course. Turns out I did need a low dose of meds to just calm the chatter in my head and give me time to find a sense of perspective. Ended up with 3 months off – if you do this, don’t do it in winter! Work sorted out some counseling, which was fantastic for me. Went part time at work so I could fit stuff around my kids and aging parents. MrsMC went full time again which paid way more than my job ever did.

As I was getting no satisfaction from work and had no chance of career progression, I got involved with volunteering, with Forestry Commission, sons Scouts, then ride leading a couple of different cycle groups. Developed a load of new friends, got to use people skills I’d forgotten I had, gave me a huge boost.

Came off the meds at the beginning of this year. Been a bit of a rollercoaster, but I have proper perspective on the bad days. I know what my triggers are, how to deal with them, and that they will pass. Eventually the right new job has come round, waiting on a start date. I’ve had to cut back the volunteering a bit as family stuff has grown, but that’s ok.

I was a teacher for years. I loved it at first, but gradually began to hate it as I realised no-one above teacher level cares about kids.
I jacked it in, moved to Thailand, trained as a diving instructor with my savings, and spent 10 years teaching people to dive. I also cut off contact with a couple of family members who I had a poisonous relationship with (at least 50% my fault, probably).

Crucially I kept in contact with most of my family and a couple of good friends. When I moved back to the UK, after a couple of years in Oz, they helped me re-adjust.

For the first two or three years it was great being so distant from my former existence, but I began to miss those I’d known my whole life.

Financially it was a terrible move – I’m in my mid-50s with the assets of a teenager – but I’m glad I did it.

Anyway, after all that rambling I agree with the answers above: talk to your friends or family, and make the first moves towards changing your job and possibly career.

Thank you for all your responses.

Yesterday I spent time having some very honest conversations with my partner. We both cried and laughed. She is amazing and wants to support me. I don’t know why she stands by me, I don’t think I would be able to do the same. I feel very lucky to have her in my life.

My priority for the near future is to make sure I get well. Tomorrow I’m making an appointment to see my doctor.

I don’t think working for other people makes me happy. So my plan is to get well, then focus on what I want from my career and life.

My priority for the near future is to make sure I get well. Tomorrow I’m making an appointment to see my doctor.

I don’t think working for other people makes me happy. So my plan is to get well, then focus on what I want from my career and life.

Sounds very sensible to me

On the original point I sold up everything at 30, left my job and spent all the money meaning starting again at 32. This meant my mortgage was not paid off until I was 57. I will be poorer in retirement than I would have been otherwise.

I once found myself leaving work on Fridays thinking “christ, I’ve got to come back here on Monday,” it’s no way to be, it actually made me both physically and mentally ill. Eventually I was sacked and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

Pretty much my situation up to four years ago, the continual pressure to do more and more each day with no more time to do it in, with zero tolerance for any errors or mistakes, forgetting to do something at a time someone else has arbitrarily decided it needed to be done had me genuinely worried that I had early onset Alzheimer’s! Thing is, my memory isn’t that great, never has been, but it had never been an issue until the company underwent a change in ownership and outside investors were brought in.
I got the push in the end, and like Cougar, the best thing that could have happened.
I spent two years working for British Car Auctions picking up and delivering cars all over the country, and I’m now doing a similar thing but moving cars on site for a company I used to pick up from and deliver to in Westbury who repair and refurbish ex-Motability cars.
I walk more each day than I’ve ever done, and I’m outdoors all day right through the year, but the company is the complete opposite to where I had previously worked, and that makes such a huge difference.

It’s nearly a week since I started this thread. I was overwhelmed by the responses on this thread and the DMs. I posted in haste when I wasn’t thinking clearly, but the STW community spoke sense and showed a level of support that made me stop and think. So here’s a quick update.

I’m still in my job, living in my house with my partner and not run away. It’s been really tempting to pack a small bag and run but I need to get my mental health sorted before I do anything so big (I don’t think I need to do anything so drastic, but never say never). This week has been a real roller coaster, but there are some positive thoughts breaking through and I feel like I know myself better than ever. Next week I’m going to see the doctor to talk about how I have been feeling and to ask for help.

Thanks STW you really helped.

Glad to hear you’re doing better.

Just keep on talking and you’ll be fine.

Yesterday I spent time having some very honest conversations with my partner. We both cried and laughed. She is amazing and wants to support me. I don’t know why she stands by me, I don’t think I would be able to do the same. I feel very lucky to have her in my life.

My priority for the near future is to make sure I get well. Tomorrow I’m making an appointment to see my doctor

I would work on your relationship, don’t ditch it – it sounds like it’s worth working on. Everyone has rough patches and actual true love takes years and years of shared experience and troubles to develop. Not everyone falls deeply in love or knows who their perfect partner is within a few months of knowing them.

Feeling lucky is a sign that you are on the right track.

Sounds like you need a holiday. Grab a tent and your bike and get off for a while, even if it’s just one night. But make sure you come back. Sounds like you have a lot to return to.

A while ago I changed my outlook. Instead of looking at everyone else and thinking, they earn more than me, they have a better house, car, bike, holiday etc

Now I look at the positives in my life that I have and don’t compare myself to others anymore. The older you get the less important wealth is and health becomes more valuable.

I’m glad you have started on the road to recovery. Good luck