Mrs STR went out for a birthday curry last night with a few girls.

One girl paid nothing for taxis, neither did she get a round in.

Had the meal and then the nonsense starts. £29 each to split.

One girl counts out her ‘share’ of £17.38 exactly, another mother and (adult) daughter tried chipping in £30 for the pair of them.

It all got that confusing, my Mrs told them to chuck what the hell they wanted in and stumped up the rest.

I don’t know exactly what everyone had and it’s not really the money that bothers me, it’s the pettiness of it all.

If you are going to go out, don’t have drinks bought you and not buy one back. If you are skint and don’t think you’ve eaten much, don’t count it out to the penny at least – I really don’t think the £17.38 girl is that skint.

Is it me? I’m sure plenty will be along to correct me in my thinking shortly

I would give £17.38 girl the benefit of the doubt as it’s the end of Jan.
The £30 for the pair people are worse in my eyes.

In my opinion it needs to be agreed that either the bill will be split, or people will pay for what they had. No messing around, and “guessing” what you want to pay.

I rarely carry cash nowadays so just pay my share on the card, usually rounded up for tippage. Mates I go out with are not nobbers so generally just split it equally. Unless someone has had something completely different, they they should either pay a bit more or less than everyone else.

If I miss my round for some reason (like there’s five of us but only have 4 drinks) I’ll make sure I get the first one in the next time we’re out.

For mates or out with other couples, split equal. For different sized families it’s a bit trickier. You win some you lose some.

Not just skint people, I’ve been for lunch with similarly petty engineering contractors, their hourly rate over lunch probably covered more than their share……

Their problem is:
Round down
Forgets they had an extra glass of coke which was another £4
Forgets the 10% service charge

So in their head they’ve been generous with their £20 for the £13 pub burger and chips and a drink. in reality it was £13 + £4 + £4 + 10% ~£25.

There’s always someone in the group skint or on a diet, but that’s an exception not the rule, it’d be unfair to make someone skint who had the soup pay for the next persons steak.

I don’t want to perpetuate any sexist myths, but me and 4 old schoolmates (now in our late 30s) met up on Sunday, went out for a meal, I didn’t have enough cash on me so was going to just pay the rest. If I hadn’t checked what they’d put in I would’ve paid nothing and still left a decent tip.

As it was, everyone took a bit out and the tip was still about 20% of the bill once I’d paid a reasonable sum towards it on my card.

Mates I go out with are not nobbers so generally just split it equally. If I miss my round for some reason (like there’s five of us but only have 4 drinks) I’ll make sure I get the first one in the next time we’re out.

this. Fortunately all my mates are splitters. Some of my GF’s mates are not. Does my nut when everyone starts getting the calculators on their phones out. I just tell her that she’s paying for my share too and wander off to the bar while she sorts it all out 😂

my Mrs told them to chuck what the hell they wanted in and stumped up the rest.

that sets a dangerous precedent! I can just about understand wanting to pay for what you’ve ACTUALLY had – but trying to get out of even paying that?! Who needs “friends” like that?

For me, it should be agreed how many courses you are having as a group – does everyone want starters, no? Ok, we skip starters.

From then on in, if you don’t drink you get some dispensation, but everyone else should just split. So bloody what if someone had a naan, or your chips were 50p cheaper than her rice. It always ends up spoiling the evening.

Fortunately most people are capable of not being dick’s, but occasionally it happens

It’s something I’ve had in the past when a particular group, we would always be one person short.

If I’m with family, then I pay our share as there were 2 adults and 2 kids so not a full 4 people, and we weren’t drinking, so this works. With mates/colleagues its just a straight split unless one of us has something either more expensive or cheaper, then we just sort it.

Split per person, don’t go anywhere that adds a service charge.

I go to two ways with this:

a) Split it equally

or, if you don’t want to do that

b) Tell me what I owe, cos I’m not fannying about working it out

I have a fairly simple rule – any messing about at the end of the meal around who pays what & I’ll never eat out with them again. Life is too short for that sort of nonsense.

For mates or out with other couples, split equal. For different sized families it’s a bit trickier. You win some you lose some.

There are 2 options. Split equal or diligently pay to the penny for everything you got (plus a tip). I remember once a tight fisted friend was tasked with splitting the bill. “If you’ve had one course pay x, 2 courses pay y, 3 courses pay z”. Firstly it disregarded the cost of each course and number of drinks (we were students, there were lots of drinks) secondly, it ended up about 20% under the bill… and thirdly, it was just as complex as just paying for whatever you’d actually had. Fourthly of course she’d only done it as she happened to fit into whatever category she decided should pay the least, of course.

I’m always happy to split the bill on the basis that I’ll have eaten a lot and drunk a fair bit, but I’m veggie so won’t have had the steak, so my bill will be pretty much the same either way.

I usually don’t mind splitting it equally even if it works out badly for me.

I have however asked to pay for mine separately before as I was trying to move house at the time and needed to find £20K thanks to the financial crash.
Felt like a bit of a pikey but TBH I had no starter, cheapest main course, no desert & tap water. Some of the others had two or three pints and three expensive courses + coffees. There was no way I was putting in £60 when my total was only about £10.

It is a mine field. I enjoy eating out but try do it cheaply so I can do it more, easy when it is just the two of us. Just need to put that to one side when eating in a group and go with the flow. There will always be one who doesn’t put in the full whack because they only had a salad, but by the same token it is pretty rare that the person who had the lobster and drank 6 pints voluntarily puts in a bit extra.

I don’t think it’s as simple as “spliting = good person, paying your own = bad person”.

I haven’t always had spare money but still wanted to have a social life and do what I can. Even now I am more price-conscious than most and track every penny in to and out of my bank account.

I’ve been at meals out where I have consciously chosen not to have a second drink, or chosen a meal based on the price, and to me it always seemed a bit unfair that I’ve had to make up for other people being more indulgent or less considerate despite my best efforts to be social within my means and my budget. I know some people say if you can’t afford to go out then don’t but it also seems unfair that I have to miss having a social life as I can’t afford to pay for everyone else having a started.

On the flip side, I do dislike the faff involved with splitting a bill, especially when everyone forgets the tip, miscalculates it, etc… which I don’t understand. As I said, I was and am very price-conscious, I add up the cost of the meal as I go so I know how much I am paying at the end (maybe having studied maths has helped with this?). If people are just using it as an excuse to not pay what they owe then I’d stop hanging out with them, but there is nothing wrong with wanting or needing to be careful with your own money imo.

Having little disposable income, I don’t go anywhere near bill splitting politics, I pay for what I order.

I’m broadly in agreement with the OP, and have avoided eating out with certain people who have shown themselves to be particularly stingy when the bill turned up.

If you are going to go out, don’t have drinks bought you and not buy one back.

Really feasible though?

I’ve been at meals out where I have consciously chosen not to have a second drink, or chosen a meal based on the price, and to me it always seemed a bit unfair that I’ve had to make up for other people being more indulgent

Ask at the start to run your own tab in future.

If money is tight then people who aren’t worried about money are really expensive company. Splitting the bill reflects an assumption by some in the group that everyone can equally afford the cost – that the difference between £17 and rounding up to £20 doesn’t matter (let alone £30). But that difference exists because people who don’t have to worry about the cost have ordered more and are expecting to pay less for it.

My instinct is not to split the bill – I’d rather offer to pay the whole thing regardless of who’s party it is, than have people feel that fun and company is means tested.

I’d rather offer to pay the whole thing regardless of who’s party it is, than have people feel that fun and company is means tested.

Surely buying people’s company is a form of means testing.

I don’t want to perpetuate any sexist myths

I’d never want to do this either, but anecdotally, when it’s just been blokes (or close mates including women) around a table I can’t ever remember spending anything more than a few seconds agreeing how much everyone will put in.

Again, anecdotally, for me at least, it’s always been a different story when there’s more women than men around the table, and I’ve found it especially frustrating in work related situations. In my last role, our team went out for meals occasionally, and I was usually one of just two blokes at a table of 9-10 people, and often the only bloke.

There genuinely were times when it took way longer to divvy up the bill than it did to order, wait for, and eat the food.

We are in a fortunate position that most of our friends now earn reasonable money and (9/10) we split the bill and the person who had ‘the steak’ would put in a few more quid for the tip.

In the past when some of us have been more strapped we have been more open with how much we can afford and say to the group ‘I’m getting XXXX because I’m skint’ when ordering. This sends the message that I will only pay for what I have.

Generally if it’s the boys out then we divide by the party number round up and add a couple quid for tip. Generally the place ends up with 15-20% tip but we have also had 3 pints, poppadum’s, puddings and coffees by that point and are more concerned by the structural integrity of our belts than how much less our wallets weigh.

I go to two ways with this:

a) Split it equally

or, if you don’t want to do that

b) Tell me what I owe, cos I’m not fannying about working it out

Is my approach.

However I have been on the end of some very tricky situations in the distant past. Like your Mrs, I’ve had a few who have insisted on re-calculation of the bill and I came up with a solution. That is: if someone wants to pay for only what they’ve had, then we all re-calculate based on that. It has two outcomes 1) it pisses a lot of people off 2) the person who started the whole scenario understands it’s their actions that caused the delays.

Life is too short, but possibly the person who offered up £17odd may indeed be short of cash, if that was the case then your Mrs could have said something to get to understand that situation, or that person is so short of cash they shouldn’t have joined in…

Hey ho.

It’s a mindset thing – some people view lunch/dinner with freinds as an “experience” comprising of the venue, company, drinks, food etc. The assumption is that all have shared in the experience equally so should split the cost. When you attend you enter into a contract to share the costs. It’s incidental to the experience whether one person had an extra drink, or someone didn’t have a starter etc.

Clearly not everyone buys into these assumptions. Normally I’m cool with it except for the last meal I was at. I wasn’t drinking but a few of the guys (including the richest most obnoxious one) were hitting the beer and wine big time. Ended up costing me £60 for a £15 set menu. Ouch. Lesson learned.

Mrsg82 and me also play a game of guessing the bill. Furthest from the truth pays. All from memory too, no peaking at the menu for prices.

Split equally wether good or bad or as someone has said go the bar and wait for someone to tell you how much you owe. If they don’t get a round in tell them directly to their face to get one or go home. Haven’t been out with the other half’s family for 5 years as they are the calculator brigade and it makes for a miserable end to the evening.

On the rounds of drinks thing – my dad told me always to try and get the first round in. Otherwise you can’t politely leave until you have been able to buy a round and may get stuck there longer than you intended. Seems like a pretty good rule.

in my experience, they’re generally much more clued up about this in the US and will often offer to give everyone separate “checks” or will do so if you ask

I always used to be a split the bill person and add 10% now im not. The reason is others just take the mickey.

Theres generally always someone who is struggling when we go out. And theres always someone who seems to have more than their fair share. Whether this is on purpose or not I don’t know. So the person driving might have a drink and cheap main while the other person will have 5 pints, starter main and dessert or worse order a couple of bottles of decent wine. Having been in the situation myself I tend to try and start it by splitting for what people actually had.

Im not against splitting equally (it’s a lot easier, missus doesn’t like it) but im the first to suggest we don’t to stop someone else feeling awkward.

As for service charge. It soon mounts up if theres 10 of you and tbh I think it’s a joke having to add it on. Ill happily throw in a tenner or something but sometimes if everyone chips in 10%+ it becomes 50 quid which is ridiculous. I don’t get a bonus every time I do my job.

in my experience, they’re generally much more clued up about this in the US and will often offer to give everyone separate “checks” or will do so if you ask

I’m sure most restaurants could do that pretty much anywhere but what a silly thing to do.

We used to have a well off guy on my old team and any team lunch was always the same.

“We all splitting the bill then?”
“Yeah”
“Happy hour pizza and a coke please”
“Happy hour pizza and a coke please”
“Happy hour pizza and a coke please”
“Happy hour pizza and a coke please”
“Happy hour pizza and a coke please”
“Sirloin steak, extra fries, onion rings, peppercorn sauce, side of garlic bread and a Pellegrino”

I’m currently going though a weeks worth of receipts from a family trip to Poland. My mother made it clear that she wasn’t prepared to subsidise any one else’s meals so I’ve got to go through every receipt and allocate costs accordingly. Given that the difference is turning out to be under a tenner for a weeks worth of meals it’s a right pain in the arse.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of better healed friends eating and drinking significantly more than me and then expecting me to chip in an equal share. As my “share” was well over double what my meal actually cost I politely declined and asked for a separate bill.

Just for the record, the not buying a round girl never does. Mrs got the first round in at the pub and she even said awww, we should be getting you this, it’s your birthday 😬

Always seems to find money to stick up her nose though

Also not wanting to be sexist, I’ll add ‘anecdotally’, 99% of the time it seems to be the female of the species causing the fuss. Groups of blokes, never an issue

No it isn’t you.
Sadly your wife has some rubbish friends, particularly the mother and daughter.

I remember the good old days when the birthday boy/girl actually got their meal bought by everyone else splitting. Can’t remember that happening for a while.

Ah, happy memories of a major inquiry we were on in Bradford many years ago. When the daily toil was over we’d nip over the road to slake whatever thirst we’d managed to work up. There was one Detective Sergeant who always managed to tag onto the two/three/four person rounds and would order a diet coke when we all had a pint. He always tagged on, and as we never had more than a couple of pints managed to avoid ever paying for a round. This was noted and a couple of snidey remarks would start, and he pointed out that as he was only drinking soft drinks he didn’t see why he had to pay for other people to drink beer. I hadn’t had a good day, and he was really starting to bug me (he was a crap team leader too…..) so I said, rather too loudly, that we were in a Weatherspoons during happy hour (well, angry hour as it was in Bradford) and that his pint of fizzy pish was more expensive than our beer, so either he got his hand in his pocket or farked orrf. He farked orrf.

I’m always happy to split the bill. You win some, you lose some.

As a professional traveller, eating away in groups all the time, the answer is separate checks. All pay your own bill and tip.

Those who take the piss know exactly what they are doing. Trying to leave your ‘mates’ covering the rest of the bill is the lowest.

As a professional traveller

*Pictures a pikey in a suit 👀

My wife’s thirtieth was spent in a nice eatery in Halifax. I’d invited about six or seven couples and was determined to make it a decent night out. I noted that her head of department and his wife studied the menu fastidiously and ordered a soft drink and a simple pizza each. I dropped a couple of hints that he didn’t need to skimp, as I would be picking up the tab, but they stuck with their choice. We had a few bottles of wine, and I had a nice middle of the road sort of dish, but noticed that one couple had gone for the surf’n’turf. Ah well, what the hell.

After the meal I slipped over to speak with the owner ( an acquaintance) with my credit card ready to pay the bill. He told me that one of the other couples had already paid. I tried to get him to cancel it, but at that point I heard the woman who had paid telling the assembled throng that everyone was going to split the bill and everyone except me and Mrs Scape were going to pay an equal share. The amount came to roughly four times what poor old Stuart and Lil had eaten. The look on his face still haunts me.

My experience of going out on group meals is that at the end I work out what we’ve had (no calculator) round it up to a figure to allow for error then add £10 for service charge/ minor errors. I don’t think it’s ever worked out that there’s enough money at the end. So when it starts getting tricky I just say I’ve paid what I owe and then added £10 so someone’s not owning up and wander off.