Let someone else do it if you can’t face it. 

100% this, when we lost Mrs oldenough there was a million things I would have liked to have said, but I knew I’d never be able to hold it together enough to say anything. Our son put his hand up straight away and wrote a beautiful speech which he delivered flawlessly. Much better for everyone than me standing there a blubbering wreck. But if you feel up to it OP go for it, you’ll have nothing but support from everyone there.

Just a quick update.

Sue’s celebration of life was yesterday. We held it at a beachside cocktail bar on the island (Arran)

The sun shone, it was warm, people came. We didn’t do invites just an open invitation to people who knew us. It was lovely to be in the company of friends.

Her cycling group made sandwiches, snacks and cakes.

We had a celebrant read the story of Sue’s life. Our daughter then read a poem that she had found that summed up her, and my, feelings beautifully.

My turn came…and I got through it. I did my thankyou’s to all her carers, medical team and friends, read a wee emotional bit that I’d written, a a snatch of a song lyric that I wanted to share…and I was done (almost)

I wavered more than a bit, but with the kids either side of me ready to step in it was good.

I was able to finish by announcing that our daughter is pregnant with our first Grandchild and that she was able to tell Sue the news before she died. That felt good.

Thanks for the support and advice on here, it really made a difference, especially the practice, practice suggestion. I’m so pleased I went for it, I feel that even if I’d failed it would have been better than not trying.

Good for you. Its important that you are content with whatever ceremony you have

Thanks for the update crewlie. I’m glad you were able to do your bit as you had wanted to. Sounds like you will have positive memories of the day to think back on as time goes on. Good to hear about your first grandchild and how your wife had known. All the best now for the weeks and months ahead.

I feel that even if I’d failed it would have been better than not trying.

I don’t think there’s any scenario where you can fail if you go in with that attitude.

I’m glad the day went well, sounds like a great send off.

Sounds like a lovely event and a lovely tribute to your wife.

That does indeed sound like a lovely way to remember your wife and, once again, I am impressed by your strength.

That sounds lovely Crewlie.
One of my few regrets in life is my mum died not knowing she was a grandma….

Mark, it was an honour to be there with you yesterday. You all did really well and the whole venue, mood and atmosphere was peaceful and reflective. Your good news piece at the end was truly wonderful !

Well done Mark, sounds like a perfect day to remember her and something you will always be glad you did.

I’m not going to pretend it will be easy, I still have to break off conversations nearly 3 years later when something crashes over me in a memory. But it gets easier to understand and accept why this happens.

I’m sure others have said it but be gentle to yourself, good luck with the future and a grandchild 🙂

Sounds like a really beautiful event. It’s so nice to hear that you were able to do everything that you felt you wanted to do. There’s still a rocky road ahead but hopefully your first grandchild will provide you with encouragement and positivity in your life.

Good man! Well done.

Well done Crewlie ,it sounds like it was a lovely day and went the way you had wanted.
Look after yourself.

You sound like a wonderful husband. You’re also going to make a wonderful grandfather.

Big hugs for the furture.
bunnyhop x

Hi crewlie
I hope you find some help from the advice already posted. I can’t add anything I’m afraid but I wouldn’t expect my wife to stand up and speak at my funeral. It’s going to be a hard enough day as it is for you. And the rest of the days.

Edit: sorry I missed reading the last posts. Well done. Keep riding the bike buddy.

This kind of thread is what makes this place special,