My two boys, who attend a local high school, have just arrived home in tears. They had stopped by a newsagent’s on the way home (as they sometimes do) to buy sweets, and there was a bunch of other kids in there already making mischief. Now, I don’t know if those other kids were actually shoplifting, or if they were just accused of shoplifting, but they said to the people working in the shop that my boys were doing it too. In fact, my boys would never in the lives even think of the possibility of taking something that wasn’t theirs. Neither did they know these other kids, nor even what school they attended (they didn’t recognise the uniform).

In any case, the folk in the newsagent’s made my kids tell them their names, and said they were going to call the school to report them, and my boys are devastated. They’re in Years 7 and 9 respectively, and have never been in trouble with anyone, anywhere.

What, as a responsible parent, can I/should I be doing at this moment?

Tell the boys to chill.
Tell the shop to provide some evidence
Tell the school that your kids have been fingered by this unknown group who were themselves accused of shoplifting and brought your kids into the frame to deflect blame from themselves.

Oh yes, and tell the school that if the kids really were hardened crims then they’d hardly have fessed their real names to the shopkeeper would they?

Tell the shop to provide some evidence

You mean I should call them up or pay them a visit and ask for evidence?

The obvious answer would be to go to speak to the shop owner and get them to show you the evidence of it happening (something more tangible than some other kids saying something) and if they cannot prove that, ask them to reconsider their threat to speak to the school.

If you have a dog collar*, put it on, then when the school calls you go in and see them.

Seriously though, the school should back you up anyway if they know the kids. There’s no evidence here other than the testimony of the other kids who, if they are accused of shoplifting, shouldn’t have much standing in the eyes of the shop staff.

It’s hard to be accused, but they know they’re in the right and that should give them a bit of strength and confidence.

* the Priest kind not the fetish kind

You mean I should call them up or pay them a visit and ask for evidence

Sorry. No, do nothing yet. If the school do get in the kids’ faces and accuse them of something then ask them to ask the shop for evidence.
Don’t you be running around building/demolishing a non existent case for them.

Innocent until proven guilty, carpe corpus and all that.

* the Priest kind not the fetish kind

there’s a difference?

I’d be in the shop with a video camera running accusing them of threatening my children making false accusations, intimidation etc. (all that they’d done put in legal jargon) And make sure that they sold nothing for at least half and hour. I’d be along to the school suggesting they inform kids they are likely to be wrongly acccused of shop lifting and that they advise children from the school not to go into the shop.

In short I’d be their worst nightmare, and a good dad.

there’s a difference?

Post of the day 🙂

Surely the school teachers and/or head know your kids? If they are of sound reputation you have nothing to worry about. I’d just wait, see what happens. Normally the school would escalate an incident to the parents. So what is the concern here?

Whats any of this got to do with the school?

bruneep
Full Member

Whats any of this got to do with the school?

Very little, but being in uniform can be seen as representing the school I suppose.

In short I’d be their worst nightmare, and a good dad.

Not sure that covers the nuclear option you just described

Read the OP, Bruneep.

Edit: that isn’t the nuclear option, that’s the mild version. 😉

I’d be in the shop with a video camera running accusing them of threatening my children making false accusations, intimidation etc. (all that they’d done put in legal jargon) And make sure that they sold nothing for at least half and hour. I’d be along to the school suggesting they inform kids they are likely to be wrongly acccused of shop lifting and that they advise children from the school not to go into the shop.

In short I’d be their worst nightmare, and a good dad.

Lordy.

I rarely agree with Ed but, this time, I do.

What, as a responsible parent, can I/should I be doing at this moment?

Let the school know, tell them what you thinks, they’ll likely agree. Can’t see much to be gained by going to the shop.

I used to shoplift as a kid (mainly for dares). My mother thought butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth. I was the angelic blond-haired kid. Just saying.

I’d be in the shop with a video camera running accusing them of threatening my children making false accusations, intimidation etc. (all that they’d done put in legal jargon) And make sure that they sold nothing for at least half and hour. I’d be along to the school suggesting they inform kids they are likely to be wrongly acccused of shop lifting and that they advise children from the school not to go into the shop.

In short I’d be a bit of a tool

FTFY

Saxon, the bit of your post where you say:

In fact, my boys would never in the lives even think of the possibility of taking something that wasn’t theirs.

Is worryingly similar to Edu’s. The vast majority of parents believe their kids are angels and can do no wrong. Many of them are mistaken.

I’m sure that you are correct in your position that your kids have done nothing wrong, but I reckon it’s worth backing away from your position ever so slightly.
Instead of ” never in their lives even remotely consider” just say ” said they didn’t do it, I belive them and there is nothing to suggest they did. Show me some evidence/ facts”

I think its more powerful to show that you’re considering the situation and evidence in front of you, rather that a point blank refusal to even countenance the suggestion”

You can’t just go fingering kids.

I rarely agree with bridges but, this time, I do

So what is the concern here?

The children were upset – as a parent that would be enough concern to me that I would want to do something about it to show them they have my support and backing. I certainly wouldn’t turn my back and assume the school would react correctly.

Advise the school of what’s going on, try to speak with the year head, they’ll know your boys and will at least be prepared for the accusation if/when it comes, and will be able to deal with it. Let the school deal with the shop. Tell your lads to avoid going into the shop in future.

I suspect the shop are looking for an excuse to kick up a fuss with the school over the real “naughty” kids, and your kids were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The school should ask the shop for CCTV evidence to support the allegation. Otherwise, the school will be asked to take the word of the kids who were causing the original trouble over the word of your kids who you say have no record of trouble.

Do nothing. You over reacting will upset your kids even more. The shop may do nothing. If they do,then you talk to the school.

Lesson to your kids – always walk away from any sign of trouble so you don’t get dragged in to it.

I’m not a dad, but I think…

I’d be in the shop with a video camera running accusing them of threatening my children making false accusations, intimidation etc. (all that they’d done put in legal jargon) And make sure that they sold nothing for at least half and hour. I’d be along to the school suggesting they inform kids they are likely to be wrongly acccused of shop lifting and that they advise children from the school not to go into the shop. the boys, and calmly have a discussion with the owner about what happened

You mean I should call them up or pay them a visit and ask for evidence?

I’d get a full and calm explanation from the boys and have them explain exactly who it was behind the counter that reprimanded them. I then be down there immediately – by myself (perhaps with boys outside in case they were needed for any explaining) – and ask politely but firmly to speak with the individual concerned. I’d let them put forward their case and ask for evidence etc. I’d ask what right they had bringing the school element into it. No point getting shirty first, just keep it calm and concise. Weigh up the facts at the end and play it from there.

IME as a dad, boys can exaggerate things, especially when they’re the ones in trouble. So it might end up being their words against the boys’ words. If you need to escalate, then get the manager/shopkeeper out front and make your feelings clear and any action you expect to be taken, eg ‘I suggest you have a word with employee X about their response… blah blah”.

No doubt it’ll blow over soon enough and the boys have to decide when next to return to the shop. Either way, rock up, say your bit, avoid getting shirty, draw your conclusion and move on.

EDIT: I’d also speak to the boys’ teachers and head/deputy to clear the air.

I rarely agree with bridges but, this time, I do

I agree with IHN.

Go into the shop and look for all the products labelled “part of a multipack, not to be sold separately” and then ask if he wants to take it further!

You can’t just go fingering kids.

That’s why he needs the dog collar.

Give your kids a petrol bomb each to take to school and they can lob them in on the way past.

What, as a responsible parent, can I/should I be doing at this moment?

IMHO do nothing. Perhaps teach them not to give out their personal details so willingly but other than that wait and see. I assume they’ll not be giving their custom to that shop again for a while.

Likely they don’t even call the school; if they do, likely the school do nothing to the individuals but remind everyone they represent the school when in uniform; if you do get called in or your children are in any way punished (and are 100% certain that your children would NEVER* do this, or pretend to do this, or have been dared to do this) then go see the school, say “its surely a matter for the police”.

*just beware, not every child who appears innocent to their parent is always perfect 24/7. They could just be really crap at shoplifting and got caught!

Police won’t come out for a bike, don’t expect them to raise a fuss for a packet of Nerds 😂

I used to shoplift as a kid (mainly for dares). My mother thought butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth. I was the angelic blond-haired kid. Just saying.

*Raises hand also*

Not saying this was your kids SaxonRider, as I’m sure they wouldn’t have reacted the way they did if it was, but it might actually be a useful lesson for them to not ever consider stealing in the future.

I’d just suggest they don’t shop at that newsagents again and move on (plus other good points if the school is silly enough to take it seriously, if the newsagent reports them).

Given the amount of scrotes round here when I drop Hermes parcels off – and the general ineffectiveness of the police – I don’t think newsagents have an easy time of it with their clientele and probably could do with a bit of leeway if they handle it badly…

I’d wait for things to calm down tonight, get a better picture of what happened tomorrow with cool heads.
If the story is the same then I’d go into the shop and have a calm conversation with the person who accused them, with your boys outside. Explain the situation and ask the shopkeeper if they have any CCTV they could look at to determine if your boys are reeling the truth or not and that you’ll be back tomorrow to find out. Explain that you trust your boys and that you expect that the other party involved are the real cause of the problem and you hope he can review his allegation and move on.

Unfortunately the guy who runs my local shop is an unreasonable **** and personally I’d flip my shit and offer him outside and probably get the granny kicked out of me.

I’d be having a calm and collected conversation with the shop keeper to be honest. My friends and I always used to give the name of another, really nice kid, in our year group if we ever got in trouble. Poor guy must’ve been on a local police watchlist

Police won’t come out for a bike, don’t expect them to raise a fuss for a packet of Nerds 😂

My old school has an “in house” copper*! Presumably, he’s now dealt with the drug dealing, gang violence, sectarianism and other crap that went on so is ready for some proper criminality.

*He is officially based there. Actually there were cops at the school most days when I was there so its not a huge change – but now its the same cop every day!

Keep an open mind. Don’t take advice from nut jobs on here.

It must be a nightmare running a shop like that with schoolkids in. I suspect it will come to nothing but if the kids want to keep popping in on their way home then have a word with the owner. Otherwise just wait to see if anything happens and tell the kids it is not worth worrying about.

I used to shoplift as a kid (mainly for dares). My mother thought butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth. I was the angelic blond-haired kid. Just saying.

Conversely, my mum always suspected I was ‘up to no good’, so I was up against it from day one. I just got very, very good, at being very, very deceitful. She really didn’t have a clue. She still thinks I’m up to no good even now. I’m always one step ahead of her…

Kids in shops always reminds me of this film – from 22:37 but the whole thing is good if you have time for it 🙂