Surely all you need to do is an initial wipe off of the main clag and then put some baby lotion on some more loo roll and wipe the remainder off. Good enough for babies! That’s what a friend of mine recommends anyway.

Coming to this one late, but…

What’s the reasoning behind calling a clean one a “cling film”?

I normally just call it “clean break” or “tailing off perfectly”.

If we’re getting posh here then keep a packet of baby wipes in the fridge and take them with you when you do for a dump. Luxury.

This is why I lurk on the this forum.
(I read somewhere).If you have to wipe more than 3 times you have a problem in that department.

Beware Mustangs 😯

Because if it doesn’t fall it MUST ‘ANG……… 😳

I struggle with long sentences, but I assume this has already been posted…

http://www.funniestvideosonline.com/video.php?video=1522&Wipe_Your_Bottom_Song

Rather oddly, I first saw this when it was on some clip show in France. I’d just stumbled in after a few too many Pelforths and realised I’d left the TV on. This was showing. Scary.

But you can’t flush baby wipes

(I read somewhere).If you have to wipe more than 3 times you have a problem in that department.

Nah. Hairy arsed blokes will have a lot more trouble getting rid of all the clingons.

Plop.

This thread is bizarre. Why don’t you all just use a bidet then dab? None of this wiping malarkey

Mate at work got asked this very question last week when he went to tho Docs with a urinary infection he has been having problems with for a while. He is nearing 65, the Doc in question is a locum from I….
Cannot print mates response 😳

Bum gun all the way for me.

Have I ever told the ass-sponge story on here?

Who let this thread out and why?

Ass-sponge.

I had the displeasure of working with an American called Dave.

Dave was 300+ pounds of Kentucy man, used to be 450+ but lost some weight. He was a vile creature, letching and not unknown for making passes at students at the uni he worked at.
His diet was appalling, once during a cooked breakfast, he over microwaved the butter turning it into a bowl of liquid. Dave proceeded to dunk his bread in the butter, soak it up and eat it.
A whole bar of butter was consumed.

Ass-spongery – Dave used to carry a damp spongle with him, the sort you use for washing dishes with. Because we lived and worked in a tropical country, which used different toilets, bum washing facilities etc, Dave was always paranoid that he hadn’t cleaned properly. And being 300+ pounds he had some spare cracks to keep clean.

Dave carried his ass-sponge as he called it in his back pocket, so that when he had to crap, he had a sponge to wipe himself down with to make sure he was clean. He would then return it to his pocket for the next use.

He claims to have been given this advice by another expat, but I never met any expat who carried an ass-sponge with them.

When I was back, I saw him in the local supermarket, he was back to his 400+ size, so big his arms looked small and deformed.

has no one invented the 3 seashells yet