Bad news – very sorry.
My Dad went with a sudden heart attack way too young.
I have often wondered if losing him would have been easier had we had a warning he was “going”.
Either way sucks.
I would want to do as much with my dad as possible before he went;looking at family photographs, sorting his garden,visiting a favourite place…..My grandad died this year ,days before he passed we both sat ,talked & cried and thanked each other for being in each others lives. It made me feel a little better.

I have often wondered if losing him would have been easier had we had a warning he was “going”

It would have been easier if you knew (in my experience). I lost my dad when he was apparently recovering in hospital from a bout of pneumonia – I was the last family member to see him alive on the Thursday night, talked about footie, he wished me luck with our office move the following day – apologising that he couldn’t help out. Got the call on Friday morning from my mum and I knew what she was going to say as soon as I saw the phone ring. Never had a chance to say goodbye (although I *did* have a sense as I walked away waving through the window that it might be the last time I saw him alive, quite irrationally given that he was supposed to be recovering)

With my mum it was lung cancer, it wasn’t nice to see her go downhill like she did but at least we got to talk (some quite amusing conversations given her drugged up state) and I got to hold her hand, tell her I love her, that kind of thing.

I still wish I had a chance to say last goodbyes to dad. 75 today. 🙁

AA, stay strong mate. If you want a spin out to clear your head and talk, if your on your bike again, just shout. (name above) athotmaildotcom.

AA really sorry to hear what you are going through, take it easy mate.

I have some insight in to what you’re going through, Mrs mW also has a terminal prognosis due to a brain tumour.

I don’t think you should worry about your mum knowing too much, Mrs mW was also a clinician and I guess because we knew a fair amount about the condition from the start it meant that the major grieving happened when she received the original diagnosis rather than further down the line. Even the day we were told it was terminal wasn’t as bad as the day we got the initial scan results. Your mother might be the same, she’ll have known the odds on successful treatment (even if she didn’t share that knowledge) and whilst it might hit her hard initially it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will hit her harder than anyone without the same knowledge and understanding that I expect she has.

Do you live close by? If so drop in a little more often than normal, If you’re not near by then phone more often than you might otherwise do. It’s very easy to start to feel isolated in this situation especially as the tumour begins to affect mobility. If you are nearby then can you help out with any trips to the hospital, take care of picking up prescriptions or shopping, offer to make dinner for everyone once a week, it’s a good excuse to get together if nothing else. Theres a load of practical things that you can help out with. Make sure that they know that they can ask you for anything at anytime and that you want to help in any way possible.

But to balance out that last paragraph a little you also need to respect their wishes above all else. Initially I was very guilty of trying to take over, in my mind I was trying to ease the burden but the reality is that Mrs mW just wants to get on with her life as best as she can for as long as she can. She wants to continue to feel useful for as long as possible. What I’m trying to say is that it is just as possible to do too much as too little, your mother and father will need to set the boundaries and as difficult as it might be for you, you need to respect them.

Don’t bottle up your emotions, if you feel like a cry have a cry if you feel angry and frustrated go out for a short sharp ride or knock seven shades out of a punchbag, just vent it in as positive a manner as you can. If you feel yourself slipping too far off an even keel then do whatever you need to do to steady yourself. Look after yourself and you’re in the best place possible to look after your mother and father.

If you need further information then these might help:
The brain tumour charity
Macmillan brain tumour information

Very sorry to hear that….how old is he? I lost my Dad a year ago, but as he had dementia, it was almost a blessing. At least you have some time left with him, which I suppose is better than him keeling over unexpectedly.

Very sorry to hear that. Courage mon brave.

AA – sorry to hear of this sad news.
i cant say anything new to you as its already been said by others and i agree with whats been said…all enjoy what time you have left with him and be there for him and your mum and be strong for each other…
my dad died 1 week after my 27th birthday and my mum died 1 week before my 30th…not a day goes by where i dont miss them…
prayers and thoughts are with you

One other thing, which can be difficult.

Accept that you may not be the person that either of your parents wants to talk to. When my mother died, my father was quite happy to discuss the practical things with us – all the funeral details etc – but didn’t want to talk about the emotional side. I think he talked about it with his friends and his brother, but he didn’t want us to know how he felt, because we are his children and therefore he shouldn’t show emotion in front of us.

My mother didn’t say much either, except to say that she hoped he’d find someone else quickly, and we should be glad if he did…

AA, stay strong mate. If you want a spin out to clear your head and talk, if your on your bike again, just shout.

Thanks. I am back riding but having my acl done on monday. Not great timing but at least I’ll be off work for a few weeks.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I lost my brother two years ago very suddenly in an accident. My mum has lost 1 husband and one son and is now set to lose another husband..life sucks sometime. Must make sure I out live her! Ironically my brothers last words to me were “go steady on that motorbike”.

My greatest sympathies AA spoil him while you can give him good times.

Not sure if others have mentioned buy ask about MacMillan nurses they are very good and provide support for all the family too.

Thanks. My mum was a MacMillan nurse for 20+ years..shes all over that!!

AA, you have my email address. Just say when. Good luck Monday.