So my baby won't sleep

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  • So my baby won't sleep
  • pat12
    Member

    I know this is probably more suited to mumsnet but that place gives me the fear.

    My 9 month old daughter, love her to bits but she just won’t sleep. Still wakes at 11 and 3 for a feed but probably a couple of times in between too.

    Doctors/health visitor say just one of those things unfortunately. All my friends/NCT seem to have perfect sleepers too, gah

    Anyone else had this Issue, can’t go on too much longer surely??!?

    Most importantly I’m too frazzled to ride my bike properly:(

    Any tips?

    Woke every hour and a half until she was 11months. But it does eventually improve! And I bet if you repeatedly quiz the other NCT lot they’ll break and admit “through the night” is nothing of the sort. Best advice is to roll with it (as hard as it is) and don’t let it dominate you,

    Alas yes, it does seem to get longer between wakes over time though. At 18 months we are on 10:30, 2:30 and last night the additional joy of 5:30

    We take it in turns that way neither of us end up totally broken

    themilo
    Member

    Left field and only from experience with mine; not tongue tied is she? Mine couldn’t feed fully as it was knackering for her so she’d fall asleep then wake up hungry then not feed enough but drop off as she was knackered then wake up as she was hungry then………

    Months and months and month that went on until we got it fixed. Like a different baby after that.

    It’s brutal but thankfully it doesn’t go on forever. Our younger one finally started sleeping through on a frequent basis just before Xmas, when he was about 16 months old. Before that he’d wake at completely random times, usually just as my wife was going to sleep – which ended up giving her acute insomnia, that’s taken the best part of a year to learn how to manage. 2016 was very tough…

    Look after yourselves, try to stay sane, enjoy all the little delights despite the permanent exhaustion!

    Premier Icon cloudnine
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    Is she waking Hungry? Have you started on any solids yet?

    Premier Icon NZCol
    Subscriber

    Boob or bottle ? Ours was a nightmare until we started giving her bottles as well and boom long nights, esp one at 10pm which saw her through till 6 mostly. Worth a try.

    olly2097
    Member

    A. Controlled crying worked miracles for us after 9 months of no sleep and the boy ending up in our bed at 0300. He learnt to self settle.

    B. Dream feed a bit of milk about 2300 to get them through the night.

    Went from no sleep to a kid who sleeps til 0600-0730. I’ll take 0600. Its better than 0300.

    Still have to go in occasionally but that’s kids. Maybe once a week and it’s usually an issue of a random poo or duvet on floor.

    That’s my experience anyway.

    Premier Icon ratherbeintobago
    Subscriber

    There’s a big element of luck. We found they both slept longer once established on mush.

    We still get the ever delightful ‘Mummydaddy! I need to tell you something!!!!’ at 0300 from the 6yo’s room from time to time, and getting her to stay in bed until >0600 is a battle, unlike no. 2 who needs removing from bed with a pitchfork.

    All my friends/NCT seem to have perfect sleepers too, gah

    No-one tells you how bad they’re having it.

    bainbrge
    Member

    Just spent last hour getting my 16 month old to sleep – consistently takes this long or longer. Last week she slept from 8pm to 7am – that is the first and only time since she was born. Every other night she wakes at least 3 times.

    I’m a heavy sleeper so my wife beats the brunt. She’s only slept more than 3 hours in a row on one occasion for 16 months!

    Anyway, they are mostly all like this! Makes me angry and frustrated sometimes but she’s such a little treasure so I get over it quick.

    Premier Icon sparkyspice
    Subscriber

    Our first slept through.
    The second was awful for 18 months.
    Keep it on the boob and soundproof the spare room.

    Premier Icon howsyourdad1
    Subscriber

    Where is the baby sleeping? Separate room? Where are you sleeping?

    Have your tried letting the baby cry? With both kids there came a time, at around 6 months, that we just left them to cry. We knew they weren’t hungry, they were warm etc, and they quickly adapted and only woke for a feed once a night, stopping at around 9 months. I general we found that routine is key. Good luck and stay strong!

    Premier Icon cp
    Subscriber

    From the OP…

    Still wakes at 11 and 3 for a feed but probably a couple of times in between too.

    We’d give body parts to have this few wake ups. 7month old mini-cp wakes every30 mins to 1 hour.

    Never believe anything that comes from the rest of the NCT group parent’s – several months of sleep deprivation does weird things to recollection of the previous night, let alone the last week/month/ reality of the world in general.

    johndoh
    Member

    One of our 7 year olds still wakes quite regularly – sometimes two or three times a night. It’s just shit you adjust to so don’t expect an instant answer and automatic solution…

    Sorry.

    Ours is four now and sleeps through. As a baby though, he was a nightmare. Every hour or so he woke up needing boob. Moved him into his own room and the pattern continued. He also never ever slept during the day (unless we went a long drive) so the house slowly fell apart round our ears. It really does get better.

    Premier Icon flashinthepan
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    Controlled crying did it for my twins. Took 3 nights which were very difficult but after that peace.

    Premier Icon sweaman2
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    As above NCT / Mumsnet is awful for “competitive parenting”. This place in general seems a bit more honest….

    Sweajnr didn’t sleep through the night until 18 months. Looking back (he’s almost 3 now) it was a combination of not enough food and he was a light sleeper. We ended doing some controlled crying (which is awful but did seem to help) and really, really emphasizing routine. So exact same books etc from about 5:30pm onward. A white noise machine playing the ocean was / is also essential for him.

    Having said that every baby is different and so what works for one won’t work for another. Rest assured though that you aren’t remotely an outlier at this point….

    dooosuk
    Member

    Our first slept brilliantly for the first four months; then it all went to crap till she was 2.

    Bed at 8pm and she’d wake 45minutes later…you could set your watch by it. Then again at 10.30pm just after we’d got to sleep and again between 12am and 1am. She’d go back to sleep reasonably easy for those ones but the 3am wake up would take 1hr-1.5hrs to get her back to sleep. Then we’d be up at 6am for the day.

    My Mrs wouldn’t try controlled crying, which was what the sleep bible book recommended for our sleep patterns so we just had to stick it out.

    stuey
    Member

    I did what Olly2097 suggests. I slipped a ‘dream feed’ in about 20-30mins in before she woke – used formula – (don’t tell Mrs Stuey) – it was the only way to get 6 hours kip.

    rob2
    Member

    I often wake up in the night wanting boob 🙂

    Seriously though, my daughter was like this and it was hunger. Woke her up at 11 and fed her and she slept.

    But mine (now 6 and 8yr ) get up early every day. Like 5.30-6. So ignore anyone who says it gets better 🙂

    bensales
    Member

    In my vast experience of parenting, a whole seven years, all I can contribute is…

    “in time, this too shall pass”

    Premier Icon nixie
    Subscriber

    Currently in the chair in our 6 month old asleep across my lap. She now manages at most 20 minutes in her cot. 3 months ago she would go for 2-4 hours. Sleep ruined by her getting her first cold followed by teething and her spending too much time on people. I haven’t slept in my own bed for five and a half months now (we do shifts to cope)! It’s crap and I’ve also had enough of it.

    This one is much worse than her older sister, who herself was not great. Fortunately she grew out of it and is a pretty regular 7-7 sleeper now.

    Just glad she is a very happy baby when awake.

    I’m typing this whilst laid in bed next to my son, he’s three next month. A combination of medical issues and other stuff has lead to him being used to having somebody with him. The wife and I take it in turns. Basically ones of us stays with him until completely broken and then we swap.

    He’s fine now, medically speaking and falls asleep quite quickly. As soon as you leave the room though he’ll instantly wake up. We’ve tried all sorts of techniques to no avail. Tried controlled crying and he went nuclear, for hours, until he was shaking and really emotional. Tried that for two weeks and nobody got sleep. To be honest I quite nice staying with him. He won’t be this small and cuddly forever.

    Probably get accused of being a bad parent and emotionally scarring him for life. It’s different when it’s happening to you though. First two years were hideous for me and the missus, we got by on very little sleep. Surprised we didn’t kill each other.

    Sorry for the slight hijack.

    Premier Icon jambalaya
    Subscriber

    As above. Routine. Is he getting enough to eat. Let then cry (tough)

    @nixie kids aren’t daft sleeping on / with mum and dad is reassuring. Need to revert to the crying tactic.

    Best of luck

    Premier Icon nixie
    Subscriber

    Yeah think that is coming. She has recently stepped up the crying intensity when she realises she is not on us. Headphones can only help so much!

    andybanks
    Member

    Check for any hunger, development or illness and then I’d say give controlled crying a go. They’re pretty smart little buggers these kids.

    We did controlled with my first and it was hard. We’d let him cry for 5 mins then go in, settle him and walk out. Then we just did 10, 15, 20 minute gaps until it stopped. Never got to 25 and sorted it in three nights.

    My daughter took 2 days and we never got past the second interval. She’s a smart one though and always settled better for me as she knew mum would pick her up and cuddle her more.

    If she wakes at 5 now for an early wake and mum goes on, she’s up for the day. If I go in she gives me a look of ‘shit, not you’ and puts herself back to sleep for another hour.

    stulight
    Member

    First child didn’t sleep through until she was five, controlled crying didn’t work all, spent hours just sitting by the cot stroking her hand, trying to get her to sleep. second child slept through after three or four days, third child was not as good as second, but much better than the first. You just have to roll with it. The only thing I would say is bizarrely, the one who didn’t sleep was a good toddler, and is quite a chilled teenager while the one who did sleep had unbelievable toddler tantrums and is a somewhat more ‘assertive’ teenager.

    Premier Icon ads678
    Subscriber

    Our first was a rubbish sleeper, 2nd was a doddle though as you know what to expect. I’d rather have it that way round.

    I’ve seen it the other way round and it doesn’t look nice. I did secretly chuckle a bit though….

    pat12
    Member

    not just me then 🙂

    Thanks for all the advice.

    Re food she was breast only till 6 months then bottle since then. We started her on solids at the same time.

    She has less milk than some of her peers so we thought it might be hunger but we have tried forcing it in but she refuses point blank.

    She is still next to us in the bed side cot, we were in the process of moving her to her own room before Christmas but she was in hospital with Bronchiolitis so so we didn’t have the heart to move her, but will do soon

    People have recommended the cry it out method but not sure I have it in my locker at the moment but have to try something different

    Thanks again!

    Managed a sneaky night in the pub, hence the late reply

    Premier Icon siwhite
    Subscriber

    Blimey OP – I really feel for you. We have been massively fortunate with our little dot; he will be eight months soon and only wakes for a snack at about 3am – he sleeps from about 6.30pm until about 6am. We aren’t doing anything different to you, apart from being in his own room. We moved him out at about 8 weeks despite all the official advise.

    Good luck.

    Premier Icon bodgy
    Subscriber

    OP. Yup; Sadly it’s just the way that it is. Tough it out. You’ll be fine in a couple of years.

    For what it’s worth;

    Babies/babbers/toddlers are a lot like the British Army:

    They knock you down through a cunning mix of sleep depravation, noise torture, stress situations and overly endearing empathy. They enforce you into a strict regime of self committed subservience.

    Their ultimate plan is to destroy you, dehumanise you, and bring you up in their own image.

    Once you accept and recognise those facts . . . you will be fine.

    good luck.

    My six week old has just gone down after screaming at me since 9pm. Progress though as the screaming started at 7pm and ended at 3am a few days ago. Wouldn’t be so bad but my 3 year old was a gem of a baby. Suck it up, it’ll end. Off to bed, hopefully.

    aphex_2k
    Member

    In a cot or do you co-sleep?

    Both ours co-slept and now in their own beds. Neither liked the cot. We have been lucky I think. Both go down at around 730 and sleep through to 630 ish. Neither of our kids liked afternoon naps unless they were really worn out from play.

    Babies/babbers/toddlers are a lot like the British Army:

    They knock you down through a cunning mix of sleep depravation, noise torture, stress situations and overly endearing empathy. They enforce you into a strict regime of self committed subservience.

    Their ultimate plan is to destroy you, dehumanise you, and bring you up in their own image.

    This is so true

    Premier Icon theotherjonv
    Subscriber

    Just be prepared for the time they do sleep through. Because you won’t, you’ll be in there time and time again checking they’re ok.

    Bastards. Soft, beautiful, cuddly bastards that I love to bits.

    Premier Icon weeksy
    Subscriber

    LOL harsh but quite funny thread 🙂

    We make it sound so wonderful and so terrible at the same time… all of us..

    I have nothing much to add.. other than as someone said “in time, this will pass”.

    My boy is now 8 and my best friend…. We MTB every weekend, he’s even teaching my to jump and drop 🙂

    eemy
    Member

    But mine (now 6 and 8yr ) get up early every day. Like 5.30-6. So ignore anyone who says it gets better

    Got to agree. Our youngest is nearly 4 and still a terrible sleeper. Often up a couple of times a night. Last night oldest one was sick (lurgy going round), wife is now feeling jippy, I’ll take the day off work and currently watching CBeebies drivel. But that’s the way it is.

    oafishb
    Member

    Sorry – I can’t deliver good news either.
    Our 5 year old is ok now (i.e. stays asleep) but CAN wake at 5 if she feels like it.
    But our two and a half year old…..has probably slept through the night 7 times in her life.

    She just doesn’t. We’re up 3 times a night. Hopefully it might get better at three, but I’m not hopeful.

    It’s just one of those things and you do get used to it.

    This is why we are designed to have children at 18 or whatever and not 40.

    jruk
    Member

    No real advice here either as nothing worked on our daughter aside from long drives or walks in the park. We tried everything. She’s 8 now and often says sleep is boring as you can’t do anything. She’s just very, very active.

    What I will say though is whatever you do, find time for you and the Mrs. Sleep deprivation will put your relationship under massive pressure as you won’t think straight. It’s horrible but normal. My mum turned up with a chicken casserole one day and took our daughter out for a few hours. We ate then slept. It was amazing.

    aphex_2k
    Member

    Be prepared. My five year old got up this morning, switched the TV and playstation on. Loaded up youtube and put the volume up FULL. The sound of Optimus Prime at 7am at full whack was an interesting experience for all of us….

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    Controlled crying worked miracles for us after 9 months of no sleep and the boy ending up in our bed at 0300. He learnt to self settle.

    This worked for us to. Prepare yourselves, prepare the neighbours. But, if it works, it is like all your Christmases have come at once.

    We gave her a big feed, dummy in a left the room. After 1 min went in, replaced the dummy and lay her down (no cuddles), then left her to cry for 2 minutes, then repeat 3 mins, 4 mins etc.

    It was hard, it took a couple of hours and my wife and I both snarled at each other for it being my/her fault but eventually she fell asleep and then slept though the night ans subsequent nights

    Keeping the expanding timings rigid really helps as it feels like a target (think the reverse of downward spiral on Sufferfest)

    It worked for us, that doesn’t guarantee it will work for you though. No harm in trying.

    My 15 month old daughter has never slept through and is getting worse and worse. For a few month she would settle in her cot by being boobed to sleep and the wife and I would then have a few hours on the sofa together. After her 1 year jabs she won’t settle in her room so my wife just goes to bed with her at 7pm.
    My wife won’t try any other method other than the boob, definitely not cry it out, a few times she’s lost it and I’ve had to take over for 30 minutes but as soon as my daughter cries my wife can’t stand it and comes back in. To be honest I get a good deal as I get the evenings to myself and sleep in the spare room, but I don’t see as being helpful to our relationship.
    During the day my daughter is amazing though, so it’s all worth it, just.

    So no advice from me, just solidarity that many of us are in a similar boat.

    My friends son, who is about two and a half, has taken to waking up in the early hours and standing behind the baby gate repeating one of the two following phrases.

    “Daddy dead” or “Goodnight ghost boy” 😯

    Mine might be a restless sleeper and need one of us with him, but at least I get a kiss, followed by

    “Goodnight Daddy, goodnight beard” 🙂

    aphex_2k
    Member

    I know it works for some but the cry it out method to me, seems harsh. The way I see it is bub is calling out and if you let them cry it out then I interpret that as “well, they aint coming, they dont love me, sod it, I’ll just stop and go to sleep”. I’m sure there’s a whole science behind it but that’s how it seems to me.

    I am not criticizing anyone that does this, or has had success with it, just so that’s clear!

    Might be some helpful info here…

    Sleep Issues

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