Sounds like you need some professional advice

From a locksmith. Ask him to bring a big bag of MTFU too.

That’s the rub though – nature vs nurture etc, and why I specifically framed it in emotional terms. Men and women are programmed differently when it comes to some biochemical responses – especially those to do with gender sexuality etc??

Men and women are programmed differently this is true, but to what extent is the big question. Personally I think it is a lot less than we are often led to believe. Gender/sexuality aren’t necessarily interchangeable and we as a species can see a wide range of both (XX, XY, XXY, XXYY, XXXY genes and an even wider variety of sexualities!) so subdividing us into male and female and applying virtues/vices based on this is a pretty blunt way of viewing the world.

However, it is very handy if you want to create certain myths about one (or both genders) that allow a certain amount of control to be exerted over the other…

Womens and mens minds aren’t that different, they’re just trained to be different

Not so sure having kids they do seem to innately like different things

Dont think we will ever solve nature v nurture but both play a role

This sounds terrible but I doubt very much its a kiss in the car. I am NOT saying this to be hopeful for you but I do think her lessening the intended damage and being confused could give you false hope. I think she needs to be very honest with you. Adults dont kiss and cuddle. Plus I think shes putting blame on you/trying to explain away her shocking irresponsible behaviour as your fault. Once you know ALL the details you may have an epiphany and sit yourself in the drivers seat/change your current back-footed stance.

This fella also needs talking to. No violence but if a man is prepared to **** around at work with a young family then he needs to feel abit of stress IMO. Its not sour grapes but he isn’t helping her confusion and hes knowingly getting what he wants at a families expense.

In addition, I do think that naming him ‘Jessica’ in the phone book is a definite attempt at deception to carry things on. Its not innocent holding hands.

If it all does break up I’d consider paternity testing.

This is terrible to say but I think well meaning comments aren’t always the best way to go.

What would I do? If I found out my partner had been seeing someone? I’d try reconciliation and I think I’m man enough to forgive someone for sleeping with another if it was workable. Its maybe a sign of weakness but I can see why you would and where you are coming from OP.

Not so sure having kids they do seem to innately like different things

Can’t argue with that, experienced it first hand! Although as always, anecdote isn’t the singular of data.

I just think that in situations like the OP is in, blaming or excusing behaviour based on gender is stereotyping and worse than that is potentially scientifically wrong!

ANYONE generalising about matters like this on the basis of gender needs to stop and think.

The OP and his Mrs are individuals!

We’re all individuals, cynic-al….

oh mate 🙁

Or a least a visit to the nearest STD clinic.

And I can’t believe no one has mentioned this yet, but it’s the Suwanee 🙄

You might all be individuals,but I’m not!

To the OP – some very good advice ^^^. Have experienced a split and it is a world of blame/hassle/guilt/hurt etc and to some extent the ‘complications’ never go away. That said there is life after separation and providing you can keep it polite and/or remain a calm influence in your kids lives then it’s better than being miserable.

If your gut tells you to try again then DO listen to this. Definitely try Relate, if it doesn’t help you try again it might at least clear the air a bit and you’ll know you tried it.

You both need to try and see the reality that is post separation as it’s no bed of roses even if she thinks there might be someone waiting for her. Try to remember what you liked about each other, the good points and not just the bad. Get some time for yourselves as a couple, try some new experiences as that way you have a thing to discuss rather than ‘us’. Take your time to figure out how you feel and what you want. Don’t rush into anything.

Good luck, try your hardest and if separation is the way then continue to do your best. Trying to make things better is SOOO difficult but it is possible.

Practically, get some good legal advice and think very hard about the time you want your kids and what you can realistically do. If you can’t do half the time then you’ll not be the main carer and need to know the consequences of that now. If you can then don’t accept any less as the pattern of care you first have will be hard to change if the other parent doesn’t agree.

PND isn’t an excuse but it is a disabling condition that cn cause the sufferer to struggle in lots of ways. It also changes who they are and thus how you feel about them. Knowing it’s an issue is half the battle and you can both fight against it. So, worth a trip to the Doc’s to see what they say as that might help you both.

Good luck. Plenty make it work and plenty don’t. Either way you and your kids will be fine cos you’ll make it so.

LOL at ‘do do one’ tho’. STW does do one liners well sometimes 😀

Women do enjoy sex …..

Not with me they dont

Genius.

🙂

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzDK70zO-Eo[/video]

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R94qrs8GJmg[/video]

And possibly a bit of this….

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R94qrs8GJmg[/video]

I wish you all the best in this dreadful time. Over the last 8 months or so I have been going through a breakup. Please be careful she has lied to you and hidden her tracks before lying to you again. I am still finding out more details of her behaviour after all this time. It does get less painful in time. Keep concentrating on the kids it will helped me no end. She also promised to go to relate and to try and fix things. She had already moved on though.

This is based only on my experience and everyone is different.

Two things:

a) “…I’m finding it difficult to disagree with Kryton57…” is my STW initiation finally over? 😯

b) Back OT, I just told Mts Kryton this story. Her immediate 3 reactions where i) “Stupid Cow – she 14 or something, needs to grow up?” and ii) “Its the kids that’ll suffer, becuase of a selfish adult, I bet she’s lived her life, what about them…?” iii) get over the cheating married idiot and get back home (she means the other man btw)

Just saying…..

Nothing to add mate on the relationship, but thinking of you and your little people. A happy healthy Dad is so important to them growing up you have a tough time ahead and some tough choices but you being happy healthy is a big part of doing your job as a dad well.

Take care fella.

Hora – cant believe you posted the bit about paternity testing. Don’t you think the poor sods got enough stress and misery at present without adding that to the mix? As to the Op’s original post, there’s not that much of use I can add. I went through a bloody awful divorce twenty years ago, and for me at least, the fact that my wife at the time was having sex with someone else wasn’t what destroyed things (don’t get me wrong, I didn’t particularly enjoy the thought, but it was just sex, which to me, is only one aspect of a relationship). I think what finally did for me was the fact that she told me she had fallen out of love with me and fallen in love with someone else. Prior to this, we had gone through all the ‘it’s not you it’s me’ and ‘I just need some space’ nonsense, which, let’s face it, is complete arse gravy and a way of not having to face up to or admit what’s really going on. I think ultimately, it was the lying that did me. Whilst not entirely agreeing with some of the posts on here, I have to agree with a) putting the kids first, and b) ending it whilst you still have your sanity and self respect. I hope you get through this without too much damage, and above all, I hope the kids are ok. Cheers, Mitch.