I feel I must share my recent experience of Singletrack’s subs manager, the foxily named Sarah Nolan-Bell.
Having seen photos of Chipps and the rest of the mag crew, I think it’s fair to say that they could hardly be accused of using sex appeal to sell their wares (harsh, but true). But the appointment of a subs manager with a name that conjures up images of posh totty is surely a blatant attempt to encourage the cycling masses to part with their hard earned cash in exchange for the opportunity to correspond with a seductive temptress.
The lure of subbing to the magazine was strong, the chance of a discount if I elected to pay by direct debit was more temptation, and the opportunity to acquire a free STW whiskey transportation device to store my collection of single malts had me reaching for the laptop, but still I wasn’t totally 100% convinced I would sign-up. But after I entered into email correspondence with the aforementioned Ms Nolan-Bell there would only be one outcome.
Perhaps it was the way she said ‘Hi’ in her emails, or the way she offered to back date my sub so I wouldn’t miss issue 48, or perhaps it was the way she attached the Direct Debit form to her last email, I couldn’t say for sure, but there was definitely an undercurrent of pure seduction.
Before I knew it my hip flask was in the post – I was sure I could make out some lipstick marks next to the STW logo.
My wife has suggested Sarah could in reality be a gruff northern admin clerk called Dave, and I’ll admit I haven’t seen a photo of said temptress, but I don’t need to. I’ve conjured up an image of a tall, slim, sophisticated brunet decked out in a pair of killer heels and a lustful smile. (Chipps, tell me I’m right!)
Anyway, I feel I must warn other unsuspecting fellow MTBers of this peril. One email to her and you’ll be reaching for your bank details faster than you can say bivy bag!
You have been warned.
[Sarah – until next year…]
