I think you’re overthinking it – most cafes and bottles are fine. I run one on both mountain bikes all the time, plus on longer rides I’ll take a Camelbak as well.
Make sure you get a bottle that has a flip cover – otherwise it’s just minging. I got some cheapie 650ml ones from decathlon for a couple of quid and they’re wearing much better than the more expensive hi5 bottles I’ve used on the road bike. I tried a Camelbak podium but it kept getting mould in the mouthpiece quite quickly so gave up on that.
Out of all the cages I’ve used the one on my hardtail is the best – it’s an alloy side entry cage I think I got cheap from CRC for a fiver or somewhere like that.
Having said that the cheapie metal one in my hybrid is fine and the Planet X / Specialized plastic ones also do the job and I’ve never lost a bottle.
The only ones I’d be worried about off raps are the Cannondale branded ones on my road bike – they’re a bit flimsy (but look nice) and seem to be getting baggier over time.