• This topic has 114 replies, 87 voices, and was last updated 14 years ago by Hal.
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  • Should my son hit the school bully?
  • mooman
    Free Member

    Its easy to be all grown up and offer the politically correct method of dealing with your boys problem – sadly the school bully isn’t grown up.

    The only long term solution is for your boy to swap punches with his school problem. Either with his fists and feet … or if the nuisance kid is too well developed for that – something close at hand can be helpful, a rugby boot around the side of the head did wonders for my problem solving at school.

    What I remember from my school days was. The kid who was too scared to swap punches got into a lot more fights than somebody who was only too willing to tuck his chin and swing away. Everybody seemed to want to pick a fight on somebody who wouldn`t fight back…

    sam42
    Free Member

    hopefully the whole meeting scenario may illustrate how serious the situation actually is to this kid and his mother…

    DaveGr
    Free Member

    Back in the day when I was a lad I was being bullied. So I introduced his head to wall at high speed. Never had any problems after that.

    Few years ago at work I was being bullied / threatened by three managers – the senior manager recruited people as nasty as she was. Much as I would have liked to have done the same with their heads and a wall I got it out in the open, put it in writing, got the backing of the union and they backed off. Helped that there were a LOT of us in the same position.

    Unfortunately today I think you'll have to gather evidence, put it in writing, escalate and then go down the legal route. Do not let the school off in any way.

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    mikertroid
    Free Member

    Make all your concerns written down.

    As we've learnt the hard way, cock all happens when you verbally complain.

    In the meantime explain to him that the bully is lacking something (normally self esteem) that is causing his behaviour.

    If nothing happens; formal complaint to govenors and LEA. THEN get your son to deck him if nowt happens.

    Susie
    Free Member

    Bart the General

    Police do **** all around here. A 16 year old lad was going to hit a 4 year old until my boyfriend's 12 year old neice intervened, so he hit her instead. Police were contacted but did nothing. Her brother ended up having to sort him out.

    grantway
    Free Member

    Happened to me once in school my dad told me to hit him
    I did say he will bet me up he said so is he not doing that already.

    Following week he done the same so I hit him and it got broken up
    he gave all the threats etc.
    Dad told me to hit him first so shit myself see him the following day
    and I smiled and knocked him out.
    Taught my Daughter a few moves and its worked for her.

    So yes hit the shit

    To be honest very suprised you have not stepped in. I know if my Daughter
    told me that I would of had the T-wat/shit hanging over the school fence
    then bash the father.

    backhander
    Free Member

    He's going to have to do it to some bully sooner or later.
    Let him know the boundaries ie no whacking on the floor, no blows below the belt etc.
    It may do them both good.

    peasnotwar
    Free Member

    I was kicked nearly unconscious by one of the school bullies in an unprovoked attack when i was about 15.
    The lad was a neighbour who i had known all my life so was all the more unexpected!
    I now work "babysitting" circa 200 men in the construction industry and only 3 weeks ago as one of them is threatening to "kick my f£$%^ing head in" because i had the audacity to enquire as to why he was smoking and on his phone when he should be working, i was the picture of restraint (despite my instinct to lump him first).

    My point?

    use restraint and make sure you are protected by due process……… and then when there are no witnesses…….. let him have some!

    Despite the rights and wrongs expressed by the liberal element of society (especially on here)…. It is the ONLY thing the bully will relate to and subsequently respect.

    As for me, how will i react if i see my bully again?……. even after 30 years he'll be on his arse before any pleasantries can be exchanged…….. and he would be expecting it!

    PeterPoddy
    Free Member

    I got bullied at school until the day that they pushed me too far,

    Yep, me too. I am and always was a bit of a pacifist. I hate voilence. But when you've had the name calling for months and years, cried yourself to sleep and dreaded going to school each morning, eventually you snap. I let the other lad, who was bigger than me, throw the first punch, then I kicked 7 bells of living siht out him. I discovered I fight dirty. When the teacher dragged us apart I was bashing his head against a tiled wall with my thumbs in his eyes. I'm not proud if it but I had no other choice
    Take it from me, if you're being bullied by a group, you only need to take on of them out and the rest of them leave you alone forever

    Pigface
    Free Member

    An ex of mines daughter was being bullied in school. Aged 8 and she was scared to go to school FFS. I told her to punch the girl in the face, told her she will get in trouble in school but not with us. Showed her how to make a fist as she was putting her thumb inside her clenched hand. She then spent the next couple of days punching my hands.

    A couple of days later a call from the school because she had clattered the bully. No more bullying and she has never punched anyone else, she is 19 now.

    If you are dealing with a 15yr old then there is always the chance it could go wrong fighting the bully but my advice to the OP is get your boy to smack the bully.

    gusamc
    Free Member

    Yes (I'm afraid).

    Speaking from personal experience, having been bullied a lot as a child (NHS specs, ginger, much smaller than average, punched kicked and spat on, clothes ripped etc), get them to do self defence, teach them how to headbutt to the nose, to gouge eyes with thumbs, elbow to the nose, and to punch in the throat and to kick in the groin, run their foot hard down the front of the shin also get them decent foot wear.

    spanishbarry
    Free Member

    Find out where the bully lives then go round and knock his dad out.

    Smee
    Free Member

    Do they play football or rugby in that school? If so, its studs up time.

    DT78
    Free Member

    In my day I moved school alot (military) and my father & me studied martial arts and he advocated the 'first response' type self defence. Needless to say I got in alot of trouble over the years until I finally bucked my ideas up at uni. I'm pretty mild mannered and not a single incident was provoked (by me). I'd suggest you think about what you might be teaching your son,5 years later he might be in a cell.

    That said, send him to martial arts lessons (I teach now btw) kids love it, great for confidence & tiring them out and often cheaper than a baby sitter…..

    If he absolutely has to teach the guy a lesson, I'd suggest out of sight of everyone so there is just the two of them so his word vs the bully. Go for all out to cause maximum pain with minimal visible injury. Submissions are great for this but will obviously take your son a while to get compentant, so a strong knee to the nuts would probabtly do it. Followed by stamping on them again when he is on the ground.

    Another thought – you approached the bullies parents?

    wwaswas
    Full Member

    When I was a kid (about 9 maybe) there was one boy who used to go around kicking everyone in the playground.

    My Dad said "Next time he does it to you grab his leg so he's off balance then let go and punch him on the nose as hard as you can."

    So I did.

    There was blood everywhere. I can't remember there being any punishment from the school and he never kicked me again.

    If the bullying is physical and by an individual a direct approach will work if it's by a group and more 'psychological' then I'd get the school involved.

    singletrackmind
    Full Member

    I went to a reasonably good school, but our year was terrible for alcohol, violence, and general nasty behaviour. Nearly killed a teacher with the worlds biggest water bomb, broke into school and set off fire alarms when the then deputy prime minister was at speach day, alcoholics annonomous had special mornings due to the drunkeness at school etc, so you get the idea.
    Unfortunatly I am a ginger, and at the time was short and fat , unfit and generally weedy. At secondary school there was a heirarchy of bullying, in that pretty much everyone had there place in the pecking order. The lower down the food chain you were, the more you got bullied. I was somewhere near the bottom, I didnt live locally , so didnt come from the same feeder school as most. There were regular fights ,on pretty much a daily basis with people ranging from getting thumped once, up to and a one off incident of someone going out through a window which was closed.
    The fights were the way the pecking order of bulllyingand being bullied were decided or organised and most people knew where they stood. Teachers did nothing and alot were bullied intensly by the students. To a hideous abusive level, condoms full of spit launched at blackboards when the teacher ( female ) was writing on it sort of thing. Some teachers you didint mess with, or a blackboard wiper would be launched at your head.

    Unfortunatly now the teachers cannot throw things at you , but I believe the bullying still goes on , maybe not as intensively as the school I went to, but more than likely there will be a heirarchy of violence . Its a shame but it my sisters twinss , also gingers, were introduced to martial arts aged 7 because they will be going to a comprehensive school in Croydon, and they will be picked on .

    If little NDT hits back he will probably be a hero , as long as he is seen as a victor. He probably will not be picked on again, the problem might be one of escalating violence. I know they are are children but if bully takes a pasting then he might want to try ot even up the score at a later date to redress the balance and regain his place at the top of the pecking order. If little NDT can take him out in a game of rugby , or really clatter him in football, studs up his arse on a cold winter day should do , and makes sure bully #1 knows he means it, and theres more on offer if he wants then definatly do it.
    disclaimer.-not a parent , not my child scared of school, but often on the receiving end of verbal and physical violence. I will not ever go to a school reunion, and only keep in vague contact with 1 lad from school, who got massive abuse as his mum was a soppy teacher.

    DT78
    Free Member

    Also I wouldn't tell him to punch him on the nose… headshots are generally alot easier to avoid, cause visible marking and often arent that painful. He will also hurt his hand (and maybe break it) if he connects.

    lowey
    Full Member

    Get your son to put him on his arse.

    "Look at this wee dick's shite haircut. Ha ha ha"

    That made me piss my sides. Nice one BB

    Andy
    Full Member

    I'd want to discuss this with the school and escalate if I didn't get a positive response.

    I'd also recommend the martials arts route, a good full contact Chinese Kung Fu style. Not really because it will teach your boy how to flatten the bully, which it will, more so as it will give him confidence to shrug it off, physically and mentally. I was badly bullied at school and so did a lot of martial arts, there were a couple of times I just flattened the bullies, but the rest of the time i just parried the blows and carried on with my day.

    oldgit
    Free Member

    I've not read the whole posting. However from personal experience (well coaching school football) I found that if a 'good' child retaliated against a bully especially a known one, then that child took the full force of the schools diciplinary actions.
    Basically the bully is expected to behave that way and gets away with it i.e gets taken off by his personal assistant to his special room where his nurse administers his drugs.
    The good kid i.e your lad is not expected to behave that way.
    Generalising here, but I have seen that.

    TandemJeremy
    Free Member

    I was bullied at school and I never hit the bullies back. I had judo as self defence and I ran away.

    I am unconvinced about the hitting back – it might work but it might rebound badly.

    I really would encourage you to try further down the complaining to the school route – in writing and formally.

    dustytrails
    Full Member

    **** the little shit – several times – bullies are insecure cowards and deserve to get a pasting – It'll do the world & the bully a favour

    Special_ized_Jamie
    Full Member

    Punch his lights out.

    School will prob ask you to come in and ask if everything is alight at home etc.

    dustytrails
    Full Member

    If your son want's to hit him, make sure he knows you'll back him all the way. My son was getting pushed around by an older boy – he fought back. I came home from work to be told about the incident – my reaction – Well done son – told him he would never be in trouble from me for sticking up for himself. I don't condone violence – but sometimes it's an unfortunate necessity.

    Monkeeknutz
    Free Member

    I'm always fascinated to hear people's response to bullying in school, particularly the "school's done nuffin'" response. What would you like the school to do? As a teacher it is infuriating that we can't do anything.

    We can't exclude or expel except in the most severe of incidents and even then the gobshite kids are always back in on appeal a week later. We can't withdraw from lessons, remove freedoms over any extended period. Schools are effectively powerless against bullying except to give them the biggest letting off of their lives. For goodness sake, we can't even yell at them anymore!

    I'll bet most of the staff in that school know the bully's an odious little tit but their hands are tied. Every child matters, my hoop…

    …and breathe….

    Monkeeknutz
    Free Member

    ooops, swear filter… 😳

    flippinheckler
    Free Member

    I am now going to contradict myself, while I don't condone violence it seems that the school are failing in their duty to bring this Bully back into line, the same thing has happened to me when I was in school and the problem escalated to outside school and my journeys to and from school on the bus, this bully who was making my life a misery even got his friend who went to another school to start on me, nothing got done about them, so one day as this bully went to get off he hit me, having had my fill I pounced on him and battered him, he didn't get the bus after that and his friend gave me a wide berth. Get your son to smash his face in, reckon a taste of his own medicine will do the trick. By the way is the bullies dad bigger than you!

    Onzadog
    Free Member

    Like a few on hear, I was bullied at school. My parents tried the offical route, the school did nothing (this was back when kids were still getting the slipper/cane). I took matters into my own hands and decided that if I didn't fight back, I was going home with a fat lip so what did I have to loose? Looking back on it, I still think I did exactly the right thing. There was no other option that was working. My only mistake was that I fought the guy who was bullying me. Once I'd decked him, the next in the pecking order had a pop. I@d worked my way up to second hardest in the school by the time we moved away and I was always waiting for the guy in the number one spot to come along and have a pop. In hindsight, I should have fronted up to him on day one and saved a lot of fighting.

    Maybe the fact that I was in some inbred backwater welsh mining village at the time means they were playing by different rules but I think the principles still stand.

    wheelz
    Free Member

    Escalation of violence can happen, as I found out.

    We used to have a bloke at school who was a bit of a bully. Didn't really bully me, as I was a lot bigger than most people in my year, but he used to make certain people's lives a misery.

    He got a bit carried away on the rugby pitch one day and raked me with his studs. No problem, all sorted out later when he tried to continue outside the changing rooms.

    20 years later I pole up at a school reunion and this bloke offers me outside to pay me back for this incident, which I'd completely forgotten about.

    I pointed out to him that I kicked his arse 20 years before, and did he really think I wouldn't be able to do it again, especially as he'd put on about 5 stone and was a little bit on the fat and wheezy side!

    So I would day, yes. Tell your son to hit the bully back, but be careful at any school reunions in the future!

    Spongebob
    Free Member

    I've read a good few of these posts, but not all. I was thinking about bullying yesterday funnily enough. Seems like we live in a country where meaness is endemic. You only have to observe the way the public vote on reality TV shows to see this. What a bunch of saddos!!!

    School is probably the worst place for bullying (though the workplace comes a close second). The thing to consider is that children are in the early stages of developing their social skills. Many haven't yet worked out what they have to loose, some have, but know they are below the age of legal responsibility. With young people, the situation is like shifting sands and blame can sometimes be apportioned to both sides. The hope is that this behaviour can be positively shaped at this stage. It requires skillful mentoring for both parties.

    I certainly was on the receiving end of quite a bit of bullying at school and even after my parents intervened (against my will – my fear was it would make things worse – it did!). The upshot of the parental intervention was that I was treated like I was 50% to blame. The bully continued, so I eventually gave him a taste of his own medicine (without actually laying a finger on him). It obviously worked because his parents then went to see the head after listening to their son's croccodile tears. Of course, I then became the bully! So you can't really win.

    Some 35 years later I still wonder why some individuals feel compelled to make other people's lives such a misery. Is it their insecurity, their uber-negative emotions, their coping stategy for life (they have been badly abused by the people who are supposed to care for them the most). I make no excuses for these sad people because they damage everyone around them. They can seriously affect normal people to the point where they become like them. Like a cancer I suppose.

    In school age children who have very little life experience, I can only put this bad behaviour down to weak parenting and lack of effort on the part of those charged with their care. Parents should sign a contract with a school saying that they will support them. If they don't, their children should run the risk of permanent exclusion. Harsh, but fair!

    To understand what is happening with a 9 year old bully, you need to consult the parents. You will probably get a defensive reaction, maybe even some abuse, or perhaps they will be the kind of slimey idots who will charm their way out of the situation and go to any length to twist things around. Either way, you'll know better what you are up against, but will have flagged that there is a problem which will invade their space and disrupt their free time if the bully continues.

    So my advice is go and talk to the parents of the bully. Perhaps when things get this close to home, the bully will wind it's neck in!

    Trekster
    Full Member

    As for me, how will i react if i see my bully again?……. even after 30 years he'll be on his arse before any pleasantries can be exchanged……..

    2 of mine are dead. 1 suicide off a bridge and the other cancer

    So my advice is talk to the parents of the bully. Perhaps when things get this close to home, the bully will wind it's neck in!

    Not, unfortunately if you are dealing with the space cadets my daughter appears to be dealing with. Imagine unemployed, baseball cap and trackies 🙄 who barely know what day of the week it is ❗

    oldgit
    Free Member

    20 years later blimey!

    I see a couple of lads that were bullies in the past Both of them had been moved out of their schools to my sons.
    They made life hell for many kids and caused a lot of friction between parents. The second comment was because the bullies seemed to be the kids getting help and protection.
    Anyway that was eight years ago. Now when I see them they are isolated, not a single one of their past victims give them grief, but they're alone shunned and seperated by other kids and I actually blame the schools for that. I actually really do feel sorry for them.

    aslongasithaswheels
    Free Member

    personally, i would say hit the little ****, good and hard and just once, put them on their arse in font of everyone else and the bullying will stop there and then. If the bully is humiliated in front of everyone then it will stop.

    I was bullied a couple of times at school and in the workplace. Anytime i spoke up about the problem it got me no-where although sat in a managers office waiting for them to come in put the shitters right up the workplace bully to the point where he was begging me not to say anything in case he lost his job.

    People don't change unfortunately, bully at school bully for the rest of their life, you have to assert yourself at the earliest opportunity otherwise it'll not stop

    wheelz
    Free Member

    You need to be a bit careful approaching parents. Sometimes it's better to find out if other kids have had the same problems, and if their parents have ever spoken to the bully's parents.

    My 9 year old son was being bullied by a lad of 13 who lives near us. The bully is on anti-depressants and receives counselling for depression. I'd let it go for a long time, as the bullying wasn't that serious and my lad just shrugged it off most of the time.

    This lad has bullied his way through most of the younger local kids, but nothing gets done about it because his father is in the police and gets very, very aggressive when approached about the behaviour of his son, even when the person approaching him is female. He is also 'with drink' on a lot of these occasions and has assaulted people in the past.

    Both parents are also quite happy to lie about their son's behaviour.

    One day he gave my young lad a right kicking. Holding him down and punching him in the face repeatedly. I'd had enough. I went up to speak to the parents, who claimed that they'd seen everything and that my son started it.

    I asked them why, if they'd seen everything, they hadn't stepped in and stopped it before my son had received facial injuries. They had no answer, except for the father to become very aggressive towards me, because, once again, they were lying to protect their son and had seen nothing.

    I told him very calmly that I wouldn't accept any aggressive behaviour from either him, towards me, or his son, towards my lad, in the future.

    His response was "or else what"? So I told him that I blamed him and his wife for failing to bring their son up with a proper sense of what was right and wrong, and that I would be holding him responsible for his son's actions in the future.

    I explained to him that if his son ever gave my lad a similar beating, I'd be round to dole out the same to him. No talking, no discussions, as it was obvious that he was beyond reasoning with.

    We have had no trouble since.

    They will be moving soon anyway, as he got convicted of drink driving by the local constabulary recently and lost his job as a result. So much for his 'mates' in the police!

    Not an ideal solution, but sometimes there really is no reasoning with people.

    I hope it doesn't come to this in the OP's case.

    easygirl
    Full Member

    one lad was bullying a few of us when i was about 11, had enough one day and punched him in the face once, never had any more problems from him

    oneoneoneone
    Free Member

    im for hire, in a drilbit tylor sort of way.

    in all seriousness, i beat the school bully up once and taught him a lesson. i was also taught a lesson by the head master and was expelled from school and had to fine a new one!!

    Kuco
    Full Member

    I was only picked on once at school by a bully, but he soon stopped when I threw my chair at him. It got me a detention but he never picked on me again.

    muddydwarf
    Free Member

    Strangely enough – being a real shortarse – i wasn't bullied that badly at school.
    I only remember a couple of occasions where i had to use violence, once just after coming out of hospital for an operation on my feet a mate (over a foot taller & 5 stone heavier) was 'pretending' to stamp on my feet i jumped up in the air and gave him a bloody nose. Don't know who was more shocked to be honest!

    The 2nd time scared even me, this lad was pushing me around and i lost it completely. When the teachers came to seperate us i had my teeth locked in his windpipe, teachers pulled us apart and i was covered in his blood and screaming like a banshee.
    That got me in a bit of trouble and not many people would speak to me for a while afterwards – lots of wide eyed stares and whispering though.

    khani
    Free Member

    i was bullied by my pe teacher at secondary school who was a self confessed nf member for months, punched, swore at and ridiculed and racial abuse, being the only overweight asian in the school probabley did'nt help, one day at cricket practice it got too much so i smacked him in the balls with a cricket bat and got expelled, nobody at the school was interested in my side to the story so i ended up in a school for kids with challenging behaviour, but it was worth it to keep my self respect, so yes tell him to fight back as the loss of self esteem if it carries on will be more damaging

    Kuco
    Full Member

    i smacked him in the balls with a cricket bat

    Pmsl I almost chocked on my tea reading that.

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