Share your tales of parking madness

There was a small housing development built next to my wife’s school.

Parents started using it to park when dropping their kids off.

Residents got upset and demanded the school ‘do something’.

School agreed that caretaker would ‘patrol’ the road and ask parents who parked across drives to move their cars.

Two weeks later a resident reversed off their drive without looking properly and ran over the caretaker (who was wearing hi-viz).

My neighbours have done the same thing – after a series of officious little notes stuck to cars had no effect they’ve bought, taxed, and insured an old banger and abandoned it on the pavement outside their house.

The mind boggles.

I used to give a lift to an old colleague occasionally and for some reason, he insisted on driving near to mine but parking his car in a side street at the end of the road and waiting there for me, rather than just sticking his car on my drive.

After a few occasions of parking in the same spot, he returned to his car to find golden syrup completely covering his door handle.
I was livid when he told me and was gonna start knocking on doors to try & find who’d done it, but he was very blasé about the whole thing and just stopped parking there.

My neighbours are cut from similar cloth the op’s it would seem. Despite ample space between their driveway and “my half of the wall” as it were they insist on parking any one of their 3 cars inch perfect to insure they use all of “their” space. They are so transparently anal and guarded it’s hilarious, getting out and checking multiple times that they’ve used every available inch. Despite having ample room for 3 cars in their driveway.

They are so petty that recently some random stranger parked in front of my car on “their” side so in retaliation their son parked across my drive, blocking me in “accidentally”. Suffice to say, choice words were had.

I live in an end terrace house- land at the side – technically mine as well but no one is allowed to park a car there- and my neighbour thinks we share this* as a parking space between us
he has fallen out with everyone who lives there – as he told me very aggressively the day I moved in when i asked him to move whilst i moved in. Anyway to cut a long story shoirt i just let him park there as life is to short etc

one day he knocked on my door
“when are you going to cut the grass and could you put some hardcore down and smooth it as it was muddy and slippy”. I last parked there about 3 years ago at this point

ME staring in disbelief at this request. “so you want me to fix the land that you park on.? “

Him ” yes , well it is your land”

Me well in that case get the **** of my land , take your car with you and dont ever park there again….shuts door”

Before that he asked me to fit a motion sensor light so they could see in the dark when they parked.

We dont speak now.

Tbh there is usually space in the street and I dont know whey he cares as they are always out moving the order of cars so they can get out the next day etc

He also likes to leave his roof box overhanging from his shed so it is half in my garden….so tempted to take a chain saw to it
People get so territorial over parking when in reality it is a road and a free for all.

Years ago as a student looked out the window of my shared terrace house to see my car (Morris Ital – very stylish :)) slowly going past the window and found the next door neighbour pushing my car out from the front of his terrace house. I told him to stop and he told me that if I parked in front of his house again he’d “Damage” me. I laughed in his face and for the next two years of piss taking he was “Mr Damage”. “Good morning Mr Damage”

it was only when I grabbed the furry covered steering wheel

Eww! You should definitely keep that sort of behaviour to your own vehicle.

Just remembered. When I was younger we came back from my Nan’s house and there was a car parked slap bang across our driveway. They literally couldn’t have positioned it any more central and the rest of the road was completely empty.

My Mum started ranting, but Dad just got out and went over to the car, opened the drivers door and took the handbrake off to let it roll clear of the driveway (the house is on a fairly steep hill) before reapplying the handbrake.
I thought this was hilarious.

Sometime later, the couple who had parked their car there came out from the neighbours house and spent a long time scratching their heads, walking around the car and pointing to where the car had definitely been. You could see them trying to work out how the car had moved. I think they drove off none the wiser.

Lady tried putting cones on our street, did a fly by ride to remove.

Used to live in a wee cul de sac that had an extra 4 (ish) spaces at the top of the driveway. Now, everyone who lived in the cul de sac had a place to park, so these were extra, On Sat and Sun the occasional spot would be used by folk dropping off, or watching sons/daughters play footy or rugby on the playing field opposite. This drove my neighbour (an older woman living on her own) absolutely bat-shit mental. Fine ok, you don’t like people parking there, trouble was she would stomp around to my house and demand that I do something about it….

“why, I don’t mind” I said.
“well you should”
“why”
“what about your 2 children”
“What about them? They don’t drive they’re 10 and 7, they don’t care either”
“they might get kipnapped”

At this point I stopped, did she really say that, did I mishear?

“Kidnapped?”
“Or murdered”

At which point I’m looking around for the hidden camera, but no, this daft old bat thinks that my children are at risk from being kidnapped or murdered by cars parked in the driveway.

Shamefully, to keep her quiet, and leave me alone, I wrote a note and slipped it under their wiper asking them politely not to brutally murder my children. Somewhere on another website, some random guy is posting about the note he got accusing him of being a potential axe murderer

With these taxed (and presumably insured) placeholder vehicles you need to play the long game… eventually they’ll need an MOT, that’s when you strike!

Get everyone to move their cars down a little bit so that when they return from the MOT the only place they can park is overhanging their own driveway, thus either blocking their other cars in or out of their own drive.

I’d be tempted by a midnight trolleyjacking mission to move them overnight personally, and if some nefarious unknown passer by happened to superglue all the locks on the same night, well that would be mighty unfortunate wouldn’t it 😉

Either that or time to start listing the bangers on Gumtree and autotrader.

Wouldn’t be too hard to print off a few “Police Aware” signs and post them on the vehicles in question. 😀

Parking…the one thing that turns sane people into mentalists.

One of our neighbours is old and retired and is very territotial about the piece of road outside his house, despite having a huge driveway.

We fell out big time a few years ago when someone dropping something off parked like a bit of a tit and was across his drive a tiny bit. They were literally dropping off a box of somethhing. Our neighbour wasn’t going anywhere and came charging down his garden shouting, going mental about it. I don’t think asking for him to calm down helped. He didn’t speak to us for ages after that.

He started to speak to us again last year and has had a load of building work done this year and every day one of his builders will park across our drive. But that’s OK because they’re working at his house….all day. I came home the other week to find a van half way across our drive so parked as close to it as I could and he hasn’t spoken to us since. Oh well.

I have two parking spaces that are mine these days, one at the village and one at work, both within 200m of each other.

After a long day of meetings in the city, I got in around 12am to find my neighbour, one of my staff, in my space at home. Everybody else has a free for all, I have a double space. I could fit another car in, but it’s a perk of the job.

I had to park on a bit of grass next to my space, that was wet from the rain, with uncut long grass. As I got out, my suit jacket fell into the grass, on picking it up the trousers inside fell into a puddle full of mud

By the time I had got in I was livid that she had dared park in my space….I was going to….

Her partner had done it dropping the car off, and hadn’t realised it was my space.

Strange how such an odd thing can piss you off as parking.

One of the residents near our local hospital ‘parks’ an old bicycle on a prop stand on the road outside his house (chained up so that it can’t be moved) just so that folk can’t park outside his house 8)

What sort of life do these people lead?????

You work 200m away from where you live and still drive to your job?

I had to park on a bit of grass next to my space, that was wet from the rain, with uncut long grass. As I got out, my suit jacket fell into the grass, on picking it up the trousers inside fell into a puddle full of mud

Quirrel yesterday:

After a long day of meetings in the city, I got in around 12am to find my neighbour, one of my staff, in my space at home. Everybody else has a free for all, I have a double space. I could fit another car in, but it’s a perk of the job

So, having a ‘double space’ at your home is a ‘perk of the job’???

“so you want me to fix the land that you park on.? “

I think I’d be fixing that with a bloody great boulder at the entrance.

For a Brucie Bonus, install it after he’s parked there.

My parents live in a quiet cul-de-sac that gets used by folk parking for a nearby football stadium. One day my old man came home and discovered the street full of cars as usual but someone had parked right across our drive. He had a 4×4 at the time so he jumped out, headed into the garage, got a tow rope, attached one end to the offending car, the other to his then dragged the thing into the middle of the cul-de-sac and left it there. Cars could get round it ok though. About 15 minutes after the footy ended the door bell goes with some plonker demanding to know how his car ended up in the middle of the street…

I confess to taking pleasure in d1ckhead parking when in my last year at college. Five of us in the house and three cars between us; the old chap across the road had a Morris Ital that only moved on pension day. Soooo, we used to stay back and pinch “his” spot when he beetled off to the post office. We’d then take delight in approaching whichever car was outside his house, putting bags in and making it look like we were going; he’d dash out to get his lime green chariot, and then be denied as one of the other two cars pulled up, and we’d bundle into that one and drive off, leaving him almost incandescent with frustration.

Loads of examples at the website youparklikea****.co.uk
Most definitely NSFW. Replace the asterisks with see you next tuesday 😉

a midnight trolleyjacking mission to move them overnight personally

or a rugby team on a night out 😆

You work 200m away from where you live and still drive to your job?

If I am going out for the day, or have meetings in another city yes, how else would I get there?

So, having a ‘double space’ at your home is a ‘perk of the job’???

Company provided housing, so yes. Saves me having to put any effort into my parking and can just leave my car in my own space without any consideration for anybody else

I think I’d be fixing that with a bloody great boulder at the entrance.

I am sure you can get in bother for having those painted white stones on the verge outside the house, is that not correct? If they damage a car when they are parking.

MAte of mine often gets home from work to find people parked in his driveway…

When confronted they get the arse with him with things like “well I wasn’t going to be long and you get ticketed if you park in the street”

It has been entertaining to say the least 🙂

Or even leave it in your work space 200m away?

(I’m still a bit confused TBH) 🙂

^ stuff that when it is 36 degrees and 80% humidity.

If I did that I would have to get my boy to fan me all the way to the car.

Ah right, so you don’t have quite the same issues with industrial revolution town planning and a consumerist society with an entitlement problem. Getting there now.

I worked in a place like that once. Car spaces were allocated according to grade, so people who were of the inclination to flaunt their newly acquired and vaunted status as middle managers would come in rattling their keys about the place and moaning about the traffic because I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW HOW MUCH MORE IMPORTANT I AM THAN YOU.

One lady was even rumoured to live across the street, but drove to work to make sure her space wasn’t re-allocated causing her to lose that hard earned badge of her petty office.

consumerist society with an entitlement problem.

Certainly do have issues with that. Planning though, not really.

When I lived in Paris parking was always interesting. Outside my apartment or anywhere in the city it was normal to create space by pushing other cars out of the way with your bumpers, so everybody left their brakes off. Luckily most of Paris is flat so this works pretty well.

I had a spot in the underground car park at the office, which had an automatic door controlled by a button thingy in the car. One day I opened the door and shot up the steep ramp to street level only to find my way onto the service lane blocked by some idiot who had parked right across the entrance. Parisians may be relaxed about pushing but you DO NOT block car park entrances; this is a sin of the highest order and can get you into major merde. So I was forced to stop half on to the pavement, whereupon the steel door shut on the side of my car, making a nice dent in the door. I was absolutely steaming with rage and sat on the horn for about a minute before realising that whoever owned the car probably wasn’t going to come out and deal with a driver who was white-faced and apoplectic with rage. So I also had to do a 10-point turn and drive down the pavement.

The irony was that my office was about 2kms from my apartment along the broad, flat, leafy avenues of Neuilly sur Seine and every day for two years I drove, which could take 20 minutes thanks to the need to cross the Avenue Charles de Gaulle, go down, cross again and then come up the service road. By bike it would have been a refreshing three minute ride yet the thought never occurred to me – I was too caught up in my self-important executive lifestyle.

I used to have some fun with British visitors when leaving the underground car park – I would wind down my window and say: “Open the door!” towards a control box thingy and nothing would happen. Then I would say: “Ouvrez la porte!” and press the button in the door pocket and… hey presto! the door would open. That always amused them. “Ooh! A French speaking door!”

Can’t edit the URL 😥

I think I’d be fixing that with a bloody great boulder at the entrance.

For a Brucie Bonus, install it after he’s parked there
Tempting but then I would need to have a fight with him or worse his scary wife. Legally I can deny them access to it as I only need to maintain pedestrian access across it but no one has the right to put a car there.

Tedious bully really but its not worth the hassle as the street is not that full.

FWIW i would go down the park a banger there route if I choose to fight fire with fire

I would take a trolley jack to the two cars, but I would also play the long game. Move the two cars once a week towards the driveway, but only move them 3 or 4 inches at a time. 😀

A few months ago I nearly got into a scrap over parking. MrsTorm arrived home with the kids looking a little bit shaken and said some chap from the opposite road where we park had given her a furious and pretty fruity telling off.

I decided to go over and have a word to try and smooth over neighbourly relations and the conversation went something like this:

Me: I understand you just swore at and threatened my wife in the street as she was unloading our kids from the car
Him: Yes I ******* did, I’m tired of you lot abusing our car parking spaces, they are bringing in a parking scheme you know…
Me: Alright, and when they do bring in a scheme, I will abide by it, but until then, I have every right to park here.
Him: No you ******* don’t
Me: Yes mate, I ******** do. You haven’t got a leg to stand on…
Him: **** you pal, you haven’t had to live here for 13 years with people from over the road abusing our spaces.
Me: They’re not your spaces, I pay my road tax, and who the **** has been making you live in this house for 13 years?
Him: …
Me: Threaten my wife again and we’ll be having words.
Him: Gaaaaahhhh, **** OFF or I’ll call the police. [SLAM]

Don’t beat your wife on my account mate.

Torminalis – Member
Me: They’re not your spaces, I pay my road tax

😮

Can I get in first with the no such thing as road tax comment !!!

Did people fight over where to tie their horses?

Obviously not !!