Plan on taking part in a race in one form or another in the coming year. Have a bike that fits the enduro bill but, just as interested in XC/CX or even a triathlon.

I’m no race whippet but I’m no slouch either however, I should probably come to terms with the prospect of finishing last.

Care to share your last place stories? Does it still eat you up inside? Was it the other guys fault cos he um, err, it just is OK!

I did the south downs way a few years ago and towards the end I wondered why this guy behind me refused to take over even though he looked as fit as a fiddle.

Then I noticed he was taking down all the signs and sticking them in his backpack.

I arrived last…but due to the staggered start times I was officially about 15th from the last person.

You are never last ,if there is a DNF.
DNFers are the real losers and cry all the way back home 🙂

I used to run half marathons with a guy I worked with, a bit older and a bit heavier….

Quite a few times he came last, he wasn’t bothered at all. He always maintained coming last was better than not starting, or starting and not finishing.

Good on him, just do it with a smile on your face and the crowd will love you. In fact there was always someone who finished later but they started walking at the outset so we didn’t count them.

Share your coming last story

So me and the guy’s at boarding school got this biscuit and…I’ve never eaten one since! 😕

Does getting disqualified count?

So me and the guy’s at boarding school got this biscuit and…I’ve never eaten one since!

I was unaware this was a thing till recently.

Sometimes I just wonder at the world.

So me and the guy’s at boarding school got this biscuit and…I’ve never eaten one since!

😯 That’s also a new one on me. What a sheltered life I’ve lived.

It’s real, honest.

Every day’s a school day!

…. Are my best performances

After a career at school doing reasonably well in things like the 100m and javelin/discus (you know, short, explosive events) my last sports day saw me selected for the 1500m. My protestations of being rubbish at it and that I woudl only come last fell on deaf ears and I was told I had to.

Come the day, I set off and managed to come last by almost a lap of the track. I got a sympathy clap fromt he spectator, which was all the more galling given that I know I could have placed or won both the field events that I was told I could not compete in.

I still get annoyed about it.

A raft race as venture scouts on the Derwent. Our “raft” was basically 6 x 45 gallon drums welded together, how it stayed afloat is anyone’s guess . The day didn’t start well as we were pelted with rotten eggs and made to wear climbing type helmets by one of the dad’s. . It got worse when our raft was stolen as we had a bank side piss and left in the middle of the river by some “men” we’d took the piss out of at the start. The day then descended into utter shame as we were so tired we had to be towed over the finish line in last place by two men in a kayak.

Bringewood about 2010 (check r&r for full details) think it was round 2 of Pearce dh, entered the series on a trail bike, 2nd race slop and he’ll came in last. Felt like chucking in the towel for the series but the mates I had mad racing worth it. Ended up doing most of my practice for the rest of the year with the ladies… 3 of which went on to race world cups. Loved every minute of it in the end.

poisonspider – Member 
Share your coming last story
So me and the guy’s at boarding school got this biscuit and…I’ve never eaten one since!

I didnt know Stephen Fry rode MTBs?

Always finish, you won’t be last. There aren’t any notes on the results sheet. I was 17th on GC in last years ottershaw race series. Only 17 finished all three races. I wasn’t last in any, but was dropped in all three race. This year I plan to hang onto the bunch.

Set realistic goals. Finishing is a valid one. DNF is not something I expect to see by my name!

Some sage advice, it’s about taking part and my goal is just that. Well, and to use taking part as an excuse for a new bike.

Can i some more stories of you lot crying inside?

Every practical music lesson at school the teacher would hand me the wooden block.
I think that probably counts as last at music.

I used to come last all the time, spent years doing it. Coming second-to-last was a big achievement.
Stick at it though, eventually you’ll get somewhere. Took me nearly 10 years to get my first win (on a bike, only got my first win running this year, so 18yrs for that!) The one DNF I’ve had still irks much, much more than all the last laces put together.
.
Anyway, coming last stories, these two I was last finisher but was just dead chuffed to make it the end.
http://andrewhowett.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/the-wet-highland-way-race.html
http://andrewhowett.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/that-was-harder-than-i-thought.html

A couple of mates entered a triathlon.
They exited the water last and second to last, jumped on the bikes, were pinged for slipstreaming at which point the one in front turned round to see what was going on and then clipped the curb and crashed. Then came the run and they missed a turn and set a course record by only doing half the course, but were still last, and then disqualified

I posted the slowest time at this years Grizedale PMBA Enduro!

I flatted at the start of stage 2, swore a lot, pushed down to a fire road, swore some more, chatted to the marshals, arsed around, fixed my puncture then eventually cruised down and actually posted a time. Most people who end their run just post a DNF! Even more annoying, there was a lite version of the race cutting out stage 2, so if I’d have pushed back up and cancelled my run I could have posted a decent time in that category.

Came last in a trial when I was a schoolboy, dropped 198 out of a possible 200 😆 Actually I came joint last

My bike club was the Gilfach Triangle based in Bargoed used to do a weekend away with the XHG Tigers in Bournemouth. Got to ride around Bovington tank grounds all day had never ridden in sand, found it very tricky 😆

Had an amazing day though, went through 3 tanks of fuel which is a lot for a trials bike.

On the return fixture up at Pochin near Blackwood the tables were turned, they smashed their poor bikes to bits on the rocks 😳

Years ago, probably around 1992, I did a mountain bike race in Ashworth Valley, near Bury, organised by Mike Cookson. It was quite a cyclo-cross like circuit up some banks, down, over a stream, ten times. By the sixth circuit I began to realise that everybody else had either finished or given up but I was determined to finish so I kept going. By the time I finished I was the only remaining competitor, most of the spectators had gone home and the organisers were beginning to take all the canes and flags away. My efforts were wasted because nobody clapped or cheered my plucky ride.

Dan Craven knows how to finish last. http://velonews.competitor.com/2016/08/news/dan-nam-accidental-time-trial_417779

Years ago, probably around 1992, I did a mountain bike race in Ashworth Valley, near Bury, organised by Mike Cookson. It was quite a cyclo-cross like circuit up some banks, down, over a stream, ten times. By the sixth circuit I began to realise that everybody else had either finished or given up but I was determined to finish so I kept going. By the time I finished I was the only remaining competitor, most of the spectators had gone home and the organisers were beginning to take all the canes and flags away. My efforts were wasted because nobody clapped or cheered my plucky ride.

Nearly my story that….
1997 or 1998 I did a masters XC race near Telford. A properly hot day and I hadn’t planned to do the race, I was there for transport and support for a couple of other lads. I got told I was going to have a go. So I lined up in baggies and a T shirt against maybe 35 or so seasoned racers.
Like I say a blisteringly hot day. six laps. After 3 laps everyone else but two had packed, I was last probably by a good margin and had drained my bottles and those of all the marshalls too. It was called at the 4th lap and I took a 3rd place and stood on the podium. Dead last.

I bear the curse of enjoying sport but being crap at all of them – I have many stories of coming last too mundane to bore you with (as they’re all “done a race, came last” kind of thing).

DNF is bad but I find that DNS is worse.

Three days before the 3PCX I was on a last tapering ride. It was going dark so when I rejoined the road I turned to check my light, veered onto the verge and fired myself over the bars onto a wall. Bruised ribs and elbow, knackered chainring and couldn’t race.

Watched the 3 Peaks nearly in tears with frustration!

My first enduro stripped me all of my dignity and self worth, then I did another, which was nearly as bad, but not quite.

Did once come in at the end of an MTBO (trailquest) while the prize giving was taking part. Planned my route to end with what I thought would be a nice little 5km of bridleway which soon became completely unrideable bog, took about 2 hours to struggle through and barely made it back in daylight.

Though once you are down to 0 I suppose everyone is equal.

Finishing last is a great thing to do, it takes the pressure off those who are just ahead who otherwise might think they are a nuisance or be embarassed or something.

My wife has two daughters, I’m not their natural father – now that’s proper coming last 🙁

So long as it doesn’t end as coming next I’ll be happy though

Our school was split into 4 ‘houses’ partly as a throwback to when it was a Grammar School and partly because it was huge – there wasn’t any one room to fit all 2000 odd of us.

The house I was in managed to consistently come last in absolutely any inter-house contest, sporting or otherwise. Not just overall but in every event and in every year group. On one occasion the teacher reading out the result of one event proudly pointed out that we’d come last in a relay race despite non of the other houses managing to field a full team. 🙂

Hufflepuff?

I was unaware this was a thing till recently.

if you want to work as a merchant banker, it’s a standard interview test 😉

DickyBoy – Been there, no fun whatsoever!

For my first MTB race in years, I entered the 2 hour winter series at Tunstall forest (Note: NEVER ride Tunstall in the wet). Woefully under-prepared, everyone stood there in shorts and jersey and I’m in baggies and a jacket with full camelbac (including a spare tyre…!). Anyway, long story short what should have been a two hour race took me three as my third lap was slow (included stopping for a piss twice and a sit down for a sandwich that I’d taken in my camelbac). I pushed myself so hard I actually gave myself piles and burst into tears as I crossed the finish line…..dead last…which wasn’t my worst result actually, now I come to think about it….

That would be the eastern CX race at Foxhall stadium. I was passed by a girl competing in the Under 12’s race that set of 10 minutes after the seniors had set off. My girlfriend at the time was so embarrassed by my performance she led me straight to the car, chucked my bike in and drove off before I had chance to talk to anyone.

long story short what should have been a two hour race took me three as my third lap was slow (included stopping for a piss twice and a sit down for a sandwich that I’d taken in my camelbac). I pushed myself so hard I actually gave myself piles and burst into tears as I crossed the finish line…..dead last…which wasn’t my worst result actually, now I come to think about it….

Tea coming out of my nose.

A gentleman always…

24/12 2nd to last in 24hr solo this year, first 2 laps went ok, the following 4 were all separated by an unhealthily long sit on the bog. called it a day after that as I had nothing left. Thought about doing a lap the next day but decided against it.

Got shelled out of a road race somewhere in the darkest dankest bit of belgian countryside i could find. Due to a series of cock ups there was no sag wagon (it broke down) and two punctures (one wheel from team car one from neutral service) i ended up riding along the course on my own about 5 minutes behind the laughing group for about 80k. Every village i came to they were taking barriers down. And generally getting on with their Sunday afternoon drinking. Nice.

Ended up getting back to the finish about 45 minutes after the winner and about 20 minutes after the laughing group.

Then had to ride back to the hotel. As the car was full. Least they gave me a fresh bottle and some clothes.

To add insult to injury, i’d actually ridden past the hotel about half an hour earlier on my way to the finish. Hey. At least i finished.

No. I got a dnf as i was so late. The time keepers had packed up.

Next race i made sure i knew where the hotel was.

My first and so far only ever race, I entered Nutcracker MTB when it was at Parkwood for the first time in 2013. AT 38 I was in the veterans category with about 30 blokes and one girl who was the only one to enter in her category. She was on a very old FS. In the literature pre-race, it said it was a 3 alp race round the circuit, I was given the chequered flag after my second lap. The one person I overtook, managed to pass me back on a blue/red option but then appeared to have dropped out by the time I got back to him (he was stood talking to a steward). When the full results were published, the girl on the ancient FS had beaten all the blokes in veterans.

Oh, also once “ran” the 100m at school in a smidge over 18 seconds. #builtforcomfort