ok so this might not be the best place but i need to vent it or get it of my chest.
I have been feeling really low lately it has been going on-on and off for while, i have tried to do things like change my life style, do more of the thing i like ( bike riding , camping and so on) but the more effort i put in to doing these thing the more things go wrong somewhere else that prevents me from doing stuff, like lately a trip away has now failed to happen as my son is sick and i need to be there for him he has tonsillitis again 6 weeks after last lot.
The same trip was a nightmare to get the go ahead for it seem like every one/ thing was in the way from the missus complaining “when will iget to see you if go away all week end. Any way i got a weekend sorted and the. The above happens after the missus has been ill too for the last 3 weeks so all my time out on the bike in the week has been nil.
There is tons more then the above but itis alreay making feel worst talking about it.
I feel distructive, lofe is pointless, i want to drink even thoe i dont, it feels like all i do is sit here waiting for life to past me by and the only way to get controlle and make sure i get to live is by just getting away from every one

chin up mate, things will get better for sure.
i have had some dark time over the last couple of years, but love from friends and family will get you through it.

keep on keeping on.

Family stuff should always take priority so you’re doing the right thing in that respect.

Can’t offer much beyond things will get easier/better in time and hang in there.

I feel distructive, lofe is pointless, i want to drink even thoe i dont, it feels like all i do is sit here waiting for life to past me by and the only way to get controlle and make sure i get to live is by just getting away from every one

I get like that, it’s called me-time intit 🙂

Solitude is something I look forward to occasionally.

You might want to look into SAD too.

We look forward to your solitude too druid 😛

OP you do sound depressed, like something is not right. Thought of a talking therapy?

I’d suggest a FAST 20 minute run, 3 mornings a week, early morning well before work.

I used to suffer dark episodes at times, found this to be a fantastic fix.

Lots of forward thinking medical practitioners are now ‘prescribing’ short burst exercise for depressive type problems.

Hope this helps 🙂

See a doctor.

must be that time of year again, there are lots of these threads popping up and a friend just told me they are seeing a therapist.

See a doctor and get some help (not necessarily medication)

No I disagree wwaswas. SOMETIMES a hard drive reset is required and benefits all longterm.

Sort of taking yourself off the frontline for a bit.

Dont see your doc yet…perspective

The symptoms you are describing suggest you’re unhappy with your life and life choices that you have made rather than a clinical depression.
Accept the choices you have made will always put people at the same level of priority as you at least, if not more so or make some life choices that puts physical and emotional distance between you and them.
A regular release of endorphins and a refocus of what YOU want to do/with/in your life should hopefully get your planets realigned.
In essence, you sound fed up. Not depressed.
Good luck and chin up.

Matt, if you fancy getting out for a bit for a spin and a chat just give me a shout. Only 20 mins down the road.

By all means chat on here, get it off your chest but try if you can to let your missus know too. See if you can chat things out with her, a problem shared an all that.

In the past I have found that building stuff up to a specific event counter productive, as you have found if it doesn’t happen you can feel worse. Do something small each day to try and put a smile on your face, go out to the park at lunch, buy a fancy piece from a bakery for elevenses, you will know what works for you.

Excersise works for me too, often find it difficult to get out and do something but feel load better once I have.

Hope your son gets over the tonsillitis soon.

Kids get ill, wives get ill, things need to be cancelled, get over it, think about all those working for Comet who through no fault of their own are going to be out of work for christmas, possibly haveing their homes repoed, or if they claim Housing benefit, haveing to move as they have to many bedrooms.

Just perhaps rearange a new weekend and go see the gp and see if he can tell you why your kid is ill again.

Thing is crap happens but it happens at different levels.

Hora – wife ill for 3 weeks and kid in hospital. I’d say bike riding takes a back seat for a bit?

speak to someone you don’t know very well about it. Its amazing how “something” becomes “nothing” when you just talk and let it out of your head.

EDIT: Just saw this.

MrSparkle – Member
Matt, if you fancy getting out for a bit for a spin and a chat just give me a shout. Only 20 mins down the road.

Do it.

project, your first paragraph was about the least helpful I’ve seen from you in a while. Jeez. Now go and have a think about what you said.

To the OP, life is hard and sometimes it seems like everything is mounting up into some big quagmire through which you cannot wade. Few suggestions: talk to someone, a mate, a doctor, most importantly, your missus. You have to let her know in order for her to be more supportive. Get a bit of exercise – even a short run before breakfast can brighten up your outlook on the day ahead. Make a list of some shit you need to get out of the way. Tackle the shittiest stuff first.

If none of the above work, then, really, see your doc. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Life isn’t all about MingTFU all the time.

Best of luck.

Deadlarcy , no, facts are facts, we all get down and depressed but there are always people worse than us,sometimes its best to put things in a blunter way and be straight, going to a gp will only create a record of depression on his notes,and possibly a script for medication,that will be hard to get off, and possibly affect your career or job prospects.(seen it first hand working with people with mental illness for 6 happy years)

Wildernesss as somebody else suggested and i would highly recomend, you speak or chat to someone who doesnt know you or your family, be open and have a cry,whinge or get upset, youll feel a lot better after, and it want be tagged onto you like a medical note.

Also as its an open forum, we are all allowed our own views, its not some sort of singletrack mind control option we have to agree with.

Oh and wilderness hope the wife and child make a great recovery and you also get over your hicups in life.

Hope you feel better soon buddy

Matt

My last (few) words on this project; telling someone that others are worse off doesn’t work most of the time. I dunno, maybe you’ve hit the bullseye on this one – not everybody needs to have your particular brand of bleakness applied to them.

going to a gp will only create a record of depression on his notes,and possibly a script for medication,that will be hard to get off, and possibly affect your career or job prospects

Sorry, I was wrong, that bit of advice is a little bit worse than “Others are worse off, get over it.”

Anyway, I’m not going to cloud the OP’s thread with more argument much as I’d love to with you this evening.

OP, sorry…hope you get through it int he best way possible for you.

There are a huge number of self help and mental health charities out there who will offer advice,help and most improtantly signpost and listen to peoples problems,just like most of on here would be willing to go for a ride and listen and offer advice, we all have different ideas of what to say or what we have experience of, mine are based on mental health work,and the outcomes for patients that where succesfully treated and helped.

If some dont like my opinion thats fair, if some agree thats also fair, we cant all agree to agree as that would be brainwashing.All i set out to achieve tonight was to offer some advice to a fellow cyclist, who is a bit down, klike we all get from time to time.

Also apologies to deadlydarcy, i spelt your name wrong above.

There is a degree of truth about what project says, a bit of realisation that there are worse things in life might help.
I say that because it does to me read a bit like it’s because the Op can’t do what he wants?

You don’t say how young you’re kids are?
And you’re life isn’t pointless, you have a family…kids….you’re a father.
Have you done that old thing of looking at what you do have and what you have achieved?
And I know you’re an adult, but are you getting grief from mates to be a lad with them?

I had that because I was the first to have kids. But chuck in losing all you’re money. Having to deal with bailiffs at the door, endless court appearances, selling everything you have to live, kid running away from home. Wife getting very ill and blaming you and God knows more.

And now? two years later it’s like it never happened. In fact everything is even better than it was. But we are all different. Hope it all pans out for you.

Spend 30 minutes a day doing something for you!

Get out!

That stuff you list, that’s normal. The shit happening in your life is not the cause of your depression – it happens to everyone.

The reason some people get depressed by it is down to brain chemistry. Your brain is a simple computer that works on a selection of chemicals. Too much of one or not enough of the other totally changes your mood and means that you interpret events as being shite, when at other times you might be able to keep your chin up without any trouble.

Problem is, it’s almost impossible to remember this when you are feeling depressed. Whatever the opposite of rose coloured glasses are get stuck on, and you can’t take them off.

Molgrips = spot on ..

Change your outlook with the other suggestion by andyrm – go for a run .. a few times a week. Just 30 minutes. Not fast. Just jog at a pace which causes you to breathe hard but not madly. Do it during your lunchbreak or before work.

It’ll change the way you feel and think.

Report back after a few sessions … willing to bet you’ll feel so much better!

op- going through a very similar thing, with folks recommending I see my GP for happy pills. Sorry sod that, if something in my life is making me so screwed up I need chemicals, it’s time to change my life, not pill up to loose myself.(but each to their own)

kind of agree with this

Accept the choices you have made will always put people at the same level of priority as you at least, if not more so. Or make some life choices that puts physical and emotional distance between you and them.

talking can help, it’s better to rant on here than bottle it up where you can suddenly find yourself making what seem to be very logical decisions about final solutions.

If you family is the problem, and you feel that you have too many pressures on you and not enough time to actually be “you” then you may have get some short term distance in there before real resentment kicks in.

main thing is talk. Best of luck

TBH I’m not usually one to agree with Project & his slightly down view on life but in this case he has a point!
I would love to have the chance to get out on a “ME” thing for even a day but as I’m my wife’s primary carer (secondary progressive MS) I can’t. That’s my lot along with working full time & my caring duties as well you accept things are not ideal but that’s life.

Hopefully your wife & kids will be better soon (mine won’t) so give them a hug and look forward to the day when you can all enjoy things together.

Thanks every one for your input, as most say “chin up”
I know there are others worst off out there and some of you are right it could be worst! I try my hardest to balance life, family life and personal time but recently it feels unachievable.
Getting out and riding was my way of coping with the pressures of life id get out at 4am or 8pm for a hour to fit it all in.
Then that became difficult to do as the misuses started having to work late and with that those rides times became unavailable, so i incorporated my rides with the daily shop runs ( even got a trailer for the shopping) and made sure parks at weekend with the kids where on the bikes (as they should be) Although it is not the same it is out on the bike
I also collect my 8 year old every other weekend from his mums on his bike and take him home the same way weather permitting.
So i have been trying except just recently every thing iv done to keep a healthy mind and life style seems to getting undone.
As some said i sound “fed up” spot on.
I know my short description does not show the intensity of it all and may be this time next year when i read back on this il say to my self what was it all about!?
Any way the missus is now home and has been great in cheering me up, i don’t feel like i am in such a deep hole at this moment.
I have also just check Jacob my 2 yr old and he is not burning up which is a relief & good sign.
Lastly thanks again, getting it out and sharing it has seem to lighten the load the rest i have to take in my stride and push

+1 for feeling like this at the mo, I feel like it every year around this time.

All the above advice works for me, inc Projects, I never have to look too far for somoeone with real issues.

On the subject of happy pills. A couple of years ago I was really struggling with a big decision. The wife wanted a baby and try as I might to agree it just made me feel very dark/black moods/angry. It was a marriage breaker so I took myself of for some counciling.
In the first instance that meant I kept my marriage and have a beautiful two year old boy. In the second, I learnt an awful lot more about myself and now deal with most situations a whole lot better and I am more content with my lot.

And as a 41yr old with a big circle of friends and lots of male customers (I’m a barber), I can tell you that an awful lot of people have either been to see a councillor or used antidepressants as some point. So I reckon what you are feeling is normal.
Keep talking, drink less and excercise more.

Good luck 🙂

OP, right I’m on a PC now. Rereading your original post it sounds like theres something previous/an undercurrent where current events are just making things worse.

How is work? Excuse me for asking- has anyone close to you passed away over the past few years? (I struggled with the later myself without speaking to someone professionally).

Also Wilderness. Don’t underestimate the power of ‘fed up’. In some ways it can be more harmful than clinical depression.
When I’m catatonic with depression or giddy with mania, I know (although it doesn’t mean a thing at the time) that I can take medication to get me level again. My wife and family also know this. It’s not me they say, it’s my illness.
Fed up really is the person and external changes have to take place. Big events for everyone can happen. The biggest worry is the anger and frustration you’ll feel can lead to rash decisions that sometimes can’t be undone.
That little guy who feels so miserable and unwell….loves you, needs you and despite feeling horrible, will be pleased to see you. Think on it mate. It’s massive.

I think it’s difficult time of year now the nights have drawn in and this definitely can effect your mood especially if your itching to get out and family & life take over. I am having similar feelings to you and impacted by tension between her indoors and myself which heightens these feels of wanting to be elsewhere to avoid it all, however I would much rather be with my family than being a miserable git on my own. Like the idea above to get out early for some exercise but can’t drag myself out of bed.

It’s easy to say pull yourself together but in reality not as simple as that.

what Monksie and Cougar said +1

I’m currently living the CBT dream

What this thread brings to light for me is that those who don’t know how to help someone in a situation like the OP’s should shut the **** up and move away from the keyboard. That’s all.

I think what you have described is pretty much the standard situation for those with a young family.
It certainly is for me.
I just keep telling myself two things; the situation will improve as the kids get older, and life isn’t about what I want any more it’s about the kids.

My work for the last 2 years has been a home maker & bringing up my son prior to that i was in the bike industry for 15 years, it was a toss up between who brings the most home and pay in my section of the industry is not as not as much as banking.
Iv had no family death, i do have parents who are disable and constantly ill (there disability and illness is a self inflicted from substance abused) and a brother who is a drug addict but since Jacob was born iv have kept them at arms length and minimal contact
I must confess people being ill around me is something iv never been able to handle well at all but with Jacob it is totally different last time he had tonsillitis I was able to comfort him, when we went to hospital i was alert and the whole episode did not phase me in the slightest even the missus being ill has had minimal impact then usual!
However i have notice other stuff I’m feeling aggressive about for instance a women drove down the pavement to turn a blind corner the other day it made me furious as a-posed to usual stupid idiot comment and then forget about it.
there are other stuff but i will not bore you on this.
Iv seen other people take ill with depression and i cycled my friend out of depression last winter with long bike rides and fast fun night riding i kept him close i even made him come to family events with me, so i know how it can be kept at bay but i have been physically unable to follow my own advice there just seems to be something in the way every time these last 6 month.
Any way thanks again every one

FWIW- being a ‘domestic’ is a thankless yet essential job in society, it has no status,and often you are just reacting to situations, without having much ‘control’– that would put a downer on most people !

The good news– its temporary, your son and wife will recover, but at the moment it will appear very different– as you know its important to do stuff, sometimes when you don’t feel like it– but we all know physical exercise is good for mind and body, even a small amount.

Hang on in there, it will get better/easier, your wife is supportive /understanding– a big big help– good luck.

Had a mildly similar situation here. Had lots of trouble adjusting to the restrictions of having a family and lack of time, which got me rather down.
Weekend mtb trips are now definitely a thing of the past for me, along with regular day long mtb outings with friends. Now I just get out locally for a couple of hours when i can. For a period i was struggling to get out at all and ended up feeling worse and worse. After really assessing the situation (including visiting the doctor), we decided that me getting out at least once or twice a week (even for just an our or two) was very important. We now view it as therapy 🙂
I found the time riding was important as it was some exercise and (perhaps more importantly) a period of time for just me, no one else around to think about.

Maybe this will also be applicable to you. Either way, hope it helps.

Oh and I’ve just dug out my SAD light for winter. Find that useful on days when i just dont get out in the sun. Could be worth looking in to or trialling, esp if you’re an outdoors type person.

I just keep telling myself two things; the situation will improve as the kids get older, and life isn’t about what I want any more it’s about the kids.

to be frank and brutally honest (and I expect to get a mauling) that was/is the deal breaker for me, not being strong enough to say I didn’t want kids. I should have stuck to my guns and walked out of 12 year relationship, rather than listening to everyone around me telling me it’s what I should do and what was expected of me.

CBT and pills can’t fix that and MTFU will cause more resentment. Did seriously consider ending it all a few times as what ever I do I’ll either mangle those now dependant upon me or have a life a don’t want and can’t accept.

tazzymtb, very well said and so true for a lot of men.