For what its worth my GP has me on 30mg of citalapram, not that I’ve noticed it!

Phew – not just me then. Some people give the impression that ADs are some magic fix, when my (and your) experience is that they don’t necessarily help. I had been starting to wonder if it was just me – personally I’ve stopped taking the Lofepramine I was prescribed due to the lack of obvious benefit. Not that I’d want to put anybody off going to their GP and trying the drugs – for an awful lot of people they seem to work wonders (I’d not comment at all for fear of putting the OP off going to his GP, but he has mentioned he is already on ADs). The real kicker to finding the drugs ineffective is that it that in itself is depressing as it takes away a bit of hope – I remember feeling most optimistic just after I’d first seen my GP before starting on the ADs.

Apologies for the not necessarily helpful hi-jack.

For me riding isn’t about how fast you can go its about how much fun you can have.

The trouble is, for some of us goal-oriented competitive folks who judge ourselves harshly, that isn’t the case. Or at least not naturally – though I have come to appreciate the idea of just having fun recently, it was only due to going in a completely different direction with my riding (as mentioned above I learned to ride a unicycle – I spend far more time with my wheel off the ground than I ever spent with my wheels off the ground).

Col, like you I have sufferred for D&A for many years, I ve tried all sorts of medication to make me feel normal and happy…I also found that they effected my physical ability and that used to depress me….
Throughout most of this time I have still ridden to various degrees ….I had spent some time in hospital, and one of the theraphists asked me what I wanted ? I answered I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be strong, I didnot wanna be depressed nor anxious….he looked at me and said why not just be ? Try to remind yourself that you are racing, one day you may not be able to …try to enjoy the now and have no expectation for it, In fact race and aim to come last…how did you feel ? Does it make you a worse person ? No….40mg of fluoxetine might be too much….swithcing you off physically whilst you are mentally battling against it….All the Best keep the legs ticking over !!

Thanks again to all the replies. The weekend has passed, the Red Bull Foxhunt has passed. It was a great weekend, I managed to just enjoy myself and not concentrate on my riding, however as the videos begin to appear, I’m really giving myself a hard time over it. I have to say, what I did get from the weekend was some of the best banter I’ve had on the bike in a long time.

Hi Col l like many wish l was faster on a bike but reality puts me towards the back. I coach our race team now and even though all are quicker than me they are happy to listen and train. It can be a great boost to your self esteem to see people improve and podium on a regular basis. It’s not for everyone but for me it keeps my own fitness up and and give me a real drive and goal. Don’t be put of if you have no qualifications right now they can follow

StCol -> I just happened upon this thread searching for something random and unrelated, but I have some insight to add. Apologies if this reitterates something someone else has said, but I can’t manage to read all of the above.

I have a self-imposed policy now of avoiding the forums on here at all costs (whereas I used to be a regular poster). This is because I realised it was having a generally negative impact on my thinking about cycling.

It was basically reinforcing a lot of the tendencies I had, which sound very similar to your outlook.

I have recently completed 6 months cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to overcome problems I had with eating disorder type weirdness and compulsive exercise. One of the topics that arose was my irrational fixation on ‘perfection’ and the internal self-criticism that followed from this. Nothing was ever good enough, no matter how hard I trained or pushed myself. (and this extended to other aspects of my life too.)

I’d recommend seeking help, via a CBT counsellor through your GP. It has been pretty much the best thing I think I’ve ever done.

I’ve read page one, skipped 2, skipped over this, page 3 and, bottom line – I agree with what many have said above – find someone professional to talk to. I did.
Key is
a. being open to the idea – took me a LONG while to accept that ‘working with a stranger’ and ‘talking about stuff’ would be of any value.
b. on reaching point a. it’s then IME a job for finding a person and method you connect with. First time out for me was a referral from the GP. With hindsight I did not know I was, though I evidently felt I was at point a. I did not going to connect with the process so I stepped away. This is around 10 years ago.
In the interim – around 6 years ago I figured it was time to take another look at the myself. I found someone privately and spent a few months working with him. It helped but the job was not complete.
Most recently, currently working with another coach. One thing we’ve done is Timeline Therapy – having figured out quite a bit of what has irked me (for the best part of my 44 years… stuff that a lot of folk would find daft and just leave behind = it irked me more that I too, felt it stupid but could not step away from it… = endless loop…) he ‘took me back’ and we boxed it off. I’ve never felt better. Overall, there’s still work i want to do – I’m still a ‘glass half empty’ guy, short on self confidence etc etc but in a lot better place mentally than i’ve been for a loooong while.

Oh, the other, thing – water – drink it – only recently realised just how much better I think / act / feel when I keep on top of water (at the moment it’s taken in as hot vimto!) as opposed to endless cups of coffee.

Just my 0.02…

Chris

oh, never done the drugs part of it – originally the GP offered them as did the guy I worked with privately (the first time).

An interesting thread with some great responses from people with far more knowledge about it than me.
However, I do sympathise with a lot of what you say about how you feel.
I would describe myself as a brave, faddish, lazy-perfectionist. So, i’m not scared of taking things on, new ideas enthuse me to the point of frenzy then I don’t follow them through properly and beat myself up for all my obvious failings.
The way people go about things these days has changed. Everyone is an expert. People have the time, the money and the resources to do everything to ridiculously high standards and it’s really intimidating.

My biggest realisation is the one that I am who I am and as long as my actions aren’t hurting other people, I should just enjoy life my way.
I’m going through a MTB phase at the moment and I did my first race the other week at the Crowethorn Wood Gorrick Autumn Classic. It was such an eye opener as to how unfit I am (I finished 20 something out of 65 or whatever it was) and the resolve, the drive and the guts I thought I would find when under stress never materialised.

However, the way I look at it is thus, 1) I finished higher than the guys that found an excuse to stay at home. 2) I got to ride a lush bit of woodland on a course that someone else had planned for me 3) I had a nice day out with my mate and got to gawp at some tasty looking bike machinery 4) No one can take it away from me, it’s something I achieved. 5) I’ve got a target time for next year 6) I really enjoyed it

I wish you well for the future but remember, it’s all just life. Stuff happens- some of it’s amazing, some of it’s crap but it’s all yours so grab it by both hands and wring every last drip out of it 🙂

Just logged in and it’s great to see the replies still coming through.

Well things have progressed well in the last week. Had a great ride out with friends yesterday, managing a couple of decent drops I’d not have looked at before and generally rode well. Fitness held too, I still had some left in the tank after the 3-4 hour ride. Still picked holes in my riding though and had an hour or two afterwards were I was down in the dumps. I need to work harder on what happens after my rides.

I hope this thread is also becoming useful for other users.

Still picked holes in my riding though and had an hour or two afterwards were I was down in the dumps. I need to work harder on what happens after my rides.

Sounds like CBT could really help – the whole picking holes in yourself is a learnt behaviour, which needs to be unlearnt / replaced with something different.

A good book on this subject is Learned Optimism. However, I still recommend CBT as reading a book only tells you what you need to do, it doesn’t give you exercises and ‘make’ you do the stuff to change behaviour.

NB There are only two types of people in this world:

Those who are f***ed up and those who know they are f***ed up!

😉

Last time I was in the GP’s there was a thought-provoking poster “No Health Without Mental Health”

Be well everyone.

Hi all,

Just thought I’d update this, more as a means to get a few things out of my head and onto paper/screen. It hasn’t been such a great week or so, not much cycling has been done, just to and from work. It’s not making my situation any better. I think I will inquire about some CBT training at least, they way i think about riding just isn’t right. I put myself going out on rides incase I have a bad ride, or don’t make some improvements. I am hoping to do some solo riding over the Christmas break in the hope I can get some of the simple joy of just riding my bike, back.

Cheers for reading

Col

Thought I would typ some stuff down here. My self loathe has taken a huge dive over the last week. To the point where I am beginning to question if I should compete at all this year. I’m stuck in two minds about it. On one hand, I am thinking about doing better and being recognised for it, and on the other I am worried that I wont improve at all. Went out on Saturday afternoon for a spin on the road and burned out after 15 miles – though I partly blame not fuelling myself properly beforehand and during.

Thought I would typ some stuff down here. My self loathe has taken a huge dive over the last week. To the point where I am beginning to question if I should compete at all this year. I’m stuck in two minds about it. On one hand, I am thinking about doing better and being recognised for it, and on the other I am worried that I wont improve at all. Went out on Saturday afternoon for a spin on the road and burned out after 15 miles – though I partly blame not fuelling myself properly beforehand and during.

Thats seems to me like it’s coming down to the same argument again – you need to start riding for the hell of it. Sod the training program, blow the performance stats. You sound like you’ve got an absolute fixation with how you are performing, and whilst it’s great to be able to stay fit, who is it that you’re trying to impress exactly? Because if it’s you, it clearly isn’t working – in fact it’s having the opposite effect.

Like somebody’s already said, try to recapture that vibe you had riding your bike as a kid. Did you care about how fast you were going then, or how many calories you had burned? No, all that mattered was the wind in your hair, your time away from your parents nad having a gas with your mates. Like Cinnamon Girl said, go exploring – don’t ride the same old routes over and over; find new places, see new things, experience new sounds and smells. You could do worse than go on some day rides with your local CTC group or touring club.

Don’t compete this year – but don’t look on it as a failure if you don’t. Take a break. Tone things down. Chill out. Read a book. List to some music. Find a pub with an open fire and real ale.

But whatever you do, have fun.

If you want to make yourself feel better, come to Hit the North on Saturday. There you will witness assorted fatties, myself included, who’ll be acting as mobile chicanes to keep things interesting for the race whippets as they lap us.

I’ll be at least 3 laps behind them by the end. Do I care? Do I buggery. It’ll be a right old laugh. I’ll be enjoying bumping into people (literally! And trees!!) who I haven’t seen for a while, enjoying the atmosphere, the abusive heckling, then going to the pub afterwards, feeling like I’ve definitely earned a beer or two

Can’t think of a better way to spend the day. Sounds like you need to try that approach. Just enjoy yourself! Take the positives from things

Dunno if anyone’s posted this yet, might be useful.

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Giving up racing migh actually be a good idea though. If you’re not enjoying it, why continue? You can always come back to it at a later date.

Hey, when I get too hung up on going fast, I try and practice doing something well. The fascination with the mechanics, trying to be elegant or just seeing what happens if I do something a bit differently tend to break the ‘you’re not good enough, must try harder’ internal mantra and at least divert it for a bit. It’s not so much that I stop thinking down thoughts, just I can distract myself and if I can distract myself for long enough they don’t seem as important.

I’m pretty good now having had quite bad issues ten years ago – things change 🙂

st colin – Member

I don’t want to stop competing, I’ve really enjoyed the race atmoshpere and meeting new people, and the enduro format really works for me.

I will never win a race, but I love racing. The truth is, at an enduro event you get 300 people turning up but maybe 10% have any chance of winning. This isn’t a sport that’s all about winning- if it was, there would be no races, because you couldn’t run them for 30 people. Ironically it’s a sport that’s mostly about losing. Or “taking part” as it’s recklessly refered to 😉

I’m sitting here right now typing when I should be out on my bike… I return to work after 6 months off on wednesday, the sun’s practically shining, and riding’s the one thing that consistently makes me feel better. Why is so hard just to get out? I will never know but it is. That’s not exactly helpful but you’re not alone.

Ironically I’ve been getting quite into the turbo trainer- it’s grim, but it keeps the post-exercise feelgood going, and it doesn’t take as long to get it done- no slithering about in mud, driving to trails, cleaning up after. Just jump on and go. It’s less fun but it’s less effort.

But I will say one thing that’s less cycling-positive… I ride because I love it. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t. It’s not something you can force- when I fell out of love with motorbikes, I tried for ages to relight the fire and it just killed it even deader. If I could do it again, I’d just stop, park it up, and come back to it when I wanted to not when i felt I should. Once motorbikes were my big thing that I’d never do without. Now I’ve not ridden a motorbike for about 3 years and pushbikes are my big thing that I’d never do without. Who knows what it’ll be next.

Thanks for the extra responses. Maybe I shouldn’t race this year, but I know for sure I will think I’m missing an opportunity. And with all the Irish Enduro rounds being at least 120 miles away, it’ll be expensive this year too.

I also have this huge problem with being recognised. I feel like I need to be doing well so people can recognise me. However I’m modest and almost cringe at the thought of people praising me or mentioning me in any positive light. I just don’t understand it.

Have you considered riding in an elaborate superheroes suit? Slightly-better-than-averageman? Then people would recognise you? Maybe one with a mask, to hide your true identity, and counter your modesty. A cape would probably be a step too far though….

Actually… this is a great idea. I’m going to be Or maybe Dropping-off-the-backman on Saturday. I need to rustle up an outfit

What a guy 😀

I am st colin…..

Did I ever mention the time I got a podium place?

Chin up Col

You might be the source of this problem! Hope you’re keeping well…

Get some quality grass, ride out about 3 miles then have a little one. This will help you get objective about your problems and you’ll have loads more fun.

You beat me at the Enduro Champs last year if thats any encouragement! Last in my age group 🙂 Im going back for more this year and Im older, mincier and slower than ever.

Just thought I would update this, as I’m not relly sure how else to talk about it.

Definitely not racing this year, for financial and personal reasons. I don’t think it would be good for me in this particular state of mind.

My bike has also been giving me trouble, and it’s a struggle to keep it maintained. Another headset shot, and the frame bearings are creaking pretty badly. There’s no play in them, so maybe I’m good for another while yet.