Relationshiptrackworld….saying no to children = saying goodbye to my OH

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  • Relationshiptrackworld….saying no to children = saying goodbye to my OH
  • tyrionl1
    Member

    There is no greater love than a man/woman has for his/her child. You only discover the absolute meaning of the word upon their birth and realise that the word love is totally inadequate given its’ use to describe other relationship emotions which are different.

    As there is also no greater loss to a man/woman than the death of ones child especially when the word grief is used for many other less than agonising events.

    These emotions are part of the process that comes to eventually define you and your ability to deal with this conundrum that is life and are such that you really need to share them with another, it is a long journey full of setbacks, disasters, successes and failures, not a decision really to be taken as lightly as folk often do.

    If one were wanting to wax deep on the subject.

    Premier Icon Mad Pierre
    Subscriber

    Honestly, we don’t just say it in case our wives have been reading our posts..

    I didn’t say you were. And I’m not saying kids aren’t great for their parents – I’m just trying to say that he should ignore that comment because every parent loves their kids and thinks parenthood is great i.e. you are all somewhat biased

    When people do say it (not type it) though it does sometimes sound to me like they are more trying to convince themselves it’s true than me! 😉

    Premier Icon imnotverygood
    Subscriber

    My tuppence worth. If I were you, I’d let her go…..but you’re not.
    Objectively: most people in a long term relationship end up with kids. Most of those love their kids and don’t regret having them. (Biology in action) The chances are therefore good that you won’t regret having children in the future, especially if you are just unsure. As a 52 year old in an 18 year marriage I know my own views on having children, but these are very much in the minority. The odds are that you will feel differently when you are 35, but of course it isn’t a certainty.

    When I was 25 I was readying to leave a London design job to work as a MTB guide in Spain. OK, I was free and single, but I certainly had no wish to have kids.

    You have a lot of quality time yet, but you may change. I did.

    walla24
    Member

    Just checked in, amazed and very grateful for you taking the time to post.

    Again I’ll be reading through this with my partner because it is very useful considering all the different perspectives.

    Il just quickly reiterate that I have never wanted kids, always spoke my mind about it and she knows/knew. She used to not be that worried, tried to convince herself that she didn’t want them, but know is almost certain she does and has a timeframe set in her mind.

    We talk openly and honestly. We are both aware that this isn’t a situation that can be compromised and that potentially it may lead to us heading down separate paths.

    This, for me is the biggest decision with the biggest potential for massive and long lasting regret I have ever had to make.

    While I’m not looking for the answer to be given to me in this thread (it can’t be), your perspectives are incredibly helpful.

    6079smithw
    Member

    Is there a shortage of humans on the planet or something? 😛
    You could always wait 20 years and adopt a coupla 10yr olds

    djglover
    Member

    Do you think there are any other fit sane single ladies out there who don’t want kids? You may end up a lonely middle aged man living alone, just another angle…

    beiciwr64
    Member

    I have 2 kids,23 and 6,both have turned my world upside down.
    Never wanted children but wouldn’t change it for the world.
    Children are awsome,shown me how to love and experience what love is.
    So much joy, laughter and tears,they have the knack of stretching you to your emotional limits one minute to pure joy the next.
    I never planned on kids,it just happened,so glad it did though.
    Being an older father is better in my experience,so there is no hurry.

    On Children by Kahlil Gibran

    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

    You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
    which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

    You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
    and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
    so He loves also the bow that is stable.

    Premier Icon mikewsmith
    Subscriber

    It’s a situation I have been through, made harder by being with a woman who was a few years older so time tables were advanced.

    If it’s an issue now it will remain an issue, hard thing to say really. As many of the posts read it’s the best thing in the world if it’s for you. Never do it to save a relationship as those feelings have to end up somewhere. In my case I’m glad I didn’t cave in as it would have ended badly I think.

    Do you think there are any other fit sane single ladies out there who don’t want kids? You may end up a lonely middle aged man living alone, just another angle…

    Not the best reason to get with the program is it.

    Premier Icon epicyclo
    Subscriber

    mikewsmith – Member
    “Do you think there are any other fit sane single ladies out there who don’t want kids? You may end up a lonely middle aged man living alone, just another angle…”
    Not the best reason to get with the program is it.

    Oh, it is. Otherwise he’ll end up living with cat lady.

    And I don’t mean the attractive one in the tight fitting suit… 🙂

    milky1980
    Member

    djglover
    Do you think there are any other fit sane single ladies out there who don’t want kids? You may end up a lonely middle aged man living alone, just another angle…

    That’s the situation I’ve found myself in, no normal women left!!

    Still don’t want kids, I’ll just buy more bikes and get a cat or two. Plenty of adventures to go on that wouldn’t be possible if I was tied down.

    Premier Icon weeksy
    Subscriber

    Plenty of adventures to go on that wouldn’t be possible if I was tied down

    Why not ? I spent 5 days at Portimao riding my Ducati round track a few weeks back.

    Mrs Weeksy is off for 7 days holidays with the girlies in a couple of weeks…

    duftondodd
    Member

    I’m 67 had my kids quite young, 3 by the time I was 25! No mountain biking back in the day but I was a very active climber. Yes had to compromise on some activity, no trips to Yosimite or the Alps for a few years. But by the time I was 40 and at my best climbing wise my middle son was leading me up E4/5,s. As a family we had great trips/adventures which include a whole year in the States and I did get to Yosimite. Yes having kids young will put the reins on a bit but imagine those trips and rides you will get to do when their downhill gods and your hanging onto their tails. Go for it you won’t regret it.

    duftondodd
    Member

    I’m 67 had my kids quite young, 3 by the time I was 25! No mountain biking back in the day but I was a very active climber. Yes had to compromise on some activity, no trips to Yosimite or the Alps for a few years. But by the time I was 40 and at my best climbing wise my middle son was leading me up E4/5,s. As a family we had great trips/adventures which include a whole year in the States and I did get to Yosimite. Yes having kids young will put the reins on a bit but imagine those trips and rides you will get to do when their downhill gods and your hanging onto their tails. Go for it you won’t regret it.

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