Not sure this is the right place, but need to get it off my chest.

So, I moved to Ireland a couple of years ago as i met a girl who lived in Dublin and I was offered a great opportunity work wise.

Things seemed to go a bit down hill a few months after i moved and i ended up splitting up with her September 2019, We didn’t talk for a while but got back in touch over Christmas and we ended up sleeping together.

I felt guilty about it and ended up shutting off contact, however we would be back in touch a few weeks later and again ended up sleeping together, this went on for the next few months until just before lock down, when i said that it wasn’t good for either of us. I think she thought this was leading to us getting back together so was taken aback a bit.

We had another period of silence, until about a month into lockdown when she got back in touch. We’ve talked on and off but it tailed off a little bit over the last couple of weeks.

I’ve had a lot of time to think and basically decided i wanted her back, unfortunately she thinks that too much water has passed under the bridge and she can’t get over the way i treated her. She also told me she was “dating” somebody. I asked her to think about it over last weekend and she agreed, but again told me yesterday that she can’t get past the last few months.

I think I’ve made a massive mistake and want to try and convince her that we would be good together again.

Driving me a bit crazy!

I’m no expert, but it sounds to me like you need to move on.

Never go back. This counts for broken relationships as well as fireworks once lit

Translating this into what the lady involved is hearing:

Come here, come here. No, go away. No come here. Actually, thinking on it, go away. You have another bloke ? Oh no what have I done? Come here. I mean it this time. No really, come here. (Etc etc)

You are welcome.

Never go back.

NEVER GO BACK!!!

We always want what we can’t have. Move on, DO NOT GO BACK!!!!!!

You’ve dumped her three times and now that she’s wised up you want another crack? Leave the poor woman alone.

Doesn’t seem like you’re ready for a relationship, and it’s not very fair on her. Leave it be +1

Don’t go back and dont try and chase her either. You’ve asked her to think about and she has given you a response (albeit one you don’t like!). Leave it and move on, get on with your life, do good things, but dont go down the convincing route ever. If she changes her mind, she knows where you are!

You pushed her away, she’s moved on. Time for you to do the same. Plenty more fish in the sea (with Irish accents too which is a bonus!).

Consider this. Why did you dump her? Why do you now want her back? Because you love her or because you’ve not got your end away for four months and she’s a known quantity?

Reading between the lines here it sounds like perhaps she’s more into you than you are her, hence her repeatedly coming back to talk to you after you’ve sacked her off. Except you’ve done it once too often and now she’s protecting herself from being hurt yet again.

There are many fine women in this world. Do both of yourselves a favour and find one. This course of action will not end well.

All seems fair advice but I have a thing for Irish girls so, on that basis, stalk her until she relents then marry her. If you do not you will be miserable for the rest of your lonely, empty life.

That’s all.

I have a thing for Irish girls so, on that basis,

Spoiler: Ireland is full of the buggers.

Turns out, I’m quite the expert 😀

I know this is all sound advice.

She still wants to be friends – this is a bad idea i think.

Consider this. Why did you dump her? Why do you now want her back? Because you love her or because you’ve not got your end away for four months and she’s a known quantity?

Reading between the lines here it sounds like perhaps she’s more into you than you are her, hence her repeatedly coming back to talk to you after you’ve sacked her off. Except you’ve done it once too often and now she’s protecting herself from being hurt yet again.

I do love her but i made a snap decision – i was under a lot of pressure from work at the time and was neglecting my relationship and she got frustrated which led to arguments about stupid stuff.

I decided to protect myself – i should have really thought about it a lot harder.

I got divorced in 2018 so have always been wary of relationships.

Have you told her you think you’ve made a massive mistake and you’re an idiot for doing so? I reckon it’d be a bit weird wanting to be with someone who is still a friend and seeing someone else but what do I know.

Other option is to find out who she is dating and pay him a visit with frozen sausages and bombers.

Forget the friends – i’d tell her that you’re only interested in her romantically and platonic isnt a thing. I mean how can it be really?

She still wants to be friends – this is a bad idea i think.

No she doesn’t, that’s generally a nice, gentle way of letting people down. I know almost no-one who is friends with an ex, it just won’t happen.
Walk away.

I suggest not going back. People want what is just out of reach.

I had a similar experience. With someone off and on, ended it several times, before a final end.

I met someone else and my ex came to my wedding and invited me to hers. Her Bloke is ace .

So I’d suggest staying friends

So, she reiterated that she still wants to be friends and we can meet this week to chat.

I just get the impression that she’s not completely convinced shes made the right decision.

I know i’m going against everything that people are saying above, but if she lets me i would give it another chance.

So, she reiterated that she still wants to be friends and we can meet this week to chat.

I just get the impression that she’s not completely convinced shes made the right decision.

I know i’m going against everything that people are saying above, but if she lets me i would give it another chance.

Meet her – tell her you’ve used the recent time apart to think and tell her how you feel..

I think you need to watch the following video.

To summarise…….. She once said she wanted you to make her a cup of tea but in the time it has taken you to boil the kettle and add the milk (ie get your life together) SHE HAS DECIDED THAT SHE NO LONGER WANTS A CUP OF TEA.

SHE NO LONGER WANTS TEA!!! You have NO RIGHT to keep pestering her and tell her to “just think it over.”

She HAS thought it over AND SHE DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE OF YOUR TEA.

Respect her decision and stay away. This is like really basic Year 7 Personal Development stuff here. You DO NOT have the right to make her feel guilty or that she has “made the wrong decision.” Moreover, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to act like an ADULT and not contact her again.

Jesus! I have a 10 year-old daughter sitting on the sofa opposite me. Is she really gonna have to deal with “men” who don’t understand what the word “NO” means?

and for the record….. The word “NO” can be expressed in a number of ways…. You don’t actually need to hear the word “NOOOOOOOOOOO” screamed at full volume to understand that humans are sentient beings and can make their own decisions, WITHOUT BEING PRESSURED.

STAY AWAY. JUST STAY AWAY. That would prove how much of a man you are.

The only thing you’ve told us about your recent relationship with this woman is that you’ve occasionally met up for a shag. Based on that, I think she is better off with someone who appreciates her for more than that. Be a better person and move on.

To summarise…….. She once said she wanted you to make her a cup of tea but in the time it has taken you to boil the kettle and add the milk (ie get your life together) SHE HAS DECIDED THAT SHE NO LONGER WANTS A CUP OF TEA.

SHE NO LONGER WANTS TEA!!! You have NO RIGHT to keep pestering her and tell her to “just think it over.”

She HAS thought it over AND SHE DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE OF YOUR TEA.

Respect her decision and stay away. This is like really basic Year 7 Personal Development stuff here. You DO NOT have the right to make her feel guilty or that she has “made the wrong decision.” Moreover, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to act like an ADULT and not contact her again.

Jesus! I have a 10 year-old daughter sitting on the sofa opposite me. Is she really gonna have to deal with “men” who don’t understand what the word “NO” means?

and for the record….. The word “NO” can be expressed in a number of ways…. You don’t actually need to hear the word “NOOOOOOOOOOO” screamed at full volume to understand that humans are sentient beings and can make their own decisions, WITHOUT BEING PRESSURED.

STAY AWAY. JUST STAY AWAY. That would prove how much of a man you are.

I actually take offence from this. I know she has made a decision, i am respecting that – i have my own thoughts on the matter, but wont vocalize them to her any further.

She is the one that suggested we meet up this week, not me.

As i mentioned above – i don’t think its a good idea.

She has made a decision and if she changes her mind (as people sometimes do) she knows where i am.

And you’re only keen on her now after you’ve found out she’s with someone else? Is a bit of jealousy/possessiveness the main motivator.

You take offence at being reminded what CONSENT means?

That’s your problem right there. Far too self centred. Interesting how YOU have just become the victim in all this.

Grow up. Leave her alone.

One for the road? (Don’t)

Not sure this is the right place

You should try Dear Diedre

After reading all the replies on this thread, (especially Simon’s) I’ve realized how self-centered i’ve become.

From this point on, i will leave her alone.

Thanks for listening.

I got divorced in 2018 so have always been wary of relationships.

Genuinely, for a good couple of years after my marriage broke up, I did some things bedroom-antics-wise that I now look back on, not with regret, but with a “yeah, I clearly wasn’t really thinking straight there, was I”.

I’d say you are, or have been, possibly in that “not thinking straight but not realising it” frame of mind yourself. And entirely understandably so.

Anyway, as others have said, move on from this one. Others will come along, and by then you’ll be in a better place yourself.

Admitting to yourself that the relationship is over is probably the best outcome and will make you a better person. If for whatever reason you end up back together, you should both be honest about the new relationship and treat it as that…a new one.

SHE HAS DECIDED THAT SHE NO LONGER WANTS A CUP OF TEA.

What with the Irish connection, is this appropriate at this point?

After reading all the replies on this thread, (especially Simon’s) I’ve realized how self-centered i’ve become.
From this point on, i will leave her alone.

I have some relationship advice, I think it can apply to most relationships. Don’t ask for advice from a bunch of people who don’t know you, have never met you, have no interest in your relationship and no clue about the feelings and emotions involved (apart from reading a typed attempt to sum it up in a paragraph or 2)
Well, that’s the advice I follow anyway.

C’mon give the guy a break. (yes I know – I started it – sorry).

Inter-human relations are tricky, and it sounds like said lady is giving out some mixed signals too.

On the subject of exes as friends,

This can work. I’ve done it. But.

You cannot go from partners / friends with benefits / whatever directly to “just good friends.” It’s not possible. One of you will get hurt. You must walk away for months, if not years, before starting a new relationship as friends.

Since there’s no help, come let us kiss and part.
Nay, I have done, you get no more of me;
And I am glad, yea glad with all my heart,
That thus so cleanly I myself can free.
Shake hands for ever, cancel all our vows,
And when we meet at any time again,
Be it not seen in either of our brows
That we one jot of former love retain.
Now at the last gasp of Love’s latest breath,
When, his pulse failing, Passion speechless lies;
When Faith is kneeling by his bed of death,
And Innocence is closing up his eyes—
Now, if thou wouldst, when all have given him over,
From death to life thou might’st him yet recover!

Personally – I’d ignore any advice from complete strangers on an internet Forum. That said, go with what your heart tells you!

Did you not watch Normal people? Sounds a bit like that really.
Spoiler alert, they go their own ways in the end.

Louis? Is that you?