Relationship Counselling…..anybody done it?

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  • Relationship Counselling…..anybody done it?
  • neville
    Member

    As per the subject really.

    As any body done it, is it worth doing or is it just a nail in the coffin?

    Thanks

    deserter
    Member

    We did it, therapist saw my point of view and told the misses to make some changes, misses went back to type after 3 weeks so I couldn’t be bothered going back……..we are still together by the way we went more for parenting problems as we are pretty polar from each other I was sick of arguing about it

    Tracker1972
    Member

    Done it, with a Relate one. Was very good, totally non judgemental, just asked the right questions to get us to think about what we really wanted and whether we would get that together. Didn’t take any sides at all, or tell us what to do, just helped us make our own mind up. Wasn’t cheap and didn’t keep us together, but it isn’t supposed to keep you together or split you up. Just help you understand what you really need to do to be happy together so that you both understand as much of the situation as you can.
    I found it really useful and I think it helped me with my next, much more successful relationship too.
    Recommended.

    Premier Icon Bregante
    Subscriber

    As above. Helped me to see what was right for everyone, from my perspective at least. Ironically I was the one who didn’t want to go, thought everything was fine etc. After a few months of going to relate it was me who realised there was nothing left worth sticking together for. Best (most expensive) decision of my life.

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    It makes you face questions that you’ve avoided and have some clarity in a relationship. You both need to be open-minded about going and be aware that you may feel uncomfortable.

    You need to ask yourself whether you’re prepared to change if necessary?

    Trimix
    Member

    This is a bike forum – so if you were riding a bike you didnt get on with why would you try to see if someone could talk you into liking it ?

    Especially as there are loads of different bikes out there, some of which will be brilliant to ride.

    Go and find one that works for you.

    spchantler
    Member

    plus 1 cg ^^ go for it i say, i found it really helpful. the missus didn’t tho, surprisingly we’re not together anymore. be prepared to tell the absolute truth, and hopefully get the truth back! good luck

    Premier Icon dannybgoode
    Subscriber

    @trimix-but should he go for a 32″, 34″ or 36″ breasted model and which rubber to use. Or perhaps Neville may wish to try a hard tail instead of full suspenders for a change. You’re opening a whole can of worms here…

    neville
    Member

    Thanks Guys. That’s a useful set of answers from the STW hive.

    I don’t know if I’m ready for what it could turn up, I’ll keep on pondering whether it’s the right thing or whether it could open a can of worms! I don’t know on the ability to change either, there’s been talk of that before.

    dannybgoode, thanks for putting a jovial spin on it!

    patriotpro
    Member

    This is a bike forum – so if you were riding a bike you didnt get on with why would you try to see if someone could talk you into liking it ?

    Especially as there are loads of different bikes out there, some of which will be brilliant to ride.

    Go and find one that works for you.

    😆

    What an awesome counsellor you would make.

    gravitysucks
    Member

    This is a bike forum – so if you were riding a bike you didnt get on with why would you try to see if someone could talk you into liking it ?

    Especially as there are loads of different bikes out there, some of which will be brilliant to ride.

    Go and find one that works for you.

    Speak to someone with a fresh pair of eyes who might be able to see your issue, suggest you change a stem and put a layback post on and all of a sudden its the best ride of your life.
    Or you can do as he suggests and spend your entire life riding knowing somethings not right but not really understanding why.

    We went and it helped at the time. That said BOTH of you have to want to go and be willing to try other wise its just a pointless exercise.

    Premier Icon boriselbrus
    Subscriber

    I did it and found it really useful. My partner had a very fixed idea of what I should be doing – basically she set standards for me and was disappointed when I failed to meet them despite me not knowing what the standard was! The councillor made her see what she was doing and the pressure came off.

    Ultimately unsuccessful though, but the counselling made the break-up very painless to the point where my partner just moved into the spare room and two and a half years later we still share the house very harmoniously.

    willard
    Member

    Did it in my first marriage* for several sessions and it helped sort of, but the big kicker was me manning up and seeing the doctor about the depression I was suffering from at the time. Getting treated for that made more of a difference than the counselling.

    Of course, it was all for nothing as we had a huge argument on holiday that year and separated/divorced soon after that, but the Relate people were good.

    badnewz
    Member

    So has anybody used a counselor and actually stayed together? I know that may not be the overall point, but it could be a positive side-effect!

    larrydavid
    Member

    badnewz – Member

    So has anybody used a counselor and actually stayed together? I know that may not be the overall point, but it could be a positive side-effect!

    Yes. Went to Scottish Marriage Care. We got a bit stuck in a rut but it was a bit of a revelation for both of us. Only wish we had gone sooner. And it’s not expensive compared to some of the bikes/bike stuff folk buy/want to but on here. About the cost of two pairs of decent bib shorts for us.

    Trimix
    Member

    So, following the bike theme then………….. you need to visit Jedi to learn to love the bike you ride 🙂

    But he may tweak the set up and tell you to look ahead more.

    However, pretty much half the population is the opposite sex to you, so dont waste any time. Life is short.

    Premier Icon MoreCashThanDash
    Subscriber

    Friends have just done it and it has pulled them back from the brink. He just needs to see what an ass he was being after several health issues came up, without considering her and the kids.

    I’ve wondered about it a few times when things have been rocky. My fear is that the counsellor would turn into jack Nicholson and start shouting “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

    neville
    Member

    badnewz: Good point

    As anybody done it and stayed together?

    mudshark
    Member

    A mate went through this with his wife a decade or so ago and they’re happy now so seems to have worked for them.

    I went on a marriage course with my wife which was supposed to help us keep things going along smoothly – we didn’t finish the course as had a big argument about it half way through, oh well…. Still together and sort of works, arguments do at least get things into the open and dealt with.

    natrix
    Member

    As anybody done it and stayed together?

    Not here. I went with my first wife when she said she wanted out, the counsellor took my point of view on things, which caused my wife to lose her temper and refuse to go again. She left soon after.

    However, I’m glad that we tried and I’m sure that it helps some couples.

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