So I was in a relationship with a girl for 6 months, everything was going great. We spent a lot of time together doing things, meeting family and friends. We went to Scotland to spend time with her family and then a week later we got back and she told me that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me.

She couldnt be herself with me. Its been 5 weeks since we broke up and I still feel low and depressed after what has happened as I never saw it coming.

Should I be feeling this way or am I just feeling sorry for myself?

6 months I’d say, in the gentlest terms, that yes you are just feeling sorry for yourself.

Nothing wrong with that of course, but don’t lose perspective. You existed before you met her, and you will afterwards.

Good luck.

A work colleague was totally in love with a girl, he used to do everybodys head in going on about her. He was South African and she was Australian. So the meeting of each others family had never happened,

They were together over a year and her parents came over to UK on holiday,They all met up for a meal and he met them for the first time.

She dumped him the next day.

Holidays can be good guide how living together may or may not work.

There’s no such thing as the ONE and there are plenty of people out there that you can feel the same way about, and they can feel that way about you.

Key in this situation is to look after number one.  Eat healthily, exercise, buy some new threads, and start doing fun things with fun people and it will all click into place.

Sitting on the sofa bingewatching Netflix, eating Cheetos for dinner, and w***ing yourself into a pit of self loathing is not the way out!

Seriously, get off the Internet, and either go for a run or ride your bike.  Eat a proper dinner and have a call/text round and see who wants to go to the pub.  Yes, I know it’s a Monday….!

Sitting on the sofa bingewatching Netflix, eating Cheetos for dinner, and w***ing yourself into a pit of self loathing is not the way out!

I had to check you weren’t watching me then.

Sitting on the sofa bingewatching Netflix, eating Cheetos for dinner, and w***ing yourself into a pit of self loathing is not the way out!

Well, that’s my evening’s plans changed then.

I’ve been contemplating signing up for a conversational French course at the local college, perhaps I’ll do that instead,

Spend some time devising all the reasons that they are:

doing you a favour

getting the bad end of the deal

stupid, deluded, broken and possibly evil

Then repeat these like a relentless, crushing inner monologue of rage and forgiveness until you get bored of your own shit and resolve not to be so angry all the time.

Doing all the other sensible things people suggest will only slow this process down. I reckon sacking off all responsibilities and just sitting until it is all over is probably your best bet.

Good Luck Brother!

I don’t have Netflix 🙁

And you’re all out of Cheetos? 😀

More of a Wotsit man if i’m honest.

perchypanther wrote:

I don’t have Netflix

No chilling for you then

Thank you for all your positive and honest responses. I do like a cheesy wotsit now and again.

I think it’s pretty normal to feel down. Sudden breakups which you don’t see coming at all are particularly difficult. I had a very happy (for me at least) 8 month relationship which stopped suddenly for reasons which I just don’t understand and it took me ages to get over it – probably longer than the relationship itself. But I got there and so will you, like everyone else who goes through it.

Just put her behind you and concentrate on things which you enjoy doing. Spend as much time with friends as you can. Make sure you exercise and eat healthily as suggested. Your mind will work through it.

Eventually you’ll be wondering why you ever let someone made you feel bad and you’ll see it all as a positive event.

If you’re right handed, eat the Wotsits with your left hand only.

Otherwise it’ll end up looking  like Donald Trump.

Solid advice Trail dog thanks. How long did it take you to get over it?

5 weeks is still very early. If you really liked someone then it can feel very much like a bereavement, and in many ways it helps to treat it as such. So, it’s a process, give it time, you will work you way through it but there’s no shortcuts. Patience will see you through!! 🙂

Sometimes you never really get over it. Just try and move on.

Just put her behind you and concentrate on things which you enjoy doing

I think thats where things went wrong 🙂

How old are you, OP?

Was she your first “proper” girlfriend?

I ask because I’m guessing you’re younger than STW’s average demographic, and the first one’s always the hardest to get over.

How long did it take you to get over it?

I cannot say you ever totally get over it, but rather it just gradually becomes one of those life experiences which help shape you and it was all in the past. When it’s still raw and sore and very current then there are days when you really struggle, and other days you manage better but you always feeling numb inside. But time fixes things, so long as you look after yourself.

Starting a new relationship was difficult as it dragged up those feelings again but you’ll manage that when the time comes.  And it’ll be way better than the one your grieving over and you’ll wonder why you were ever upset.

Break ups are hard for sure, thing is, try to see it from her position. She’s relived, and happy and content that the “deed’s” been done.

Sounds harsh, right?

The point is this: In your life, you’ll probably been one or the other (the breaker or the breakee) at some point, and when you’re the breaker you’ll understand how she is feeling now. As the breakee its shit for sure, but that’s life I’m afraid. It feels like you’re doomed to never have another relationship that’s like this one, angry, upset all those things, and that’s normal. Try not to dwell, think of all the stuff you can do, you only have to please one person….

Then before you know it, you’ll meet some-one and it’ll be new and exciting…

Time to tinder & go on a few dates… what’s the worst that can happen? Meet the next man/woman of your dreams?

It’s easier after a long time to see the up sides of not being with someone. You were just in the exciting bit.

It’s fine to be down, but remember you won’t be forever. And she clearly wasn’t perfect, after all she let a catch like you go.

Tinder is a great tool. It won’t get you over her, but it does mean that once you are, you can jump straight back in the mix.

In the meantime, may I recommend going and riding your bike, hopefully you’re not so down that that’s too hard, but if you are, push through it, you’ll be glad you did!

Time to tinder & go on a few dates… what’s the worst that can happen? Meet the next man/woman of your dreams?

Or in my case meet a lovely lady, then realise I’m still very much not over my wife who had moved out shortly before.

Or have a mental ex (although an office fling is an extremely loose definition of an ex) that contacts your wife on Facebook and makes accusations of infidelity with herself, and others, in order to try and ruin someone else’s happiness.

I had behaved impeccably so it didn’t bother me, and was quite amusing to have it explained to her that this behaviour was probably why she was ditched.  Also, this was 2 years later, and ironically she was due to get married to the guy she was cheating on when we were “together”.  It was very tempting to contact him on the big day to explain, with plenty of evidence, why he was marrying a cheating and accusing mental case.  I didn’t though, because I’m a normal person.  Caveat emptor.

Bit of a shaggy dogs tale, but the moral is:  Don’t be THAT ex.

Move on, move up, make yourself better, find someone a lot better.

Breaking up with someone suddenly like that should be a prosecutable offence. It’s emotional assault and causes more pain than an average physical assault.

When I had tough break-ups I found riding bikes and going to gigs made me feel better. Usually lasted for around a month for me, so 5 weeks isn’t bad IMO. This was pre-Tinder, so I got back into the pub and meeting people, although I can see Tinder having been much better.