My wise old pa came out with a few

When I was about 6 I begged my Pa for a sip of his beer, it was horrible and I remember trying not to gag
"one day son you will learn to love beer and at times need it"

Also

When I got divorced from my first wife he did remind me of a saying he gave me when I got my moped 25 years earlier

"if it has got either t!ts or wheels it will be trouble and cost you a fortune"

I do miss the smug dry old sod

shitmydadsays on twitter is good for stuff like this.

The one I will never foget, and it was more advice than a quote…

Don't have a tattoo, you will end up regretting it.

I am glad I listened to him.

I miss my dad too – 8 months gone 🙁

When presented with a heart attack on a plate… It'll grease ya lungs.!

And from the old man… Better to be hung for a sheep than a lamb… As he goes up to the bar for "one for the road" knowing he is going to get shite off the old lady.

"It's as much use as tits on a kipper" wise words indeed from the auld sod.

Three in particular………

borrowed money is a license to pretend you're who you're not

whoever your boss is you'll think they're an idiot so it might as well be yourself

the less you say the more the better

Never a lender nor a borrower be.

My Mum lost bigtime in the early 70's. Stuck with me, I hate borrowing money and dont own a credit card.

"You have a lot of acquaintances in life, but very few friends"

Isn't it time you got a girl friend, you can't be happy all the time.

Said to me last month by my step dad.

My grandfathers advice when he heard I was getting married :- "make sure you get a good sofa, you will end up sleeping on it sometimes"

binners that is soo true. You find your only worth for your usefulness to others. 🙁

"take your time, take your time"

"patience is a virtue" (i always laugh at this one and think of him being nagged by mum, the poor sod deserved a medal!!)

"Driving your own car is easy – driving the one in front is the hard bit"

My grandma: Life would be boring if it didn't change.

Not one said to me but one I think I will pass down:
Live life like its your last and regret nothing.
(Or abreviated)

Fukit.

Better to be hung for a sheep than a lamb

OK, I'll admit it, I dont get it. Someone explain it to me.

"They always turn into their mothers"

If it has a thread you must grease it.

Life would be boring if it didn't change.

I love that quote – I love your granny already 🙂

"You can't fly on one wing" as he disappeared off to the bar

"take your time, take your time"

Is your dad Jim Bowen?

Better to be hung for a sheep than a lamb

OK, I'll admit it, I dont get it. Someone explain it to me.

It's a sheep stealing thing innit? If you're going to get done for stealing a sheep then it might as well be a full grown one.

I must have been complaining about something when he dropped this gem

"Life's not fair get used to it"

Ewen – Member

If it has a thread you must grease it.

I read that as
If its got a crack…….oil it 😯

There are only two types of people in the world – **** and liars.

Three, liaing **** ****.

I have a relative in the Domesday Book who was hung for stealing a sheep!

STEALING i said, we're not bloody Yorkshiremen…. 😛

Another one from the old gal…

If your gonna have one have a big'un

My dad told me years ago

"the measure of a man is the company he keeps"

also

"I never liked her in the first place" about my many girlfriends and partners

Wise old sage my old dad, but a right pain in the a$$ as well

'There are only two kinds of people in London. C*nts, and c*nts in suits.'

Almost everything my parents said to me as a kid about life turned out to be true when I was old / mature enough to understand it.

Having had a somewhat colourful sex life over the years, three things which were all said to me my women have turned out to be sage advice:

From my mother: "[In a relationship] get the sex right and then work everything else around that".

From my sister: "It's a bad idea to have sex with anyone who is not first and foremost your friend".

From my now fiancee, but years ago: "Sex is a toy we're given to play with many years before we ever realise what the consequences will be".

It's a sheep stealing thing innit? If you're going to get done for stealing a sheep then it might as well be a full grown one.

Oh, I thought it was a jailbait link but the wrong way around. Makes sense now!

DoctorRad – points 1 and 2 can be very difficult to achieve in practice.

"Never look down on anyone, unless yer helping them up"

Oh, and

"Money can buy you a bed, but I't can't buy you sleep.."

he died 6 years ago, and I still feel robbed.

"one day son you will learn to love beer and at times need it"

I'm glad my dad never said anything so fatuous

My dad's 'little chat about sex' obviously having been sent to have a word by my mum:

"Be good*, and if you can't be good, be safe" (then leaves room)

I have had exactly the same chat with my 15 year old daughter.

(*by this he clearly meant abstain, rather than being good in bed!)

DoctorRad – points 1 and 2 can be very difficult to achieve in practice

True… but they're still good advice.

Having just watched my Dad beat up my older sister, being told by my Stepmother (as if nothing had happened): "Go and tell your sister dinner is ready". When I was seven…

I have had exactly the same chat with my 15 year old daughter.

I'd have hoped you'd expand a bit on it!

Headfirst. That reminds me of another jewel my old dear past on to me…

Be good, if you can't be good be carefull and if you can't be carefull buy a pram…!

Not a man of many words my (adopted) dad, but when things went wrong he used to say 'never mind every dog has it's day' that's proved to be very true and I still say that to myself most days.

better an empty house than a bad lodger

to be said immediately after a loud fart or burp.

upstairs for thinking , downstairs for dancing, middle for diddle .