The butcher has offered me 8 legs of venison for £40 – is that too dear?

no. but you are a crap troll ewan is that the best you can do?

Oh dear, oh dear. Still made me smile- thanks Ewan.

EDIT: no pun intended!

“is that too dear?”

no idea.

That’s funny, because I went the butchers and I asked if I could have a pound of beef sausages.

He said, “I’m very sorry, sir, we only serve kilos in here”. I said, “Okay then I’ll have a pound of kilos”.

The old ones are the best ….. that ones brand new 😀

A man went into a curry house and asked for a Chicken Tarka. The waiter asked him what it was and he sid it was like a Tikka only it was ‘otter

‘I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody. It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter, ‘Look, this chicken I got here is cold. ‘He said, ‘It should be, it’s been dead two weeks.’

I said, ‘Not only that. ‘I said, I said… I said it twice, I said, ‘He’s got one leg shorter than the other. ‘He said, ‘What do you wanna do with it, eat it or dance with it?’

I said, ‘Forget the chicken, give me a lobster, and he brought me this lobster. I said just a minute, he’s only got one claw. ‘He said ‘Well he’s been in a fight. ‘I said, ‘Well give me the winner.’

What do you call a blind deer?

No Idea

What do you call a blind deer after Ewans butcher has chopped the legs off?

Still no idea

Three dead blokes were found at the bottom of a cliff. Each had a different brid sat next to it.

Turns out one had gone HenGliding, one Parrotchuting and one tried BudgieJumping

Saw a rabbit go into a butcher’s the other day and he says “Got any lettuces?”
“Nah mate” says the butcher, “You want the greengrocers next door”.
Next day, same rabbit comes in and says “Got any lettuces?”.
“Nah” says the Butcher “Told you, you want next door”.
Same happens for the next week (for brevity) then the rabbit hops back in;
“Ere, got any lettuces?”
“Listen” says the butcher, “I told you, we don’t have any f**king lettuces. If you come in here again and ask me for lettuce I’m gonna nail your ears to the wall, alright?”.
So the next day, the rabbit returns, looks at the butcher and asks “Got any nails, mate?”. Butcher looks confused and says “Nope?”.
Rabbit asks “Got any lettuces?”.

whats the difference between a egg an a w**k ? you can beat a egg !
classic

Difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup?

anyone can roast beef.