Recently had one of those moments where you just wish the ground would swallow you up.
After a week or so off I’m back in the office when one of the managers came into the office, dressed in a black shirt and black trousers. I said the usual good morning and noticed his attire, and said,
“What’s with all the Black? You in mourning or something”?
His response
“Erm….Well my Dad did pass away on Friday, but that’s not why I’m dressed like this”.
I apologised and said I had no idea, as I’d just gotten back from holiday. He seemed a little upset. I was mortified. The whole office just staring in shock at what i had said. At that moment I wanted to disappear.

Anyone else had similar instances of foot in mouth syndrome, and how did you get out of it? A straight out apology like me of some brilliantly crappy lie?

Well, if only he’d just been wearing a scruffy pair of shorts and a T-shirt instead, eh?…….

😉

I’ve been known to ask heavily built women when they are due to drop..

But never feel bad about getting it wrong…… 😈

All the time, although not as much as I used to. A new girl started at work; the photo that was appended to her ‘welcome so and so to the team’ email showed her looking very tanned and was clearly from when she was in South Africa.
At her welcome drinks, I opened with ‘so, that photo was obviously taken a while ago’ – cue embarrassed silence all round. The point was valid, mind, just not expressed in the best way…

The drummer out of one of the young bands who come to practice where I work had what looked like army style ‘warpaint’ on his face, I asked him ‘what’s with the warpaint?’ Turns out he has a facial birthmark. Oops!

Haha – Grumm 😆

My first meeting with an important new client when I was doing some stuff for the air traffic control folks at West Drayton – it had been set up for a while as the client was “away”.

Me “So where have you been?”
Client “Hong Kong airport, watching the planes take off and land”
Me “Well just be grateful you get paid for it unlike those sad plane spotters”
Client “I *was* there on holiday”

Unintentional racist comment on my part – I was once on a course with Uni, one of the other students was talking to me (indian chap) about the fact that he was covered in grease. The first phrase that popped into my head was one always used by my family and most of the peopel in my area as a term of endeerment without any thought of unpleasant connotations:
“ha, you dirty Arab”
This was met with amusement by my Indian mate, but was also partially caught by my arabian female friend too who assumed I was talking about her and turned around to talk. After a minor pause I weaseled out of it and she didn’t take it badly fortunately, but I’ve been very careful not to use that phrase again!

sharki,

I’d rather see a pregnant woman standing that a fat lass crying!

Not me but a mate. In the pub and a guy he knew came in with another guy. The other guy was wearing a wooly beanie type hat. He was introduced to my mate who jokingly asked him if he was in East 17

The guy took the hat off to reveal a totally bald head and informed my mate he was half way through a course of chemo 😳

As I navigated a steep flight of stairs up to one of the simulators, I remarked off-handedly to the instructor, “about time they had a stair-lift fitted for you guys.”

Deathly silence. Joke not appreciated.

nearly blew it in Tescos today ….

getting to sandwich display, just got upset by a ‘girl of ample++ proportions’ who was doing the strange pick a prewpackaged sandwich, investigate contents, replace, pick one next to it, repeat….. dance, anyway after getting round her I managed to get a sandwich, then as I backed out to go to the fruit section, yep same person has just moved infront of it – and then she bent down and picked up two large sausage rolls, I so nearly said out load ‘you are joking aren’t you love ….’

Lol gusamc

On a social networking site somebody posted ‘sh#t day’, and I pressed like. It later became apparent that his grandad had passed away 😥

A colleague brought her 2 year old daughter into the office today. The child could actually put her foot into her mouth. It was rather disturbing.

I was a Uni and after a night out we end up back at some student digs: myself and a mate were sitting at each end of a sofa talking whilst a girl we only just met sat in between. We were chatting about a friend’s new girlfriend and I remarked that I’d heard “she had a fit body but the face didn’t match”. After I’d received a pint of beer over my head we realised who the girl in the middle of the sofa was 😳

Couple of weeks ago at work I was covering a shift for one of the waiting staff. Group of 4 had come in and all ordered fish and chips. One guy has requested that he didnt want peas with his.

I take the food out and say “who’s having fish without peas?” Guy responds and I say “how can you not like peas, its shocking, whats wrong with you man??!”. He just laughed and I walked off. I noticed he had his hands under the table.

I went back later to clear the plates and the guy had moved his hands….only then did I noticed he had really bad Parkinsons disease…whoops

Sat on the sofa telling my flatmate a funny but disgusting joke about ginger people. It was all laughs till we both remembered that my mrs sat on the sofa with me has extremely ginger hair…

I have one worse than the original.

When Italy got knocked out of the world cup by south korea. I sent a drunken text to my mate saying “ha ha #uck off home Italy”. Problem was my sister in law is the 1st number on my contacts and being a bit pissed I pressed the ok button too many times sending it to her. She just happens to be Italian. Had to make up some crap saying that I received the text from a mate and it must of somehow forwarded to her by accident, as I would never say that about the Italians.
Very dodgy time, as I don’t think anyone bought my story.

Bumped into an old uni friend a couple of years after I last saw her. I was very pissed but did manage to compliment her on her new haircut. She looked at me a bit funny then told me it was a wig. Wig my arse said I. No, it really is a wig said she, I’ve just finished chemo. Bollocks I said and have it a little tug. It was a wig.

When I was a student we had a regular visiting tutor who was absent for a few months. When she reappeared she was a shadow of her former self, and on walking sticks. I was in a tutorial with her and one of my fellow students wandered in

“whats with the gimps sticks?”

he blurted out. She explained that shes been suffering from an infection of her spinal cord, very debilitating and in the early stages very worrying as it was initially suspected as MS, on the road to recovery now but still with a long way to go…..

“Spinal Cord?” he interrupted

“Don’t worry luv, they can just whip that out these days”

and then he added without a grain of irony

“You won’t feel a thing”

I guess you wouldn’t

IvanDobski – Member

?

still think kids can do this the best….

….standing in queue at Tesco little girl infront of me (about4-5 years old) turns to her mum and says “Mummy why have you got no knickers on today?”

Ah the innocence of youth