Because he was kneading a jobbie!.

David the doorbel, thats why I’m knocking…..

‘And you know it’s amazing the strength you get when you bite your ane willy’

Madam those are your breasts, and if you keep turning those screws you’re going to have a beard.

Only next time no feathers, we’ll use the whole chicken.

Oh,you don’t see many of those about.

( Has to be said with lips in a tight O )

I’ve got to have somewhere to park my bike

(Billy Connolly joke)

Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day.

you shouldve seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in

“Jihanjir Bandin”

or

“You’re the guy who shat in my tuba!”

Doctor Who?

Pretentious? Moi?

“He vanished with a puff”
“They put the willies up each other”
“Haaayyy…”

And my personal favourite

“What daughter?”

It was a shit zoo

you shouldve seen the monkey trying to put the cork back in

Jeez, that takes me back a few years. I was about 8 last time I heard that.

It was a shit zoo

And buggerit, I got through 3 pages, ready to post… and saw that.

“No, but I’ve told a pig to **** off”

“I don’t know, but his face rings a bell”
followed by
“I don’t know, but he’s a dead ringer his brother”

Ni Hi was in the Van by the cafe that day as he wasn’t feeling very well.

if 10 doesn’t get rid of the taste, nothing will.

…..says thanks for the new ears.

No, but I’ve been swung by the tits once or twice

“oh, it still eats everything it can get it hands on, but ever since the incident with the pool ball it’s learnt to measure it first.”

or

“I know, it’s magnificent isn’t it!”

or
“that’s alright for you, I couldn’t even get onto the **** bed”

– Aye lad, but your mother’s been spoilt

“… because Hans that do dishes be as soft as Jervais with my green hairy-lip squid”

AND

“… my God , co-pilot, that was a short runway – but have you seen how ****ing wide it is?”

The coffin stopped.

‘And chucked out the Mexican!’
Brian Glover, sadly missed…

Indeed.

My Mom.

In a regular show style ….

http://youtu.be/kuCV4-CXwOs

Would that be Falkirk High or Falkirk Grahamston ?

I left my balls in Vietnam.

No, just come in your pants

A stick

Watch pr0n and eat wotsits

DIE HERETIC!!!

“No, it’s just frost on my moustache”

“I think it’s the cobbles dear.”

“I get bonus notches”

One tomato said to the other “ketchup!”

Well keep your eye on the referee because someone is beating the crap out of me

“There’s no need to rush love – he’s got to have a s**t first”

“I’m not a real welder”

“Right lads ! Tea breaks over – back on yer eads”

Some c..t from Wrexham

Miss, My Dad said it’ll take that contageous

Gone ! But not for Cotton