“3 shades whiter”

Than what? in what spectum of shades of white? is it 3 shades out of 4 or 3 shades out of a billion? are these shades of white rangeing from looking at a white wall in a dark room to looking at the sun? is it greyish or yellowish or blueish or what? under what light conditions is this white you speak of? It’s meaningless!

I also like the “83% of people survey agreed” type stuff where in the bottom of the screen in tiny text says “sample size 256” or something! yeah, and that sample size was lulled into a nice darkened room by pretty ladies and given free stuff if they ticked a box! (I got a free gilette mach 3!)

Pub near me sells ‘real food’.

“New and Improved”.

Either its new, or its improved.

Vauxhall’s ‘warranty that could last a lifetime’.
When I first saw it my cynicism hormones went into apoplectic overload.

It could last a lifetime – terrible brakes on vauxhalls – you’ll be dead long before the warrentee wears out – before you get home even.

There are less noticable bolloxisms though. “Natural” in relation to advertising or labelling food means absolutely nothing. ‘Made with’ means very little too

“Homemade”

You’re saying that instead of using the big kitchen with all that stainless steel, fancy machines and big ovens at your restaurant you make this stuff at home, then bring it to work to sell!?

‘Chemical free’. So what’s it made out of then, photons?

or,

‘95% fat free’. That’ll be 5% pure lard then. And probably shedloads of sugar and salt to compensate but hey.

I bought a cooked chicken from the shop yesterday, that was “ideal served hot or cold”. WELL WHICH IS IT ??????

“It works just like a magnet”

No. No it doesn’t.

Last night on cosmetic ad. “100% showed results”.

FFS. What results? What does show mean? Argh.

Also- ECO cars. They are still polluting. They may do less than others but there is still a ton of new materials and oils based plastics, paints and oil being carted about. They are by no means eco friendly.

Walkers sensations made with ‘real ingredients’. As opposed to what exactly?

There’s some anti-fugal nail stuff that claims on TV like ” FACT: left untreated, some nail infections may get worse” – how can it be a FACT that something might happen? Grr.

“new and improved” – great, so all this time I’ve been using old and inferior?

“No added sugar”

We decided it had so much sugar from the fruit in it, we’d not put any more in.

“new and improved” read as “not good enough first time around”

Retina Display

Thankyou Apple, and what exactly does that mean?….is it LED, LCD, OLED etc?…letting me know which will actually help me understand whether it will be crap outside in daylight for example, likewise some of the screen types above show blacks as dark greys and whites that have a yellow or blue hue to them, i’d like to actually know about the technology….but dont worry, just chuck the meaningless ‘Retina Display’ marketing term at me instead.

advert for salty spray made me chuckle

New and improved!

Nope, it’s either new or it’s improved. It certainly isn’t both.

I love the junk mail that comes in an envelope marked “hand-delivered for your personal attention.”
“Hand-delivered”?? Has the Post Office come up with some other way of doing it then? …and my “personal attention”? Well, usually I get my valet to open the post for me but since you insist…