Please help me fix my Toddler

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  • Please help me fix my Toddler
  • damo2576
    Member

    Is he tired?
    I have a 4 year that is like that (though not so extreme!) when tired.

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    It is like he is tired but I don’t think he is. He gets a good 12hrs sleep per night but perhaps he does need to have an afternoon nap again.

    Sounds like my grumpy six year old; he just wants to be on my laptop researching things (which cool in a geeky way) but the moment its time to switch it off and do something else the gates of hell open.

    He’s crap at sharing, constantly winds his younger brother up but like Junior Sinatra had periods of affection, joy and unconditional love and is great at school.

    It could be a phase or he could just be a mardy kid, my sister was a miserable child but turned out alright, we’re just riding it out

    globalti
    Member

    This is what you need; it’s excellent on toddler behavioural problems:

    Premier Icon ir_bandito
    Subscriber

    My 4, nearly-5 year old is similar. Kind of got better when he started school (in that he was out of our hair) but gets over-tired and plays uup worse.

    I think all that can be done is be patient. It’s got to stop eventually… 😉 and try not to get wound up by it, shouting back just makes things worse. they’re only kids after all.

    My top tip if child is having a screaming tantrum: get down on your knees to face them, start crying yourself, and shout “I NEED A HUG!”. See what their reaction is…

    superfli
    Member

    I dont think this will help you, as its aimed aimedat getting better behaviour for outbursts, not consistant, but maybe worth a try:
    Pasta jar reward scheme. When the child or even adult behaves themselves, a reward of a pasta shape gets put into a large jar. Do it for good deeds too. Once jar is full you all get rewarded with a day out somewhere or somethi g the child likes. We used peppa pig world and soon legoland. Pasta shapes can also get removed!
    Been doing it for a year now and have since got a number of other families doing the same!

    ain, not sure it will work, but wish you luck:-)

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    I have a cracking video of him going nuts, hitting himself, screaming and crying. I then interupt with ‘Do you want some cake?’ He stops on the spot and says, ‘Yes please Daddy’!

    Premier Icon bedmaker
    Subscriber

    I smacked mine but I don’t suppose that will be a popular choice on here 🙂

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    No smacking household here, I would also like to prevent a likely thread hijack involving a prolonged argument on the rights and wrongs of smacking.

    cbmotorsport
    Member

    I smacked mine but I don’t suppose that will be a popular choice on here

    You’re probably right, but it never did me any harm as the cliche goes, and was only used in extreme circumstances.

    If it’s possible and you can reason with him, try to encourage him to make the right decisions himself, rewards work well. If he’s acting up, give him the option to continue to misbehave and get no attention, or behave and get a reward. After a while you may find that simply asking them to make the right decision about his behaviour may have a positive effect.

    Junkyard
    Member

    Patience and consistent approach

    He is fine at nursery, he just plays up when he is with us. I therefore know that we are the cause / solution but have really run out of ideas.

    dont beat yourself up over this and what do they say at nursery as to why he is different there – have you ever observed?

    FWIW we have all had phases of difficulty with our children

    My youngest used to attack anyone who annoyed him and for trivial reason including biting and scratching ..consistent punishment/consequences and after 3 years it has almost stopped

    Your son is still young it wont always be like this It will get better

    Premier Icon cinnamon_girl
    Subscriber

    Is his screaming due to frustration? How are his communication skills? Has his hearing been checked? How does he interact with other toddlers?

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    Junior Sinatra is 3 1/2. He is the youngest of three with two older sisters (7 & 5)

    He is a screamer. Pretty much from when he wakes up to when he goes to sleep. I love him dearly but often really struggle to like him. He whinges, moans and scream at every opportunity. Everything is a problem, he is constantly jealous and very often angry. Every day is a battle with him, it is not fair on his sisters and he is not having much fun. He cries at any opportunity, isn’t afraid of hitting his sisters and gets frustrated at the slightest thing. I try to get the kids outside as much as possible but it is difficult because within 5 mins of being out he will start screaming and have to come in (the neighbours have all commented on his volume)

    He is fine at nursery, he just plays up when he is with us. I therefore know that we are the cause / solution but have really run out of ideas.

    Occasionally he becomes the most affectionate, funny and lovely boy but these times are few and far between.

    Please help with ideas!

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    Hearing is good, speech is excellent. He constantly plays with his sisters so I think he thinks he older and then gets frustrated when he can’t do what they are doing. He interacts really well with other kids of his own age.

    messiah
    Member

    He constantly plays with his sisters so I think he thinks he older and then gets frustrated when he can’t do what they are doing. He interacts really well with other kids of his own age.

    My youngest was like this and was a ball of tantrums/frustration to such an extent that we wondered what was going to happen to him when he went to nursery/school. In the end nursery and own age peers has turned him into the sweetest little child imaginable… but he handed the frustration baton back to his older brother who is now the PITA.

    patriotpro
    Member

    Sounds like he’s jealous, do his older sisters leave him out? Does he get less attention than his older sisters from you?

    CountZero
    Member

    I smacked mine but I don’t suppose that will be a popular choice on here

    Ha! When I was little I kicked off, literally, when I didn’t want to go to bed one night, and kicked my mum. She kicked me back, hard!
    I was shocked into silence, and never did it again…

    DrP
    Member

    It’s interesting the behaviour changes with you, compared to a school setting.
    At that age (well, from 2.5 – ??) they are constantly testing the boundaries of the world around them – physical boundaries (testing science by throwing things/dropping things), health boundaries (how far can I jump), and behaviour boundaries. Sometimes behaviour like this stems from a child looking for the ‘edge of acceptable behaviour’. I.e. how bad can I be before I get told off.
    THis sounds like naughty behaviour – I assume you are telling him off?
    You kinda need a rigid structure – inform him that this behaviour is not acceptable. Behaviour that isn’t acceptable gets punished.
    If he performs this behaviour, you should punish him – usually with a naughty chair/time out. In the olden days it was canses and mine duties…

    Also, as parents we are often so pleased when kids behave well, we relax and ignore them. Kids don’t like this, so be naughty for attention.
    REward and praise good behaviour, remain calm and punish bad behaviour.
    basically, make it more fun and more attention seeking to be good, rather than bad.

    If all that fails, get a big box, and lock him in it…?

    DrP

    Premier Icon Cougar
    Subscriber

    I have a cracking video of him going nuts, hitting himself, screaming and crying. I then interupt with ‘Do you want some cake?’

    You’re rewarding bad behaviour, he’s going to keep doing it.

    Premier Icon stumpyjon
    Subscriber

    Patience and consistent approach

    This, it sounds like learned behaviour to an extent, especially the bit about stopping on que. Liberal use of the naughty step and no caving sounds in order. Personally a well controlled smack very occaisionally used can be a wake up call but I appreciate you don’t want to go there. Basically don’t rise to it, can be difficult but stay in full control. Make sure your partner is also fully in sync, it’s very easy for one parent to undermine the other by caving too quickly. If you’re the one who puts them on the naughty step, you’re the one who says when the punishment has finished.

    He will most likely grow out of it.

    Our youngest also gets really grumpy when he’s hungry (and then refuses to eat). If we can get him to eat it’s like a switch has been thrown and he’s back and bubbly again.

    hora
    Member

    hora junior age 3yrs 1 month went upto the big boys/girls upstairs in the nursery at the begining of last week. No more mid afternoon group naps with the 1-3yrs again.

    So at the start of last week onwards hes been a ball of fury, devisive, plays up in supermarkets etc etc etc.

    Had a word with nursery- they said hes been great, alot of big characters in the room there so maybe hes trying to adjust/frustrated or plain old ….tired.

    Hes also shrieked- ear-piercing. He does this as it immediately winds me and his Mum up. Hes not stupid.

    I think its tiredness OP. If his routine had changed recently? Its adjusting..

    There could be other factors (autism etc) which is what crossed my bloody mind/worried me.

    Premier Icon thetallpaul
    Subscriber

    I’ve found this book to have loads of good practical advice:
    How to talk so kids will listen
    Be interesting to know if anyone else has used the techniques in this book.

    Premier Icon ir_bandito
    Subscriber

    One thing I’ve noticed when talking with other parents, worried about behaviour, autism, even schizophrenia, is that every parent I know has the same concerns.
    Basically, kids are all the same. So I presume they all grow out of it. Once you get that attitude and relax into it, life gets easier.

    +1 for reward jar scheme, we use marbles.

    Edric 64
    Member

    Beat him with a stick and lock him under the stairs ?

    What’s he like at nursery and/or with other adults looking after him?

    retrogirl
    Member

    I have a 4 year old and he can test the boundaries at times we have found that the sticker chart has worked wonders we tell him how he can earn his stickers that day and if he plays up he gets stickers taken away. How do you react to him when he kicks off. I found the best way unless hes hitting is to ignore him and give him loads of attention when he is good. If you react every time he kicks off then he could be doing it for attention as you have said that he gets jealous so any attention even negative is what he wants. He will soon learn. My friend has a 7 year old who was a complete nightmare kicking, hitting and a PITA now hes lovely so it could be a phase.

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    The cake thing was a one off, he doesn’t routinely get rewarded for screaming!

    Thanks for all the thoughts though, really appreciate it.

    monkeychild
    Member

    My eldest @ 3 1/2 is a tantrum machine. My wife is brilliant with dealing with them, however I do struggle. I really need to learn to keep my patience, I find it really hard when he’s screaming and going mental. Maybe I need the help!!

    Premier Icon molgrips
    Subscriber

    Screaming gets him attention innit, which is in short supply with older kids around.

    I’d say just make sure you have loads of quality time with him, give him lots of love, cuddles and attention. Some kids really need the security.

    Our youngest (of 2) is a bit like that, we have to lay on the closeness and cuddles a lot, even though it’s difficult at times. Her sister also muscles in a lot too.

    b r
    Member

    Maybe you need to wear him out more?

    Those 100 (or so) steps down into Melrose off The Eildens would be a good start, before bed 🙂

    Premier Icon franksinatra
    Subscriber

    Not sure tiring him out is the answer, perhaps the opposite!

    Surprised you haven’t heard him br, you live within a three mile radius of our house!

    alpin
    Member

    CountZero – Member

    I smacked mine but I don’t suppose that will be a popular choice on here

    Ha! When I was little I kicked off, literally, when I didn’t want to go to bed one night, and kicked my mum. She kicked me back, hard!
    I was shocked into silence, and never did it again…

    i remember biting my cousin once, so my mum bit me… never bit anyone after that (well, except the GF :wink:)

    my mum also used to get the wooden spoon out. that used to have me running full pelt up the road. on the occasions that she caught me it hurt like hell….

    @ the OP, no idea but good luck. screaming arse achy kids is one of the reasons i don’t want one.

    nick1962
    Member

    Sounds like your typical attention seeking keyboard warrior.
    What’s his STW log in name?
    Best to rule out any medical issues to be on the safe side but more than likely it’s just a phase and it will pass.Just carry on being patient and supportive to all your kids and ensure he keeps within the boundaries that you have set for all of them.Raising boys is different and harder than girls at that age.
    Good luck.

    woffle
    Member

    Has his hearing been checked?

    this. I know one little lad whose behaviour changed markedly when his hearing problems were diagnosed…

    chilled76
    Member

    Throw a bucket of cold water over him when he tantrums.. he’ll only do it again twice. 😆

    Pembo
    Member

    Patience yes, but consistent approach no. Sooner they learn life is not consistent the better. Keep em guessing on how you will react to a given situation. For example, if he falls out with his sisters and comes crying to you, mix it up between telling his sisters off or telling him off for winding his sisters up.

    And ffs if you need to read a book on how to bring kids up are you sure you are responsible enough to have kids?

    yunki
    Member

    Is it an attention thing..? (aren’t most things an attention thing with kids..? I’m sure that I read that somewhere)

    Does he get any/enough opportunity for regular good quality one to one time..?
    If either of mine are heading down a path into some dodgy habit or another, I find that exposing them to a completely new and absorbing experience helps..
    A new place or activity usually, and whilst they are in that positive state of mind, then make sure that you roll with it and reinforce it constantly over the next days and weeks until new positive habits are in place..

    HAH! this was all easy enough when I only had one kid to deal with, but as soon as you get more siblings the logistics become completely different.. I’m struggling now if I’m honest, I’ve never really been a team game sort of person

    good luck

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