I’ll second those hideous Nissan juke headlights. It should be legal to take a hammer to them at traffic lights

Why does every bottle of shampoo, soap, etc describe itself as being made with “aqua”. Why not water?

I think I know why – because some marketing-speak arse thinks it sounds more exotic – but they’re wrong. All it does is annoy people.

TfL

And prices that end in -99, eg £4.99. Do they really think people are stupid enough to think that it only costs £4 and not £5?

People “curating” things. YOU’RE NOT A MUSEUM.

I’ll just curate a collection of slaps to your face shall I?

My mrs opening any kind of packet, destroys it so that half the contents end up on the floor or fall out as soon as you touch it

Gambling adverts.

Specifically, the one with the grey, miserable couple who look like a pair of unwashed alcoholics.

And those 118 inserts during films on ITV4.

When your fingernail gets a tiny little split that catches on every piece of clothing you touch until you manage to cut it.

Grossly overweight people using those free mobility scooters in supermarkets!

Walk a bit, it might do you some good.

People “curating” things. YOU’RE NOT A MUSEUM.

I’ll just curate a collection of slaps to your face shall I?

Hilarious.

For me it’s middle lane drivers. OK it’s white van drivers. OK it’s all drivers.

And prices that end in -99, eg £4.99. Do they really think people are stupid enough to think that it only costs £4 and not £5?

My housemate always quotes the exact price of things, so if hes sees a good offer he will say ‘Wow (he’s says that alot too, regardless if the situation warrants it), that is reduced to four pounds ninety nine pence!’ As opposed to ‘four ninety nine’ or how I imagine every one else says it. ‘A fiver’

First to the wall….

On a similar theme, ads (usually for furniture or computers) where they try to make the price sound not like a price by just saying the digits. eg; “This leather sofa is now only six-nine-nine”. Stop it.

I’m not sure if this counts as petty but,

Nonsensical marketing lies with meaningless statistics.

For instance, I heard an advert for some diet plan on TV the other day that proclaimed “lose up to eight pounds in a month.” People hear that and think “wow, eight pounds a month!” but that’s not what they’re promising. They’re saying that, best case scenario, you might lose eight pounds but no more, you could lose less, you might not lose any at all.

Sales boast “up to 50% off!” So at most, you’ll only ever save 50%. They could sell a £1 bar of chocolate for 50p and have the rest of the store at full price or 10% sale price, and you’d still be saving “up to” 50%.

LIES!

Cougar’s post can help in the fight against boredom.

For instance, I heard an advert for some diet plan on TV the other day that proclaimed “lose up to eight pounds in a month.” People hear that and think “wow, eight pounds a month!” but that’s not what they’re promising. They’re saying that, best case scenario, you might lose eight pounds but no more, you could lose less, you might not lose any at all.

My above mentioned house mate is using that very plan! He’s lost more than 8lbs. Though he was 19st to start with.

He should sue them for false advertising.

There’s been a lot of research into sales marketing language – my favourite was the JC Penny case –

Instead of saying “But one get one free” or “up to %50 off” they just cut the prices of everything to be lower and transparent. They told their customers this extensively, that instead of having sales and 50% deals, they were just lowering prices permanently.

however it flopped massively, and their sales hit rock bottom. So they abandoned this and went back to the usual “buy one get one free sales” and their sales have began to turn but are still suffering from the setback.

Customers outright preferred being lied too and have prices inflated to give the impression of savings, than have clear, transparent, low pricing. Even when they knew they were being manipulated.

Customers outright preferred being lied too

SALE ENDS TOMORROW!

(New sale starts next week)

the BMW tagline ‘Intelligent thinking’. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2 things today

Thing 1: biscuits that look like the are soft and chewy so you buy one but it turns out to be crunchy and crumbly

Thing 2 when your not getting any. Why is it the only thing you can think about?

Vouchers.

You receive them from company X (usually unsolicited) and you just KNOW the reaction you’ll get that when you present them for redemption, which, we must remember, is what they want you to do. The person on the till gives you a look as if you’ve presented them with a moist turd.

Step forward BP this morning. They had everyone behind the till to come and tut at the imbecile daring to use the voucher THEY sent ME.

I

Drivers who do 40 mph everywhere, regardless of whether the speed limit is 30 or 60!

Yellow cars. All yellow cars. What a waste.

Forgetting to apply the 10% discount code for an online order i placed yesterday.

Drivers who do 40 mph everywhere, regardless of whether the speed limit is 30 or 60!

I hate monospeeders almost, but not quite, as much as I hate middle lane drivers.

When people say “I could care less” when *clearly* they mean “couldn’t”.

That really grinds my gears!

Impropper use of refliexive pronouns.

“Allow myself to check that for yourself on the computer…” God only knows how I’ve so far managed to not thump anyone for that yet!

People who sit in the middle or outside lane for no good reason.

Welsh people.

Vegans.

When I was 18 I worked in a pub. I found it quite annoying when, on a busy night, people thought that waving a £20 note under your nose, like you’re some sort of poll dancer would somehow make them get served faster, irrespective of where they were in the queue.

I couldn’t agree more. I worked in and managed a bar / club for a few years. Whenever it was done to me, I’d say thank you, take the money and serve other people for a while. Depending on their response, I’d eventually serve them or hand back the money and then serve someone else. Barman, listener, advice-giver, teacher.

Ooooh, that reminds me; blue drinks. Drives me bloomin’ insane. Anyone who orders / makes / drinks a beverage with blue curacao in it should be firmly slapped. It’s not the 70s or 80s you Del-boy-twunt.

Fat people with bad legs. You see fat people walking using a cane in supermarkets and the like, if I had bad legs I think a sensible thing to do would be to lose some weight so those struggling sore legs don’t have so much to carry about.

My obese father in law when he ‘flops’ into ‘my’ seat on the sofa, coz it’s the best seat to watch the tele. Everytime they’re due to come over I think I’ll ask dead polite for him to just sit down gently, but he might go in a huff so I keep the peace and say nothing but cringe when it happens waiting for the springs to go ‘baDoooinggg’ as they break.

Use of “get” as in “Can I get a cappuccino” annoys me!

Usually uttered by an American, or by someone pretending to be an American by being horribly rude. I think the stock response is “no, you sit down, I’ll get it for you”

Anyone who “rocks up”, has “rocked up”, or is in the process of “rocking up”.

Or who “rocks” a pair of jeans, or whatever. You’re not ROCKING them, you’re WEARING them, ****!!

Anyone who “rocks up”, has “rocked up”, or is in the process of “rocking up”.

Time to sell the Genesis 8)

My housemate always quotes the exact price of things, so if hes sees a good offer he will say ‘Wow (he’s says that alot too, regardless if the situation warrants it), that is reduced to four pounds ninety nine pence!’ As opposed to ‘four ninety nine’ or how I imagine every one else says it. ‘A fiver’

First to the wall….

Almost as annoying as people who think “alot” is one word.

Cougar – Moderator
I hate monospeeders almost, but not quite, as much as I hate middle lane drivers.

How do you feel about monospeeders in the middle lane? Bet that’s really funny to watch as an outsider 😉

When people say “I could care less” when *clearly* they mean “couldn’t”.

That really grinds my gears!

Americanism. Along with…

“Most always” instead of “almost always”.
“Reached out to…”
“Touched base with…”

Screw it. Just add Americans to the list.

People having “look at me” conversations on their mobile phone in otherwise silent train carriages.

Die.

“So I turned around and said…then he turned around and said…then she turned around…”

Stop it, ffs…you’re making me dizzy. Did you really turn around? You did a 360 degree spin while having a conversation? You’re a ****!

People who “fink”…you clearly don’t think. How can you blunder through life, continually hearing the word pronounced correctly and not modify your behaviour? It’s because you’re an imbecile, content to wallow in your own knuckle-dragging-thuckwittery.

Chimdey instead of chimney, you retarned twad.

Almost as annoying as people who think “alot” is one word.

The annoying thing is, that annoys me too, I just didn’t notice the typo.

😳

People who “fink”…you clearly don’t think

They don’t know nuffink.

Anyone who “rocks up”, has “rocked up”, or is in the process of “rocking up”.

What do you think it should be “swapped out” for?

😉

What do you think it should be “swapped out” for?

I’m sure a suitable phrase could be murdered in.